Assault? Or something else

[ridethelightning]

I have a 7 year old son. Last night our neighbor (going into 5th grade) came over while I was getting my girls ready for bed. They were playing in DS room. They play all the time.

After he left, my son came to me and told me neighbor kid took money from his piggy bank and told him not to tell or he would take his puppy.

Then! He told me neighbor boy was holding him down, smashing his head into the bed, and kissing him a bunch of times. I asked a million questions, and I don’t think anything else occurred, he said he was holding his head with his hands.

I’m...not processing this well. We have talked about consent many times, so I talked about it some more. I told him if anyone is doing something like that without his permission he can do whatever he needs to: punch, knee, whatever. And to yell as loud as he can.

But, I can’t get over it myself. That will always be his memory of his first kiss. I’m in tears typing this.

Also, I don’t know what to do about the other boy. I don’t really know if I should talk to the mom. Or what? Obviously the kid isn’t coming back over.

[kath16]

I don't have any advice, but did not want to read without responding.



I'm really sorry that this happened to your son. Are there any resources available through your school/library/local government to talk through what your next steps should be? Maybe even an employer's EAP if you have one could give you a jumping off point with an intake call.

Ugh. That is so young. I'm so sorry

[W.T.Faulkner]

I'm sorry this happened. I hope your son is doing ok.

I'd tell the mom.

[icedcoffee]

I'm so sorry. I have no advice, unfortunately. I'd definitely tell the mom though.

[achi]

I'm so so sorry that you guys are dealing with this.

Definitely talk to the kids mom about what happened.

[Patsy Baloney]

I’m really sorry that happened. Absolutely talk to the mom. There must be consequences.

[Poeticxpassion]

I’m really sorry that happened to your son. You should absolutely tell the parents.

[sju1982]

I'm sorry you guys are going through this. I hope your son is able to move on from it quickly.

As for your neighbor, it may be an awkward conversation to have, but it is definitely worth having. If my child had behaved like that, I would want to know.  

[lilac05]

I’m so sorry.

The conversation will likely be very difficult, but it needs to happen.

And you’ve probably already done this, but remind your son that he did the right thing by telling you. Thank him for his honesty and for trusting you. You’ve obviously done a good job talking about what to do. He couldn’t stop it in the moment, but he knew exactly what to do afterwards.

[ridethelightning]

Jul 16, 2019 13:04:18 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

I’m so sorry.

The conversation will likely be very difficult, but it needs to happen.

And you’ve probably already done this, but remind your son that he did the right thing by telling you. Thank him for his honesty and for trusting you. You’ve obviously done a good job talking about what to do. He couldn’t stop it in the moment, but he knew exactly what to do afterwards.

Yes. I was incredibly proud of him! I told him he can always tell me anything at all. And that telling was brave and absolutely the right thing to do!

[cricketwife]

I think you’ve gotten good advice. I also didn’t want to read without responding. I’m very sorry that happened.

[pooh8402]

I'm so sorry that happened. I agree with the others.

[jnibean]

I agree with everyone, especially about you being proud of him. What a brave kid! I would most definitely tell the other boy's mom.  I'm so sorry this happened to him, and I hope your son is doing well.

[latte]

I am sorry that happened to him and I would absolutely tell the parents. That’s terrible!

[Deleted]

I am so sorry this happened.

You absolutely need to talk to the parents. I would tell them that he needs help. Children his age aren’t irredeemable, but he needs professional help if he’s already behaving this way.

[ECB]

Oh boy. I'm so sorry.

Yes, I'd talk to the mom. But be prepared - yes it will be difficult. And it may very well become a "shoot the messenger" thing where she gets pissed at you and/or doesn't believe you. Be prepared. But she needs to know.

[Ashley&Scott]

I'm so sorry this happened. Definitely talk to the parents.

[jeaniebueller]

I am so sorry to hear this. Also agree, talk to the mom, They will want to know if their child is behaving this way.

[Velar Fricative]

I'm so sorry. Yes, you need to talk to his parents, as awkward as it may be.

[hermione]

You have to talk to the parents. It is very likely the neighbor boy is exhibiting behavior that has happened or is happening to him.

