leviosa, First i am so sorry about your first husband. And i do think that can cause long running psychological issues, even if you are not aware... I think it can change how you feel about sex once it has been used as a weapon, really. Have you worked with a therapist regarding what happened? NOt just the physical part, but the mental.
Last, you mention your partners have been prudish, but how comfortable are you in that? Is it easy to talk with your partners openly? say what you like? etc.
When you first had sex for the first time, did you feel this way or was it a gradual change for you? (not really the ability to orgasm because a lot people experience that, but the boredom)
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I have spoken to a therapist about the mental side of things. It definitely helped with my whole mindset around sex and myself. I used to feel a lot of shame around sex, and I don’t anymore. It’s for sure something I still need to work on, but I’m much stronger, feel more empowered as myself then I did before. I am not uncomfortable. I try to direct, guide. But my two ex’s felt like I was emasculating them by telling them what to do. *eye roll*. I will be sure to be with someone who is more open/willing in the future.
I have always felt bored in sex. Even the first time. But he finished in like 7.2 seconds. I was like ‘that’s it? That’s what everyone raves about?’ His ability to last longer obviously became better. But my enjoyment did not.
leviosa- Oh no. Yeah- a guy should happily take your guidance because he wants you to be satisfied. Clearly I wasn't there but a guy who won't take your guidance isn't typically very good in bed.
[quote timestamp="1558379794" I have admittedly never tried toys. My ex’s were kind of prudes. But I wouldn’t know even where to start. So does anyone have recommendations? Am I allowed to ask for recommendations for sex toys?
Yes, you are.
The Minna Ola is the best damn vibrator I’ve ever had. Instead of having preset vibrating intensities (which can be overwhelming), it’s touch responsive and you can program your own patterns. Waterproof, easy to charge.
Post by puppylove64 on May 20, 2019 18:50:43 GMT -5
I think you need to be comfortable enjoying it alone if you want to learn to enjoy it with a partner. Toys are not taboo and don’t feel ashamed to learn your own body. Check out a toy store online and buy a vibrator and get some freebies and just experiment on yourself.
Does anyone orgasm with penetration only? It’s my understanding it doesn’t happen this way. Clitoral stimulation all the way. Any way that you can: you get on top, your partner touches you there, oral sex, vibrator, you do it, etc. I think the idea of having an organism through penetration only is going to lead to no enjoyment for you.
Post by turnipthebeet on May 20, 2019 19:36:15 GMT -5
What are you thinking about? I’m just trying to understand what happens - does your mind wander? Do you focus on the way your body feels/responds to different things? That’s what I usually think about, how good things feel. Do you feel many sensations in different erogenous zones (ears, neck)?
It could be inexperienced partners, in which case I would try to be more vocal about what works (dirty talk can help keep things from being boring). Or maybe your body is still responding to previous experiences.
It could be inexperienced partners, in which case I would try to be more vocal about what works (dirty talk can help keep things from being boring). Or maybe your body is still responding to previous experiences.
She was vocal and she was told it was emasculating. I'm still so pissed off after reading that. I can't stop thinking about it.
I think a good partner is a major part of good sex. Another part is knowing what you like/need and giving direction or being confident enough to ask for more/less of what a partner is doing that you like/don't like.
A good partner listens and even asks what you like and follows your guidance with gratitude because they want you to enjoy! They are willing and eager to experiment in order to find what works. That excites them vs threatens.
Focusing only on genitals is pretty reductionist, in Esther Perel's terms. Find other erogenous zones and make sure your partner spends time there. Build up the anticipation.
Toys before, during, and/or after. I like that clit thing for solo play, but a bullet or fingertip style are my favorite for couples sessions. Being on top + a toy has been my best combo.
Does anyone orgasm with penetration only? It’s my understanding it doesn’t happen this way. Clitoral stimulation all the way. Any way that you can: you get on top, your partner touches you there, oral sex, vibrator, you do it, etc. I think the idea of having an organism through penetration only is going to lead to no enjoyment for you.
Kind of interesting, but something that started happening this year is after oral sex, when the clitoral stimulation has happened, if the angle of penetration is right, it would start another orgasm almost immediately. Very interesting and good. lol
Does anyone orgasm with penetration only? It’s my understanding it doesn’t happen this way. Clitoral stimulation all the way. Any way that you can: you get on top, your partner touches you there, oral sex, vibrator, you do it, etc. I think the idea of having an organism through penetration only is going to lead to no enjoyment for you.
Yes, some women can climax from g-spot stimulation vs clitoral stimulation.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Lol That you was the first toy I bought for myself. It is fantastic! I’m a little embarrassed to say that I had my very first orgasm at age 28 thanks to this toy.
My first vibrator was similar to #11, except it had a solid nub vs the bunny ears for the clit. I was 26ish and had been married for 4-5 years before I had my first orgasm.
Does anyone orgasm with penetration only? It’s my understanding it doesn’t happen this way. Clitoral stimulation all the way. Any way that you can: you get on top, your partner touches you there, oral sex, vibrator, you do it, etc. I think the idea of having an organism through penetration only is going to lead to no enjoyment for you.
Yes, some women can climax from g-spot stimulation vs clitoral stimulation.
Vs or in addition to? I ask because if you can't have both, then I've been chasing the g-spot for no good god damned reason, lol.
Do you have untreated anxiety or depression? Or treated anxiety/depression that maybe your medicines can be affecting your sex drive?
I have both and sometimes I can tell when my depression is on the rebound by how much I enjoy sex. When I’m in a “mood” (we’ll call it for the sake of simplicity) sex is super boring. Even if I’m aroused and really want it, once any interaction happens (kissing, touching, etc) my brain immediately goes to “huh, there are so many other interesting things I could be doing instead. When will this be over?”