I need help parenting - UPDATE IN OP

[cricketwife]

I need help.  I have two sons, 5.5 yr and 2yr 10 months.  I have summers off so I’m home with them now.  I absolutely am not enjoying my time with them.  My biggest complaint is that they don’t listen to me at all.  I feel like I have no idea how to make them listen, we do timeouts but they are a joke for the 5 yo and the 2yo doesn’t seem to care at all either.  Other things I try with 5 yo is taking away treats (sweets) and iPad.  But he only gets iPad on the weekends so that’s hard because it can be pretty far removed from the offense.
Today was a pretty average day and here’s the rundown of what annoyed me.
at the library - both kids fighting with each other over toys. Both kids taking toys from other kids and not giving them back. 5 yo refusing to use bathroom without me in the damn stall.  2 yo refusing to come with us to the bathroom. In the end, DS1 just didn’t go. Then we went to the event we were there for (about birds) and the kids were great.  Event ends, we go out to play in the kids area and rinse and repeat - taking toys, arguing, etc. so we left within 5 minutes.
Afternoon visit to sprayground (this is a really small one in a shopping center with decorative fountains around which are not meant to be played in.)  The boys were repeatedly putting their hands or feet in the fountain.  Then they threw toys THAT WERE OTHER KIDS into the fountain and I had to wade in to retrieve them.  That was the point at which we left. 
Other features of the day—

- DS1 went outside and peed into the grass from the porch.  He was in the house, closer to the toilet than the front porch when he did this. WTF? He knows he is not allowed to pee in the yard. 
- constant bickering, throwing toys at each other, DS1 calling DS2 “baby”. 
-DS2 will never do anything that/when you want - change diaper, gettin dressed, get shoes , etc. I get that is “normal” but in the mix of everything, I’m losing my shit. 

I'm not sure I’m articulating everything well but I’m utterly miserable. I hate being with them. i make a pitence at a job that gives me summers off which is supposed to be this fantastic benefit and make it worth the crap pay and I’m miserable.  I also know so many moms who would love my schedule so I feel guilty for being so unhappy.  And I hate that being around my children makes me so sad, mad, frustrated.

things I can’t do - send them to camps/daycare/babysitter for the summer
get together with other kids (much) -  I’ve posted in the past about just not having/making other mom friends and we don’t live in a neighborhood with other people. We do have a couple of people that I can get together with on occasion but not often.  

I just want to know how to get my kids to get along with each other and to listen to me because we’ve got another 9 weeks of summer.  And because I feel like I’m raising barbarians and they deserve better. 

Help  

update: thanks again to everyone who took the time to reply.  I figured today we be a good day to update because we had a good day.  😊 things are better.  The biggest change is that I’m telling them every time we go somewhere or do something what behavior I expect from them.  That’s has helped a ton.  I’m also leaving immediately when behavior is bad.  This is tricky ugh because I MUCH prefer being out with them AND their behavior worst when we are at home so it’s kind of sucky to have to leave, but we are having to leave less so I think it’s helping. I still haven’t quite figured out the right consequences from misbehaving at home but I have done the Pom Pom reward jar which is helping with more positive behavior.  I may need to tweak this as they still haven’t earned their first reward and I didn’t mean for it to take so long - darn Pom poms are too small.  Many of you suggested that two outings was too much for one day.  I’ve struggled with this feedback because as I mentioned, their behavior is better when we are out and it just helps my own sanity to be out.  I mean, an hour at the library in the morning and two hours at the pool in the afternoon is still only 3 hours of a very.long.day. So I have been been doing two activities but all in one trip out so we aren’t leaving the house twice. For example, yesterday we visited the chilren’s Library, then had lunch and played in the sprayground at the park across the street, then went to a short birds of pray “show” for lack of a better word.  I do think this feels more restful to the kids then going out twice a day.   And today we only went to the pool but we stayed 4 hours 🤷‍♀️.  

It was also also helpful to remember that the first week of summer last year was equally shitty. In fact, I had signed DS1 up for a 9-12 morning camp the first week of summer this year to try to ease into the transition. What I discovered was it just delayed the shifty week, it didn’t help the transition.  Oh well. 

