Kindergarten attitude? (and other observations)

[simpsongal]

From the homework thread, I gather we have quite a few with current and recent kindergarteners.....

Has anyone noticed an uptick in attitude/disobedience after starting kindergarten?  We're lucky that DS has been a pretty easy kid since age 2, but holy cow have we noticed a change in attitude since he started kindergarten (FWIW he was in full time preschool for years).  More backtalk, under the breath/side comments, not listening, thinking he knows better, etc. 

It could just be a coincidence in timing, but a few other friends said they saw the same thing.  I mean, I'm glad he's gaining confidence and swagger in a way....but sheesh kid, how many privileges do I have to take away?

Also, I kept hearing he would be exhausted after school.  Newp, not in the least.  I suppose the lack of exercise/outdoor time compared to his preschool days is not helping w/the attitude.  He's in 2 sports, so that helps and sometimes he runs short distances w/me.

Feel free to add other kinder' observations/questions.

[minniemouse]

Dd2 is in first. I noticed a change in attitude last year, but it did get better as the year went in.

[dcn]

Oh yeah ds1 was the same. It spiked again when school started this year for 1st grade. Such a bad attitude and straight out defiance. I think he just gets tired of following the rules and being told what to do all day so by the time he gets home he just is done. Unfortunately, taking stuff away doesn’t really work for him.

We play outside most days after school so the kids can get their pent up energy out. It’s been one million degrees though so they don’t last very long. I’m ready for cooler weather.

[VillainV]

Yes, absolutely, at least at home. He’s doing great at school, but I think by the time he gets home he’s so tired from behaving himself and following rules all day, that he kind of falls apart. He’s been in full-day care since he was five months old, including Pre-K last year, but I think the expectations of K are different enough that the transition has been hard.

[Loco Coco]

Yup. Mine has some major meltdowns after school. I asked her teacher how her behavior was bc I was worried it was at school too and her teacher said, “she’s an angel!” So same as above I think the pressure of learning and being “on” all day and then being free at home to really express any emotion does it. She’s been better the past few weeks but still happens once in a while. The first weeks it was every day.

[anelms]

Yes! Glad to hear it isn’t just mine. Exactly as you described. More sass, pushing his limits, talking back etc

[kdubs923]

Yes! DS started K this year. He's been in full day care since he was 14 weeks old. But man.... the adjustment is hard. Like PPs, even though the number of hours out of the house hasn't changed for him, the increase in the amount of focus needed, decrease in physical time, & all around holding it together is just different in K.

It doesn't help that he has ADHD-combined. He's struggling with the focus and sitting still. So he's getting in trouble at school - like all day, everyday - so once he's home, he just falls apart. His self esteem has taken a bit of a hit as he's always at the bottom of the color behavior chart, even though he's trying as hard as he's capable of trying.

We tried Ritalin last week, which was an epic failure. The pediatrician switched him to Adderall this week, and I hope it brings him a bit of focus, so he can feel successful. Academically, he's fine, but the attention necessary for him to complete his work isn't there in a classroom setting.

Sorry - side tangent. But yes, it's all a struggle right now! He's rude and talking back to us. He's so sassy when talking to his sister. I know he needs our support and love, we're his safe place to lash out, blah blah.... but damn, it's tough when he mutters a snide remark under his breath. I'm like, where did he even pick up on these words/tone of voice?! Bring back my baby! lol

[pugz]

Definitely. Start of 1st too. It is part of the mental exhaustion for my kid. She is so done by the end of the day she doesn't have the self-regulation she needs to keep from talking back and throwing tantrums. It gets better the further we get into the school year.

[steamboat185]

The start of kindergarten was awful for us last year. My Dd got in trouble at school and was just awful at home. I knew the transition could be rough, but didn’t expect it to be that bad. It doesn’t help that she is in before and afterschool care, which makes for an extra long day- much longer than most of her classmates. Thankfully as school went on it got much better and her teacher was awesome and able to get DD into a better mindset at school. This year in first grease I still get some attitude, but it’s WAY better. She talks to me when I pick her up and tells me about school sometimes. We don’t have nearly as many meltdowns either, which is obviously nice.

[browneyedgirl9]

Yes! DS1 started kindergarten this year (it's been an epic disaster in school, see other thread) but he has also been sassy at home saying "your not the boss of me" and that he wants to make his own choices. I agree that the shorted outdoor activity and for us the lack of nap (he still napped every day in preschool) has him mean in the evenings.

