Couples Wedding Shower Help

[mellym]

DH's cousin started planning her Sept wedding last month and asked me to be a bridesmaid. There are three others with two living out of town and one is her teenage daughter. My MIL (her godmother) started planning the shower with bride's mother a couple of weeks ago. They met with her, put a deposit on the venue and asked her about the menu and invitations were sent out. They haven't included or asked any of us bridesmaids for input yet. So last night, the bride's mother who is also DH's aunt, calls me up venting about my MIL and how upset they are with the lack of planning and response from MIL. She has been asked repeatedly to involve the bridesmaids and about the menu, games, etc. and just doesn't respond. They are getting nervous because the shower is in two weeks. She said she was going to start a text string with the bridesmaids to start planning the shower. My question back is when are we going to communicate all of this to MIL because she is going to be pissed to say the least. Apparently she wants to plan everything and cook all the food for 50+ people but she's running out of time and is known for her procrastination.The kicker is DH's uncle (MIL's brother) is getting married the day before this wedding shower so there is going to be no time that weekend to do it all. They wanted the bride's uncle to do all the grilling for the cookout but my MIL said no, she would ask my DH to do it. WTF - he is going to be taking care of our three kids that day.

TLDR: Vent about planning a wedding shower with two weeks' time. My question to all of you is what kind of games or activities do you do at a couples wedding shower? Any ideas? I've never been to one...it will be outside at a park with shelter.

[waverly]

So all you have to do at a shower is have food and drinks and plan for the bride to open presents (traditionally). I would be more worried about the food then anything else. Does your H plan on grilling? How many people are coming? What sides? What drinks? How many? Bring a cooler with ice for drinks or 2. Never mind I see he isn’t grilling. I’m a throw some money at the problem person and get it catered or bring prepared food. Any local places that can do the small sandwiches, a gigantic sub, BBQ place, pizza? She can do what she wants and you can also bring stuff.

People can just talk and mingle amongst themselves.
Since it is outside and if anyone has any maybe people can bring yard games type like bocce ball, corn hole other things like that. Most people hate traditional shower games anyway. Maybe you can find a bride bingo to play online and just print it out. I feel like with the guys there it’s more like a regular BBQ with gifts rather than a girly wedding shower.

[mellym]

Both sides and probably 50+ people. I would totally cater the food but that’s not a thing our families do...MIL would never agree to it. I agree we need to figure out a menu and will have everyone help bring something. My question is more about games and decorations since it’s coed and we are outside at a park. I like the idea of a simple game of gift bingo.

[sdlaura]

I agree with waverly about just figuring out the food and drinks (including cake/dessert), and having outdoor yard games. I would totally at least be ordering food trays from a grocery store. I'd probably do some kind of guest book/write down a piece of advice for the couple thing too.

If you really do want wedding themed game, I bet you can find some good ones on Google. This list sounds pretty fun:

www.playpartyplan.com/19-hilarious-bridal-shower-games/

[soccermama]

I would go ahead and figure out a "timeline" for the shower. My DH is very detail-oriented and stay on task type of person (me, not so much), so when we have done kids' b-day parties in the past he writes down a timeline to get us organized.

Not sure if you all are doing a lunch or dinner type shower, but let's say the shower is from 4:30-7:00 pm. The timeline could be: 4:30-5:15 everyone arrives, mingling & chatting, beverages. 5:15-6 -eating & beverages. 6-6:30 -opening gifts. 6:30-7 p.m.-the gift bingo, or another group type game.

[mommyatty]

I like getting a pretty jar, putting a bow around it, then getting colorful pieces of paper and asking everyone to write their best advice, or a wish, or a memory on the piece of paper.

[k3am]

In my world, co-ed showers/parties for anything bridal or baby related basically mean it's just an excuse for a party. No traditional shower games. So maybe cornhole, maybe ladder ball, something along those lines, but none of the traditional "girly" games.

The last shower I threw in a park, the only decorations we included were a few big bundles of balloons so people could find us (we weren't sure where we'd be - invitation said we're going to target this area by the lake, look for the blue and green balloons.)

If MIL is in charge of it and not planning to take care of all the food/drinks, then her preference to not cater gets overridden.

I'm sure this is area/culture dependant, but as a party host, I am more against asking guests to bring something than I am about catering.

[sdlaura]

soccermama I do timelines for kids bday parties too so DH and I are on the same page. Mainly breaking down when we'll eat and have cake vs play or swim or whatever. Plus making sure we have enough set up time.

[mellym]

Okay, you guys are making me feel better about just having yard games and nix the traditional shower games. I really like the idea of a book or jar for best wishes.

On the food front, my MIL will never give up control but I'm going to give it my best effort and the food I'm in charge of will be store bought.

[mustardseed2007]

yes outside shower + co ed = yard games only.

Have beer and you'll be fine. Maybe a couple boxes of wine.

ETA: Is alcohol allowed at this park? 

