Discuss: Vaesctomy

[Deleted]

Inspired by the MM board.

Would you be mad if H did not want to get a vaesctomy, but you both knew that you were done having children? Or Niq, would you be mad if W did not want to do something permanent even though you were done with kids?

Discuss.

[jennlin]

yes, i would be mad. i took birth control for almost 6 years when i was with him. that's an EVERY SINGLE DAY reminder. he can visit the doc (and get later checked) in just a few visit and be done with it.

if we weren't 150% sure we were done, though, i wouldn't be mad.

[georgeharrison]

Hmmm, I'm not sure. We had originally thought we would only have Tman and James had a referral for a urologist and everything to get his vasectomy. He put the call off, though. For what reason, I don't know, but I'm super glad that he did. I mean, we haven't been able to get pregnant anyway, but at least I know we don't have that obstacle to overcome.

I guess it's really hard for me to even think of it because I can't imagine asking him to do it. Also, since I haven't been on birth control, that part of the argument for it doesn't really apply to us.

[Deleted]

Nope, I would not be mad. In fact, H has still not said anything about him getting a V since I had my procedure. I thought that he was going to do it some time this year, but he still hasn't said anything about it. It's his body and he can do with it what he wants. I would be pissed if he had told me I "have" to get my procedure done and nagged me about doing it. I'm not going to tell someone what to do with their own body.

I took BC prior to all of this because it was my choice. At the end of the day, even if we were married, I knew that if I got pg it would ultimately be my responsibility. I would have to figure out if I would want to keep it or not and if I did have to keep it I'd have to care for it. Realistically, H could leave me at any time and I'd be stuck with a kid. I didn't take the BC for him or for us, but it was insurance for me that I wouldn't have to make those kinds of decisions.

[amandasw]

this is a non-issue since H is more than willing to get it done once we're through having kids

but yeah, I'd be a little mad since like pp said, I've had to 'be in charge' of not having kids for MUCH longer and it's a much less serious procedure for guys than girls.

[madDawg228]

We've talked about this a little bit, and H moreorless agrees to get a vasectomy after we are done with kids, because sterilization is a much more simple procedure for men than for women.

But if he were to flip flop when the time comes, I would be mad. Children are the responsibility of both partners, as is the prevention of future children (even though that is harder to keep equal with current available birth control).

The only possibility that he wouldn't need a vasectomy would be if I had a c-section with the last kid (and I knew 100% that that would be my last child), then I would get my tubes tied at that time (my mom did this, so I'm open to it).

[picksthemusic]

I don't know that I'd be mad, per se, but I'd definitely want to know his reasoning. It's a simple, outpatient procedure that has no effect on his sexual function - just interrupts sperm pathways so he'll be shooting blanks. It's way easier to do that than have the woman take OCP for the rest of her life, or get an IUD, or have her tubes tied.

I mean, yes, there are other options, but I think if you're done with kids, there's no reason the H shouldn't get the vasectomy (unless cost is an issue and it's not covered by insurance or something).

Once we're done with kids, I'm going to encourage DH to get snipped.

[Kahala]

weve talked about it and were on the same page with him getting it done. But ive had a great experience with Mirena, so i wouldn't mind keep doing that.

[picksthemusic]

Sept 21, 2012 10:47:56 GMT -5 @lauralynne said:

Sept 21, 2012 10:40:08 GMT -5 madDawg228 said:

The only possibility that he wouldn't need a vasectomy would be if I had a c-section with the last kid (and I knew 100% that that would be my last child), then I would get my tubes tied at that time (my mom did this, so I'm open to it).

My son was born via emergency c-section - and I thought I was hearing things when my OB asked me if I wanted my tubes tied "while she was in there" as we're racing down the hallway to the surgery suite. Because an emergency situation is a great place to make permanent decisions...right?

That's awful. I was so heartbroken and frightened during that hallway gurney ride that I would have slapped the OB if they even broached that subject. How ridiculous and insensitive.

[madDawg228]

Sept 21, 2012 10:47:56 GMT -5 @lauralynne said:

Sept 21, 2012 10:40:08 GMT -5 madDawg228 said:

The only possibility that he wouldn't need a vasectomy would be if I had a c-section with the last kid (and I knew 100% that that would be my last child), then I would get my tubes tied at that time (my mom did this, so I'm open to it).

My son was born via emergency c-section - and I thought I was hearing things when my OB asked me if I wanted my tubes tied "while she was in there" as we're racing down the hallway to the surgery suite. Because an emergency situation is a great place to make permanent decisions...right?

The doctor and my mom talked prior to my brother's scheduled c-section. She was 36 years old, had a daughter already and was expecting a son, and she didn't want any more kids. In no way was she pressured

ETA: Not to downplay what happened to you LL, that doctor was WAY out of line! I just wanted to make clear what the situation was with my mom, and if I had a scheduled c-section, NOT emergency c-section.

[jennlin]

omg LL. how completely inappropriate of your doc! i'm glad she apologized, but still.

[niq]

Well, we used condoms until we got married, so we would probably just go back to using condoms. So it's kind of n/a for us.

And believe it or not I find it easier to finish when using condoms. Probably just out of habit.

[dawnyp]

H has already met with a doctor to discuss. He will be getting the procedure done next year.

[jennlin]

jennuinne, my h was pretty against it before he realized how common it was. he said he would do it "for me", because i really want him to do it when we're done....and he was really hesitant bc he really doesn't want someone in his junk. but once our older friends with kids started talking about it...he realized that 4 out of the 5 guys in the room had it done (and the guy who did not have it done didn't have kids), and he was okay with it. he is now very accepting of it, and says he'll get it done when we're done.

[jennlin]

Jennuinne, does he know anybody personally with it done? Before he knew our friends had done it, it was just a statistic, but when he knew our friends did it, it became "real" and accepted.

[karebear219]

Sept 21, 2012 11:54:48 GMT -5 @jennuinne said:

We've talked about it many times and DH doesn't want to do it. Maybe that will change after we're done having kids. If he still won't when we're done, I'll be annoyed. Not mad , but annoyed, b/c it is an easy and permanent solution and much easier for him than for me. And if I carried and pushed out his kids, I think he can take this one for the team.

This is our exact situation too, although we haven't visited the topic again since bkb. I am hoping it boils down to education. When the time come I want him to at least understand what is involved for each of us. As much as a gift it would be I don't want to have a accidental baby in my late 30s/early 40s.

[starrieskies]

I've had 2 c-sections, so if DH and I end up having another child, I'll probably have another scheduled c-section. I think we'll probably be done after the next one, so I'll just have my tubes tied at the same time.

HOWEVER, if H told me that I HAD to do it because he WOULDN'T, I would be beyond pissed.

[omangie]

He was supposed to get it done after Sammy...2 1/2 years ago. But, he's lazy, so I got an IUD for my peace of mind.