Things that should help as we go on—
There is a teacher from school with an infant and 3 yo.  She doesn’t live close (we both live in suburbs in opposite directions ) but we’ve met both last week and this week.  We will try to do something again next week, so that’s helpful.  Ive also signed DS1 up for a morning camp for the second week of July.  It was cheap for teachers and it seems well-timed to give me a little break.  I’m also realizing that I’m just in a bad place in general, so I let everything set me off and I need to give myself and the boys some grace.  My unhappiness does not need to be theirs too. Their wildness doesn’t need to infuriate me at every turn.  

So thanks again, everyone. 

[pinkpeony08]

Janet Lansbury is my go to for parenting help. I would google her and browse her website for articles that are relevant. Hopefully it will help! Love and Logic is also a good resource, though I feel Janet Lansbury is often more helpful.

It doesn't sound like you have a lot of mom friends, but I would at least seek out play options where there will be other adults to interact with. Even just briefly chatting with another mom can help keep you sane with a bit of adult interaction.

And just some commiseration. I am home 2 days a week and our first full day home together is Wednesday. I'm still currently very excited about the fun things we are going to do, which is usually how I start the summer, but often doesn't last, ha!

[kershnic]

Ugh, I'm sorry.

Some thoughts, some or all of which you may already be doing.
1) Keep ahead of their needs for things like food and sleep
2) Catch them being good, effusive praise for good behavior and listening
3) Sticker charts for targeted things like listening the first time
4) Routine routine routine. Plan a daily schedule, post it, review it with the kids, stick to it.

[Saudade]

First off, don't feel guilty. This shit is straight up hard. I have a 7,5,3 and it's a struggle most days over here. Currently I am only home on weekends but before April I was home 4 days a week and starting next month I'll have a super strange schedule with a lot of time home.

My 5 year old is the most difficult. He just doesn't listen and does what he wants 100% of the time. I struggle so much with this and I don't usually know what to do because taking things away doesn't work, time outs don't work, Janet Lansbury doesn't work. NOTHING WORKS! So I completely understand.

What does work is to keep him busy physically. So a lot of long walks, playground time, pool time. If I can exhaust him, his behavior is better.

I've also completely taken away TV time. Which sucks because I need that quiet time but it changes his behavior so quickly that it's not worth it as it makes all of us miserable.

You are the best mom for your kids. Don't forget that.

[cricketwife]

Jun 17, 2019 20:47:13 GMT -5 Saudade said:

First off, don't feel guilty. This shit is straight up hard. I have a 7,5,3 and it's a struggle most days over here. Currently I am only home on weekends but before April I was home 4 days a week and starting next month I'll have a super strange schedule with a lot of time home.

My 5 year old is the most difficult. He just doesn't listen and does what he wants 100% of the time. I struggle so much with this and I don't usually know what to do because taking things away doesn't work, time outs don't work, Janet Lansbury doesn't work. NOTHING WORKS! So I completely understand.

What does work is to keep him busy physically. So a lot of long walks, playground time, pool time. If I can exhaust him, his behavior is better.

I've also completely taken away TV time. Which sucks because I need that quiet time but it changes his behavior so quickly that it's not worth it as it makes all of us miserable.

You are the best mom for your kids. Don't forget that.

Would you say it’s your 5 yo’s age that makes him the most difficult or is it just “who he is”? 

[Mrs.flang]

I don’t have much advice except that I’ll ditto the Janet Lansbury recommendation. I listen to her podcasts and always feel more confident afterwards, like I’m more prepared.

Otherwise I’ll just say that my 2 yr 9 month old is also a little monster lately so I can just commiserate. I literally feel like just screaming in her face sometimes. Summers off would be so great if only little kids weren’t so damn annoying. I don’t think I could do it, I’d be posting the same thread!

[dcn]

Oh man I have so many days like this. My boys are 6.5 and 3.5. They also do not listen to me it feels like and they fight a lot. It’s totally exhausting.

