Tell me what you like ...

[librarychica]

... or don’t like about where you live.

I am having a midlife crisis about where we live. Idk. I feel like I’m just lonely and idk that the kids are getting the childhood I would choose for them. We chose this place because of the good schools and proximity to my office and just dealt with the expense. But we haven’t found the community I had hoped for. Plus I can’t just turn them out to meet friends — there are hardly any kids and traffic is dangerous. It’s fine, I guess, and I love the actual house but we don’t really know Anyone and there aren’t a lot of children around. The people I do know (some people I went to college with, some people H went to college with) are friendly enough but clearly don’t prioritize getting closer (which is understandable as people are busy), the people I work with are either my parents age or young single folk (and mostly men — men are great and all but a female 34yo sr staff member inviting a 22 yo man over for game night is ... weird) and my best friend and most of my old social circle stayed in the rural town I grew up in an hour+ away.

So, this day drinking word vomit is brought to you by these questions, what do you love/hate about where you live? What’s your top priority? Are close-knit communities a myth? Expound upon your living sitch.

[waverly]

I like where I live. We looked for proximity to my job 30 min or under easy commute, non busy street, affordable housing, more affordable childcare, good schools, walkable to a downtown (and the train), in our case a small town feeling. I hate the winters but since a lot of the country has bad winters I think I would hate it most places except for the south (east and west).

I think most people are friendly here and we do have a community. However I do not feel like I have a ton of close friends, which at this stage in my life I am mostly OK with. We are no social butterflies, but I am an introvert. Some of the parents I’ve interacted with here are lacking in social skills/ basic politeness, but I think one can definitely say the same anywhere.

I can’t just send my kids out to play because our closest neighbors do not have kids and I’m not ready to send them far. That being said we are friendly with most of our neighbors and closer to 2 of our neighbors. One of them is a bit of a control freak so I can’t just send the kids and the other one has kids a bit older. It is a community where when they are older they can walk of bike to 2 parks by themselves ( 2 houses away for one and 2 blocks away for the other). We have a pool pass and I see lots of people at our community pool.

We haven’t found people who we spend every weekend with like I did growing up, but now I realize that was actually quite rare. My son is an introvert as well and doesn’t really want to do play dates. I’ve realized that my kids are actually best friends with each other and play well together. Hard to tell when they are fighting which is often ha ha. So far they have friends but they change at each grade so none that they have stuck with except neighbors. They are also in sports and scouts which help with a community feeling even though it doesn’t translate to outside socializing mostly because of DS’s personality and mine. DS thinks everyone is his friend which I am glad of so I don’t push it. Maybe boys have different views of friendship than girls.

[traveltheworld]

Huh...this is timely. We moved cities about 2 years ago for my job, and it's been hard finding friends. I like where we live in that it's a good neighbourhood, but people all have their established network of friends and family, and mostly aren't looking to expand that social network. Most people also grew up in this city and staid, along with their extended families, so they are all very close knit.

There is also very few kids just playing in the neighbourhood, although our neighbrouhood has a zillion kids. I joined a book club and have met a few women there that I get along with, so at least I have a social thing every month.

Speaking of word vomits - DH just got laid off a few weeks ago and I've been stressing about it all, and right before I left the office on Friday, my boss approached me about possibly relocating to head up the legal department in our new proposed Asian office. It's all super preliminary - his exact words were "maybe give it some thought". Our company has been talking about opening up an office in Asia for years now, and my boss approached me right after he got back from the annual Board/Executives strategic retreat, so it leads me to think that this is actually not a pie in the sky type of idea. Given how "blah" I've felt about this city and the fact that DH doesn't have a job, I might actually consider it. BUT, it's literally half way around the world.

[librarychica]

traveltheworld, if your H is up for it, I think you should go
For it, what an awesome opportunity!

[traveltheworld]

Jun 2, 2019 17:52:47 GMT -5 librarychica said:

traveltheworld , if your H is up for it, I think you should go
For it, what an awesome opportunity!

DH and I talked it over and I think I might actually do it, provided that I get paid enough.  The new city is among one of the most expensive places to live in the world, and in order to not live in a tiny apartment, I'd need my company to pay a huge housing allowance.  So we shall see.  I'm going to ask my boss more questions tomorrow and see how "real" this thing is, but it has certainly been fun to think about over the weekend.

