On a scale of 1 - Burn it down...

[mae0111]

Where would you be?

DD1 is at day camp this week. Sitting with one friend at lunch at a table for 8-10 people. 2 counselors from another group sit down. DD1 does not know them. 16-18 year old boys.

DD1 gets hit with a chunk of popsicle. DD1 says she saw one of the counselors spit it at her. Counselor maintains that he “flicked” if across the table.

DD1’s counselor (who is an adult male in his mid-20’s that I used to babysit) heard her complaint and took her to the head of the camp. Head of camp wanted DD1 to confront the kid that hit her with the popsicle. DD1 was intimidated, and refused. Her counselor backed her up. Head of camp told kid to apologize. He didn’t.

I went to the head of the camp this morning and talked to her. I told her that I hoped she understood why DD1 didn’t want to confront this kid alone. She didn’t. I said that he never apologized, so why not do it while I was there??

Kid said “sorry, but I didn’t do anything.” I asked about the popsicle and he rolled his eyes and said, “oh, sooorrrrryy I hit you with a popsicle.”

I came a bit unhinged and asked why he did it in the first place. DD1 was nervous and the kid was aggressive to both of us. Head of camp did nothing.

Burn it down? Or let it go? DD1 loves camp but she was visibly nervous when I left. I asked her counselor to keep an eye on her today and he promised he would.

I’m so pissed and worried that I’m not seeing clearly.

[mellym]

Is the kid that hit her with the popsicle actually a camp counselor?

I burned it down when a similar situation happened at DD1's school but she has a food allergy and the teacher wasn't aware and wouldn't let her use the bathroom to wash up. I'm coming from a place where throwing food isn't safe for my child and can't be tolerated so I would have issues if the Camp Director isn't doing anything or acknowledging the problem.

[librarychica]

Wait — this was a counselor or a fellow camper? If the first, I would be pissed if a teenager in a place of authority over my child pulled that nonsense and then spoke that way in front of me. Asking a child to “confront” a counselor over their behavior is a terrible way to handle things. Who runs this place? Is it school, a church camp, an organization? I’d be running it up the flagpole to whoever I could find with some actual authority.

[covergirl82]

Burn it down, based on the director's nonchalance about the whole thing.

[mae0111]

mellym - yes, kid was a counselor. It’s a huge camp and there are 3 levels of counselors. CITs are 7-9th grade, counselors are 10-college, head counselors are usually teachers that work there in the summer. Then there’s the admin - head of camp, asst head, nurse/trainer, etc.

He was probably 17 or 18, and I’d heard from others that he’s a problem. “Bit if a d&:)che” was how one person described him.

They basically bullied DD1 into submission and I’m pissed. She loves this camp and I pay a ton for it, and I’m going to be really upset if she doesn’t want to go back there. I just hope the counselor has the good sense to stay away from her.

[mustardseed2007]

This is burn it down.

That kid should not have a job after speaking to you that way. There comes a time in your employment life, that whatever actually happened, you need to swallow your pride and make the people in the room feel good. Especially if you have a job like camp counselor. If you are too arrogant and immature to do that, then you should not be employed there.

Also, a kid that arrogant and immature, I would assume would take this confrontation out on my kid like a bitch.

So this is absolutely a burn it down situation.

[waverly]

I am always hesitant to burn down childcare options as we don't have a ton of choices here and she likes the camp.

I think I would talk to the head of the camp (or who is above her or maybe her assistant would have a better response), and say it is not appropriate for a child to confront a 17 year old counselor because of the imbalance in power. It's just a popsicle, yes, but the way they handled it made it worse and not better. I would convey that I see this as a training opportunity for the counselors and suggest additional training for the 17 year old on appropriateness and professionalism when working with children.

[mae0111]

The head of the camp wanted to get DD1 in the room with the 17 year old counselor and have her confront him. I kept asking her why she thought that was appropriate. I kept saying, "Surely you can understand why a 9 year old girl does not want to confront an older boy who she thinks just spit food at her? Surely you can understand why this would make her uncomfortable." She did not.

So my next question is... burn it down to who? The head of the camp acted inappropriately. She's been the head for like 20 years. It's run out of a prep school (my alma mater, actually), and she only runs the camp - no other employment with the school. So do I go to the headmaster? This kid is entitled and clearly connected, so it's not likely anything will be done.

