Usually 2-3 times a week. We've been on the higher side of that lately and it's been nice. We may even make 4 times this week since we've already done it 3 times and we usually have sex more on the weekends.
Post by lexxasaurus on Sept 14, 2019 11:48:03 GMT -5
kanga1 we can definitely go 4 times in a weekend day, but usually then we have a busy week and skip several days. But we always make up for it so I'm never worried if we have a few weeks where it 'slows down'. It is okay to not go like bunnies, as long as you find an amount you're happy with! He says no way more often than I do. I'm pretty much always down, but I think it is one of the things that keeps us satisfied and close. We get grumpy without it.
Post by lilypad1126 on Sept 14, 2019 12:59:27 GMT -5
We usually do it 2x per week, and usually on fridays and sundays. We’re nothing if not predictable, lol. This summer we’ve been off, and haven’t done it in at least 6 weeks. Between my marathon training, and my H’s hand surgery in July, and my family vacation, we just can’t get the timing right. Eh, it happens. We’ll get back in soon sync soon.
I’m sure my H would prefer more often, but I just don’t have the time/energy for that. I don’t know how some of you manage so often. I’m in awe!
A few times a month. Not enough. We both know it, but two 2 year olds, full time jobs, and general life stress are just so exhausting. It’s the last thing on my mind, and it’s hard to muster up the energy sometimes.
I’m not worried because we’re otherwise a super strong team and we have a great marriage. I know it’ll get better. This is just a tough time right now.
Not nearly enough. It's one of the reasons why we are on the verge of divorce. I don't really remember the last time. It's been at least 6 months.
Same only we are not marrued. I think we both have one foot out the door.
We used to be 3-4 times a week. Both in sexless marriages prior. Making up for lost time. We were FWB in high school/early college years. Then I moved and we each got married. Two divorces and 4 kids between us
This is making me feel better about our once a week schedule. And often it's not even that because if one of us is out of town or happens to not feel great on the weekend, nothing is happening until the NEXT weekend. I'd prefer twice a weekend, but I would have to really work to make that happen and I've been turned down enough that I tend to not initiate much anymore.
Post by riverrider on Sept 14, 2019 16:01:48 GMT -5
I do have to say I would love it much more often. Like every other day. He hates himself, his words, because he has gained some weight so now we are lucky it's once or twice a year it seems.
Post by sapphireblue on Sept 14, 2019 18:03:53 GMT -5
We have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. Right now it's not great, maybe once a month. At most. Maybe more like once every six weeks.
Something always gets in the way--we plan it every week (we have to or it's less likely to happen) but a kid gets sick, or our son doesn't fall asleep until super late and then we're too tired.
The too tired reason is by far the most common. I'm thinking it will change but I'm not even bothered by it right now. I feel so in the weeds with these kids I just can't even think about it.
It used to be 3 times a week. I'd be happy with once a week, I think. I mean, down the road when my kids are older and we aren't both so exhausted all the time. If that ever happens.
My SO would definitely want it a LOT more but he is very patient and understanding. Plus he is tired too.
Our sex life died once I got pregnant with DS.It stayed dead while I nursed for 13 months. And a few months later, we were back at the RE and it stayed dead, when I became pregnant with DD and it continued to be dead.
Dead dead dead.
Hoping to get back to normal one day. It’s pretty sad actually. I had zero drive while nursing DS and I fear it’ll be the same this time, especially since I’ll now be home with two small kids every day.
Twins! Honestly, I don’t even mind...i’m too busy/tired to muster up the effort. We’ll find our way again, I’m not worried about it.
Co-signed. TTTC really killed our sex life, and now DH is struggling mightily with body image after gaining 40lbs and I’m just plain exhausted. We’ll get back there again I’m sure, but I’m too tired to care right now frankly.
Twins! Honestly, I don’t even mind...i’m too busy/tired to muster up the effort. We’ll find our way again, I’m not worried about it.
Co-signed. TTTC really killed our sex life, and now DH is struggling mightily with body image after gaining 40lbs and I’m just plain exhausted. We’ll get back there again I’m sure, but I’m too tired to care right now frankly.
Yep. It doesn’t bother me at all. It doesn’t seem to bother him either. It’s not like he asks or initiates and I turn him down. But I do wonder how our relationship would change if we got back on track. We’re not in a bad place but we’ve never been less affectionate. There’s some disconnect but not like I think our marriage is in trouble. It’s hard to describe.
Between 2-4 times a month. Sometimes we go 3 weeks and sometimes it's twice a week depending on my hormone levels and what's going on. DH would prefer it to be more, but he doesn't complain.
I’d say everyday, maybe every other sometimes. Like at night one day, then not the next, but early the following morning. But average every 1.5 days or so. On my period, which is like a heavy ish day then two normal days, one day will go with out. It’s been 20 years together 15 married and 3 kids, we have gone times where it’s twice a week or times it’s once a day and everything has n between (with the exception of the 4 weeks postpartum for 2 pregnancies/3 kids).
Were you the one that did it while breastfeeding your twins?
Co-signed. TTTC really killed our sex life, and now DH is struggling mightily with body image after gaining 40lbs and I’m just plain exhausted. We’ll get back there again I’m sure, but I’m too tired to care right now frankly.
Yep. It doesn’t bother me at all. It doesn’t seem to bother him either. It’s not like he asks or initiates and I turn him down. But I do wonder how our relationship would change if we got back on track. We’re not in a bad place but we’ve never been less affectionate. There’s some disconnect but not like I think our marriage is in trouble. It’s hard to describe.
Same same.
I think it's a combo of factors for me but I just have no libido. We are still physically affectionate but not sexually.