We are a few weeks into summer and this is what helps. We go over expectations for outings. Yes it’s repetitive. But then when they do something i can remind them “hey remember we talked abut this - we aren’t here to play with this boy’s toy. Please give it back or we will have to go out to the car.” Follow through is the other.

My 3 year old doesn’t like to do things either but we gotta live life so he protests a lot while I put his shirt on, etc. Like at the library i would have picked him up and he would have cried while his brother peed. I also bribe him with lollipops when I really need to get out the door. He really is hard some days and makes life kind of miserable if we let him. Little ones are just hard sometimes.

Also I mostly just do one outing a day. More than that and they are overtired and done listening to me. I get stressed out too. We set up the little pool or i let them have water gun fights at home. I let them cut up the junk mail with scissors one day and that was a big hit. If they are arguing too much at home then I separate them - I let one watch a show upstairs while I have the other color or play a game with me.

Overall, I really lower expectations. I try to be as positive as I can - they respond so much better. And I try to keep in mind that they are little and they aren’t trying to make me crazy 😜.

[Patsy Baloney]

Do you give a lot of warnings? If so, try dropping down to 1 and done.

I’ll echo running down expectations before outings. When the bs starts to go down, you can refer back to that, but I’m pretty stern, so when the reminder/warning goes on, it comes with a, “This is your warning. If you don’t xyz, we will be leaving.” My oldest is pretty sensitive, and not much of a honey badger, so this threat is usually enough to curtail whatever bogus stuff she’s doing. If your kids are more spirited, be ready to bring the hammer.

I haven’t gotten to the fighting/bickering part of parenting yet (mine are 6YO and 6 weeks old), but do they have separate spaces? I was raised in a house where my dad’s greatest parenting contribution was to yell, “Get separated!” at my siblings and I, but he was actually pretty right. If we just got the hell away from each other, we stopped arguing and driving him crazy.

I do like timeouts for my house, but if they’re not your kid’s currency, figure out what will burn them down. Immediate consequences are likely better than removal of iPad on the weekends. Can you propose an incentive in the morning or at the beginning of the week and take it away when they get out of hand?

I find that life is better for me when I’m a hard ass with my kids, but I know that’s not everyone’s style. I joke that I lost my whole life to my mom, so I had kids to win. What helps me is to try to remember their age, and because of that age, I don’t argue or get pulled in by the nonsense. I guide. I flip them off behind their backs...and then try to get to the bottom of their jerk behavior and squash it.

[imojoebunny]

You got a lot of good advice already. Just here to say, your a good mom. Leaving is a natural consequence of poor behavior. Over time, they start to get it. When my DS was 5, I took away his birthday party for being a repeating asshole. At 2, my daughter was such a shit storm, I would regularly call the pediatrician's nurse because I was sure she must have something wrong that would make her cry for an hour plus because I don't even know why. DS got kicked out of the library, 2X, at 2. They are 10 and 13 now, and I feel like that early work paid off or maybe I just got lucky, but they are good kids, and we like being with them, and they are so very different, they never agree, but have learned that if they want to do y and the other wants to do z, they have to compromise or cooperate or they get nothing. This is a season, and not one you like or anyone else does either, but it won't last forever, pinky promise. Wishing you a better tomorrow.

[Saudade]

Jun 17, 2019 20:57:30 GMT -5 cricketwife said:

Jun 17, 2019 20:47:13 GMT -5 Saudade said:

First off, don't feel guilty. This shit is straight up hard. I have a 7,5,3 and it's a struggle most days over here. Currently I am only home on weekends but before April I was home 4 days a week and starting next month I'll have a super strange schedule with a lot of time home.

My 5 year old is the most difficult. He just doesn't listen and does what he wants 100% of the time. I struggle so much with this and I don't usually know what to do because taking things away doesn't work, time outs don't work, Janet Lansbury doesn't work. NOTHING WORKS! So I completely understand.

What does work is to keep him busy physically. So a lot of long walks, playground time, pool time. If I can exhaust him, his behavior is better.

I've also completely taken away TV time. Which sucks because I need that quiet time but it changes his behavior so quickly that it's not worth it as it makes all of us miserable.

You are the best mom for your kids. Don't forget that.

