Has anyone had a child repeat kindergarten? Sorry, long

[hokiegirl82]

If your kid repeated KG, did it help them? My son is in KG this year and we have started talking to his teacher about the possibility of repeating KG next year (but the final decision will not be made until much later in this school year). Reasons are: his birthday is in June, so he’s a young KG, physically he’s much smaller than his peers, he’s a little behind in speech and learning (we are in the beginning stages of testing for both speech and possible learning difficulties but it takes awhile to get final results in place - we have a first meeting with the school next week). He is struggling with recall for letters and numbers and this is something he has always struggled with. We work with him at home but he’s a super fidgety kid so it’s hard to practice at home for more than 5 minute at a time. I had a conference with his teacher yesterday about his progress so far, and she’s happy with it but isn’t sure yet on whether he should repeat or not. He does great socially and behaviorally and has adjusted to KG amazingly this year.

I will absolutely have him repeat KG next year if his teachers and the school recommend it, but one (silly) thing worries me. I worry that some kids may make fun of him for repeating, mainly a few kids in our neighborhood that he rides the bus with. I’ll drive him to and from school if it becomes a problem, but right now he loves the bus. He’s such a sweet sensitive kid and he’s already been made fun of for some words he has trouble saying. I know I can’t protect him from the world but It’s still on my mind.

I know repeating KG could be the best thing for him long term and we will absolutely do it. I wish I knew anyone else that had been through it and could tell me their kid come out okay.

[mmmomof2]

In the long term none of the kids will remember. At our school the Kinders are so isolated from the first graders that I would be surprised if this is even an issue.. First graders are very matter of fact about things and don’t really tease ime.

My friend recently held her 8th grader back and she really wishes they did it back in Kinder.

[nicolewi]

My brother had a June birthday and repeated K back in the 1980s. He was fine academically and his teacher did not want him to repeat, but my parents strongly felt he wasn't mature enough for the grade. Also, his best neighborhood friend and other little friends were all a year behind him. My parents also knew that they were later to growing/puberty and didn't want my brother to be tiny compared to peers in middle school. It worked out great for him in the end and they were glad they did it. He is still very close friends with the neighborhood kid and all his high school buddies to this day, despite going out of state for college and living out of state now.

[hocus2]

My kid has learning struggles. My DH was really considering asking for grade retention but when I ran this idea by the pediatric specialist who did our testing he was opposed. Our doctor felt that doing the same things at 12 months older would not have been helpful in our case.

I know in some cases grade retention can be a helpful situation if maturity is the sole issue at play but if the underlying issue is ADHD, learning disables or other challenges that are not going to resolve with age repeating a grade isn't a cure. Grade retention can give some reprieve in the earlier grades and/or give you time to line up the educational supports that might be needed in 3rd or 4th when a lot of kids who have muddled through start to really struggle because the demands are so much greater.

[expectantsteelerfan]

I actually disagree with pp...if he has friends in the neighborhood, they will absolutely know that he is doing kindergarten again, and will likely make a comment on it from time to time, hopefully not in a 'make fun of' way. Our next door neighbor did private kindergarten, and then started kindergarten in public school the next year. His birthday is a month before my ds's, so my kids were VERY aware of the fact that this kid is older than my son, but a year behind him in school. I would like to hope they never made fun of him for this, but they certainly comment on it from time to time. They would have serious consequences from me if they did say anything mean, and my only comment is that lots of kids need different things in school and schools do their best to help everyone where they are. It gets brought up a lot at our house though because my dd has a 9/16 birthday and we have a 9/1 cutoff, so she is the oldest in her class other than kids also born in early Sept. or anyone who started late. And she is definitely aware of kids who started late (that is very common in our district).
Anyway, all that to say, if you do have him repeat it, he will probably have to learn how to deflect any comments people make, but hopefully learning how to do that wouldn't be too hard, and would not outweigh any benefits from repeating it.

[waverly]

I'm glad you are pursuing testing. DS is not very focused, and had motor issues, so it turned out he needed OT, PT, and vision therapy which I did with the OT. And he also received speech.

I guess you could say that DS repeated kindergarten academically, but he is technically in his correct year. He is gifted, but his birthday is 5 weeks after the Sept 1 cutoff and the public school won't admit kids early. So he did K at daycare, and then again at public school. So he kind of knew he repeated it, but since they were at 2 different schools, and his birthday didn't match being held back then I don't think many kids know it. I agree that there might be other issues at play though, and the best thing to do is seek out what those could be and address them because my child being older didn't make them go away.

