S/O travel with kids and bathrooms

[sugarbear]

I’m taking both boys (6 and 9) on a trip alone next week (Ds1 wants to see the Alamo so we’re off to San Antonio). My biggest concern is bathrooms.

How old were your kids before you let them go to the bathroom alone in a restaurant? What if they went together? I was thinking I could always ask to be seated near the bathrooms. Is that weird?

[mandymay]

That’s not weird. If we’re in a restaurant and it’s just me and the kids I’ll let my 9 year old go on her own, but I keep an eye out to monitor when she gets out. Is letting your boys go to the bathroom together an option? Do you trust your 9 year old to watch his brother while he goes?

ETA: I hope you guys enjoy the Alamo! I feel like if you’re going to the Alamo, taking a boat tour of the River Walk is a necessity.

[starlily]

I started letting my girls go together on their own last year when they were 8 and 5, but only at smaller restaurants and stores.

[alleinesein]

Can you just incorporate a bathroom stop before you even sit down to eat and then have another one when you leave? That way everyone can use the bathroom before the meal and they can wash their hands.

Family bathrooms have started popping up with more frequency in the past few years so maybe you will luck out and find some. Since they tend to be single-stall, they can both go in at the same time or you can all use it together.

[atarianna]

My 5 year old goes by himself and has pretty much since turning 5. I also let him use the bathroom alone at grocery stores. I would be more concerned with airports and still keep him with me if we are flying.

[Wines Not Whines]

My son insisted on using the men’s room when he was 5. I think kindergarten drilled into his head that he had to use the boys restroom and not the girls/women’s, so he went solo starting at that age if his dad wasn’t with us.

[gardengal]

My 9yo goes alone, sometimes out of my sight range.

My 6yo can only go with his brother, with me, or if I’m standing outside men’s room.

[brooklyn]

My 6 year old DS still comes in with me. He’s an anxious kid in general and doesn’t want to go alone in public.

He goes alone just fine in school and in private homes, so I’m not pushing it. Most public places we go to have single seat or family restrooms, so not a big deal to go together.

[SusanBAnthony]

If send them both by themselves in a quiet place, and in a busy place if wait outside.

[turnipthebeet]

My 6 year old always asks to go alone, and it’s location dependent whether I let her.

You could ask to sit at a table near the RRs, or at least in sight.

[bears]

My 5 (m) and 7 (f) will go to the lady's room together at most restaurants together.

[calmcosmo]

I have allowed my kids to go to restrooms alone in restaurants for 2-3 years now (they are 9 and 10 right now). Rest stops is a different story and I do get paranoid at those. I travel alone a lot (military spouse) so I go on more solo trips than the average married mom.

THAT ALL SAID, I think our fear of public restrooms is a little misplaced and that as long as we talk to our children about not talking to strangers, locking the stall, and coming right out after they've washed their hands the odds of them encountering a predator in a public restroom is super low. I lump this into our generation's general fear about letting our kids out of our sight (not letting them bike to a friend's house alone, not letting them play in the neighborhood, etc) which I think is damaging to this generation of children and them learning responsibility and autonomy. I'm a school counselor and my current seniors getting ready to go to college are in some cases paralyzed with fear because they've never been trusted to do thing alone. Now they're expected to go away and live alone.

I know that is deeper than what you were expecting but I think we all need to take a deep breath and realize that our kids are generally safe and that they are ok to go pee at your local restaurant without a lot of hand wringing. Just like they are ok to ride their bike to a friend's house. I think the risks of not allowing these freedoms is greater than allowing them long term.

[irishbride2]

I let my 6 year old boy go alone.

[frlcb]

I would let my 9 year old go alone and would let my 6 and 9 year olds go together.

[meltoine]

My 8 yo goes by himself. My 6 yo goes in by himself but I stand right outside. If they go together I don't though. They've been fine in restaurants, airports, rest stops, everywhere.

[readyin07]

My issue isn’t so much sending in the kids by themselves as it is them waiting outside for me if I have to go. A “normal” restaurant bathroom I probably started allowing my oldest to go in around 8 and he could also go with his little brother around late 5/early 6 when I could trust him to wash his hands and not get pee everywhere.