[k3am]

We live in an area that is primarily transplants. I’d say 90% of people who live here weren’t raised here. (No scientific study, obviously)

Our area is diverse. Our neighborhood has a lot of kids and we have great neighbors. Our suburb is one of the top places to live in our city. We will never have to dig out car out of snow, we can (relatively easily) get to beaches, mountains, deserts, and farm land. Family is within a 1 hour plane ride.

It is also expensive AF. I like to say my kids are growing up with diversity, and in many ways, they are, but they are also growing up surrounded by privilege, which is probably my biggest concern, since I definitely did not.

Honestly, my biggest complaint is that my kids will likely never be able to afford to live here.. and I would like to spend my years surrounded by my kids and their families.

[campermom]

I live on the mid Atlantic east coast and there’s a lot to love.

I get all 4 seasons fully and completely. I love each one for different reasons. Yes winter is a pain and ruins plans...but! I embrace it and go skiing (45 minutes) The summer is humid and kind of miserable...but I go to the beach! (3 hours)

Public schools are very good in my state/county.
Taxes are relatively low in this suburban community.
I am 35 to 60 minutes to major cities.
I am 3 hours from the mountains.
We also have access to some of the best hospitals in the nation, although thank goodness we haven’t really needed them.
There is amazing history to be found in several directions from where we live.
I grew up here but have lived around the state and in another state 20 hours away, but where we are now has the best to offer to our family and we would never leave. Pm me if you want specifics!

[sdlaura]

We live in an awesome neighborhood for kids. We picked our house pre-kids because it’s on the same block as the elementary school we wanted then to attend. The neighborhood has great families who I think share our values. Unfortunately it is not very diverse. Our house is 2100 square feet, so relatively small for a family of 5 that may be a family of 6 at some point, but we have no plans to move because of the proximity of the school. I do wish we were closer to my kids’ cousins/extended family. Also COL is pretty crazy here, though not approaching the Bay Area.

[sandandsea]

The weather is amazing. There is a ton of diversity, opportunity, and really smart, driven people. We have great schools, have found amazing friends, people are friendly, and you can find people interested in any hobby/sport/anything. We live in a really nice neighborhood and love our house. Our area has a really nice community feel to it.

The bad. It’s crazy expensive. The *average* house is over $1M and it’s not fancy. Everyone has a ton of money and we feel so far behind even though we’ve done well and significantly better than our parents. There are also bad parts of town, gangs, and a huge homeless population. It’s crazy to see the lavish luxury and poverty in one city. It’s also crowded, with major traffic and wait lines everywhere.

I wish we had neighbors with kids the same age and that close, borrow a cup of sugar relationship and that our families lived nearer. The closest is an 8 hour drive away.

[mommyatty]

I live in north Texas. There is a ton on opportunity where we are. Unemployment is always lower than the national average, and the COL is extremely affordable. Summers are really hot, but the rest of the year is pretty awesome. We have a major airport and two airlines are headquartered in our region, so it’s easy to travel anywhere, generally without connecting flights. There is a lot of diversity. I actually live in a city with one of the largest public universities in the state. (Another plus: two major university systems in the state, plus a lot of other universities, both public and private.) Because of the university, which is a big math and engineering school, we have a lot of people from all over the world who travel here to study and live for a few years while they get advanced degrees. Many have kids, which is nice.

It’s also extremely conservative politically, although that’s changing. Ecause it’s so politically conservative, the public schools suck, even in the richest areas. Our public school curriculum demands they suck. We don’t teach science or history, and many public elementary schools are built without playgrounds because our state doesn’t believe in science, which means all the research about the importance of kids moving is ignored. Also it’s not physically beautiful. We don’t have mountains or water or anything. It’s the Plains. It is what it is.

Our neighborhood has some kids, but none of them seem to play outside. Or not often, at least. We aren’t close to our neighbors, which makes me sad. We will likely change neighborhoods soon, so my MIL can live with us, and we have talked about moving close to one of the families we like to hang out with, or at least a neighborhood with a park in it so the kids have a place to congregate.

[covergirl82]

Generally, I like where I live (West MI). In the last few years, the metro area I'm in has been ranked in the top 5 places to raise a family and places to live. I would say it's up-and-coming. We have some good places to work. Lots of great places to eat and things to do. It's an MCOL area, so housing and groceries are affordable. I live in a bit nicer suburb, but you could still buy a nice house around $300,000 - $350,000 in our suburb. We are about 45 minutes from Lake Michigan. A few hours north there are great wineries to visit and just beautiful places to see in the summer and skiing in the winter.

