IF h IS home (rare) he is doing things that are important to the home, but the literal worst times. Instead of helping out inside with S or making dinner (laughable) he is plowing the driveway, spreading salt on the ice, raking the roof, fixing something in the garage that is critical for work, etc. I love that he is doing this, and I get that he has no other time to do it, but man alive.
.
You whole post spoke to me, but this made me LOL. We sit down to dinner and THAT is when H needs to fill the dog's water bowl, empty more food into the dog container, or organize his pills. Sit the FUCK down and help me deal with the kids at dinner, dude!
Post by Patsy Baloney on Jan 17, 2020 9:01:46 GMT -5
Re: the getting up from the table thing - I ask, loudly and firmly, before I sit down, “Does anyone need anything else before I sit down, because I will not be getting up until my dinner is finished?”
shauni27 I’m sorry! That sounds awful. We really struggled with bedtime when my son right before he turned 3. He would be awake for hours in his crib. And then be miserable in the morning because he wasn’t getting enough sleep. His pediatrician gave us the okay to start a small dose of melatonin and it helped so much.
shauni27 I’m sorry! That sounds awful. We really struggled with bedtime when my son right before he turned 3. He would be awake for hours in his crib. And then be miserable in the morning because he wasn’t getting enough sleep. His pediatrician gave us the okay to start a small dose of melatonin and it helped so much.
We do give him benedryl occasionally and it works about 50 percent of the time. I should ask our pediatrician about melatonin if we can't get him back on track soon.
My boys are 9.5 and almost 7 and it isn’t any easier - I’m so jealous of everyone who says that it is easy at this time. My kids eat and graze for at least an hour despite me trying to cut off food by 6:30. They won’t ever stop eating and complain that they are starving when I try to cut them off. And my younger one refuses to eat dinner most of the time and just has a breakdown - he refused Mac and cheese tonight. And they take like an hour to get ready for bed despite me screaming to hurry up. I rely on nearly 100% carry out during the week because we don’t make it to bed on time if I have to cook. I barely even read to them anymore because I’m so done by that point and I just want to lock myself alone in a room.
The rule in my house is if you are hungry after dinner you can have a piece of fruit or a veggie, if you don't want one of those you aren't hungry For the record, my toddler ends up eating a lot of bananas.
All of this is my life. I also have a 3 year old and an infant. My mat leave ends today, and even while on leave, my evenings are a shitshow. DH doesn’t get home until after 7, so it’s all on me to come home, nurse the angry baby, play with the 3 year old, figure out dinner, shove the 3 year old into her bath at a reasonable hour... All while feeling like I’m supposed to be treasuring this limited time when they are small.
I have no concept of how I will make this work once the baby is mobile/has opinions/wants her own stories at bedtime. I’m afraid.
My boys are 9.5 and almost 7 and it isn’t any easier - I’m so jealous of everyone who says that it is easy at this time. My kids eat and graze for at least an hour despite me trying to cut off food by 6:30. They won’t ever stop eating and complain that they are starving when I try to cut them off. And my younger one refuses to eat dinner most of the time and just has a breakdown - he refused Mac and cheese tonight. And they take like an hour to get ready for bed despite me screaming to hurry up. I rely on nearly 100% carry out during the week because we don’t make it to bed on time if I have to cook. I barely even read to them anymore because I’m so done by that point and I just want to lock myself alone in a room.
The rule in my house is if you are hungry after dinner you can have a piece of fruit or a veggie, if you don't want one of those you aren't hungry For the record, my toddler ends up eating a lot of bananas.
This is our rule, too. My kid ends up eating an apple 10 minutes before bedtime about 80% of the time.
My boys are 9.5 and almost 7 and it isn’t any easier - I’m so jealous of everyone who says that it is easy at this time. My kids eat and graze for at least an hour despite me trying to cut off food by 6:30. They won’t ever stop eating and complain that they are starving when I try to cut them off. And my younger one refuses to eat dinner most of the time and just has a breakdown - he refused Mac and cheese tonight. And they take like an hour to get ready for bed despite me screaming to hurry up. I rely on nearly 100% carry out during the week because we don’t make it to bed on time if I have to cook. I barely even read to them anymore because I’m so done by that point and I just want to lock myself alone in a room.
The rule in my house is if you are hungry after dinner you can have a piece of fruit or a veggie, if you don't want one of those you aren't hungry For the record, my toddler ends up eating a lot of bananas.
We typically have cut up cucumbers and peppers or you can have fruit. That’s it. If we don’t limit it the 3 year old will eat all the “snack bars” and no dinner.
My boys are 9.5 and almost 7 and it isn’t any easier - I’m so jealous of everyone who says that it is easy at this time. My kids eat and graze for at least an hour despite me trying to cut off food by 6:30. They won’t ever stop eating and complain that they are starving when I try to cut them off. And my younger one refuses to eat dinner most of the time and just has a breakdown - he refused Mac and cheese tonight. And they take like an hour to get ready for bed despite me screaming to hurry up. I rely on nearly 100% carry out during the week because we don’t make it to bed on time if I have to cook. I barely even read to them anymore because I’m so done by that point and I just want to lock myself alone in a room.
Honestly why not let them eat a meal of snacks and not fight about dinner? I’m lazy as hell about kids and food and my kids often eat an array of healthy snacks in lieu of dinner. Can you set a timer for getting ready for bed? 5 min to brush teeth, 10 min in shower, etc? My DS is a dawdler but the timer makes a huge difference
I can try this. Maybe I can put an Alexa dot in their bathroom so I can control the timer while in the other room with the other kid.
