The day my Dad died. I was there when it happened and it was awful to watch, but at the same time I am so glad I was able to be there with him. It was almost 8 years ago and I’m still missing him terribly. Always will.
The night before my Dad died when we knew he wouldn’t make it. It was extra devastating because I was 8 months pregnant so I realized he came so close but would never meet my baby.
Post by wanderlustmom on Jul 10, 2019 20:45:32 GMT -5
Thinking of everyone here.
When we realized my mom was mentally ill. It didn’t happen over one day but it was a gradual realization. I miss the mom she was and her symptoms are so hard to deal with. Worse is knowing she’s only 72 and has been sick since 60. It’s so sad she has such a small life now because of the progression of the disease. She has Lewy Body Parkinson’s and she’s just a shadow of her former self. She’s lost all her friends and lives in a nursing home. My sister and I are her caretakers and she has some terrible days. She’s unpredictable and we so miss our old mom.
The day my dad died. This completely changed my life and besides the obvious not having him in my life growing up and losing at an age that i am left with very few memories, I also just wonder how things might have gone for me in other areas.
Honestly, one of the second was learning that my MIL ALS is in fact familial and realizing the risk to H and potentially to my daughters.
Post by onomatopoeia on Jul 10, 2019 22:05:17 GMT -5
*TW
The day my dad committed suicide 6 years ago. I was at a work conference and looked at my phone and there was like 6 missed calls from my SIL. I called my SIL and she told me. I remember going to my car and calling DH's mom (who was watching our kids) to ask her to take them to her house so I could come home and figure out what to do. DH was out of state for work. I still have flashbacks to my phone call with her and how it felt to actually verbalize it and tell someone. Then driving 12 hours and talking to my 4 younger siblings about it on the phone the whole way, and their pain and confusion. I still have a lot of guilt about it for reasons that are too varied and lengthy to get into here.
The saving grace I suppose is my DH, SIL (brother's wife), and BIL (sister's husband) were so supportive and strong that I will be forever grateful. We've been able to slowly recover as a family, and I think this was a big reason.
Post by themoneytree on Jul 10, 2019 22:57:24 GMT -5
I don’t know the date, but probably the day I realized my marriage was irretrievably over. I’m so much happier now, but I loved him and wish things would have been different.
Also a day last year was absolutely brutal and I don’t know if I’ll ever talk about that publicly.
Post by JayhawkGirl on Jul 10, 2019 23:20:06 GMT -5
The day I miscarried. It was Christmas 2012. I knew it was coming but it still felt like I couldn’t breathe through the tears as it was happening. I still feel very lonely in that grief.
And, a year later when FIL died very unexpectedly. I was going in to have DD by c/s the next morning. The call, shock, telling my sister - we were at lunch together- without DS hearing. Driving to get DH from work. We were so numb. Crying so so hard. Then going in in the morning for our baby we had gone through hell and back to conceive and carry to term.
Many here brought me comfort without knowing it - kindness, distraction, humor, company - as I went though everything with FIL. I didn’t open up much then and wish I had done so more.
The day I found out I was going to miscarry. It was the day of XH’s cousin’s wedding, 06/07/08. I made it through the ceremony, but had to leave the reception. In their wedding album, there is a very nice picture of her grandma at the church and I am in the background very visibly shaken and upset.
It took 3 days before the actual miscarriage started. I took 2 days off of work and my sister came up from NC to stay with us for a few days. As hard as it was to go through, her being there was a great comfort.
I feel like most people I know IRL would say it was the day we had to be emergency evacuated out of our neighborhood and lost 90% of our belongings and our home when I was 9 months pregnant, but it was really just a surreal day and the emotional pain was worse in the weeks after that. We’d had an unbelievably horrible year leading up to that day, with people close to us dying and our own accidents/ER visits, so I felt we were lucky to be alive and healthy, and people around us were so supportive in a way that restored faith in humanity.
Losing people I love has been awful, especially when I couldn’t get to them in time, living far away. Probably the worst was when I was 17 and my grandpa died when I was with him and I had to perform CPR and call 911. I did everything I could but I still felt so helpless and that one day felt like an eternity.
Post by klingklang77 on Jul 11, 2019 1:57:04 GMT -5
I have two. Getting a termination is one. It was forced by my ex.