Would you say it’s your 5 yo’s age that makes him the most difficult or is it just “who he is”? 

I don't remember my oldest being *this* hard at 5. 

However, he did tell me tonight that I "yell less" than I used to. I don't think that's true lol

I think my middle child is much more difficult in general due to "who he is". I feel like *nothing* works with him. He doesn't seem to have a currency. He gives no fucks. He wants instant gratification and he will do what he wants to do when he wants to do it. I truly do not know how to parent this or what to do. So I keep setting the boundaries and trying, but it feels futile. 

If I didn't have homework to work on each night after they went to bed, I'd probably be drowning my sorrows in alcohol. 

[readyin07]

I just want to commiserate. I usually love summer and having the kids home. This year, now that my youngest is a toddler with his own opinions and not a baby, it's definitely not as enjoyable as I wish it was. My bigger kids are older - 10 and 7 - so we have different challenges. They have never really been too bad with fighting, but this year it's just been the worst. And I tell them to stop and they don't. I take ipads away, they don't care. They don't listen and they have never been this bad until now. it's super hard. My only strategy is to be out and about. Mine are mostly better in public and when fully occupied. One thing that helps is making sure I always have snacks they will eat (goldfish, crackers, other less than healthy things) and water. That's usually a good distraction (read, bribe).

[lilac05]

Jun 17, 2019 20:59:24 GMT -5 dcn said:

Overall, I really lower expectations. I try to be as positive as I can - they respond so much better. And I try to keep in mind that they are little and they aren’t trying to make me crazy 😜.

I think this is a big part of it.  It’s not that I LIKE or APPROVE of my kids being XYZ, it’s that I just know that the chances of it happening are high.  I anticipate that and plan for it if it does happen.  I don’t expect my kids to be perfect, but if they cross the line with a behavior, we leave.  End of story.  And if they make a scene about leaving, they know it’ll be a long time before we go back.  (They learned that one the hard way ONCE, and it never happened again.)

The good news is that at 8.5 and 5.5, I don’t have to do it very often anymore.  The crappy groundwork was done when they were your boys’ ages, and now I’m getting to enjoy some of the benefits of those incredibly long, difficult days.  More often than not, I enjoy spending my days with them.  But it certainly hasn’t always been that way.  This part DOES get better!

[humpforfree]

Same, friend. 5 and 3.5. 5yo has always been more difficult, I think it’s just who he is. No real advice bc I swear nothing works for us. Positive reinforcement they are pleased with in the moment, but it doesn’t really help bad behavior- they give no effs if I say like “remember if you are a good listener like before you get a star on your chart!!” Time out doesn’t work, they just scream at me and keep repeating the behavior the rest of the day. Idk. It makes me more furious bc they wouldn’t DARE act like this around my H. They KNOW the right way to act/words to say, etc but just don’t care about it around me.

[orval]

Can you give them some incentives? Along with the expectations on the outing -- maybe if you share toys we can go get ice cream. Maybe 30 minutes on the Ipad when you get home if you don't fight on the outing etc. (i know you do the ipad on weekend but you could offer it and time it to help get you through the day). A toy at the Dollar Tree at the end of the week. It's bribery but it is shaping their behavior positively instead of taking it away.

[dochas]

Leaving is a good consequence, but it has to be done immediately. Tell them before you go someplace, and then no constant threatening and yelling. Just go. I also would not have gone to a sprayground in the afternoon after terrible behavior in the morning. Basically leaving and withholding fun is my advice.

Also - if they can't behave in the library play area, then maybe they just can't be there right now. Go for the events, get a couple of books and leave. They are a blessing and a curse and it seems to get lots of kids running, screaming and throwing things. Here kids, here's a bunch of toys, but remember to behave like you're in a library. I just couldn't loosen up enough to let my son do that in a library!

[pennylane]

Just here to commiserate. I’m trying to figure out how to survive this summer with an emotionally exhausting almost 5 yr old, and a honey badger almost 2 yr old. They are very opposite personalities so what worked for DS is not working for DD. I just want to cry by the end of the day. I do let DS play IPad or watch tv after lunch while DD naps (she’s only a 45 minute/hour napper so I use this time for an afternoon cup of coffee, start a load of laundry, sit on the couch break).

