I'm cool with whatever their family relationship and dynamic is. What bothers me more - less about the situation and more about the article - was that B was photographed and quoted in the article and isn't really able to give consent. It feels... uncomfortable.
Interesting - I didn't think of that, but I guess this one article is seemingly ok with me because it does sound like for years he has respected her privacy and not put her out there on social media.
It is an good thing to think about, and it's sort of analogous to how adults post about children on social media - some people are all about it (and sometimes use it as a photobook for the family almost), some people do it sparingly and thoughtfully, and some don't do much at all since the kids cannot consent and/or it is a "record" that will be online forever.
My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimers at 63 (a little over a year ago.) Right now, he definitely needs my mom's full attention because he's really just starting to downslide, while pretending to be completely fine. (and I'm crying just typing that....fuck this disease man.) He's still working and the next 6 months or so will be hard pulling his independence away, forcing retirement, taking away driving, etc. It's coming.
So, I would judge if she found a companion now because that would feel like abandonment when he needs her most.
Down the road? I hope she could find happiness any way it comes.
I'm cool with whatever their family relationship and dynamic is. What bothers me more - less about the situation and more about the article - was that B was photographed and quoted in the article and isn't really able to give consent. It feels... uncomfortable.
Yes, I agree. I don’t think they should have quoted her or photographed her at all. She can’t give consent and she was so media/business savvy, who’s to say that she would want her personal health and relationship info in a major paper?
My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimers at 63 (a little over a year ago.) Right now, he definitely needs my mom's full attention because he's really just starting to downslide, while pretending to be completely fine. (and I'm crying just typing that....fuck this disease man.) He's still working and the next 6 months or so will be hard pulling his independence away, forcing retirement, taking away driving, etc. It's coming.
So, I would judge if she found a companion now because that would feel like abandonment when he needs her most.
Down the road? I hope she could find happiness any way it comes.
I'm so sorry your dad and your family are dealing with this. It is a cruel cruel disease - and hits caregivers particularly hard.
And i do think during this same period, had B's husband done that, i'd be judging too.
Thanks for the love y'all. And sorry to make this the Shortstax show. He hasn't told many people (and I respect that) but it severely limits those close to me that I can share with. So thanks for being my circle today (heart)
I'm cool with whatever their family relationship and dynamic is. What bothers me more - less about the situation and more about the article - was that B was photographed and quoted in the article and isn't really able to give consent. It feels... uncomfortable.
Yes, I agree. I don’t think they should have quoted her or photographed her at all. She can’t give consent and she was so media/business savvy, who’s to say that she would want her personal health and relationship info in a major paper?
Fair point, but I’d argue that her husband knows her better than we do. I’m ok with him, as her caretaker, making these decisions.
Yes, I agree. I don’t think they should have quoted her or photographed her at all. She can’t give consent and she was so media/business savvy, who’s to say that she would want her personal health and relationship info in a major paper?
Fair point, but I’d argue that her husband knows her better than we do. I’m ok with him, as her caretaker, making these decisions.
I don’t agree. There is no indication she granted him these powers and he is profiting greatly from her work.
This shit is disgusting. The nerve of him to have this white woman (and yes it matters that she’s white. I don’t even think a decent black woman would allow this to happen to another sister) in the house, spending B’s money. Every black woman I’ve discussed this with has been very clear that this dog ass Negro ain’t shit, and Becky is trash. So then I wondered what the good white women of GBCN thought, so here I am. And the consensus here is as I predicted. And yes, I have someone very close to me with dementia. I judge freely and openly because this shit is wrong on a number of levels. I’m so sad for B.
Oh, and the daughter is some trash too. If I ever have Alzheimer’s, I don’t even care if my H decides to move on, but if he moves some white girlfriend/caretaker into my home and flaunts their relationship and my demise all over the place, I will haunt him to his final days. I’d rather be in a home. Let me drain my hard earned money by my damn self.
You know what was really sad? This piece of shit posted a picture of B on the floor of her shower after a seizure, with dogs licking her face. The caption was something about, "hee, hee isn't this cute? The dogs are helping her." Now come on. She was so classy and elegant when she was well, and I feel safe assuming that she would not have wanted pictures of her lying on the ground being licked by some nasty ass dogs (also some white people shit) all over the internet.
I'm annoyed that so many of you think this is some great love story for the ages. How dare you just gloss over the racial overtones of what's happening here and deciding that you're ok with a black woman being exploited in this manner. Not your call.