The second is the day of my grandfather’s wake. It was my first realization of death. I remember running to the room and I was so excited to see him, and then it was that he was dead. I was about 8. I probably shouldn’t have even been there, tbh. I was there for 3 viewings.
I have a few to choose from but the worst day of my life wasn’t horrible in itself- but the effect it’s had on my life lingers today, 30 years later. It was when my parents told me they were divorcing and my dad moved out. At the time it didn’t seem so awful but it morphed into my brother and I being raised by a single alcoholic mother who was insistent on a high-conflict divorce. It was her hobby, obsession, and fueled her every waking moment. She was Betty Broderick without the murdering part. Had I known that day what my brother and I were actually about to go through I don’t know what I would have done. I haven’t laid eyes on her (or my brother for that matter) since I was 17.
The day DH had sperm retrieval surgery and they found nothing. Zero sperm even directly from his testicles when they removed a chunk of tissue from his balls. I did not think I was going to survive that day. Somehow I did. And exactly 12 weeks later we received news that they were able to get some from a follow up sperm analysis. Somehow I got my DS and current pregnancy from that day and the subsequent IVF cycles. The doctor still doesn’t understand what happened or why but I am forever grateful for “unexplained medical miracles” (her words).
Post by sapphireblue on Jul 11, 2019 5:23:50 GMT -5
I just want to send everyone in this thread love.
My worst days are due to losses, like so many in this thread.
-the day I found out I was having a miscarriage at 15 weeks -July 27, 2009-the day my best friend died at 27 years old, I can't believe it has been 10 years she's been gone -May 12, 1999-the day my grandmother (the person I was closest to in this world) died -the day I found out my exH had cheated on me
I've had some pretty terrible days, but I can't think of one day that was the "worst". The day I read the text messages on my exH phone and realized that my suspicions were right on and he was cheating on me with multiple women. Or the day that I though I was miscarrying to find out that I actually had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy and was bleeding internally and without surgery I would've been dead within an hour. Losing a friend suddenly who was only 46 and died in her sleep. All were pretty bad in their own right, but I honestly feel that worse lie ahead.
Hugs to everyone in this thread. So much pain and heartbreak.
Post by jellymankelly on Jul 11, 2019 5:43:51 GMT -5
For years it was the day of my grandmother’s funeral. She was the closest person in the world to me, and something about the finality of burying her was harder for me than the actual day she passed away.
But then when my son was 5 he had to have emergency surgery. It was extremely frightening and traumatic for him, and at one point he looked at me while we were in the ER and said, while sobbing, “WHY DID YOU BRING ME HERE, MOMMY?” That was 4 years ago as of the 24th of this month and I still have panic attacks when I think about that helpless moment. I will surely have worse days than that, but I will never forget seeing my child with that look of fear on his face, basically asking me why I wasn’t protecting him.
Reading this thread I know I have had a very charmed life, which I am intensely grateful for. All my family losses were people that had suffered for years and their passing was more of a relief and release than a dreadful event.
The worst day was one I watched from the sidelines- DH’s (at the time BF) Dad was in a critical motorcycle accident. DH was away visiting me at university when he got the call. I had to run out of work and drive him home since there was no way he could do it himself. We then had to wait several days while FIL was in a coma to see if he would come out and the extent of the damage. He survived, but he has a completely different personality. It has taken a brutal toll on MIL during the past 12 years, and her health is now slipping and she doesn’t practice any self-care since she spends all her energy dealing with him.
Post by Monica Geller on Jul 11, 2019 6:59:24 GMT -5
So much love to everyone in this thread. ((Hugs)) to those who need one.
My worst day so far would be the day my FIL passed unexpectedly. He and MIL were on vacation with extended family. He had many health issues and wasn’t doing well overall, but we didn’t realize it was so bad. I also include the days that followed in my worst memories.
Right now, it was the day my sister died. The call from my dad will haunt me forever because I have never heard him so emotional in my life. Trying to explain it to E, trying to wrap my head around what happened (we didn't know cause of death), and wondering how my parents were going to cope was awful.
