So when will he be old enough to not go into the ladies' with you? When he's 13? 15? 17? When he's bigger than you and can fight you on it? (which is coming if he's already uncomfortable with it). What can he do at those ages that he can't do now?
Post by lolalolalola on Feb 9, 2020 17:16:31 GMT -5
This reminds me of when my kids were younger and my girlfriend brought her son into the ladies changeroom and restroom well beyond what (I thought) was appropriate. When I questioned her she was adamant that he was respectful and appropriate and she would not let him in the men’s room by himself with.
my daughters felt very uncomfortable and I really thought it was unfair to them. When we would go swimming my girls would change in a stall because her son was changing right there.
My story above was related to an 8-9 year old.
I can guarantee you an 11 year old boy in the bathroom would make them extremely uncomfortable.
This reminds me of when my kids were younger and my girlfriend brought her son into the ladies changeroom and restroom well beyond what (I thought) was appropriate. When I questioned her she was adamant that he was respectful and appropriate and she would not let him in the men’s room by himself with.
my daughters felt very uncomfortable and I really thought it was unfair to them. When we would go swimming my girls would change in a stall because her son was changing right there.
My story above was related to an 8-9 year old.
I can guarantee you an 11 year old boy in the bathroom would make them extremely uncomfortable.
How are they interacting with said person in the bathroom? Would they be comfortable with an obviously transgendered person in the bathroom? Most of us here would say that's perfectly acceptable as THERE ARE STALLS. Under no circumstances is he changing or naked or seeing or being seen by anyone naked. Ever. Again, this is in about 3 places - big amusement parks, airports and rest stops.
I’m the other extreme. When we go to Disney I let my 6 year old go to the bathroom alone and he waits for me by the exit until I’m done.
I really have not seen any real (not fear mongering) reason to not.
I don't think it's judgeworthy, but about 3 years ago I saw a man nervously pacing a busy ladies' room at Disney. He was kind of like peering into the door. I asked if he wanted me to check on someone and he said yes that his two daughters who were 8 and 6 had gone in alone and been in there a long time. He told me their names and when I called out for them the 6yo was crying in the stall because she was having some potty problems. Why did her sister not go get their dad? I have no idea? Maybe he had told her not to leave her sister. Anyway, I had to go back and get the dad and ask him to come into the ladies room to help them. For me, 6 probably is too young at a place like that.
So next year? What will be different then? What will he be more capable of doing then than he is now?
Yup, bigger. Better judgment.
If he's already obviously uncomfortable with it, he's already got the judgement to act appropriately. You're training him (by the way you expect him to act) to act contrary to established social norms, which is setting him up to not trust his instincts (in his ability to take care of himself) in other situations as he grows up.
An isolated rest stop known to be used by druggies at 9pm is one thing, a busy airport or amusement park where he could run in and yell your name if he HAD to, is another. Come the fuck on.
This reminds me of when my kids were younger and my girlfriend brought her son into the ladies changeroom and restroom well beyond what (I thought) was appropriate. When I questioned her she was adamant that he was respectful and appropriate and she would not let him in the men’s room by himself with.
my daughters felt very uncomfortable and I really thought it was unfair to them. When we would go swimming my girls would change in a stall because her son was changing right there.
My story above was related to an 8-9 year old.
I can guarantee you an 11 year old boy in the bathroom would make them extremely uncomfortable.
Ok, I’m not a parent and I think bringing a neurotypical 11 yr old boy into the ladies room is extreme helicopter parenting, HOWEVER, readyin07’s son is not changing nor is anyone else in these bathrooms she’s talking about. She has him go in a stall so he’s not seeing anyone and they’re not seeing him minus walking in and out. I think it’s unnecessary, but I don’t think it’s harming other bathroom-goers.
I’m the other extreme. When we go to Disney I let my 6 year old go to the bathroom alone and he waits for me by the exit until I’m done.
I really have not seen any real (not fear mongering) reason to not.
I don't think it's judgeworthy, but about 3 years ago I saw a man nervously pacing a busy ladies' room at Disney. He was kind of like peering into the door. I asked if he wanted me to check on someone and he said yes that his two daughters who were 8 and 6 had gone in alone and been in there a long time. He told me their names and when I called out for them the 6yo was crying in the stall because she was having some potty problems. Why did her sister not go get their dad? I have no idea? Maybe he had told her not to leave her sister. Anyway, I had to go back and get the dad and ask him to come into the ladies room to help them. For me, 6 probably is too young at a place like that.
He doesn’t like to go alone if he has to poop. Just the urinal. I’m not concerned.
If he's already obviously uncomfortable with it, he's already got the judgement to act appropriately. You're training him (by the way you expect him to act) to act contrary to established social norms, which is setting him up to not trust his instincts (in his ability to take care of himself) in other situations as he grows up.