You know what was really sad? This piece of shit posted a picture of B on the floor of her shower after a seizure, with dogs licking her face. The caption was something about, "hee, hee isn't this cute? The dogs are helping her." Now come on. She was so classy and elegant when she was well, and I feel safe assuming that she would not have wanted pictures of her lying on the ground being licked by some nasty ass dogs (also some white people shit) all over the internet.
I'm annoyed that so many of you think this is some great love story for the ages. How dare you just gloss over the racial overtones of what's happening here and deciding that you're ok with a black woman being exploited in this manner. Not your call.
Yes. The whole thing is so dehumanizing of a really accomplished, savvy woman. He is making her into some sideshow when she has no agency.
What kind of man moves his girlfriend in with his ill wife and then talks about it to the WP? And don’t even get me started on what kind of woman the girlfriend is.
It is all so gross and exploitive. How anyone can think otherwise is beyond me.
Yes, I agree. I don’t think they should have quoted her or photographed her at all. She can’t give consent and she was so media/business savvy, who’s to say that she would want her personal health and relationship info in a major paper?
Fair point, but I’d argue that her husband knows her better than we do. I’m ok with him, as her caretaker, making these decisions.
I view his motivation as trying to improve his own image and make his situation more palatable and sympathetic to the public, so I strongly disagree with your rationale.
I've been weighing my feelings about this since I read this article, which was before it was posted here.
I know how hard it was for my dad when my mom shifted from mild to moderate dementia, and how my mom was a shell of herself when she shifted from moderate to severe dementia after he passed. But my gut is not okay with B. Smith's situation. Not one bit. And if my dad had done the same, I wouldn't be cool with that either. My mom may not have been able to articulate who we were to her in her final years, but she certainly was able to distinguish a stranger v. a longtime friend or family member based on her demeanor.
I agree with 05heel that the fact that the girlfriend is white, and the fact she made the first move, makes a difference. His daughter's acceptance doesn't mean a damn thing to me. They're all living off of B. Smith's lifetime of work. That they're making sure she's cared for at her home, with the money that she made, is the very least they could be doing.
Eta: I just took a look at his FB page and the obviously moderated comments. NOPE.
You know what was really sad? This piece of shit posted a picture of B on the floor of her shower after a seizure, with dogs licking her face. The caption was something about, "hee, hee isn't this cute? The dogs are helping her." Now come on. She was so classy and elegant when she was well, and I feel safe assuming that she would not have wanted pictures of her lying on the ground being licked by some nasty ass dogs (also some white people shit) all over the internet.
WHAT!?! That is f-ing dehumanizing. Did I miss that in that article or is that extra info if you follow her page?
That makes this article seem like a big gross PR spin.
Fair point, but I’d argue that her husband knows her better than we do. I’m ok with him, as her caretaker, making these decisions.
I don’t agree. There is no indication she granted him these powers and he is profiting greatly from her work.
I have not read the book, but I assumed that her co-authoring a piece on her diagnosis with her spouse suggested a degree of comfort with sharing their story.
I don’t agree. There is no indication she granted him these powers and he is profiting greatly from her work.
I have not read the book, but I assumed that her co-authoring a piece on her diagnosis with her spouse suggested a degree of comfort with sharing their story.
You know what was really sad? This piece of shit posted a picture of B on the floor of her shower after a seizure, with dogs licking her face. The caption was something about, "hee, hee isn't this cute? The dogs are helping her." Now come on. She was so classy and elegant when she was well, and I feel safe assuming that she would not have wanted pictures of her lying on the ground being licked by some nasty ass dogs (also some white people shit) all over the internet.
WHAT!?! That is f-ing dehumanizing. Did I miss that in that article or is that extra info if you follow her page?
That makes this article seem like a big gross PR spin.
it wasn’t in the article. I think it was on one of his social media accounts.
For the average, everyday couple who isn’t living off the ill wife’s fortune, I am torn. I sympathize and like to think I would want my H to find a companion (but NOT move her in!!), but I also sort of think you took vows and while it totally sucks to be married to someone who can’t be a true partner, that is a risk you take. I don’t know.
But the way he posted about it is gross.. And sharing a picture of her after a seizure? What the hell is wrong with him?
Wow. I was definitely missing some important information/background here!
I stand by my “don’t judge” comment as a general statement for how couples deal with this cruel disease. However, the way that this has been made public along with the other background information definitely changes my thoughts on this particular person/situation. If this was a situation where they had talked about it beforehand, I would have expected to see more of a post like “We talked about this long ago. I know it’s hard for her fans to digest, as you’re not with her daily, but know that this next step was with her blessing...blah blah.” This seems more like “Check this out, haters!”
It’s not the relationship itself that I judge, but definitely the way it’s being publicized along with his other posts/comments. I don’t know if there’s a “right” way to have another relationship while your spouse is living with this disease, but this most certainly isn’t it!
