Post by dorothyinAus on Jul 31, 2019 21:28:15 GMT -5
I went to a traditionally women's college (co-ed now), and I flat out told them they wouldn't get another cent from me as long as they addressed me as Mrs. HusbandFirst HusbandLastName. I had updated the alumni information when I got married, but I didn't change my name. The college just assumed I did. I was not a happy person.
I'd expect my school to send things to Ms. Jane Smith.
But I hate Mr. and Mrs. John Doe in general, like I bitch for hours when we get wedding invites mailed to Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. I have a freaking name too people! We got wedding invites recently from cousins from both of our families (one Dh's, one mine) and they both came as Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. So annoying.
Post by LoveTrains on Jul 31, 2019 23:00:41 GMT -5
Many people know I’ve spent my entire career in educational fundraising. Your colleges/alma maters know where you are. They spend lots of money on research to get updated addresses, find cell phone numbers, etc. If big data knows where you are - your alma mater does too.
We get hate calls from everyone no matter what we do. We also keep special notes and have special data base fields.
That being said our standard is to address to alum only (unless you are also parents or grandparents!). If married couple are both alumni it defaults to either stacked names or older alum first and second alum second. Our system defaults to older alum is primary unless they are in same class then it’s alpha by sort name.
Many people know I’ve spent my entire career in educational fundraising. Your colleges/alma maters know where you are. They spend lots of money on research to get updated addresses, find cell phone numbers, etc. If big data knows where you are - your alma mater does too.
We get hate calls from everyone no matter what we do. We also keep special notes and have special data base fields.
That being said our standard is to address to alum only (unless you are also parents or grandparents!). If married couple are both alumni it defaults to either stacked names or older alum first and second alum second. Our system defaults to older alum is primary unless they are in same class then it’s alpha by sort name.
Oh good, I'm glad you chimed in on this. Those defaults are logical, at least (for example the alum who graduated first might be more established and thus better able to donate).
Based on all of these responses it sounds like the form in the list I saw is not the norm anymore, which I feel a bit better about.
Special snowflake, here, since my husband and I have different last names. I've seen people with $$$$ where the couple will have a specific charitable trust or something in their names that they use for donations, so it makes more sense. Like the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation or something.
When I got married my college sent me a card but put my first name and my husband's last name on it, and I'm like, "did I tell you to do that? No. I did not."
I find this equally bizarre as addressing something to a woman under her husband's name.
My DH didn't take my first name. There's no reason anything should be addressed to him as Mr. isabel lastname.
I am in complete agreement that first names shouldn't be erased. It isn't the way I typically address things and when I do it's very much intentional and meant to be bizarre so people can stop to think about how ridiculous it was to address me as Mrs. xhfirstname sharedlastname (that I was born with not xh). It's something I do in the context of someone who's xh took her last name and has regularly seen my first name erased when my own family name was used because the sexist assumption is that women always take men's names. People who thought it was ok to erase my first name get the man's first name erased as a response, I'm fine with that being odd and kind of petty, but I also think it's sometimes ok and beneficial to treat men like women have been treated for a long time even if that's ultimately not the best ultimate option.
Mrs. Husband Lastname fills me with an irrational sense of rage. A. I am still a person, separate from my spouse and B. I didn't even take that fool's last name.
When we got married, my aunt sent us a beautiful set of towels with my husband's monogram. Like traditional first LAST middle initials. She did the same thing to my sister a couple of years later when she got married. Naturally, they're really nice towels and are still holding up 15 years later. 🤣
Ms Firstname Last name has already been my preference. I didn't change my name when I got married and I won't if I ever get remarried, so they'd better use my correct name. XH and I went to the same university, but I don't remember him getting alumni mail, I just remember it coming to me.
Special snowflake, here, since my husband and I have different last names. I've seen people with $$$$ where the couple will have a specific charitable trust or something in their names that they use for donations, so it makes more sense. Like the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation or something.
When I got married my college sent me a card but put my first name and my husband's last name on it, and I'm like, "did I tell you to do that? No. I did not."
In a class list of donors we would still list the names of the alumni, even if gift was received through a family foundation or donor advised fund.