It’s probably a tie between 2 related days. February 15, 2017, when my husband went to the hospital on day 5 of a migraine, had emergency brain surgery, and after the surgery didn’t even remember that I was pregnant. The other was February 27, 2017, when he underwent his craniotomy but had a pulmonary embolism and had to stay intubated, sedated, and restrained. Seeing my best friend and the father of my unborn baby lying in a hospital bed, clinging to life, was without a doubt the worst experience of my life.
As of a few weeks ago - it was when my dad had to be put into a memory care unit. He looked so lost, a shell of his prior self. So confused about being in a different place. And the guilt that I couldn't quit my job and keep him home with me was crushing. Signing all the paperwork that day, I just sobbed and sobbed. He's had a lot of bad days since then - but they've all been expected due to his dementia. This was a decision forced upon me that day and was so shocking and upsetting.
But then a few weeks ago a friend died by suicide. He was DH's close friend and coworker, the husband of one of my good friends. Getting the call while being out of state. Grieving, while trying to keep our kids vacation happy & according to plan was a surreal experience. Constant calls and texts with friends, feeling like we should be home with them. The guilt, trying to figure out if we had ignored any warning signs. The whole week was tough, but the funeral was the worst day of my life. Watching our friend grieve, but trying to be strong for her two kids. Our friends all trying to be strong to support each other, but failing. DH crying in a way I've never seen before. All the guys at my DH's work (stereotypical masculine, brotherhood type profession) openly sobbing in my arms. The drive through the city, seeing flags at half staff, guys at the station, saluting his hearse. The truck & station in bunting to indicate mourning. The military portion of funeral, when the shots went off in the cemetary (he died from a self inflicted gun shot) was extra traumatic. Add to that, having had prior battles with depression myself, and knowing how badly our friend must have been hurting to resort to such measures. It opens some old wounds.
My Mom is 71 and has Alzheimer’s. It’s not one worst day of my life, but a lot of worst days. A slow, painful, sad, scary, bunch of worst days. She doesn’t know who I am. I talk about her in the past tense. I miss my Mom even though she’s still alive. She was the best Mom and my best friend. We talked on the phone everyday before she got sick a few years ago. It would almost be easier to deal with her death because having her alive in this condition is utterly heartbreaking.
There is evidence that early-onset Alzheimer’s is genetic and inherited from your mothers side. I’m terrified that I will someday forget my husband and son.
This thread is really almost powerful to me. Someone else said earlier that we are a tough species. We really are and while reading all of these posts makes me sad, it also is a comfort to know others go through awful things too, and they survive. It gives me strength. I want to tag and hug and send love and light to everyone who has gone through such awful times, whether they have posted or not, as I imagine some members are too traumatized to post.
The worst day was when I found out after fertility treatments and finally getting pregnant that at 16.5 weeks there was no heartbeat. Then 3 days later was both a good and bad day--I delivered the fetus. It was torturous, but also for me it WAS a birth and I got to experience it at a time that I was not sure I would get to be a mother.
Another was when my rapist found out where I worked 10 years after I had last seen him and he showed up at my job.
ssmjlm, phone calls like that have been the most jarring for me. I haven't experienced such a level of loss and pain so many in this thread have experienced, but I have a crystal clear memory of my father's shaky voice when he called to tell me that my mother had collapsed and had a heart attack (she's ok now, but she was otherwise healthy and only 54 at the time). He had just helped resuscitate her lifeless body, waiting for paramedics.
Hugs and love to so many people in this thread and people reading who are processing strong, painful emotions.
Probably the day my dad called to tell me that his cancer had spread to his brain. I remember exactly where I was. My H and I were at the South Carolina welcome center on our way home from our 5-year college reunion. My dad had waited until after the reunion to call me because he didn't want to ruin my weekend. Always so practical. He lived for another 1.5 years, but that was the point where we knew he wasn't going to beat cancer.
Hugs to everyone thinking about old trauma. Life sucks sometimes.
The day I traveled home from studying abroad in Austria because my mom only had a few days left. I didn’t know whether she would still be conscious by the time i got home.
I sat on a plane for eight hours thinking about every awful thing and worst case scenario and couldn’t stop crying. That was the longest day of my life. As we were deplaning, a lady across the aisle started mocking me for it. An older guy standing next to me put his hand on my shoulder and said it’s okay and I totally lost my shit and ugly cried in the middle of the plane.
Y’all, be kind to people. You never know what someone is dealing with.