Well, I was the brown kid with stinky lunch in a thermos from home. My mom would never in a million year put potato chips or cookies in my lunch. I was always so jealous of the kids that got snacks like that. But in the winter my dad would “juice” a pomegranate for us every night and stick it in our lunches. There was a lot of notoriety for a kid in the 80s to be sucking on a whole pomegranate in the cafeteria. I was like a rock star, lol!
Shut it down now by her saying "Sorry, this is mine." They will get it within a few days and leave her alone. If you start providing treats for everyone, the group will get bigger and bigger and you could be on the hook for a long time!
I’d actually at least stop for a few days. When they ask “where’s your treat?”, to follow on what someone said earlier, I’d point blank say “because you all won’t leave me alone”.
Then a few days later bring some th ing in and see if they’ll leave her alone.
This is all over a single piece of chocolate or fun sized Halloween Snicker bar?
I agree, she's got to tuck it into her pocket or zipbit into another compartment. I assumed you were referring to a bag of cookies or pack of snack cakes being snatched.
She's old enough to keep her single piece of candy tucked in her sweatshirt pocket or hidden some other way.
Are they just bugging her over and over to share/hand over her treat and she’s feeling too pressured, or are they actually taking it from her despite her saying no?
I can’t tell if this is really seriously bothering your DD or just bothering you. At this age I wouldn’t get involved and wouldn’t send in treats for everyone.
It’s bothering dd. She complains about it a few times a week. I asked her if she is just looking to vent or if wants suggestions, and she said she wants suggestions. I’m trying to think of ideas, but she will need to implement them - if she chooses. I will not get in the middle of it.
She should ask her teacher for help. We navigate this kind of stuff (subtly) all the time.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
I’ll have to have her practice being louder and more direct. She is a quiet kid so even though she tells them to knock it off they may not be fully getting that she means it. They are not allowed to switch tables. They chose where to sit the first week of school and are stuck there now.
That just seems like a recipe for disaster in middle school.
This would be my nightmare.
Also as the mom of a food allergy kid I love the no sharing food rule at our elementaries.
Post by minniemouse on Jan 17, 2020 21:51:37 GMT -5
Update- I asked how her day was this afternoon and she immediately said lunch was ok today. Only one girl made a face when she took her chocolate out but that was it. Someone asked what they are doing exactly - Yesterday one of the girls took her lunchbox and ran off with it. She eventually brought it back but it’s still annoying. a few times someone has actually reached in and taken it out of her bento box and took a bite. One time they pretended to throw it away, but then gave it back to her. They also will beg and tease to try to get her to give it to them.
I asked how often this is happening- she says it’s been on and off all school year. I remember her complaining a bit in the fall but thought it had resolved. The more I hear I suspect 1 or 2 of the girls are the issue -they think they are being funny, but it’s clearly not. There is probably some jealously too. The girls get along fine otherwise both in and out of school.
I gave her all the options mentioned in this thread and left the choice up to her. She decided she is not going to eat any treats in front of her friends for awhile at least.
Regarding the no switching tables - I initially thought that was a horrible rule, but now I get it. I can totally envision a ton of drama and arguing over seats. I think it’s actually a good thing. Then again, I’m the kind of person who gets annoyed when weddings don’t have searing charts. I like having a reserved seat. Lol.
I can’t tell if this is really seriously bothering your DD or just bothering you. At this age I wouldn’t get involved and wouldn’t send in treats for everyone.
It’s bothering dd. She complains about it a few times a week. I asked her if she is just looking to vent or if wants suggestions, and she said she wants suggestions. I’m trying to think of ideas, but she will need to implement them - if she chooses. I will not get in the middle of it.
So this sounds a lot like my daughter, although she is only in 2nd. She was having issues with friends, and basically she and another girl were 'fighting' over a 3rd girl. She was coming home upset about this often. I worked with her for a while on communicating better with her friends, knowing when to try to join them versus finding other kids to play with, how to be a good friend herself, etc., and she was still coming home upset multiple days. So at that point, I emailed the teacher, guidance counselor, and parents of the other 2 girls just to let them know I had emailed the teacher and guidance counselor because my daughter was having an issue and it involved their daughters. They ended up going to 'friendship group' with the guidance counselor during lunch once a week to work on this with her, and they have all really enjoyed doing this, plus it has pretty much stopped any issues. I know middle school is different, but if you feel like you've helped your daughter with a problem as much as you can, and she is still having a problem, you need to ask her what she wants to do at this point to help fix the problem (and the answer is not bringing treats for the other girls). Do you need to help her talk to a teacher to get her seat moved? Are they good friends, and you could mention something to their parents if you know them well/feel comfortable? Would she rather not take the snack and have it after school instead? Brainstorm with her, but make sure she knows that if she is the one with the problem, she needs to come up with a solution knowing she can't control other people's behavior, so as much as everyone would wish her telling them to stop because they are upsetting her would work, it might not.
I feel like this actually isn’t about the treat at all. It’s about these other girls showing dominance or establishing a pecking order or something. Tell your daughter to remain firm and not put up with garbage.
I also wonder if they wouldn’t let her switch tables since the other children are essentially bullying her. I mean, stealing her lunch box or stealing parts of her lunch, even if they give it back eventually, is bullying behavior.
I’m not sure that she would want to switch tables just yet, as it sounds like she wants to work it out, but if this or similar behavior continued I would absolutely push for her to be allowed to switch tables on account of the bullying.