I put together an email outlining my thoughts and clearly calling out that this kid lacks the emotional maturity needed to work with kids. The situation could have been diffused so quickly if he just said, "Oh my goodness! I hit you with a popsicle! I'm so sorry! Let me help you clean that up!" But he didn't. He was aggressive, and continued to be aggressive. I'm not confident that he has the good sense to just stay away from DD1 today. He's not her counselor, so there's no reason for them to interact. There are easily 350-400 campers there today, so in theory, they shouldn't see each other. But I can see him being a d!ck and seeking her out.

[k3am]

mae0111, you complained to the head of the camp. Nothing happened. At this point, I take my complaints to social media. Yelp, nextdoor, etc, whatever. Anywhere they might get any kind of review, reference, or business from. I also assume they're licensed, so you can go to the licensing bureau and file a complaint.

[traveltheworld]

I'm very non-confrontational by nature, but even I would take action at this point.

I'm more upset with the head of the camp than with the teen counselor. She is the adult. She should be responsible. The way she tried to address the issue initially, and then with you, are both completely inappropriate. I would reach out to the Head Master of the school, or its board of trustees (if that information is available on-line).

[waverly]

mae0111, yeah I am thinking the headmaster if that is the person above the head of the camp.

It seems like you have her specific counselor on your side. You might be able to mention an aside to the assistant head to please keep an eye on the situation. I don't know if I would really go into a ton of detail to the assistant head, but just mention to them there was an incident and just make sure the counselor is not interacting with her since there is no need for him to be anyway.

[covergirl82]

Jul 23, 2019 10:57:06 GMT -5 waverly said:

mae0111 , yeah I am thinking the headmaster if that is the person above the head of the camp.

It seems like you have her specific counselor on your side. You might be able to mention an aside to the assistant head to please keep an eye on the situation. I don't know if I would really go into a ton of detail to the assistant head, but just mention to them there was an incident and just make sure the counselor is not interacting with her since there is no need for him to be anyway.

+1

[sdlaura]

Jul 23, 2019 10:34:51 GMT -5 traveltheworld said:

I'm very non-confrontational by nature, but even I would take action at this point.

I'm more upset with the head of the camp than with the teen counselor. She is the adult. She should be responsible. The way she tried to address the issue initially, and then with you, are both completely inappropriate. I would reach out to the Head Master of the school, or its board of trustees (if that information is available on-line).

This.  I'm not necessarily non-confrontational, but I typically let the people in charge work things out.  But in this case, both the teenage counselor and the head of camp are being ridiculous.  Is there a higher level supervisor above the head of camp that you could take this to?  I also would be switching to a different camp as I escalate, since I wouldn't want my kid there after this incident.

[xctsclrx]

So I went from eh to omg burn it down.

The kid counselor who spit at her/ flicked food at her; eh it was probably a perceived thing by your DD especially based on the stories you have told us here, I fully believe that she thinks he spit at her and a fully believe that he thinks he did nothing wrong. He was probably being a self centered jerk who didn't notice her and he did spit, then lied about to make him seem better.

His reaction to it completely unacceptable, and the head of camp is completely unacceptable. I don't know what your next step should be. I would talk to your DD and see if today was okay or if she wants you to pursue it. I think it should be her decision since she is the one directly affected by your actions.

Obviously, if it escalates then step in.

[mommyatty]

I would emotionally be at “burn it down” and after camp was over would absolutely take it to social media, as k3am said. But I had a mom who was in constant “burn it down” mode about everything so I just quit telling her when anything was wrong because her reaction was usually more traumatizing than the event.

So I would ask her if she wants you to do anything more. If she says no, then hold your fire until camp is over.

[mae0111]

So I sent an email to the head of the camp outlining my concerns. I said that the counselor clearly lacked the emotional maturity to be working with kids and adolescents (he works with rising 5th graders) and shouldn’t be in his position.

I was filling my sister in and we figured out that he is a good friend of my nephew’s. My sister has known him for almost 10 years and was shocked at his behavior, almost hinting that maybe we misunderstood. I said I didn’t care that they were friends, that the kid’s a d!ck.

I’m not going to pursue it at this time. It’s possible that my kids may want to go to school there someday. While the camp director doesn’t work at the school beyond camp, the camp brings in a lot of revenue for the school. If I make waves at the camp, it could cause issues later. DD1 seems to be enjoying herself now. But I won’t send DD1 there next year if he’s a counselor.