Letting go of being let go

[dglvrk2]

Advice please?

Almost two years ago the HR manager at my then place of employment informed me that I was not a good fit for the company and that I needed to resign or be terminated.she gave no concrete explainations for this, just a vague "not a good fit." This hit hard as there was no prior indication that my performance was unsatisfactory or anything of the like. I had been with the company for two years. I was supposed to receive a review from my manager at one year, but my manager never gave me a review. Hence, aside from casual feedback from this manager - which was either constructive and acted on, or good to great- I had nothing to go on for growth and job performance indication.

I resigned. Within three months, I got a new - and better!- job, a similar position (middle management) in a similar company. My annual review was very positive and constructive. It was full of praise and concrete suggestions for building on what I'm already doing.

My hang up is I just can't shake what happened two years ago. I'm constantly second guessing myself and worrying about being let go again. My current company may consider downsizing as we are over staffed right now, to make matters worse. I feel like it's partially me filling my head with negative self talk. I'm wondering if I should have a conversation with my boss - who I very much respect - about my feelings.

Any advice is much appreciated!

TIA

[waverly]

This happened to my husband several times actually. He ended up depressed from it and has been in therapy for it. Therapy has helped a lot but he continues to make poor decisions in terms of what jobs he takes. The current job is a good fit but he is definitely anxious about making a good impression because he has experienced many times what happens if he can’t show that he fits in.

[mommyatty]

I think to some degree, it’s like dating, and you just have to go, “Yeah, it was a perfectly good place for some people, but they weren’t right for me.” If you can frame it as that place wasn’t right for you instead of you weren’t good enough or whatever your inner voice is saying right now, it might help. But I can understand it. Having the rug jerked out from under you can certainly make you leery of all rugs.

I’m sorry that happened to you. It sounds like a shitty employer, and it probably says something very good about your character that you weren’t a good fit there.

[rere]

From what I have seen, you never know what is going on behind the scenes. There my be reasons you will never know and that really don't even reflect on you an your performance, but your job is the casualty of it. I would not worry about it. Some jobs and workplace culture and bosses suck, some are great. You just do the best you can.

[covergirl82]

dglvrk2 , I understand. I had a few things happen with my manager (and I worked in the HR department) at my last employer (I got blamed for issues with severance checks going to a severanced employee, when I had nothing to do with how things were processed in the system or no oversight of the checks being sent to the school (in another state) and the secretaries not sending them out; I was told in a performance review, while PG with DS (and it was public knowledge), that I needed to decide if my priority was work or family). That was over 10 years ago, but sometimes if I think about it too much, it still upsets me. Maybe because I felt like there was no action taken following the exit interview I did, so that manager "got away" with discriminatory behavior/actions.

I also got a new and better job and my manager and director both feel I'm a stellar employee. So I've had almost 10 years of a much better experience compared to the 2-3 crappy years before that.

However, I'm glad to hear that you're at a much better employer now, and they obviously recognize your performance, so I would just try to not dwell on the past and to focus on where you are now. Maybe the bad situation at your last place was a blessing in disguise; if it hadn't been so bad, maybe you wouldn't have found this better job. That's how I try to look at it with my situation. And crappy people/managers will hopefully get a taste of karma at some point.

[waverly]

And to echo what pp said, it wasn't really him. Yes can he be more perfect, absolutely we all can, and his personality is not as amiable as some (driver). However, there were other political issues and I suspect that is the case with you as well, since come on it's been 2 years how are you not a good fit- it's not like it was your first 3 months. And you never had a review.

While I suspect there were things that DH did that didn't help, at the end of the day sometimes it was due to no work, sometimes it was due to company issues.