I’m not totally surprised something like this happened. You really wanted your son to have his own party on that same day. Weird that they chose they same location but other than that, not surprised. I feel like we’re missing some info, like I wonder how they felt about the whole thing? I don’t know what the venue situation is in your area either.
If you haven’t sent out invites I would really consider doing it on another date, I know you had reasons you don’t want to but it may be easier for everyone, which is what I suggested first time around.
I’m calling the place as soon as they open to see if I can switch dates. It’s not ideal, but DH and I came up with an alternate date. If they cannot switch, we have a few other ideas.
I’m so hurt and confused. I extended an olive branch last month encouraging a conversation so that we’d avoid a situation like this. No one gave me the impression they cared at the time, so I moved ahead with some suggestions. Again, met with apathy. So, I took control and said we’re doing this (same exact party they planned, just later in the day) and happy to share that with the others. I was told to go ahead with that, they’d do something else. I’m sad for DS, but thankfully he doesn’t appear to care.
I’m not totally surprised something like this happened. You really wanted your son to have his own party on that same day. Weird that they chose they same location but other than that, not surprised. I feel like we’re missing some info, like I wonder how they felt about the whole thing? I don’t know what the venue situation is in your area either.
If you haven’t sent out invites I would really consider doing it on another date, I know you had reasons you don’t want to but it may be easier for everyone, which is what I suggested first time around.
This is pretty much where I'm at. And I kind of feel like there are some feelings/emotions/information of the other moms not included. I thought it was weird to continue on with that date knowing they were already planning to use that date. I bet they were pissed you basically stole their date after previously kind of agreeing to a joint party on that date.
In any case, I'd find another date for sure. Attendance at your party will basically be zero. There's no way I'd hang around an hour for my kid to go to the same party an hour later.
I’m so sorry. If I were in your position I would be very hurt and confused. I think your way forward is a good one, and I hope it doesn’t cause any confusion with your son. I think you did all the right things to avoid this, and it’s possible that the other moms have reasons for doing what they did, or maybe there was somehow a misunderstanding, but if it were me, personally, I know I’d have a tough time moving past it.
I’m not totally surprised something like this happened. You really wanted your son to have his own party on that same day. Weird that they chose they same location but other than that, not surprised. I feel like we’re missing some info, like I wonder how they felt about the whole thing? I don’t know what the venue situation is in your area either.
If you haven’t sent out invites I would really consider doing it on another date, I know you had reasons you don’t want to but it may be easier for everyone, which is what I suggested first time around.
This is pretty much where I'm at. And I kind of feel like there are some feelings/emotions/information of the other moms not included. I thought it was weird to continue on with that date knowing they were already planning to use that date. I bet they were pissed you basically stole their date after previously kind of agreeing to a joint party on that date.
In any case, I'd find another date for sure. Attendance at your party will basically be zero. There's no way I'd hang around an hour for my kid to go to the same party an hour later.
I’m clearly not expressing the complete lack of interest I received from other mothers when I first reached out to discuss this issue. No one seemed to give a care, so I suggested a solution. One of the others said that won’t work because of the # limit from the location (which I’ve since found out is not so much a limit, just a preferred # of guests and then they charge $$ more per child) and suggested a different idea that didn’t really fly with my kid. I said DS really wants to do the original idea, so we’ll proceed on with it at this time of day, and happy to do it together. What do you think? Was told go ahead, we’ll plan SOMETHING ELSE for earlier that day. I’m curious at what point “something else” became the same damn thing I was planning just a few hours earlier without saying a word to me.
As I’ve already wasted way too much time and emotion on this, I’m stepping away from this for a while. My kid will have a party, on a different day, regardless of whether or not I lose deposit money at this location. It just sucks that people I thought were friends clearly aren’t and there’s no point in trying to do the right thing.
It just sucks that people I thought were friends clearly aren’t and there’s no point in trying to do the right thing.
I think this is a bit of an overreaction.
I'm kind of the de facto planner in my neighborhood and one of the things I've come to realize about myself - I tend to be about 5 steps ahead of everyone else. I'm ready to set dates and get things on the calendar well before anyone else is ready.
From the scenario you described, it sounds like - because you knew exactly what your son wanted - that you were thinking about this and booking stuff before the other moms were actually REALLY ready to do the same. So, instead of holding you up, they told you to move forward with your plans, they'll figure something else out.
Who knows what led them to picking the same location. Maybe by the time they got their ducks in a row, it was the only place with availability at that time slot. Or one of their kids decided "I want to go there for my party!". Or.... who knows.
I wouldn't jump to assuming malice/ that they are doing this purposely to screw with you. For as busy as your life is, they are trying to coordinate 2 families schedules in picking a time that works for them. Should they have said something to you? Sure- I think a quick "Hey, heads up" with an explanation as to why and perhaps an "I'm sorry" would have been nice. But even doing that probably wouldn't change the actual reality that there are now 2 parties planned one right after the other.
And as set as you were on what your kid wanted, they may have thought (IF they even put any more thought into your part in this) that you weren't interested in combining parties/ already had all your plans set so they didn't reach out to you to combine after all. They may have felt that that ship sailed 3 weeks ago.
Intentional or not, this is shitty of them and I am sorry. When they realized the party would be at the same venue, they should have reached out to you at a minimum to let you know.
Intentional or not, this is shitty of them and I am sorry. When they realized the party would be at the same venue, they should have reached out to you at a minimum to let you know.
This is where I am. If I was the OP, I’d be hurt at this whole situation.
I'm really sorry and I'd be hurt as well. When these sorts of things happen to me I always assume that others are "out to get me" or intentionally sabotaged my plans and that's rarely the truth. Usually people are just thoughtless or clueless about how their actions will affect others. That doesn't make the situation any better, but I do think it helps to know that people aren't trying to ruin your day.
If you are interested in salvaging these relationships you might say something like "Since our original plans to host a joint birthday didn't work, I planned something separate for DS and let you know the details. He was really excited about having his first "friend party" at this location. I'm disappointed that you planned a party at the same location to end an hour before DS's party. I think it's unlikely that many friends will hang out for an hour then attend the same party for DS. I'm going to move DS's party so there isn't a conflict. I'm disappointed because I think we could have avoided this with better communication."
I avoid confrontation so I probably wouldn't say that, but it might help to make them aware that their actions affected you and that if they'd been better communicators this could have been avoided!