I did start listening to the Janet Lansbury podcast last week- there are some good ideas in there.

[waverly]

I might actually add a bit more screen time in at the end of the day. Good behavior can earn it.

I was fanatical about the bathroom before we left the house because it was such a pain while we were out. I too would have picked up 2 year old and brought with or left like you did.

I probably would not go back to the fountain area at this time. And maybe look for different play areas that are more age appropriate obviously a fountain near a splash area a 2 year old wouldn’t understand why they can’t play in it. Sounds like the mall set it up weird. . If they can’t behave then also no playing with toys at the library. I too reviewed expectations in the car prior to every outing for a long time.

If time outs don’t work you can try a time in or send to their room. Taking away TV was DS’s currency so I like that they watched TV daily and I could take it away for misbehavior.

I get there is no one near you and no babysitter / camps, but community is so important when you have kids especially those ages. I would try to make it a priority for you. Play dates can still be annoying but at least you have another annoyed mom to commiserate with.

[puppylove64]

My boys are 28 months apart and I feel like they are nonstop everywhere we go. They don’t listen, they are constantly playing, wrestling, goofing off, or fighting. I think a lot of it is just the age and how close they are. I’m constantly telling them to play nice and love each other, but someone is often crying. I find it best to separate them when the won’t listen. I also have learned to pick my battles. People probably roll their eyes at me when they are playing in stores, but as long as they aren’t going to break something or in someone’s way, I let them play.

[expectantsteelerfan]

So we are on day 4 of summer break, and my kids are almost freakin 10 and 7.5, and so far all our days have STILL been like this, as in my kids spend any time they are not scheduled for specific stuff fighting, not listening, and making me absolutely miserable. I was actually looking forward to this summer thinking they'd grown up a little bit, but no.

The only thing that works for me is separating them. And we made new rules this morning, so we'll see tomorrow if they work at all.

My main goal is to be able to sleep in till 7, so I had told them they had to stay in their rooms till 7, then they could play, but they had to get dressed/make beds/brush teeth before coming downstairs. But they were fighting almost immediately when they started playing, which is when I was in the shower, so that wasn't working. So the new rule is stay in their room till 7:30 and don't come out till you're dressed and beds are made. I feel like at their ages, this isn't too much to ask, but we'll see...

They also went outside to play at 8 AM immediately after breakfast, and dd came in screaming her head off that ds wasn't being fair, so now they're in their rooms cleaning.

[cricketwife]

expectantsteelerfan, I can’t hear you!!! Lol .

[aspentosh]

Chiming in to say 3 and 5 were our hardest ages, so to have them almost at the same time... yeah, it's going to be rough.

What sorta worked for us:
-Cutting down on chances and going to time out faster (in a chair, no music, toys, anything fun and she needs to sit still-ish- so no playing games with her toes or singing to entertain herself)
-EFFUSIVE praise when she does something nicely or on the first ask
-Immediate consequences vs consequences for the future (no playdates today or no playground today vs no screen time on the weekend)

I think you've gotten a lot of great advice already but I found that with months (yes, sadly, months) of this she got better. At 7.5 she still pushes my buttons but understands consequences much better, and I think that's an effect of the time I put in when she was 4, 5, 6.

[CloudBee]

I agree with praising the small things they are doing. When I’m having a rough season with DS I can often snap ourselves out of that rut (him not listening, me being agitated all the time) by loading up his pom pom jar by way of simple praises. Cleared his plate even though it’s an expectation? Pom pom and praise the heck out of him. Have a positive attitude when I ask him to fetch something? Praise and pom pom. Once I notice his behavior adjusting I scale back on pom poms. (He has to earn about 100 to fill his jar and then earns a prize. Takes a long time.)

In the summer DS (6) really craves structure. Last summer I sat him down to draw, read, and practice his writing, etc. it gave me a break from having to interact (introvert) and he sat still for a while.

With defiance and talking back we have little tolerance. We typically stop the fun activity when he is fresh / defiant, and we are just done.

