S/o being done having kids - when for permanent measures?

[Susie]

H and I are in full agreement that we’re done with babies after 2, and that he should get a vasectomy after baby #2. Now that DS is safely here, it’s time to think about timing.

We have a PPO health plan without a deductible, so there isn’t any impetus to schedule it for before 12/31/19 to get it into the same year as all the prenatal/L&D costs. With that factor out of consideration, how long have others waited, or recommend waiting?

I’m not in a huge rush for him to do it immediately; I’m 2.5 weeks pp so there’s no sex happening soon to worry about, plus I’m EBFing which last time meant 11 months before my cycle resumed. I do want us to have a plan for it though, so it doesn’t just get away from us as life gets busy.

[Velar Fricative]

Health insurance wasn't a factor for us for similar reasons, so I just told DH that I was DONE DONE DONE and frightened by the thought of an unplanned pregnancy and that I wanted him to get it done asap. He made the appointment and had it done when DD2 was 4 months old. We had talked about him getting it done well before DD2 was born, and I am grateful that he never once expressed hesitation so that was another reason it got done relatively quickly.

[Mrs.flang]

I just talked about this at my recent OB appointment. DH is on board with a vasectomy but my doctor actually recommended that I have a hysterectomy when I know I'm done. The reason being to reduce the risk of ovarian cancer, and a vasectomy has no real health benefit for DH. It sounds really extreme but I guess it makes sense. I told him that if we won the lottery I may want another kid, so for now we're just using non-permanent BC. All that being said, even if I was 100%, I'd still probably wait a year or so just to be 1000% sure!

[Susie]

Jun 20, 2019 9:38:12 GMT -5 Mrs.flang said:

DH is on board with a vasectomy but my doctor actually recommended that I have a hysterectomy when I know I'm done. The reason being to reduce the risk of ovarian cancer, and a vasectomy has no real health benefit for DH. It sounds really extreme but I guess it makes sense.

Wow, that is a big step. Do you have a family history or other risk factors for ovarian ca? My mom died of it, but even before I had genetic testing done, my OB wasn’t recommending anything more than vigilance, pelvic u/s’s in addition to pelvic exams, and possibly continued use of BCPs post child-bearing years, which are correlated with decreased incidence of ovarian ca (but increased incidence of breast ca).

I have since tested negative for all the relevant genetic markers for both ovarian and breast ca (surprisingly, since I have family histories of both). I need to talk to my OB more about best path forward, but will probably hold on a lot of that discussion until I’m done BFing.

[dcn]

Ds2 was around 14 months. H dragged his feet scheduling.

[pooh8402]

My H just got his vasectomy last Wednesday, 8 days ago. E2 was 12w6d. I feel like that is good timing, since I was able to care for both kids, yet E2 is small enough that H could hold him if needed.

I'm so glad to not be on birth control!

[hamster]

We have loosely discussed some time this fall. Basically asap once things are settled down. I won't be going back on any form of birth control though, which probably speeds things up.

[pooh8402]

Jun 20, 2019 9:38:12 GMT -5 Mrs.flang said:

I just talked about this at my recent OB appointment. DH is on board with a vasectomy but my doctor actually recommended that I have a hysterectomy when I know I'm done. The reason being to reduce the risk of ovarian cancer, and a vasectomy has no real health benefit for DH. It sounds really extreme but I guess it makes sense. I told him that if we won the lottery I may want another kid, so for now we're just using non-permanent BC. All that being said, even if I was 100%, I'd still probably wait a year or so just to be 1000% sure!

That is extreme. The OBs I work with just do tubals, since that also decreases ovarian cancer risk. And no need for hormone replacement therapy. Which has its own risks.

[icedcoffee]

I'm 32 weeks pregnant. My H keeps making comments that "I'm getting a vasectomy while you're in the hospital". I told him to knock it off. It was stressing me out and I told him to shut up about it until my hormones level out (1 year).

In reality, I might bring it up in like March of 2020.

We needed IVF for both kids because my H's sperm had zero sperm in it before serious medical intervention (including biopsy from his testicles). So...LOL.

We'll also destroy the 6 vials of sperm we have frozen by January 1st because I don't want to pay another $600 to store it.

[thebreakfastclub]

Have your husband find a Thurs-Fri he feels like taking off, when the baby is in daycare. Make a Thursday morning appt, it will be done in an hour. Then your H can watch TV for 2 days. Mine was out shopping the day after.

[dochas]

No time like the present! Wouldn't the time he's not using it be best? Also - it's surprising how many people I know where the 3rd child was unplanned.

[kellikans]

DH is on board to get a vasectomy and I want it done as soon as possible once baby girl is here safely and I've recovered. This was an unplanned pregnancy and I don't want that happening again. Plus, we have a genetically normal embryo in the freezer, so if we ever did want to go for a third (highly unlikely), we have that to fall back on (although I know it's not guaranteed).

[brooke77]

We are done having kids but the vasectomy gives me pause for some reason. I think I will get another 3 year IUD when this one expires in a year. So we will plan to have the V done when I’m 40 and DH is 42.

[erbear]

I got pregnant with dd2 while nursing, on the pill and having not yet got a period after dd1 so dh scheduled his vasectomy before dd2 was born. I think he got it about two weeks after.

[ssmjlm]

DH had his done shortly before my ML ended because I had to use my leave for ML and told him otherwise it wouldn't be until the holiday break when I could take off again.