[redpenmama]

Yes, it's happened to both of my kids (my second is in kindergarten now). It makes for a rough year, but my daughter climbed out of it toward the end of the school year, and we had no issues in 1st grade. I think it's related to the exhaustion/mental crash that happens when they get home. My son is fine until the clock strikes 5 and then he turns into a terror until bedtime.

[simpsongal]

Woof, sorry to hear I'm not alone but glad to see it's sort of normal. FWIW, he does seem to behave fine at school, I think it's a like a lot of you said - they're just done after holding it together all day.

I'm just surprised he has some of this attitude in him. He's never rolled his eyes at us and it's like a daily occurrence now. I struggle w/how to respond sometimes too, I hate taking good things away or feeling like we're constantly correcting him. I hope it does get better as he settles into the school year.

Getting him to handle his own stuff, out the door on time, and doing small chores has become a struggle too. I have no qualms w/taking things away, I just hate that so much of our interaction is negative - I'm trying to seize on the quiet moments to praise his good behavior (it's like we're back at those toddler conditioning years)

[pugz]

Oct 7, 2019 10:59:24 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

Woof, sorry to hear I'm not alone but glad to see it's sort of normal. FWIW, he does seem to behave fine at school, I think it's a like a lot of you said - they're just done after holding it together all day.

I'm just surprised he has some of this attitude in him. He's never rolled his eyes at us and it's like a daily occurrence now. I struggle w/how to respond sometimes too, I hate taking good things away or feeling like we're constantly correcting him. I hope it does get better as he settles into the school year.

Getting him to handle his own stuff, out the door on time, and doing small chores has become a struggle too. I have no qualms w/taking things away, I just hate that so much of our interaction is negative - I'm trying to seize on the quiet moments to praise his good behavior (it's like we're back at those toddler conditioning years)

we do a marble jar (we use pom poms) for getting all of her daily tasks done without whining/attitude. She can earn extra screen time. It has been helpful!

[jeaniebueller]

No, mine has always been a firecracker -cries-

[vmars]

Yes, he had terrible behavior his first month of kindergarten. The only things that have helped so far are the following:

1. When we get home we quickly do his homework and then he likes to do a reading app they use at school until dinner time (he runs around after school at daycare so he’s really tired).

2. After dinner we play for a few more minutes but at 6:30 pm he goes upstairs for his bath and lights out by 7:30.

3. Lots of positive reinforcement. He was super anxious because he was getting notes sent home (over relatively minor things - talking, spinning a pair of scissors because he was bored etc). He wasn’t earning tokens either (for good behavior in class). We eventually just said to try and relax, have a good time and be good. We told him if he goes a whole week at home with no tantrums, etc we’d let him get the game Perfection he’d been eyeing. He’s been way better behaved since and been giving himself chores to do so he can earn more special treats (like a movie or a special meal/dessert etc)

[vmars]

Also I wanted to add Kindergarten is not at all what I was expecting. I went to the kindergarten readiness presentation and orientation. They made it seem like a lot of play based learning. DS has been doing about a million worksheets. His class has free play/extra outdoor time taken away almost daily for not being able to get through the lesson. The work that is sent home that he’s done and for homework are way too easy for him. I have been working with him at home to make the assignments a little harder for him. I am pretty sure any behavior issues would be minimal if she started to challenge him a little bit more. We had wanted to move prior to K so that’s not helping either.

[formerlyak]

I haven't noticed attitude, but have noticed major meltdowns at night. We got a chalkboard and started making a list of things that he needs to do when he gets home before he goes outside to play (he's at the after school program for like 5 hours so he gets plenty of play time there). Snack is first - usually fruit to not ruin dinner, but we've found a small snack makes a HUGE difference. Then math, sight words, spelling words. He likes checking off the list and I think he finds it more manageable to know what comes next. I was desperate the first few weeks with the every day meltdowns, so I was Googling "Kindergarten meltdowns" and there was a lot out there, but a list seemed to be the easiest thing to try. And thankfully, it seemed to help.

[gastro]

Kindergarten was fine for us with DS1. But man last year he was in second grade and the attitude and not hearing me wore me down. He's in third this year and I feel like I got my kid back!

[lauren170]

I’ll just add that I think for us its a combo of mental exhaustion and hunger. They don’t get much time to eat, and the after school snack is something like pirates booty. I have literally 5 seconds to give her a snack when she get home or she has a melt down.