[vasc]

We played this wedding shower game with my best friend and her fiancé and it got a lot of laughs with zero prep (just need shoes from the bride and groom and list of questions).

holidappy.com/party-planning/wedding-shoe-game-questions

[ECB]

So what exaclty is your MIL going to be pissed about? That the co host is trying to plan SOMETHING? Trying to figure out how to do the food?

It seems like you all have a choice - appease your MIL and do nothing on the food front and chance that there isn’t food for the guests, or talk to her and /or come up with a backup plan so that you don’t leave 50+ people hungry.

[livinitup]

mellym Any updates?

[mellym]

ECB, yes that is exactly what she is pissed about. It's like dealing with a 5 year old. She is offended that the bridesmaids are talking about the games to play.

The bride vented to me yesterday because her mom and my MIL are officially pissed at each other and not talking. They told her they were hosting the shower and would plan everything but there has been zero communication between each other or the wedding party. Then, her mom and my MIL both texted me last night asking me to call them tonight to talk about the shower. I'm fed up with the drama. I've been throwing out ideas and asking questions and I'm met with zero response. The maid of honor just responded on Sunday that she can't make the shower because her daughter has a softball game. She was sorry but no one asked her about the date prior to booking.

Sooo...I don't know who to call first after work. When I asked MIL in person about it on Saturday, her response was that she needed to talk to the mother of the bride first. They hold all of the RSVP's and haven't shared them. Part of me just wants to ignore the texts and bow out of the planning but I don't feel like I can because it's my MIL and the bride specifically reached out to me.

[twinmomma]

mellym, What if you send an email to the bride, MIL, and mother of the bride, spell out a plan, and just assign tasks. Then call each one to follow up. Just do it, make the decisions, and everyone can get over it. Would that work? That's where I'd be at with this whole situation.

[ECB]

I’d be politely blunt with everyone. “If we want this shower to be a success, we all need to work together.”

“I understand you want to do food, but the concerns i have are xxx. “. Mil says she’ll make it work - push back “how exaclty? What’s your time frame?”

If either start getting pissy about the other, I’d say “i understand your frustrations but how is this going to help us successfully plan this shower?”

[waverly]

That is a tough situation. Technically you have no responsibility if her mom and MIL are "planning it". I'm actually not sure why they need to reach out to the wedding party except maybe to see if they can attend since the wedding party is not technically hosting it, nor am I sure why people are upset that they haven't.

However since the bride reached out to you, then perhaps I would just start with a preliminary, so what's going on (shower wise)? And let them explain the situation to you. Since you talked to the MIL in person on Saturday and she said she needed to talk to the mom, then maybe start with the mom? I would want a plan, but honestly I am not sure why people are so upset and dramatic except that that seems to be par for the course for weddings sometimes. Try to avoid the drama and just make sure that they have food and maybe 1 game.

[2chatter]

I’d say that unless they want to turn this in to a lingerie shower, which is the easiest to plan but just might make the men uncomfortable, that there needs to be a plan now. Something jokey and then jump in to “what about we ...” items and open it up to ideas, too.

I went to a shower where guests write a superlative of their choice on one side and Bride or Groom on the other. Bride and Groom read them aloud and guessed who it described. Hilarity ensued. Superlatives ranged from “latest sleeper” to “most likely to pick the first fight” to “best pouter”. Lots of stories and anecdotes from the submitters. Super easy with no preplanning.

[mellym]

2chatter, that is the top game I suggested and received no response.

ECB, that is what the mother of the bride did yesterday to my MIL and that's why she's pissed. I don't believe she wants to give up control or have anyone help with it. The problem with this is that planning is not her strong suit. I can remember directly telling her that my mom would be doing xyz for my baby shower and arguing over it. I like the plan to just push her to give me details when I call her.

twinmomma, that is what I tried to do Sunday but I also included the bridesmaids. The only response was from the MOH that she wasn't attending anymore.

[ECB]

Jul 16, 2019 16:11:36 GMT -5 mellym said:

twinmomma , that is what I tried to do Sunday but I also included the bridesmaids. The only response was from the MOH that she wasn't attending anymore.

"Well, MIL, I'm sorry to hear that.  I know Bride will be disappointed that you aren't there.  I hope you reconsider.".

Period.  She wants to create drama.  Dont fall into that trap.  Sounds like you're moving th eplans forward.  If she really can't see that this is for the BRIDE and not about her, well, let her have a hissy fit.  YUou can't control her emotions or reactions. 

[mellym]

The phone calls went pretty well last night. I arm wrestled MIL into letting me bring two of the food items and she's making the rest. I'm leaving her to it and staying out of it. I said my piece about keeping it simple and she promised to try to not go too crazy. She has a history of making tons of food and it's never ready on time. I'm talking about being held hostage for hours at her house because the food isn't ready. Talked her into letting me handle the games, we are not doing door prizes or much for entertainment since they want to play yard games and kick ball.

I found a pretty book for the guests to write a message and string lights with clips to put pictures of the bride and groom.