I haven't read the article (still at the early stages of dealing with my grandma's still not-terrible-yet dementia). All of it has been sitting with me and I will haven't been able to decide how I felt until the additional info 05heel shared. The racial dynamics, the fact that he moved her in, the fucking posting of a dehumanizing photo, all of it really bothers me.
There's a lot of Alzheimer's in my family and it's definitely something my mom and I fear. We've had conversations where she's told me what she wants me to do if she goes the same route as her mom (probably vascular dementia) or grandma (Alzheimer's). I've seen my cousin's husband be there for his wife through every part of her Alzheimer's. She clearly still knew who he was all the way until the end. Their love was still palpable and was honestly probably a big part of why she lived as long as she did, even after she was put into care, with him visiting all the time.
I can't imagine someone having a significant other in addition to their spouse. Taking care of someone with dementia takes so much effort, how does dating not take away from that? I can't imagine someone in my family having done that. If they need to go get some needs met another way, but keep it quiet and out of the public eye, I guess I wouldn't care because I wouldn't know. But to move in another person grosses me out. Reading the additional info on B's husband pisses me off on her behalf.
Wow. I was definitely missing some important information/background here!
I stand by my “don’t judge” comment as a general statement for how couples deal with this cruel disease. However, the way that this has been made public along with the other background information definitely changes my thoughts on this particular person/situation. If this was a situation where they had talked about it beforehand, I would have expected to see more of a post like “We talked about this long ago. I know it’s hard for her fans to digest, as you’re not with her daily, but know that this next step was with her blessing...blah blah.” This seems more like “Check this out, haters!”
It’s not the relationship itself that I judge, but definitely the way it’s being publicized along with his other posts/comments. I don’t know if there’s a “right” way to have another relationship while your spouse is living with this disease, but this most certainly isn’t it!
I'm here. I only read the article and didn't know of any other postings on social media. One of my prior posts said that I felt OK with it as long as B was being treated with dignity. With the additional information (posting pictures of her when she's most vulnerable, obviously unable to consent), it doesn't appear that is the situation here.
I stand by that living through it now I still wouldn't judge if my step mother found a companion. Or any of the families that I've met at my father's nursing home - I wouldn't judge their situations. For the average couple - whatever brings the most peace to the family is their business.
But to bring it all into the public view, with the additioanl racial dynamic, and (presumably) living off of B.'s money. No.
The picture you described is so demeaning and not okay. I had no idea. The article really missed a lot of the nuances for this situation. This is way messier and not fair or dignified for B than the article shows, and now I find myself wondering why the daughter is okay with the new relationship. I don't want to judge her, but I am. Why she is okay and condoning this?
The picture you described is so demeaning and not okay. I had no idea. The article really missed a lot of the nuances for this situation. This is way messier and not fair or dignified for B than the article shows, and now I find myself wondering why the daughter is okay with the new relationship. I don't want to judge her, but I am. Why she is okay and condoning this?
Because it's his daughter, not hers, and vas close as she may have been to B. Smith I'm not surprised that her loyalty lies with her dad.
Post by CheeringCharm on Feb 5, 2019 13:12:45 GMT -5
I don’t think people are mad that he’s dating or even in a serious relationship. It’s that he moved the gf into B’s house without her consent or knowledge and that he’s involving Alex in B’s care in intimate ways that perhaps she wouldn’t be cool with if she were well. There’s a lot of sensitivity and tact missing here. The way he chose to make this public is off too.
These people have a lot of money. Dan was wealthy before he married B. I totally understand that it’s very difficult, time consuming and emotionally draining to be a long term caregiver and that he needs support too. But there must be better ways than moving Alex into B’s house and involving her in her care. Couldn’t he buy or even rent a place near B’s house?
This shit is disgusting. The nerve of him to have this white woman (and yes it matters that she’s white. I don’t even think a decent black woman would allow this to happen to another sister) in the house, spending B’s money. Every black woman I’ve discussed this with has been very clear that this dog ass Negro ain’t shit, and Becky is trash. So then I wondered what the good white women of GBCN thought, so here I am. And the consensus here is as I predicted. And yes, I have someone very close to me with dementia. I judge freely and openly because this shit is wrong on a number of levels. I’m so sad for B.
Oh, and the daughter is some trash too. If I ever have Alzheimer’s, I don’t even care if my H decides to move on, but if he moves some white girlfriend/caretaker into my home and flaunts their relationship and my demise all over the place, I will haunt him to his final days. I’d rather be in a home. Let me drain my hard earned money by my damn self.