Going out with friends question

[sugarbear]

I go out to dinner every couple months with a small group of girlfriends. I usually have one drink and they usually each have 2. We share apps, usually order a salad and a main. When the bill comes, we split it four ways. One of these friends usually takes half of her meal home for lunch the following day and often orders the larger portion size. At our usual place, that’s an additional $5.

The last time we went out last week, all of this happened, but this time three of us ordered ~$20 pasta dishes. This friend ordered a $60 steak, ate three bites, and took the rest home.

Income disparity between the three of them and me is at least six figures. Would you have said anything?

[VillainV]

Jan 4, 2020 11:31:39 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

I go out to dinner every couple months with a small group of girlfriends. I usually have one drink and they usually each have 2. We share apps, usually order a salad and a main. When the bill comes, we split it four ways. One of these friends usually takes half of her meal home for lunch the following day and often orders the larger portion size. At our usual place, that’s an additional $5.

The last time we went out last week, all of this happened, but this time three of us ordered ~$20 pasta dishes. This friend ordered a $60 steak, ate three bites, and took the rest home.

Income disparity between the three of them and me is at least six figures. Would you have said anything?

I don’t know if I would have said anything in the moment, but I would certainly ask my friends about getting separate checks next time.

[jinkies]

I'm sure in the moment I would have been shocked and just paid. But maybe next time just say at the beginning "Hey guys I'm on a tight budget so I'm going to get my own check to make things easier."

I feel like it's on the $60 meal friend to recognize how much more she spent and adjust how much she contributes. Im judging her for still expecting everyone to split evenly.

[carmenere]

I wouldn’t have said anything, but next time ask the server if you can split the check by seat when they’re taking your drink order.

[livinitup]

That’s terrible. I would be mortified to order a $60 steak while everyone else ordered $20 pasta without saying “Here’s $40 for my steak, we can split the rest after that.” I would not say something to compel someone else to chip in more. I always let the extra drinks slide, too. But that big entree would bug me - that’s half the food bill.

The most I would say is something to the waiter like “Separate checks, please.” But I don’t usually share appetizers.

[brooke77]

Ask the server for separate checks at the beginning. It’s only a group of 4 and happens monthly, so you shouldn’t keep paying for more than your budget allows.

[sadlebred]

I have no problems saying "I only had one drink and a salad. I'm going to cover only what I had and that part of the tip." I'm on a budget; many of my friends aren't. After all these years they know I'm not helping them buy 3 pitchers of mojitos and leftover for the next 2 days.

[imojoebunny]

I go out regularly with a couple of different groups of ladies. We get separate checks, and just tell the waiter up front, and it is never a problem. I would not be comfortable dumping my 2 drinks on a non-drinker, or paying for the person who gets an app, dinner, and dessert, when I am having the spring rolls. In some circumstances, it might all come out in the wash over time, but in the groups I am in, it never would. Regardless of income, no one should assumptively be saddled with someone else's bill on the regular, without them offering that up specifically for that meal. That is taking advantage, not being a good friend.

[Leeham Rimes]

I don’t go out with friends often but when I do It’s always separate checks. I don’t want to have to worry if one person’s meal is more than other people’s. Too much math and someone always gets screwed. The last time I went out with a friend she paid for the appetizer that we shared (though she insisted on it bc it was her favorite) so next time, I‘ll put the app on my tab (and I told her that next time, app was my treat).

I probably wouldn’t have said anything in the moment but I also wouldn’t let it happen again. $60 steak lady knows exactly what she’s doing too which is what’s most annoying to me. Don’t be a cheap bitch, pay for yourself.

[sugarbear]

Jan 4, 2020 11:44:13 GMT -5 livinitup said:

That’s terrible. I would be mortified to order a $60 steak while everyone else ordered $20 pasta without saying “Here’s $40 for my steak, we can split the rest after that.” I would not say something to compel someone else to chip in more. I always let the extra drinks slide, too. But that big entree would bug me - that’s half the food bill.

The most I would say is something to the waiter like “Separate checks, please.” But I don’t usually share appetizers.

Right?? I would never have done that and I was shocked that when the bill came, she didn’t step up.

[sarahsays]

I would just say I wanted a separate check.

I regularly go out with a group of 8-10 and the income range is huge among the group. We usually get one check but everyone just puts in the amount they owe. It's never been an issue and I try to bring cash to those outings to make things easier.

[lilypad1126]

This would drive me nuts. When I lived in Chicago, every time I went out with a group, we split the check X number of ways. And I hated it. I will say, tho, my friends were always good about saying “hey my meal was more than yours so I’ll get the tip”. And even tho it likely worked out in the end, just let me pay my own bill. Then no one has to worry who had 4 drinks and the $60 steak and dessert. I always felt like people ordered more expensively than they would if they knew we were getting separate bills.

[wambam]

Can’t recommend the app Tab enough

[joenali]

Can you guys use Venmo?

[loira]

I'm surprised the server doesn't ask if you're on separate bills as soon as you've been seated. That's the norm here. I'd say something next time though. If they're true friends, they shouldn't mind.

[dexteroni]

Jan 4, 2020 11:50:33 GMT -5 sadlebred said:

I have no problems saying "I only had one drink and a salad. I'm going to cover only what I had and that part of the tip." I'm on a budget; many of my friends aren't. After all these years they know I'm not helping them buy 3 pitchers of mojitos and leftover for the next 2 days.

This. No reason to get a separate check. You chip in your part and they can either do the same, or split the remainder equally. The norm for my crew is for everyone to look at the check and add up their own total. If everyone’s are pretty close, we split it evenly, and if not, everyone chips in their own amount.

