Post by librarychica on Jul 17, 2019 8:18:16 GMT -5
My house. It seems silly but though it is mostly clean (thanks to the housekeeper) it is cluttered and it legitimately drives me nuts. I just cannot let it go but I also can’t get it under control. It’s like I’m fighting the tide where the tide is a husband who doesn’t pick up after himself (and isn’t bothered by it) and two young kids.
I have 2 related ones. I feel spread thin as well. I’m doing everything with little support or help. Dh fries but his job is insane so it falls back on me. I try to outsource but hate spending the money and don’t trust anyone enough to outsource what would really help with the kids (driving). My other is work. I’m pushing for partner this year (next year at the latest) and am working my butt off. I totally deserve it but don’t know if the decision makers see it because I’m bad at self promotion because I find it so offputting. I’m averaging 50+ hours a week plus commute time which leads to the spread thin feeling. I have so many things I want to do but can’t find time to squeeze it in like getting a haircut (it’s been over 7 months) or a pedicure.
Post by covergirl82 on Jul 17, 2019 10:17:28 GMT -5
librarychica, I feel like I'm in a similar boat with my house, but it's me and the kids who are the problem. DH hates clutter. Part of it is that I just need to let go of things (which is hard because I grew up with a mom who is extremely emotionally attached to things and also keeps things "in case she needs it in the future", so she keeps nearly everything, and now I tend to have emotional attachments to things and hang on to things for years in case I might need it again). I also could use a solid two weeks to get my house to a place where I'd like it to be, but my workload won't allow for me to do that right now.
covergirl82 - I struggle there too! But I hate clutter so when there isn’t room to store craft supplies or partially completed workbooks, to the trash they go!
Post by covergirl82 on Jul 18, 2019 7:42:09 GMT -5
2chatter, I know, I need to get to that point. Thankfully, the kids are more like DH. I put on their list of "to-do's" for Monday (while the babysitter was there) to clean their rooms and pick out toys and stuffed animals they no longer want. The pile is HUGE - like 5-6 kitchen-size garbage bags full. I'll be dropping it all off at a local charity sometime this week. Then I need to tackle an extra bedroom in the basement that has become a dumping ground for stuff (e.g., we moved some boxes of old paperwork/receipts there when our utility room flooded). Once I get that room cleaned out (which was originally a toy room when we moved into this house 8 years ago and the kids were babies), I'd like to turn it into an office.
Yesterday afternoon after I picked DD up from camp I told her we were going to play clean up. I asked her to put her laundry away, shoes, and books and then to clean the bathroom (she likes cleaning the bathroom). I was tackling the living room. DH came home and I told him the same thing. He was like I have been picking up and I was like no you move a pile from one room to another so it looks like you are cleaning up. He continued to stand and look at DD and I cleaning so I started handing him stuff and telling him where it went. These towels go to the camper, these go in X draw. It was so annoying that he couldn't just help without me giving him small tasks. I got so annoyed I yelled at him and said this is why I would rather clean when he wasn't around because he isn't helpful. All this time DD did her entire list I rattled off and happily cleaned the bathroom and mopped its floor which I didn't ask her to do. I was hoping this would make me feel less overwhelmed but no it didn't help.
Keeping a house clean is like brushing your teeth while eating an oreo. Over the years I got better, and the kids a little bit. DH still sucks at this. I've purged my house so many times, so many. I Marie Kondoed the crap out of it. Then she says you never have to Kondo again, bullcrap. I purged many times since then- never a whole house, but rooms etc.
I look like we have more stuff than we do because it is random stuff that husband and kids do not put away, and I am not quite at that anal level to put it all away for them. Some of it is my stuff, but not as much. But we have gotten better in some ways by: Way more storage in the playroom. I always purge and it wasn't enough so I went for 2 more large toy storage units. Kids no longer are of the toy dumping age which helps. Roomba in there once a week. Roomba on main level daily, and in bedrooms weekly. Staying on top of putting away toys in the playroom and making beds and putting stuff away in the bedrooms. Purging and more storage in the bedrooms. If we stay a bit more on top of it during the week than the weekend cleanup is not as bad, and it's probably only 10-15 minutes a day. Even stuff as simple as leaves blowing in, my friend threw them back out, and I was like Oh that is what I should do with them. I just left them on my floor until the weekend clean-up- so obviously it just doesn't come naturally to me. I feel like fixing up my house and cleaning my house is like polishing a turd ha ha. I mean it's a nice house, but it just drives me crazy to spend all this time on it constantly!
Post by sandandsea on Jul 18, 2019 13:38:13 GMT -5
I make my kids pick up toys almost every night. It drives me crazy. Last night DS2 dumped some toy bins in ds1s room so I paid ds1 to help clean it up. He got free iPad for the night (which had 30 mins left). Totally worth it. He also often earns his dessert by helping with something.
waverly, I swear I need to purge every 4 months. I keep wanting to ditch things and DH or DD keep saying no we need to keep it for this or that or this mysterious maybe we will use it for X project. I feel like I can only do it when I'm alone which seems to be getting harder and harder to do. I've been so lucky that DD has always liked to clean up and I can only think of a few times when there have been toys everywhere and that was during playdates.
Clutter gives me anxiety so we really try to pick up the living areas every day so Mom doesn't feel crazy. DD2 has been asking to do chores to earn stones. The girls need to clean up their bedrooms every Saturday morning. It helps that we have a cleaning service every other week to force us to have everything picked up and put away.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Jul 22, 2019 4:31:34 GMT -5
waverly, she's a SAHM and she talks about being a SAHM a LOT. But even as a working mom I really relate to her. You can tell she's a southern christian woman also. That bothers me a lot less than I would normally think it would. I think I just relate so well to someone saying "just do the dishes."
mustardseed2007 , yes. I learned that in survival mode when DH traveled. It has changed a little, but at first I had to do the dishes every single night because then when I went to cook the next night the kitchen was messy and I couldn't cook. I don't care how much is in the dishwasher, I run it. My motto is keep it moving because then if you don't it gets backed up and you still have to run it twice or more. Just run it!
waverly, she's a SAHM and she talks about being a SAHM a LOT. But even as a working mom I really relate to her. You can tell she's a southern christian woman also. That bothers me a lot less than I would normally think it would. I think I just relate so well to someone saying "just do the dishes."
It's basic and that's what I need!
Diddo! I listened to her first podcast last night. On paper we are complete opposites. I do have SAHM, southern Christian aunts, do I have some reference. I'm already loving the habits and am excited to listen to the next podcast.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Jul 23, 2019 9:16:16 GMT -5
dglvrk2, I actually think that when she says she was a mess growing up, a mess when she got married and was working, and continued to be a mess when she became a stay at home mom...that clicked something in my brain. I think I've made a lot of excuses that I wouldn't be more on top of my house if I wasn't working, but the fact of the matter is, I'm actually positive it wouldn't make a difference if I worked or stayed at home. What DOES make a difference is doing the dishes and basically doing the minimum daily habits she suggests. So good!
A lot is on decluttering, and I have that down really well. The daily habits are where we still need help even though we are pretty good. Things like H doesn't put his medicine back in the cabinet. So I asked him to, and he said I was on top of him. I directed him back to the family meeting where I had said clean up after yourself and he did it begrudgingly. Today we were a bit late because I made them clean the playroom. It took 5 minutes because it wasn't bad to start out with. I think if we do 5 minutes in each room a day it prevents the 3 hour clean up on the weekends. It's hard with everything else to be on top of it while working, but with DH home in the evenings it is giving me a bit more energy and time to be more on top of it.