[humpforfree]

Hahahaha yes. Yes. He is a monster when he gets home from school. Like physically attacking his sister (shoving, kicking, etc), the verbal sass, and on. It’s been about 4? 5? weeks now and starting to get better. After holding himself together at school all day (and going without naps for the first time!), he’s just not able to control himself when he gets home now. It seems like after a couple of hours at home it does get a little better. After school he’s so wiped out he doesn’t want to even go play outside. I feel kind of awful about it, but they just zone out in front of the tv for an hour or so with snacks and then are more willing to engage (NICELY).

[cabbagecabbage]

DD is in second and September has be rough every year since kindergarten. The transition is hard and she has acted out. This year it was only bad the first week of school but I see extra whining and attitude still. I feed her immediately and that helps a bit.

[pugz]

high protein snacks right after school are key! Mine usually has a yogurt cup first thing and then I offer more stuff if she's still hungry

[JayhawkGirl]

Oh yes. DS pulled me aside recently to ask why kindergarten has made DD so mean. He forgets he did the same to us

It’s getting a LITTLE better. If I squint real hard.

[formerlyak]

I also want to add, I remember September and sometimes October being tough with my older son for the first few years of elementary school. Not Kinder, but after that. Maybe 1st - 3rd? When he was in 3rd he was finally able to articulate why. It was because he had to relearn stuff that he didn't necessarily retain all summer. The next year, we started using one of those summer bridge workbooks. I didn't follow the program, but asked him to pick 10 problems a day and do them and then also read 20 minutes each day. The following year, the transition back to school was so much easier. He's in 8th grade now, so I know next year for his honors classes they start having summer requirements so the workbooks will go away, but he will still be doing something each do to use his brain. I will do the same with my younger one (especially given that the homework was such a struggle for the first month for him).

[sunshine608]

Yes. I figured it was some sort of developmental growth with all that he is learning and going through. He's actually in the same school, same teacher so not a significant amount of change but the day is longer and there is more work.

He's also been complaining about not sleeping but he falls asleep in the car everyday just makes everything worse.

[magpie]

Oct 7, 2019 9:44:43 GMT -5 Loco Coco said:

Yup. Mine has some major meltdowns after school. I asked her teacher how her behavior was bc I was worried it was at school too and her teacher said, “she’s an angel!” So same as above I think the pressure of learning and being “on” all day and then being free at home to really express any emotion does it. She’s been better the past few weeks but still happens once in a while. The first weeks it was every day.

Same thing here. Exactly this. 
Ours spiked about a month into K and seems to be easing a little 2+ months in...

[lolo]

Of course.

I have a highly sensitive introvert. She has been over stimulated all day long, transitioning every 10-15 minutes, told what to do all day, etc. It's also taught in a language she's still learning.

Mostly I think what she needs is understanding and unconditional acceptance, plus lots of snacks, snuggles, and down time outside of school.

[chickadee77]

Just chiming in to say yup! It started over the summer when she moved from her daycare/preschool to do summer camp at her elementary school, so it's a liiiittle bit better now, ha. We've had a lot of conversations about adjusting attitude, and I've had to be really strict with limits (she was always pretty easy before - we could make "exceptions" to rules and she could deal, but not anymore!).

[IndiaInk]

I’m honestly shocked that I might be the only one to say it’s been better than expected. I was fully prepared for all the hellfire and fury that a new kindergartener would unleash on us after a long day at school. She has a new ADHD diagnosis and we just moved to a new town so I expected the worst. But she has a fabulous teacher who keeps her really engaged and believes in lots of outdoor play and zero homework That, combined with the rhythm and predictability of school has been very good for my daughter. She’s been much happier and nicer to
Be around. Definitely worn out and ready for bed at bedtime though, which is not a bad thing either, given her history of insomnia.

[jackie011]

I haven’t really noticed an attitude change, but certainly more prone to meltdowns. DS has been in FT care since he was 4 months old. He was also in my center, so in close proximity to me for all of that time. When he wasn’t with me, he was with my ILs. This has been a huge change for us all!

I’m a little surprised that we’re still not in a good routine. DS fights sleep and it takes forever to get him to go to bed. Then, not surprisingly, it’s very difficult to get him to wake up in the morning. My ILs pick him up from school at 3:30, so he can instantly unwind. DH travels a lot and I usually don’t get home until after 6:00, so we have a short window at night once we’re at our house. Thursdays are the worst. DS goes to a friend’s house right after school and then they go to an activity together. I pick them up and as soon as DS sees me, he usually bursts in to tears. I think by that point he is just over everything. I made the mistake of taking him out to dinner once after his activity and that was a disaster.