ETA:  The suburb in which I live has an excellent school system, so we have lots of kids in our area.

Weatherwise, we don't get a lot of major weather. No hurricanes. A tornado is rare, and usually EF0, maybe EF1. Some flooding, but usually nothing catastrophic. We do get winter storms, but usually you can be prepared for those ahead of time. Not a lot of big bugs or snakes. No alligators.

What I don't like is how cold it gets in the winter (can get single digits or subzero) and it is cloudier than sunnier, on average.

[rere]

I live were I was born. It is a very close community where we all grew up together. That can be good and bad. You almost have to be born here. Plus there is no where to really get away from some.

The cost of living is very low. A nice home for 200,000+. There are quite a few educational opportunities for my kids. A close state school, community college, 2 private colleges. Our public schools are great plus a great private school system.

I love all 4 seasons except for winter after Christmas.

[2chatter]

We hit the jackpot with our neighborhood. Mature trees, custom homes, they just built a full on water park a few years ago, dog park a block from us, City parks are ranked third in the nation, tons of trails (we walked to the library for the summer kickoff on Saturday after hosting a swim party after a soccer practice at a park a block from our house), lots of retail and restaurants, very diverse, walkable K-8. In the last month I have gone to two margarita parties, a book club, a burger place owned by one of the book club ladies daughters and volunteered in a neighborhood food drive. It’s why I honestly don’t see us moving - we would never find all that on half an acre creek lot again.

My list before moving here six years ago was stable demographic, affordable, great public schools, diverse. I’d now add everything above and it would make it really hard to move. The kids are meeting friends at the all abilities accessible playground later and tonight we are cooking for the neighbors, which they will do for us on Wednesday.

I sprayed the yard with Prymethum (probably butchered that spelling) last week and we can be outside now - the mosquitos were my one big drawback.

[polecat8]

I like where we live. DH and I were both born and raised in SW PA. We moved away for a bit to upstate NY, but ended up coming back to be close to our families who are still here. My parents and brothers live within 30 mins of us and we enjoy going to kids' sports games, concerts, etc. We also depend on my family or my FIL to help with childcare sometimes. I live ~10 miles from the metro area and the commute is not too bad. There are several highly ranked universities that have formed tech startups in the engineering field (which is what I am in). The cost of living is moderate and the housing market is pretty good here. You can find a decent 1500+ sq ft, 4 bedroom house for 150k or 300k, depending on what area of town you are in.
Our community is pretty small but everyone seems pretty friendly. We live 1.5 miles from a large county park. Our housing development is pretty quiet because there is only one way in and out. So traffic is pretty slow. We don't know too many families on the street since there aren't too many kids around my kids' ages. There is a boy and girl next door who are close in age to ours. We feel comfortable sending the older two out to play by themselves. The kids stay in our yard or in the yard next door. My older kids play community sports and we attend school events, so we are starting to get to know my DD's classmates and their parents. But we really don't have play dates with other families. We can be such introverts sometimes.

[librarychica]

2chatter, message me what city you’re in? I’m really curious now.

I guess now that I’m less grumpy I should do the pro/con rundown myself.

Pro: we are close to a lot (20 minutes from downtown and museums, 10-30 minutes from theme parks — I’m not really a theme park person but it is convenient when I get dragged along, 30-60 minutes from state parks with kayaking and swimming springs, 2 hours to the beach), schools are very good, restaurants everywhere, very international community.

Cons: it’s hot, humid and wet, traffic is terrible between congestion and lost tourists, housing costs are out of sync from salaries for most people, it’s a very transient area in a transient state so it is difficult to meet and keep friends.

[twinmomma]

I'm in New England. I love it and could never imagine leaving. I live in the town where I grew up and would leave that exact town, but want to stay in the same state. Right now I'm pretty perfectly located, about an hour or two in any direction to Boston, the ocean, and mountains/lakes. We get all four seasons, which I love. And oddly enough, having the ocean so close by is comforting. I couldn't go somewhere landlocked.

My town is pretty good. It's a high cost of living for our state, but it's because we are on the outskirts of being a "Boston suburb." My taxes are lower than other towns around though so that helps. Good jobs are in easy, commutable distances and it's still got small town vibe even though it's a growing suburb. Good schools, good opportunities for the kids. Our neighborhood is quiet and not a ton of kids, but it's a great spot. I'd love to be in a neighborhood with more school friends, but those would require me basically doubling my mortgage. I currently have a house that's not quite 1,000 square feet that appraised for $250k. Ugh.

