Would you go? Total FWP Update in comments

[jenny1223]

I'd say no. I would not want to spent my PTO/vacation $ on a trip like that. Unless it was my H's very best friend's dying wish or something, I think you're fine to say no.

[ohgillian]

I don't know why you think it's bratty to want to skip a trip that doesn't appeal to you. I wouldn't go, based on what you've written.

[TR]

Nope, I would not want to go to that.

[Velar Fricative]

A milestone birthday for someone you don't really socialize with at a place you're not super interested in returning to? No way.

[countthestars]

Nope

[clairebear]

If you have never socialized with this couple why the heck did they invite you guys? Or is it just your H hangs out with the friend and you have never done anything with them? Anyway, I would say no and not feel an ounce of guilt. Kid free vacations are precious (I'm cashing in my parents good will to have them keep my two toddlers for 8 days this summer for a kid free vacation and know this won't happen again for a loooong time) and that's a lot of money to spend on something you don't really want to do. Buy the guy a nice gift, or take them out on a birthday dinner double date and call it good. 

[bittybomb]

Another no. My vacation time is too precious to have to settle as it seems you'd be doing.

[litskispeciality]

If this makes you bratty then add me to the list. My don't want to go would be exactly the same. If your DH complains I think you should outline the reasons you have here as their reasonable and clear.

[tripleshot]

Nope. I would not want to vacation with people I don’t know giving up precious PTO and lots of money. No way.

[ohgillian]

Jan 6, 2020 13:36:13 GMT -5 spearmintleaf said:

Jan 6, 2020 13:29:31 GMT -5 ohgillian said:

I don't know why you think it's bratty to want to skip a trip that doesn't appeal to you. I wouldn't go, based on what you've written.

Idk, I grew up super poor and couldn’t vacation anywhere ever, so I think this self judgment is a relic of that time.

Got it. Well, definitely the ways we grew up hang on thru our lives in some ways. But IMO, it's really not bratty to want to skip this. You'd be using your own money, time off, favors from parents. That's a lot to put into a trip you aren't interested in. Good luck deciding; I think you should feel free to skip it. 

[wildrice]

I wouldn't go, and I don't think you should feel bad about not wanting to go either. It's not like you're turning down a free trip. If going didn't mean losing out on doing other things that are more important to you, I'd say go for it. But if you'd rather vacation elsewhere there is nothing wrong with that.

I love travel more than most things but I do not love paying high prices for things that aren't important to me or returning to the same location I've been in the past (unless it's for something like a family trip and that's what makes the most financial sense for everyone).

I also don't want to spend a vacation with people I don't really know. I barely want to go on vacation with best friends, let alone people I haven't met.

[isabel]

No. If your DH wants to take you on a kid-free vacation, you guys can plan something that is actually appealing. No way would I waste my PTO and money on a trip that didn't interest me.

[lemoncupcake]

Absolutely don’t go! If this guy is so important to your H how have you never socialize with him and his wife anyway?

[carmenere]

Time away with your H is precious and I wouldn't give that up for a friend you don't socialize with.

ETA re: feeling bratty - this isn't a gift your husband is offering you. It's a trip he wants to go on and is asking you to agree to spend your vacation time, favors, and joint money on. It's fine to not want it. All the feelings you've expressed are totally valid and understandable.

[Susie]

I would say no to that.  At this stage of my life (small kids), it's the time / PTO / childcare favors even more than the money, but that doesn't really matter.  They're all critical resources for a vacation/travel.  

If it's going to max out any of those resources for the year, it has to be mutually appealing and mutually "worth it" IMO.  This isn't.  You're right that these sound like "dinner out" friends, not "entire vacation" friends.  Are they local / can you do that instead?  Then vacation as you and H want to.

[ECB]

How many other people are invited? I ask because if they’ve asked a group of people - they are doing so knowing that people aren’t going to be able to go. Your DH needs to realize this. We just came back from a birthday weekend for a friend. They made plans based on just the two of them going but asked 7 couples to go. 3 went. They were thrilled with those of us who could go but fully understood that not everyone could go.

I would hope this is this couples approach.

Past that - i would talk more to Dh. I wouldn’t be super interested in this trip either. But, as I’m sure is your quandary, i always want to respect what’s important to DH. But there is a LOT in the “no” column.

(Although, of all your negatives, I’d urge you to not focus on their age or “stage of life”.)

[pandora89]

Not bratty, I wouldnt want to go either.

[ChillyMcFreeze]

I agree with ECB. Were it me, I would gauge how important this is to my H before giving a firm "no". It's still perfectly valid to decline given all your reasons, but after a clarifying conversation.

[waverly]

I think your reasons for going are totally valid, and I would probably say no as well.