An isolated rest stop known to be used by druggies at 9pm is one thing, a busy airport or amusement park where he could run in and yell your name if he HAD to, is another. Come the fuck on.
I appreciate your opinion and I am still not making any apologies for it. After two unfortunate experiences with public bathrooms, this is how I feel about it. He has plenty of freedom in his choices, his mobility in our neighborhood and with activities and uses the men’s room in 99.8% of situations and has since he was 8 or 9. If this specific situation, which maybe happens two times a year, makes me a helicopter parent then I will own that and he can discuss it with his therapist in the years to come.
My son is 5 and if I can see the bathroom door he can go alone. If it’s far from our table or whatever and he’d have to find it, I take him there send him into the men’s and wait outside. If we are somewhere and I need to go and he’d be milling around in public alone I’d bring him in with me.
My daughter is 7 and fine to wait outside, go in alone etc, so I imagine in 1-2 years my son will be too. Still though in public I want to see the bathroom door.
Post by lolalolalola on Feb 9, 2020 18:04:35 GMT -5
My apologies I was wrong and I shouldn’t have said my daughters would be uncomfortable.
I just asked my kids if they would be uncomfortable and they said no- they’d just think it was weird, or may assume the kid may have a physical or mental disability if the mom was making him go in at the age.
I don't think it's judgeworthy, but about 3 years ago I saw a man nervously pacing a busy ladies' room at Disney. He was kind of like peering into the door. I asked if he wanted me to check on someone and he said yes that his two daughters who were 8 and 6 had gone in alone and been in there a long time. He told me their names and when I called out for them the 6yo was crying in the stall because she was having some potty problems. Why did her sister not go get their dad? I have no idea? Maybe he had told her not to leave her sister. Anyway, I had to go back and get the dad and ask him to come into the ladies room to help them. For me, 6 probably is too young at a place like that.
He doesn’t like to go alone if he has to poop. Just the urinal. I’m not concerned.
I ask my 5yo- it’s rare for him to poop in public but if he needs to and my H isn’t with us I bring him to the ladies because he does still need help to wipe sometimes and he can take a looong time to poop. But for pee he’s fine to go alone.
In a younger time, It otally made one of my male friends come into the ladies' rest stop because it was isolated and late at night. I would certainly not let an older son go into the men's room alone in that scenario.
If it's a busy restaurant I'll take DS (age 9) in with me if it's a single stall woman's restroom. If it's a bigger restroom I'll send DS into the men's and wait outside the entrance.
Not sure what part of San Antonio you're staying in, but some restaurant recommendations: Big'z Burger Joint (I love this place because they have a huge fenced in yard for kids to run and play). Bill Miller's BBQ- The best fast food barbecue you'll ever have. For a nicer meal Check out The Pearl area, there's a ton of nicer restaurants there but also a cool ice cream shop, doughnut shop, and macaroon store.
I don't think it's judgeworthy, but about 3 years ago I saw a man nervously pacing a busy ladies' room at Disney. He was kind of like peering into the door. I asked if he wanted me to check on someone and he said yes that his two daughters who were 8 and 6 had gone in alone and been in there a long time. He told me their names and when I called out for them the 6yo was crying in the stall because she was having some potty problems. Why did her sister not go get their dad? I have no idea? Maybe he had told her not to leave her sister. Anyway, I had to go back and get the dad and ask him to come into the ladies room to help them. For me, 6 probably is too young at a place like that.
He doesn’t like to go alone if he has to poop. Just the urinal. I’m not concerned.
Not that it matters but as far as I could tell it was a pee issue (sounded like she had either dribbled on herself before peeing or during). . My point is just that people make different decisions than you might for their kids for different reasons and maybe we should be less judgmental My kids were just a wee bit younger than these girls and I remember thinking ennhhhhh maybe their maturity level at that age isn’t what I would have expected. Your kid might handle that issue fine and that’s great.
He doesn’t like to go alone if he has to poop. Just the urinal. I’m not concerned.
Not that it matters but as far as I could tell it was a pee issue (sounded like she had either dribbled on herself before peeing or during). . My point is just that people make different decisions than you might for their kids for different reasons and maybe we should be less judgmental My kids were just a wee bit younger than these girls and I remember thinking ennhhhhh maybe their maturity level at that age isn’t what I would have expected. Your kid might handle that issue fine and that’s great.
Where was I judge mental? I simply said I’m in the other extreme.
Not that it matters but as far as I could tell it was a pee issue (sounded like she had either dribbled on herself before peeing or during). . My point is just that people make different decisions than you might for their kids for different reasons and maybe we should be less judgmental My kids were just a wee bit younger than these girls and I remember thinking ennhhhhh maybe their maturity level at that age isn’t what I would have expected. Your kid might handle that issue fine and that’s great.
Where was I judge mental? I simply said I’m in the other extreme.
Sorry I wasn’t saying “you” as in specifically you.