[Poppy]

I am no expert, but doesn't it take some time before you can trust it? Like there are follow up tests to make sure the sperm count is zero?

I think if you're sure, he should do it asap.

[mccallister84]

DD2 was born in June, H had it done in October. I took the girl’s to my parents for the weekend - probably a bit of overkill but DD1 wasn’t 2 yet and LOVES her Daddy so I wanted them out of the house for him to recover and for me to have help.

That timing worked well for us. As an FYI he didn’t get cleared with his first analysis, which is apparently pretty common. He was cleared with his second and the doctor said that meant he was always sterile from the procedure it’s just that the testing at a non specialized lab has lots of false positives.

[HoneySpider]

DH had his when DS2 was 4 months old. He was ready and it made sense to do it last calendar year for insurance reasons.

Also, the sooner he did it, the sooner we could stop using condoms (after he got the all clear, of course)

[pooh8402]

Jun 20, 2019 11:01:17 GMT -5 Poppy said:

I am no expert, but doesn't it take some time before you can trust it? Like there are follow up tests to make sure the sperm count is zero?

I think if you're sure, he should do it asap.

yea it's like 6 weeks after they do a semen analysis to make sure there are no sperm. we've been told to use condoms in the meantime.

[gibbinator]

Dh is theoretically scheduling it this summer. Our youngest is turning 5, we're quite done with babies, and, most importantly, my IUD is at the end of its life span as of September so we finally have a bit of a time crunch.

[minniemouse]

If it was solely up to me, dh would have had a v by the time dd2 turned 1. I’m still waiting. Lol. At this point I’ll probably just have an iud until menopause.

[steamboat185]

DH had his done while I was on maternity leave. We figured it was easier since I could drop him off and pick him up from the Dr.’s.

[sju1982]

Our second was about 10 months old when J had a vasectomy. It was always the plan, but then I had a pregnancy scare a month or two earlier and we scheduled his consult that week. His recovery was unexpectedly complicated, so it was a good thing I didn't push for it soon while our daughter was still a newborn.

[abs]

Well we are one and done and have been for 8 years but I still can't make the leap to do anything permanent about it. DH had a vasectomy scheduled last year but work gave him grief about taking time off (which...eyeroll) and I had a mental freak out about truly closing the door so he canceled. It's ridiculous because we are DONE but I still needed more time. I really want an ablation so DH will need to reschedule for this year.

[ohgillian]

After #2 was born, I flat out wasn’t willing to have sex until H had the vasectomy. I think he had it when #2 was maybe 4 or so months old?

[kellikans]

Jun 20, 2019 11:01:17 GMT -5 Poppy said:

I am no expert, but doesn't it take some time before you can trust it? Like there are follow up tests to make sure the sperm count is zero?

I think if you're sure, he should do it asap.

They have to do a follow up sample 3 months after to make sure sperm count is at 0. They also recommend annual testing since there is a chance that a new path can be created for sperm to get through.

americanpregnancy.org/infertility/male-fertility-testing-vasectomy/

[gastro]

I'm 4 weeks out with #3 and 99% sure I'm done. So my OB prescribed the mini pill with the intention of doing a mirena or something similar at 12 weeks PP. I told DH my plan and he volunteered a vasectomy. I'm going to see if he follows through with making an appointment to see how serious he is. But I do know if he's 100% done, then I am too.

Edit : we also have no deductible so there's no rush on that front but if he's going to get a vasectomy I would rather skip doing something myself for the time being. I will likely start taking the mini pill soon because I have gotten my post partum periods at 6 and 8 weeks even with EBFing and the mini pill kept my period away last time for about 8 months.

[pooh8402]

Jun 20, 2019 11:38:40 GMT -5 kellikans said:

Jun 20, 2019 11:01:17 GMT -5 Poppy said:

I am no expert, but doesn't it take some time before you can trust it? Like there are follow up tests to make sure the sperm count is zero?

I think if you're sure, he should do it asap.

They have to do a follow up sample 3 months after to make sure sperm count is at 0. They also recommend annual testing since there is a chance that a new path can be created for sperm to get through.

americanpregnancy.org/infertility/male-fertility-testing-vasectomy/

This is true. When DH was getting his reversal prior to use TTC #1, they were able to tell that there was already an opening on one side and sperm were almost through. I was like, so we almost don't even have to do this?

[Susie]

Jun 20, 2019 12:02:04 GMT -5 gastro said:

I will likely start taking the mini pill soon because I have gotten my post partum periods at 6 and 8 weeks even with EBFing and the mini pill kept my period away last time for about 8 months.

Interesting. Is that common? Last time I had an Rx for the mini pill but never filled it, I have been undecided about whether to use it this time. My reasons for not taking it last time were not really good ones.

[lovelyshoes]

Jun 20, 2019 12:44:43 GMT -5 Susie said:

Jun 20, 2019 12:02:04 GMT -5 gastro said:

I will likely start taking the mini pill soon because I have gotten my post partum periods at 6 and 8 weeks even with EBFing and the mini pill kept my period away last time for about 8 months.

Interesting. Is that common? Last time I had an Rx for the mini pill but never filled it, I have been undecided about whether to use it this time. My reasons for not taking it last time were not really good ones.

I know people who got pregnant on the mini pill, just a word of caution.
I’m AMA, my Dr didn’t prescribe anything, but I prefer condoms. We had IF, so I don’t know how likely we would be able to conceive anyway.