I'm on my own with a 3 year old and 10 month twins from about 5/5:30 til 7 when H comes home. Right now it's manageable with the twins in the bucket seats. But we are super close to outgrowing the buckets based on height, and I am not looking forward to having all three kids in convertible seats in the winter in Chicago. Ugh.
That said, to help curb the instant whining from the toddler, she has been given the job of going in the house first, and letting the dogs into the backyard and opening the door for them to come back in. Then if she doesn't whine while I am getting the babies out of carseats/giving them dinner bottles, she gets either her tablet, or the tv while I unpack bottles and bags.
First, 3 year olds are demon children sent by Lucifer. So, you know, there’s that.
Second, I totally feel you on struggling to get through that 90 minutes.
Personally, I’d get the 3yo out of the car and into the house before doing anything. Out of car seat, walk him inside. If he has a meltdown because he wants to walk, so be it. At least he’s inside and safe. Then you can go back and drag all the bags and shit inside, then go back for the baby. Instruct your H to handle the older kid while you change and feed the baby. That won’t solve everything, but at least it will eliminate you trying to wrangle the 3yo and doing things in stages will feel less stressful than trying to get two kids and all the stuff into the house at the same time.
Commiseration. I get home from work and immediately take over the parenting because my SAHD H has been at it all day, plus he works part time as a professor so he needs to do work in the evenings. I often feel like we're ships passing in the night. I feel guilty for putting A to bed at 7 and not giving her more time with me, but after a full day at work and 2 hours together, it's enough. I need time to myself.
How does he like snacks? Would that be enough to bribe him into the house each day? Mine get a snack in the car on the way home and then another snack once we are inside. That buys some peace and quiet most days.
He does but I’m hesitant to give him one because we usually eat dinner like 30 minutes later. I guess I could do it anyway and not worry if he eats his dinner though.
We have the same issue and I just give a small snack that is healthy enough but not too filling that I’m not concerned if they don’t eat as much dinner. So an orange, pear or 6-7 pretzel sticks with a tsp or two of hummus. And only water, no milk.
They seem to really need that snack when they get home. Hopefully when they’re older we can cut it out.
Personally, I’d get the 3yo out of the car and into the house before doing anything. Out of car seat, walk him inside. If he has a meltdown because he wants to walk, so be it. At least he’s inside and safe. Then you can go back and drag all the bags and shit inside, then go back for the baby. Instruct your H to handle the older kid while you change and feed the baby. That won’t solve everything, but at least it will eliminate you trying to wrangle the 3yo and doing things in stages will feel less stressful than trying to get two kids and all the stuff into the house at the same time.
I agree to get the 3 year old out first. When I had a 3 and an infant and had picked my 3 up from daycare, I would muster all of my energy and try very hard to love on her in that moment. Like, scoop her up into my arms out of the car seat and snuggle her and tell her how much I missed her and how excited I am to spend time with her later. Carry your 3 all the way into the house, sit them on your lap, take off their shoes and exclaim over their toes growing while they were away or otherwise just try to connect with them.
I would ask H to go grab the baby I get 3 set up with an activity or an appetizer.
I would grab your bags after dinner/after bed, unless you have something that urgently needs to come in.
The only thing that sucks worse than evenings with a 3 yo is mornings with a 3 yo. Ours is stubborn as all get out, melts down constantly, refuses to eat or get dressed, etc. Repeat for the evenings. Oh, and apparently she is a reserved little angel at preschool.
My H and I are now picking up our kids separately because it is just so much worse when they are together (they go to different schools). Neither one will listen to me and it’s a contest to see who can piss off the other one first. The only thing that works is separation or TV time. Timeouts don’t work, snacks don’t work, they will legit fight over who can see the sunset from their side of the car or whose body is positioned closer to a pillow. I stopped even trying to change my clothes after work.
Post by Velar Fricative on Jan 19, 2020 22:20:25 GMT -5
No advice and more commiseration, sorry. We actually had a good groove when DD2 was a baby but now that is very much 2.5yo and DD1 is a first grader with homework, it’s so annoying. We also switched daycares in July; the old one was much closer to home and convenient to home and DD1’s school. Obviously that wasn’t a worthwhile reason to ignore the issues and keep DD2 there, but I do miss the convenience element.
So glad I’m not the only one with five million bags to have to bring in and out. Even with DD1 handling her own stuff it’s still so much.
Commiserations from me too. It used to be quite smooth but she's becoming more difficult now at 26 months so I fear the worst for 3 as it seems to be the worst for everyone.
I tend to leave everything but her and my handbag in the car when we come in at around 17.30-17.45. The plan is for me to assemble/reheat dinner then sort the kitchen out while she eats, at which point H comes home, goes straight for a shower then we play a bit, start prepping our dinner and head up for bath/milk/stories/bedtime.
Lately, she refuses to let go of me so I have to prep things one handed or let her cry/whine. She then demands I sit next to her to watch while she refuses to use cutlery and throws half her dinner on the floor. I usually then lose patience and leave her in the high chair for a bit. She has also started negotiating to stay up longer, both before we go up the stairs and after her milk so everything is a debate.
And with that, I'm supposed to cut out wine during the week - how exactly is this humane, lol?