[madringal]

We are in NW Indiana. I love its proximity to Chicago (we can be downtown in less then an hour) and we are 10 minutes from the beaches of Lake Michigan (my towns beach access was even just upgraded to National Park status!) It's pretty LCOL and a great place to raise a family. But really, there isn't much to do. It not practical with three young kids to shoot of to Chicago all the time, but because we are so close nothing ever really moves this way. Food, festivals, shopping, attractions, it all very much stays on the IL side of the border.

[supertrooper1]

I'm in NW Washington. It's where I grew up and I like it. We're close to the water and mountains and in between Seattle and Vancouver, Canada. Summers are beautiful, but the rest of the year can be very gray and rainy. It doesn't get too cold or too hot. The cost of living keeps going up, so now an average family home is about $500,000. But wages don't seem to match the inflated prices. There isn't a ton to do unless you enjoy the outdoors, but it's a two hour drive to Seattle and an hour or so to Vancouver. Even though we're north of Seattle, the "Seattle freeze" is very much a real thing where people keep to themselves.

[shakinros]

I’m in South Jersey. Pros: very easy commute into Philadelphia on the train. Lots of small towns right next to each other where we are with a continuous walkable Main Street. 4 seasons. No major weather (some winter but no polar vortex, too far inland for hurricane devastation, etc). Easy day trips to the beach. Literally everything is family friendly. Good schools. Community pool in every town. Put absolutely anything out on garbage day and they will take it. (Seriously. This is a thing I love.) Very safe. Lots of community events with a small town feel. My favorite is the fire truck parade on the first Friday in December. All the trucks from every town around get decorated with Christmas lights or characters or both and drive slowly down Main St. Excellent cultural organizations nearby in Philly. Houses are affordable. Progressive government that aligns well with my political leanings.

Cons: small town feel. I’ve lived here five years and still feel like an outsider. Everyone seems to live near their extended family except us. Sometimes I feel like my attempts to build community are like I’m trying to make a dent in a steel wall by throwing ball bearings at it. So much effort, so little visible effect.

I feel like I should say something about high property taxes but I don’t really mind them. I’m pretty happy with what I get for my money.

[186momx]

We live in the Willamette Valley of Oregon. I've lived here since I've been 4. DH was born here.
I was born and my parents lived their childhood/early adult life really close to were madringal, lives now. My earliest memory is watching the Cubs play at Wrigley Field.

Pros: 1 hour to the coast, 1 hour to the mountains, 2 hours to major skiing, 90 minutes for smaller ski areas, 2 hours to Portland, college town. Lots of parks, hiking/mountain biking trails, great bike paths, mild weather year round. No major weather issues (no tornados, hurricanes, monsoons, blizzards) not that we don't get a freak EFO tornado, or snow.
Cons: housing/rent is really high. No sales tax but higher income tax, high property tax and a government that is trying to turn us in California. The state is really split between city and then lots of open country/land/forest. We do deal with forest fires and smoke from not only fires in our state but from all over the PNW. Schools are struggling all over the state and we are at the bottom of the state listing of tests scores for the nation.

As kids my parents keep reminding us that we got to explore and branch out so much more than if we had stayed in NW Indiana. Both my sister and I did swim teams and their old home town doesn't even have a community pool. I think no matter where you live the grass might always seem greener on the other side. I will say not a lot of people/my relative have ventured out to visit. We joke we like on Pluto which is why no one will come see us and only expects us to travel to them.

[waverly]

I will say I used to live in NYC for 4 years, and although the natives were kind, most people were transient, and I did not have a community there. I think there is something to transient communities not having all that you might want. I had a co-worker friend who moved after a year, and a couple of friends from grad school who are still there, but I saw them not very often, and inviting people to your home or vice versa is really not much of a thing there where everyone can meet up at a bar or restaurant.

When we moved back to our home state for DH to go to grad school, I had my college and some high school friends and wives of the other students going through the program so I moved into a community almost immediately.

When we moved for his job several classmates also moved to the area, and a sorority sister. I wouldn't say we had a ton of friends starting out, and school age kids help a lot with community, but we were definitely not in the friend dessert that I found NYC to be. In NY, I also did not work with many people at all (5-6 in total), and only 1 my age at any given time. The rest were far older.