However, I have taken a couple of way less expensive trips with my girlfriends and I enjoyed that, so if I thought I might have fun due to the socializing aspect then I might go. I regretted not taking someone up on their offer to visit me, so I try to be more open minded on the socializing aspect. However, these were all small trips with no time off work, and not a ton of money. So maybe he can do something else fun with his friends rather than the trip.

[flygirl]

If it’s a short flight, could you go for a shorter time instead? Perhaps just a long weekend? I’m guessing due to the cost this might not work.

[dexteroni]

A vacation at a destination that I’ve been to before didn’t want to revisit, that would use all of my vacation budget and PTO, and with people I’ve never socialized with before? That would be an fast and easy no from me. If your husband wants to “take” you on a luxurious kid-free vacation, plan one you both want and go have a blast.

How is it that this person is an important friend to your husband but you’ve never socialized with them before? This isn’t related to your issue but my curiosity is piqued.

[notsopicky]

If you do not go, will your H go alone?

I have a semi-similar situation--my H earned a trip for top performers in his company. It is a most-expenses-paid trip, to Bali in May. Because of my job, I can only be gone for 8 days total. I am not interested at all in going to Bali (call me an epic weirdo, but it is what it is). If I were going to go that far, I would want to piggy-back another location onto the trip, and b/c of the timing and PTO, I can't. If H and I go, we would have to pay for our son to go, and it is expensive. We too can afford it, but that's money spent that couldn't be spent elsewhere (on a different trip). Added into this scenario is that we are going to Alaska & Seattle in June. $$$$$$. So I told H that he should go without us (it's really a work trip, and there are often events that aren't kid-friendly, so I would have to stay back to care for my son). He then suggested that he take his brother, and I am all about that suggestion. I hope his brother can go--it would be an amazing bonding experience for them.

So, all of that ^^ to say--don't go, don't feel bad, it's not bratty--it's just life and circumstance and it's ok.

[emilyinchile]

Jan 6, 2020 13:25:26 GMT -5 spearmintleaf said:

My husband wants to take me on a kid free luxury resort vacation and I’m not even excited. I’m such a brat!

I mean, technically you can frame it this way. But really I see it more as "I'm not excited about spending time and money and imposing on our parents to go somewhere we know we don't want to go, with people I don't care about." And that's not bratty, that's totally sane.

If your H wants to celebrate his friend, see if you can take the other couple to dinner at home, then spend your vacation going somewhere you choose.

[lucybrown]

This would be a fast no for me. And I grew up poor too.

It's not bratty at all to not want to do the same vacation as someone else, including your H.

[sexycarrot]

I agree that all the reasons not to go are valid, but if this were my DH, he doesn't ask for much, and if it were really important to him and wasn't a financial burden, I would go.

So, agree with a clarifying conversation to see if his interest is a "sure, why not, this sounds fun" (in which case it would be a "no, let's find another way to celebrate with this friend",) or a "this particular trip is very important to me because..." (in which case I would honor that, because, again, he doesn't ask for much, and our travel together should get his input.)

I'm not close with my husband's friend group that he had before we met--nothing bad, just never clicked and lived far enough apart that it wasn't convenient--so I wouldn't enjoy this, but would still do it if it meant a lot.

[Velar Fricative]

Jan 6, 2020 13:32:31 GMT -5 clairebear said:

If you have never socialized with this couple why the heck did they invite you guys? 

We were invited on a milestone birthday trip for a couple we were friendly with. But, we weren't super close, and it was very clear they were inviting anyone and everyone in hopes of getting a big group. This person may be similar.

[jlt19]

Not bratty. I, personally would LOVE to do it, but if it was a trip that I didn't want to do, I'd want to skip. Hell, I was irritated with going to MY friend's 40th birthday in Vegas b/c I just didn't want to spend the money on it. And it really wasn't even that expensive b/c 4 of us shared a room and I had airline points. I just don't care for Vegas anymore.

[mrssandro]

I wouldn't want to go and would ask if this really means that much to him. Likely it doesn't. He just likes the idea of escaping with a a adult group of people without kids. Honestly it would interest me because I haven't had a good trip like this and a very long time. Maybe suggest a adult only trip for you guys this year.

[itsme]

I wouldn't. The last few years people have been inviting us on trips but unless it's something we absolutely want to do, we pass. H doesn't get too much vacation time and it's $$$$ with kids. Without kids, just the logistics of finding care for the week is a pain.

[livinitup]

I would not go and I would not feel bad about it. It’s just too much. This isn’t a free vacation that you are too bratty to accept or enjoy. It’s quite expensive on several levels. You are burning-up too many things to make this work.

“Thank you. I wish we could go. Happy birthday, let’s go out to dinner to celebrate.”