This time of year when we’re together 24/7 I often do a bit of “boredom bootcamp.” He has far more free time in the summer than during the structured school year. I try to make him really bored so he can get back into the groove of fiddling with toys at home for hours vs begging for TV time and entertainment. Last summer it took a week or two but we got into a good groove. And with that said... I’m about to go click off the TV for the rest of the day. It’s our first day of summer break. Pray for me.

[Blue Moon]

I'm in the same position with my almost 5 year old DD and newly 2 year old DS this summer. My tips for survival:

1) sticker chart for the 5 year old. She DGAF about the actual stickers, but what is (sorta) working for us is having a big basket of prizes visible at all times right next to the chart. I also built in prize boxes throughout the chart so that a few times a week she's getting a small reward. I went to AC Moore and filled up a huge basket of little crafts and knick knacks for $15.

2) separation of kids when they are constantly bickering. I'll set DD up with her dolls on the deck and set up all the trucks in the play room for the 2 year old.

3) activities specifically for one or the other. IE- I signed my 5 year old up for a 1 hour/week STEAM class at a local university. Luckily, my FIL offered to watch my 2 year old so I can have the time with DD. Maybe you can work something out where you just take your older one to the library when your SO gets home at night?

4) I can usually pinpoint my kids' worst behaviors occur when they are hungry and/or tired. There's so much going on in the summer and I feel like we're constantly faced with situations where it's not conducive to leave X,Y,Z place to get the kids to bed at a reasonable time. For example, we were at a graduation party for two of my brothers this weekend and everyone was having a really good time. But it was getting late, and I tried to round the kids up to get ready for bed (we were sleeping at my parent's house where the party was) and everyone was acting like a was a giant buzzkill for not letting them stay up. So I caved and let them stay up way later than normal and in short, we're still paying for it two days later. Or, I am. I have to be more strict about bedtime and naps. Once in a while is one thing, but we can not be bending the rules every weekend because it's so-and-so's birthday or shower, etc.

[aspentosh]

Oh and at 5 I tried to give a lot of options to make her feel like she was choosing things. But of course I had already decided what I would be ok with and let her pick between them.

It's as simple as- PB&J or turkey for lunch? Which veggie do you want as your side? I felt like she felt like such a big girl when I was giving her those options and then I'd praise her for choosing such a healthy meal, and then I feel like it could (sometimes) snowball into acting older and more mature. And if she ate well I almost always gave her a small treat for dessert (think: two Swedish fish) and I would explain that eating well plus good behavior caused her to get this! And I could see the wheels turning.

This can even go to: playground or library; water gun fight or sprinkler; etc. If they choose differently it's a great time to try and work on "how about sprinkler first and IF THAT GOES WELL we can do the water guns". Giving them that incentive to do well so they can both get what they want is huge.

[ECB]

The one day you talked about - is that the norm, going out in the morning and then in the afternoon? Trust me, i know that staying at home with 2 young kids can be torturous, but i wonder if it’s too much. That a part of the issue is that they’re tired/ too much stimulation for one day?

[psychmom]

When DS was about 5 and I was having similar problems, I started using this chart and it worked wonders! We'd go over it at the end of the day and he loved earning stars. If he earned so many stars a week he'd get a prize (extra screen time, we'd make cookies, whatever would get him excited). You could start with daily rewards to get them to buy into it and realize how valuable the chart is to them, especially the younger one.

www.amazon.com/Melissa-Doug-Magnetic-Responsibility-Magnets/dp/B000NTZL7U/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=melissa+and+doug+chart&qid=1560863358&s=gateway&sr=8-2

[Zoly]

My 5 YO just graduated from therapy as he was having extreme meltdowns when things didn't go his way. I think the biggest thing that worked for us was a visual schedule, so there was no confusion about what would be happening. We also will tell him well ahead of time if there are any adjustments to the schedule. DS goes to school during the day, so I realize this may be more complicated coming up with a full day schedule, but it's worth trying. He even had fun helping me put it together (and I'm only semi-crafty).

Looking back, I realize that I had the plan in my head of what we should be doing, but obviously he can't read my mind. So this has made a HUGE difference in our quality of life at home.