Otherwise, he is doing well in all his subjects and now that he is in 3rd grade he is able to go up a level in math (combo of 3rd and 4th grade math) to sort of address his giftedness. The school district doesn't address gifted in any other way- they only do differentiated learning. Curriculum is much more difficult than when I was in school, so I am glad he is older in that respect. 

Our neighbor had their daughter repeat K at her private school, and it went well (Mid August birthday cut off Sept 1). She rides the public school bus, and the private school is small, so I don't think a lot of kids knew about it.

[SusanBAnthony]

I'd be extremely wary.

By and large this doesn't benefit kids- it just delays them getting help.

I'd start pursuing private testing to corroborate the school's testing instead.

[flygirl]

My DS had a boy in his K class who ended up repeating K the next year. Most of the kids realize this but no one makes fun of him-they still play on the playground at recess sometimes.
There are also kids who are a lot older than my DS in his grade because they were redshirted. It’s not like kids don’t figure that out also.

[joenali]

I guess the question you might ask is, is the kindergarten program asking too much of a student that is actually the right age to be in kindergarten? In other words, is the kindergarten program developmentally appropriate or not?

[lolalolalola]

I have two friends whose kids were on the young side of the age cut off that ended up repeating K. It was a non event for the kids, truly.

Frankly, so many kids redshirt their kids around here that being ‘older’ is not the same as when we were kids.

[hokiegirl82]

Jan 23, 2020 18:00:19 GMT -5 SusanBAnthony said:

I'd be extremely wary.

By and large this doesn't benefit kids- it just delays them getting help.

I'd start pursuing private testing to corroborate the school's testing instead.

We have a private consult set up on Tuesday with a doctor to discuss psycho educational testing completely separate of school, so I’m glad you said this. His pediatrician is the one who recommended private testing to us and I’m interested to see what someone outside of his school will say.

[hokiegirl82]

Jan 23, 2020 19:28:47 GMT -5 joenali said:

I guess the question you might ask is, is the kindergarten program asking too much of a student that is actually the right age to be in kindergarten? In other words, is the kindergarten program developmentally appropriate or not?

This is a hard one. I personally feel like they are asking a bit too much of these kids but I also love the class he’s in, the things they do, and his teacher. I think I’m general kindergarten has become more like first grade these days in what’s expected.

[sparty04]

My son is in Jr K this year (Nov bday) but has kids that have June and July bdays in his class. Jr K is run the same as K, with a little more focus on social skills. So technically he is going to have 2 years of K.

Thinking back to when my older son was in K, I honestly don’t think he would care or understand if one of his friends repeated K. I don’t think he would tease unless someone else made a big deal about it.

I would go with your gut on this one.

[Dznyprnces]

My son repeated kindergarten. His birthday is 9/4, but our cutoff is 10/1. So technically he was old enough. He really struggled, both socially and academically, his first year through kindergarten. His second year went much more smoothly. Now he is in first grade and right where he should be. I feel like because in most states the cut off is 9/1, he should not have started school when he did, so in that regard, I feel that right now he is exactly where he belongs. He was actually just identified last month about needing some help from the SLP, and that help just started this week. Our school is great about things like that. I feel like he is exactly where he belongs, and getting the helps he needs.

As far as the first class remembering, it’s been a non issue for him. They have not made fun of him, and he still occasionally plays with them on the playground.

[imojoebunny]

You described my DD in Kindergarten, right down to her June birthday, being tiny (she nailing the 3% now), fidgety, and not knowing letters and numbers. She has dyslexia and visual processing disorder. She is 13 now, and doing very well. Keeping her back would have just delayed getting her Orton-Gillingham tutoring by another year. I had an August birthday, and similar issues, except that I am tall. I struggled in elementary school, had Orton-Gillingham tutoring in 4&5th grade, ended up graduating early from high school, and was a sophomore in college before my cohorts started their freshman year.

In our case, the phyc eds would not evaluate her until fall of 1st grade, they wanted a year of "full time school" first. I think that attitude has changed in the last 8 years, and maybe that is something you can consider looking into. DD has weathered Middle School well. She is happy, confident academically with a minimal 504 in school, and has interest she is passionate about. She went to a protest tonight (I sat on the sofa) to request that the schools use more green energy in their 10 year plan tonight. I won't lie, elementary, especially 1st-4th were a struggle, but they would have been a struggle, if she was a year older. I think her struggles really helped her, as a student. She works hard, she has great advocacy skills for herself. Teachers are initially not so in to her, but by the end of the year, they send me the sweetest comments, even now, when I never really meet them. I have sat in your shoes, we were told to hold DD back in Pre-K, and it is scary, and feels overwhelming. Don't be afraid to throw darts in the dark, and see what works.