[dexteroni]

And really, I don’t get why no one said anything at the $60 steak dinner. Income aside, I doubt they want to keep footing this person’s significantly higher bill every time.

[RoxMonster]

Whenever I/we go out with friends, we tell the server separate checks from the get go. I would definitely start getting separate checks.

I don't know if I would have said something in the moment or not, but like to think I would have said, "Hey, listen, I'm on a tight budget, I only got a salad and one drink, so I'm just going to cover my portion of the bill and tip. Maybe we could each just cover our own portion tonight."

[readyin07]

I don’t think I would get it together to say anything in the moment, but I would absolutely ask for separate checks next time. Even when bills are close and the check is divided I always feel like I throw in more than I should. Separate checks I feel like used to be such a pain for servers, but it seems much easier now and I have seen servers split like an app between two or three seats in a party of 5 and things like that!

[hbomdiggity]

As you described getting 1 drink to everyone else’s two, I was thinking “meh, let it go.” But the $60 steak to normal entrees is next level and I would probably say something.

[eddy]

We always do separate checks. Normally one person grabs the app or the server offers to split.

I also have friends with different incomes and I don’t want to stick them with my share. I also want to order what I want to order without worrying about inconveniencing someone else.

[kadams767]

OMG, I would be so embarrassed if I ordered an entree equal in cost to all others combined and just let my friends split everything equally. In my head, this would never happen in my group, since we always split the bill but either everyone throws in what they owe or we are relatively equal and it all works out in the end. But when someone eats or drinks way more, it’s always been my experience that they/I volunteer to throw in extra. I’m always that person who’s like, well, I owe $10 more because I had the fish.

[shopgirl07]

In my friend group, I’d say that the money usually evens out over time. But if one of us orders something much more expensive, we usually take care of the tip.

[flex]

Like others have said, I would have been shocked but would have paid and probably not said anything (but it would have depended which friend it was), but in the future I would insist on separate checks.

[VillainV]

I also don’t understand getting a $60 steak dinner only to eat 3 bites. You know it’s not going to reheat well.

[Nonny]

Yes I would have said something, not to my friend, but to the server - "Hey, can we split the bill here?  Thanks!"  And presumably my friend would get the hint for next time that she needs to pay her fair share.  

We go out with friends about two nights a week and we always get separate checks.  We mention it to the server at the beginning, and if they bring us a single bill anyway we just mention it again, and in 99% of cases it's not a big deal.  

The only time we share apps is at our favorite Indian place, and we just trade off whose bill we put them on each time, or one of us will pay for the samosas and the other will pay for the naan.

[sunnysally]

I had a friend who always did this. I don't see her much anymore, but if I do, I always state separate checks at the beginning. I think it is so rude and I would never expect someone to cover my expensive entree especially if I knew they made less money. If this happen often I would really have a hard time going out with her.

[lilac05]

Jan 4, 2020 12:31:24 GMT -5 loira said:

I'm surprised the server doesn't ask if you're on separate bills as soon as you've been seated. That's the norm here. I'd say something next time though. If they're true friends, they shouldn't mind.

As much as we love to say this, it’s regional.  LOL.

Where we live now, if my H and I go to lunch together, the server almost always asks if we want separate checks. When we lived in CA, even in a group of 15 women, there were no separate checks.  We haven’t split a check with anyone since we’ve been back.  Separate tickets are always assumed...by servers and friends.  If an appetizer is ordered, whoever ordered it picks up the cost.

As a former server, I LOVED separate checks, especially when people paid with a credit card.  I ALWAYS ended up with a much bigger tip that way...and it really didn’t take that much work since we had a computer POS.  When I worked in a place with only pen, paper, and calculator, it was more work, but 90% of the time, it was worth the extra 2 minutes.

[gummybear]

Jan 4, 2020 14:15:45 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

Jan 4, 2020 12:31:24 GMT -5 loira said:

I'm surprised the server doesn't ask if you're on separate bills as soon as you've been seated. That's the norm here. I'd say something next time though. If they're true friends, they shouldn't mind.

As much as we love to say this, it’s regional.  LOL.

Where we live now, if my H and I go to lunch together, the server almost always asks if we want separate checks. When we lived in CA, even in a group of 15 women, there were no separate checks.  We haven’t split a check with anyone since we’ve been back.  Separate tickets are always assumed...by servers and friends.  If an appetizer is ordered, whoever ordered it picks up the cost.

As a former server, I LOVED separate checks, especially when people paid with a credit card.  I ALWAYS ended up with a much bigger tip that way...and it really didn’t take that much work since we had a computer POS.  When I worked in a place with only pen, paper, and calculator, it was more work, but 90% of the time, it was worth the extra 2 minutes.

Def regional. When we lived in Indiana we got asked "separate checks?" every single time - regardless of the group makeup or fanciness of the restaurant. Back here in Phila. area I don't think I have ever been asked in my entire life. In fact, the seldom times we've requested it, it's been met with surliness from the server. But that was a while ago so maybe technology makes it easier now. We always split it evenly when socializing now, and have been burned a few times by the heavy drinkers. Oh well. If it happens again I'd prob speak up, esp. if you are close to these women.

There's a place in near me (called Bartaco) where you put your name on the top of a paper and check off what you want so it's automatically separate. That was cool.

[nicolewi]

Separate checks not the norm here, but I would definitely request them.

That lady with the steak is taking advantage of everyone. Totally rude.

I would say something like, "Hey, I love going out with you all, but I am trying to really watch my budget in the New Year. From now on, I'm going to get separate check/chip in for what I ordered." The New Year is kind of the perfect time to say something.