[covergirl82]

madringal, the husband of one of my college friends is from NW Indiana (Elkhart) and he came to college on a swimming scholarship. It sounds like it's hot area for swimming.

[madringal]

Jun 4, 2019 15:12:44 GMT -5 covergirl82 said:

madringal , the husband of one of my college friends is from NW Indiana (Elkhart) and he came to college on a swimming scholarship. It sounds like it's hot area for swimming.

It is! My girls swim for our local swim club and its consistently one of the top three in the state for age group (and HS) swimming.  Indiana swimming is on fire right now! I am excited to see how many swimmers from Indiana will make the 2020 Olympic team!

[librarychica]

I think you’re righg

[librarychica]

I think you’re right, 186momx, about the grass being greener. As I peruse the places I could relatively easily find work (Dallas, Houston, parts of New Mexico, probably raleigh-Durham, maybe Colorado, DC metro), I start to recognize the positive features of where I am at.

I’m going to explore (because why not?) but I’m also going to aggressively try to build some community here.

[erbear]

I live in Philadelphia.

I love love love the city. Super walkable, good food, good bars, kid friendly, lots of history, lots of new green space, tons to do, fun festivals and fairs, good sports teams, good public transit system, farmers markets. The city is diverse, which is really important to us.

Things I don't like: the traffic (I try to avoid it though), housing  is expensive (though more affordable parts definitely exist), and the school district is terrible, for the most part. Lack of grocery stores.

[sunbutter]

We recently moved to a western suburb after being in a city neighborhood for 10 years.

I like our house. I like the rural but urban feel but not suburban ticky tacky. The trees are old, all the houses are different and most are in an acre, giving you neighbors but not right on top of you. I live on the tip of a wooded switchback that most cars avoid so the traffic is minimal. Yet I can get in a major highway in two minutes. But the birds. The birds in my backyard on a sunny morning are just mesmerizing.

We like that it is centrally locates to both of our work locations. It is in a very good school district.

I general, I wish the town was more diverse. Our neighborhood in Philly was very diverse and my new town is not. It was a major reason that I voted not to move in this direction. Having said that, my immediate neighbors are diverse. Mixed race family, black family, gay couple, immigrants from Germany...

We have never lived in a place where our kids just hung out with neighbors. They attend a private school so their classmates are from all sorts of locations. We have always had to travel for play dates. Now in the new house, we have to travel even further, which sucks.

We have made friends with one family nearby with a boy around my son’s age. And I am sure once we transition to the local public, the kids will make more neighborhood friends.

Not having that all kids play in our front yard vibe doesn’t bother me. Neither DH or I ever had that and we just like hanging as a family. And DS and DD love to be together so I feel like they keep each other entertained.

[sunbutter]

Jun 4, 2019 16:20:56 GMT -5 librarychica said:

I think you’re right, 186momx, about the grass being greener. As I peruse the places I could relatively easily find work (Dallas, Houston, parts of New Mexico, probably raleigh-Durham, maybe Colorado, DC metro), I start to recognize the positive features of where I am at.

I’m going to explore (because why not?) but I’m also going to aggressively try to build some community here.

I lived in Houston for six years. Loved it despite the heat. Have friends raising families in nearby suburbs with amazing communities and ridiculously affordable.

[2chatter]

Another Houston lover - I could totally live in the Woodlands if it was perhaps a bit more diverse. It feels more like nice NOLA suburbs than the rest of Texas. I do think that it’s hard to find (look for?) neighborhoods like mine. We really lucked into it, but they exist most places, I suspect.

[mustardseed2007]

I live in Houston. We live in a sought after neighborhood that's a close-in suburb with schools people think are great, and I'm still not totally happy, lol. I think I'd prefer a different type of community with more dual working families. But that's also me being some kind of way and I know that. Plus my kid goes to private school and that's not the norm where I live (except if your kids has a learning disability, which mine does). Most families would kill to live where I live.

I like Houston a lot, it's more like I can look at different parts of Houston and think: if I lived in this other part of town, my house would be nicer. If I lived in this other part of houston, it'd be quirkier with more working couples and I'd like that more.

You know. Grass is always greener.

Woodlands people love the woodlands, it just sucks if you don't work in the woodlands b/c of where it's located. I had a friend who moved there for the husband's job, but then the husband almost IMMEDIATELY got a new job in downtown Houston. That commute suuuuucks. The wife misses Oak Forest terribly, where they lived before, but they wanted to move out of Oak Forest b/c of the school situation they were in. what can you do?