[Deleted]

I have 1 difficult child and one “easy” child. Really she’s only easy because her brother is so not easy lol. Age 2 is really hard. I’d honestly focus on your older son as that age is easier to discipline, and they’re more logical. I also imagine the younger one is copying the older sometimes, that does happen in my house a lot. If my older daughter is having a bad day, my younger son feeds off of it and acts even worse. I have very little behavioral recommendations as idk what I’m doing but I try to be super consistent with anything and make sure they don’t get too hungry/thirsty/tired when out doing things. I also have no problems bribing. If you’re good doing x, we’ll do y later.

[ktw]

First of all, try to let go of the guilt that you're not "enjoying every minute". That expression gets me so riled up. NOBODY is enjoying every minute while parenting! N.O.B.O.D.Y. It's even ok if you're not enjoying whole days, or weeks, or months, or even years of parenting. You actually don't have to enjoy any of it. You just have to do it, to the best of your ability. And someday, you kids will be adults, and you'll look back wistfully through the rose colored glasses that only hindsight can bring, and tell some other sap to enjoy every minute.

As far as the summer goes, I will reiterate what others have said:
-Find their currency. It might be positive reinforcement. It might be a punishment.
-Be consistent. Discuss your expectations for an outing ahead of time. Give one warning, "If xxx behavior continues, we are leaving." And when it continues, scoop them up and walk out, no discussion.
-Don't go out more than once a day if they aren't behaving everywhere you go. They're not entitled to leave the house if they can't behave when they do, and there's no reason to torture yourself.

A few other questions/suggestions:
-Your 5yo only gets the iPad on the weekend. Why is that? Is it because his behavior is worse when he's allowed screen time? Or is it because you feel guilty when you let him have screen time? If it's the former, then stick with it. If it's the latter, let.it.go. If not all the time, just for the summer. You might be able to use iPad time as a reward. Or, you may be able to take it away as an effective punishment. And, you might be able to use that time to get a few minutes to yourself.

-Build something for yourself into everyday. Maybe it's putting them in the car, turning up the radio to drown them out, and getting yourself a coffee. My 5yo still has rest time on the days that we're home with her. She doesn't have to sleep, but she has to play quietly in her room while her brother naps. I need that break. I'm able to do it without screens because she's pretty compliant. If that won't work, let the older one watch TV/play on the iPad while the little one naps, and take some time for yourself.

-To deal with your 2yo not wanting to get dressed, etc... If you have time, start early. Say, "We are going to the park. In order to go to the park, you have to get dressed." If he refuses, ignore him until he allows you to dress him. If he doesn't agree within the time you have, then just dress him without his agreement. If he's an older 2, try using timers. "It's ok that you don't want to get dressed now, but you have to get dressed before the timer goes off. If you don't, Mommy will have to just dress you anyway." And then don't discuss it further until the timer goes off.

-Timeouts: it may be that they just don't work for your kids. However, if you want to keep trying, I would have no hesitation putting my 5yo in her room for a timeout. I'd either tell her she has to stay there until the timer goes off (5mins) or that she can come down when she's ready to be calm and reasonable. For the 2 yo, I'd keep putting him back in the chair until he sits for the 2 mins. And, in a worst case scenario, I would also put him in his crib, walk out and close the door. I'd use the 2 mins to gather myself, and then go back in and take him out. If he continued the bad behavior (or started a new one) I'd do it again.

I know that the magical fairy internet world would have you believe that summer should be the blissful time of bonding with your children, but if that's not where you're at right now, that is OK. Do what you have to do to survive, and hopefully you'll find moments to enjoy along the way. Sending hugs your way - this stuff is not easy!

[andi]

I don't have summers off, but if I did I bet I'd be feeling the same way. Here's what we do on weekends to combat the boredom and frustration.

-limit outings to one per day
-build forts (watch a movie or eat lunch in the fort)
-ask them to pick 3 fun things to do this week. This can be their motivation for good behavior/sticker charts and they are invested in what you do. DD usually picks a bike ride, picnic outside, ice cream date, or the park.