ETA: I am very sorry you have to deal with this. What an excellent parent you are for your son to feel safe enough to tell you immediately.

[ridethelightning]

The good part is we are moving an hour away within the next few weeks, so any awkwardness with the mom won’t last. She absolutely won’t believe me, but maybe it will at least plant a seed or open a conversation between them.

[pugz]

definitely tell her. I would also be tempted to tell neighbors whose kids also play with the kid. Maybe not the details but that they should not let their kids play unsupervised with that child. Maybe that's going too far, I don't know. But if you don't think the parents will respond appropriately I'd want to make sure my friends in the neighborhood were warned. Since you are moving away that will definitely help with the awkwardness, especially since they won't go to school together

[ECB]

Jul 16, 2019 14:46:42 GMT -5 pugz said:

definitely tell her. I would also be tempted to tell neighbors whose kids also play with the kid. Maybe not the details but that they should not let their kids play unsupervised with that child. Maybe that's going too far, I don't know. But if you don't think the parents will respond appropriately I'd want to make sure my friends in the neighborhood were warned. Since you are moving away that will definitely help with the awkwardness, especially since they won't go to school together

oh, i would talk to at least the moms I’m friends with. For all i know, they’ve had questionable experiences too and knowing they aren’t alone may help. And I’d want to be warned too if this happened to a friend.

[joy]

Jul 16, 2019 14:13:19 GMT -5 hermione said:

You have to talk to the parents. It is very likely the neighbor boy is exhibiting behavior that has happened or is happening to him.

ETA: I am very sorry you have to deal with this. What an excellent parent you are for your son to feel safe enough to tell you immediately.

This is where my head went. 🙁

[nicolewi]

This is horrifying. I'm so sorry that happened, and I am glad you are moving.

[imojoebunny]

I would talk to the mom, ask her to get the other side of the story, then go from there. You are moving, you don't have a lot of skin in the game, but the other child does. I have a 10 year old, and I have seen several times where parents went around spreading a story about an interaction they believed happen about a specific child, without bothering to get the full story, when the full story was something entirely different when both children are questioned by respective their parents.

It happened to my DS's buddy this past year, he hit DS multiple times on the playground, and was suspended. DS, fortunately, did not hit back. The other parents in the class heard part of the story from their kids, and ostracized the kid who hit DS, like no one would come to his birthday party or over to play for the rest of the year. The kid did something stupid, was punished, and has learned his lesson. The school, and later, the other mom and I talked it over, and we were good. He has continued to be a good friend to DS and there were no further incidents. It is how kids learn to be good adults. You don't need to have your 7 year old around this kid ever again, but I would at least give the mom an opportunity to let you hear the other kids side of the story before shouting it out to others.

[somersault72]

I would not go around telling other parents, especially not before talking to the boy's parents. I'm so glad your son knew he could come to you (and did!). That is huge and says a lot about you as a mom. I'm very sorry this happened to him.

[jennistarr1]

I like what you said to him, that was great!

And this is NOT his first kiss. When that magical moment happens, this will be far from his mind

And yes, tell the other parent, both being firm that is was unacceptable and he's not allowed over any more, but also expressing concern

As far as other parents, I think I would only mention it to someone you know already has similar type visits (and then suggest supervision). If no one comes to mind, I wouldn't say anything

[simpsongal]

Jul 16, 2019 14:25:55 GMT -5 ridethelightning said:

The good part is we are moving an hour away within the next few weeks, so any awkwardness with the mom won’t last. She absolutely won’t believe me, but maybe it will at least plant a seed or open a conversation between them.

Unless you have reason to assume as much, you might be surprised.  We had a parent thank us profusely for inviting their boy to my son's birthday.  I understood why a few weeks later when her son started saying means things to my son and calling him names.  Apparently, it's a persistent issue with him.  Meaning, this boy may have other behavioral issues and this incident could be a ramping up of those issues or business as usual.

I'm so sorry this happened.  Definitely keep the conversations about personal space going.  I wouldn't address this incident once, I'd probably refer back to it months from now as it's likely to stay with your son.  If need be, I would recommend someone else your son trusts talk to him about what happened.