Wow, I haven't thought about this at all and H and I haven't discussed. Granted DS is only 10 months so we have plenty of time. I guess I agree with honesty and age-appropriate conversations, whatever they will be.
Has anyone had the conversation discussing remaining embryos? I still struggle with it and considering being OAD, I dont know how I'd articulate that to a toddler/child etc. (as in potential embryo siblings in a lab).
I plan to be super open about my kid’s conception, but I don’t think you owe your kid an explanation about embryos not used. Those are your private reproductive choices that have nothing to do with your kid, y’know?
Yea that's fair. I can see a bunch of questions coming like virginiaham mentioned, but since DS is only 10 months we haven't had to learn how to address or redirect as necessary. But to your point that's clearly between H and I.
Wow, I haven't thought about this at all and H and I haven't discussed. Granted DS is only 10 months so we have plenty of time. I guess I agree with honesty and age-appropriate conversations, whatever they will be.
Has anyone had the conversation discussing remaining embryos? I still struggle with it and considering being OAD, I dont know how I'd articulate that to a toddler/child etc. (as in potential embryo siblings in a lab).
This is easy for me--we donated our embryos to science the week S was born. We knew we were OAD. Had there been an option I would have donated the embryos to families who needed healthy embryos. And in that case I would not consider them siblings of my son just because they share DNA. I would be open if he asked about it, but I would not be all, "you have a sibling out there!"
Wow, I haven't thought about this at all and H and I haven't discussed. Granted DS is only 10 months so we have plenty of time. I guess I agree with honesty and age-appropriate conversations, whatever they will be.
Has anyone had the conversation discussing remaining embryos? I still struggle with it and considering being OAD, I dont know how I'd articulate that to a toddler/child etc. (as in potential embryo siblings in a lab).
I plan to be super open about my kid’s conception, but I don’t think you owe your kid an explanation about embryos not used. Those are your private reproductive choices that have nothing to do with your kid, y’know?
I really agree with this. They are not siblings quite frankly. They are embryos. And what you do with them is your choice and has nothing to do with your child.
I am of like-mind with those with shauni27 and spearmintleaf, in that if we ever do have any remaining embryos, that will be between me and H, I dont think I will tell DS and other other children about them and I definitely would not refer to them as their siblings.
I am of like-mind with those with shauni27 and spearmintleaf, in that if we ever do have any remaining embryos, that will be between me and H, I dont think I will tell DS and other other children about them and I definitely would not refer to them as their siblings.
I’m glad this came up because I never thought about it but I’m sitting here, too. We don’t have any full embryos but we had a wonky cycle where my doctor froze the eggs as soon as they fertilized. We still haven’t decided what to do with them yet.
Those who donate embryos to other families, are yall at all concerned about the possibility that your child(ren) would meet any potential unknown genetic siblings and procreate with them? That is mine and DH's biggest block to donating our embryos. To us, it's like giving up our children for adoption.
We did not conceive via IVF but plenty of doctors were involved in ensuring our DD stuck and was born healthy. I'm sure I'll give them a plug when she eventually asks how babies are made.
I struggle a lot more with when to broach the subject of her sister. I desperately want to be open about it, but there are age-appropriate levels of information that need consideration. She has recently become quite interested in death, ever since my uncle died, and I tried to explain that as simply as possible and she seemed to understand. I think maybe this is the year we'll tell her. I know lots of parents in the loss community who are way more open with their kids about losing a baby, they talk about the child all the time. We aren't like that. Even my H and I don't talk about her much to each other. It's just too painful for us, but obviously once we tell DD I want her to feel like she can ask me about it. It's tricky.
Post by lifetaketwo on Sept 17, 2019 10:27:02 GMT -5
We will tell him, but I actually haven’t given any thought as to how. He’s 7 weeks so we have some time. We do tell him a lot when he is screaming in the middle of the night that we could have bought a boat..
I think I’ll probably have discuss both ivf and non when my daughter asks where babies come from. Right now she thinks that all babies are cut out because she asks about my scar a lot and this last one still hasn’t healed so we talk about my boo boo.
Those who donate embryos to other families, are yall at all concerned about the possibility that your child(ren) would meet any potential unknown genetic siblings and procreate with them? That is mine and DH's biggest block to donating our embryos. To us, it's like giving up our children for adoption.
honestly not even something I would ever consider. There are billions of people in the world, the odds of your child finding your donated embryo to procreate with are so, so marginal.
Post by sapphireblue on Sept 17, 2019 17:08:34 GMT -5
We plan to tell them the truth. However, we really haven't worked out a plan of exactly how or when.
My kids were conceived with donor eggs and IVF.
I was adopted as a baby and my parents always told me so that I can't remember a time that I didn't know I was adopted. For me, that worked to make it not a big deal, something I was very matter-of-fact about. So I'd like to work it the same way if I can with my kids.
Post by icedcoffee on Sept 17, 2019 18:07:40 GMT -5
I plan to just always have them know that a doctor helped create them. I’m pretty open about it though. Maybe this is just because the men in my life don’t overthink things, but having only sons makes me think it will never be a big deal. I think it would be different with daughters. Maybe I’m wrong though.