Post by Jalapeñomel on Sept 14, 2019 20:47:22 GMT -5
I’ll just come in and say it:
Unless you’re not happy with it, then there is no magic number. Whether you have sex every day, once a month, or once a year, if it works for you, and you’re happy with it, then it’s normal and fine.
I really wish my sex drive would come back for good.
There is some interesting stuff on the idea that for many women, physical arousal comes before mental desire. We think we have to want it to engage, but if you engage, you may start to want it. There’s a Ted Talk from the woman who wrote The Sex Starved Marriage that goes into it. Stuff like long massages.
Obviously there are other factors at play for you, if I recall your more distant history along with your more recent history. I’m trying to say, if you want to want it, there are ways to go about that.
Yeah, I read somewhere to act on desire vs arousal which made a lot of sense to me. I mean, I have never been a person with a really high sex drive, but i feel like life and kids have sucked what I have right out of me and it takes real effort on my part to even be open to it, but I am happy when I do. So.. lol just work in progress.
I really wish my sex drive would come back for good.
There is some interesting stuff on the idea that for many women, physical arousal comes before mental desire. We think we have to want it to engage, but if you engage, you may start to want it. There’s a Ted Talk from the woman who wrote The Sex Starved Marriage that goes into it. Stuff like long massages.
Obviously there are other factors at play for you, if I recall your more distant history along with your more recent history. I’m trying to say, if you want to want it, there are ways to go about that.
I thought I just had a low sex drive and that's why it was really lacking in my marriage. It's definitely also one of the things that lead to our divorce.
I very much do not have a low sex drive. But I'm single and dating sucks, so it's still fairly infrequent.
Post by Shreddingbetty on Sept 15, 2019 22:31:39 GMT -5
The last few years of our marriage it was maybe once a week to everyone couple of weeks and that was too much, I had very little interest anymore because when you ave an H that is drunk and or depressed every night and seems to prefer porn over the real thing except at 3 am in the morning when I want to sleep it sort of puts a damper on things.....I mostly did it to do my wifey duties I admit. We’ve been divorced since last November but had not had sex since summer of 2016 when everything went to shit when I confronted him about his alcohol problem. He got treatment and is doing well but too late for me, it just took me a while and lots of therapy to co e to terms with that. Had sex once last summer while in Europe with my French friend and this summer managed to hook up with him 3 times while in Europe and once here last week while he was doing a cross country trip with his dad and sister and they spent the night at my house. But who knows how long it will be before I will have sex again. I won’t see him during the year and if is is unattached and available when I’m in Europe I might luck out again. It’s too bad too because as much as my sex life sucked with my ex those last several years I’ve come to really like it with this guy and I want more....but I want it with him, I’m not the kind of person that can just go find someone just to go get laid. So unless I find someone i connect with here it will be a long dry spell again 😭😭. And where I live it won’t be easy to find someone unfortunately. Butin guess that’s why they invented toys....
I’d say everyday, maybe every other sometimes. Like at night one day, then not the next, but early the following morning. But average every 1.5 days or so. On my period, which is like a heavy ish day then two normal days, one day will go with out. It’s been 20 years together 15 married and 3 kids, we have gone times where it’s twice a week or times it’s once a day and everything has n between (with the exception of the 4 weeks postpartum for 2 pregnancies/3 kids).
Were you the one that did it while breastfeeding your twins?
Post by pinkdutchtulips on Sept 16, 2019 11:18:21 GMT -5
living an hr apart and working around kid custody schedules ... i'm feeling great if we do that 2-3x/month ... ideally id love 1-2x/wk *we need to share an address for that to happen lol*
I’d say everyday, maybe every other sometimes. Like at night one day, then not the next, but early the following morning. But average every 1.5 days or so. On my period, which is like a heavy ish day then two normal days, one day will go with out. It’s been 20 years together 15 married and 3 kids, we have gone times where it’s twice a week or times it’s once a day and everything has n between (with the exception of the 4 weeks postpartum for 2 pregnancies/3 kids).
Were you the one that did it while breastfeeding your twins?
I thought I just had a low sex drive and that's why it was really lacking in my marriage. It's definitely also one of the things that lead to our divorce.
I very much do not have a low sex drive. But I'm single and dating sucks, so it's still fairly infrequent.
Well, there is also stuff about how women’s sex drives tank in monogamy whereas men’s generally do not. Which matches my experience and the experience of most women I know, but of course nobody cared enough about enhancing the female sexual experience in long term relationships until lately, so that doesn’t get much press. Women generally need novelty to feel interest.
A bad marriage will also throw a wrench in drive though!
This is really interesting. I have not heard/read that before but I'm going to now!
kanga1 we can definitely go 4 times in a weekend day, but usually then we have a busy week and skip several days. But we always make up for it so I'm never worried if we have a few weeks where it 'slows down'. It is okay to not go like bunnies, as long as you find an amount you're happy with! He says no way more often than I do. I'm pretty much always down, but I think it is one of the things that keeps us satisfied and close. We get grumpy without it.
Not gonna lie I do miss the 4 times a day! But I've also realized I can't let that be a dealbreaker for me as pretty much everything else in the relationship is REALLY good. And now it's more quality over quantity haha. At first it was just hard not to take it personally, like I was being rejected or something because he didn't want it multiple times a day. It became less of an issue once I realized it has nothing to do with me.
Post by picksthemusic on Sept 16, 2019 17:06:13 GMT -5
Once a week on average. There are times where it's twice or three times a week, depending on my libido. Usually around O time is when I'm most likely to want it, so we take advantage.
2-3x/month -- I wish it was more. We want to have it more but we're only together 3-4nights a week (alternating weekends) and we're both exhausted by the time we get in bed.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."