My oldest just turned 11 and if I have to go I still “make” him go with me at a busy place like a rest stop, airport bathroom, mall, amusement park. Again I don’t worry about them being assaulted in the bathroom, but I don’t like them hanging around unattended outside If I am in the restroom. He doesn’t love it. If we are someplace like that I will try to find a smaller less used bathroom (like in a department store instead of the food court) where I either feel more comfortable letting them wait alone or there are at least less people to witness his humiliation at using the ladies room lol.

[sugarbear]

Feb 9, 2020 8:05:10 GMT -5 calmcosmo said:

I have allowed my kids to go to restrooms alone in restaurants for 2-3 years now (they are 9 and 10 right now). Rest stops is a different story and I do get paranoid at those. I travel alone a lot (military spouse) so I go on more solo trips than the average married mom.

THAT ALL SAID, I think our fear of public restrooms is a little misplaced and that as long as we talk to our children about not talking to strangers, locking the stall, and coming right out after they've washed their hands the odds of them encountering a predator in a public restroom is super low. I lump this into our generation's general fear about letting our kids out of our sight (not letting them bike to a friend's house alone, not letting them play in the neighborhood, etc) which I think is damaging to this generation of children and them learning responsibility and autonomy. I'm a school counselor and my current seniors getting ready to go to college are in some cases paralyzed with fear because they've never been trusted to do thing alone. Now they're expected to go away and live alone.

I know that is deeper than what you were expecting but I think we all need to take a deep breath and realize that our kids are generally safe and that they are ok to go pee at your local restaurant without a lot of hand wringing. Just like they are ok to ride their bike to a friend's house. I think the risks of not allowing these freedoms is greater than allowing them long term.

I do think you’re right and I needed to hear this. I mean, at home (Seattle, so big city!), I let them go together — though then I worry about them finding something to fight over. Shouldn’t be any different elsewhere. I do tell them to go in stalls rather than at the urinal, and that if anyone speaks to them, to run, even if they don’t wash their hands.

I think my 6 year old will go alone, too. He tends to dawdle in the potty so I will definitely heed the “potty stop before we sit down” advice. My kids hate peeing on demand but I think if I frame it as, “we’re on an adventure without a second parent and this is one small way to help things run more smoothly,” they’ll complain less... hopefully.

[pizzaandtulips]

Feb 9, 2020 10:34:28 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

My issue isn’t so much sending in the kids by themselves as it is them waiting outside for me if I have to go. A “normal” restaurant bathroom I probably started allowing my oldest to go in around 8 and he could also go with his little brother around late 5/early 6 when I could trust him to wash his hands and not get pee everywhere.

My oldest just turned 11 and if I have to go I still “make” him go with me at a busy place like a rest stop, airport bathroom, mall, amusement park. Again I don’t worry about them being assaulted in the bathroom, but I don’t like them hanging around unattended outside If I am in the restroom. He doesn’t love it. If we are someplace like that I will try to find a smaller less used bathroom (like in a department store instead of the food court) where I either feel more comfortable letting them wait alone or there are at least less people to witness his humiliation at using the ladies room lol.

He comes into the ladies room with you? Couldn’t he stand just outside the door, within yelling distance if there was a problem? He wouldn’t be humiliated, and you’d know that he will yell if there’s a problem. Unless it’s more of a concern that you think he will wander off and cause problems, then maybe that’s different. But I think at 11 they are fine to stand outside the restroom for the 3 minutes you are in there, especially if he’s humiliated by going in.

[Shreddingbetty]

She was just 5 when I let her go to the bathroom by herself a the airport because I was waiting for a friend who was coming off an international flight (so didn’t know how long customs would take) and we had no way of contacting each other. But I could see the bathroom from where I was standing so was able to keep an eye on both her and my friend .
Around 6 is when she started consistently going to the bathroom by herself in restaurants

[irishbride2]

I’m the other extreme. When we go to Disney I let my 6 year old go to the bathroom alone and he waits for me by the exit until I’m done.

I really have not seen any real (not fear mongering) reason to not.

[mcsangel2]

Feb 9, 2020 10:34:28 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

My issue isn’t so much sending in the kids by themselves as it is them waiting outside for me if I have to go. A “normal” restaurant bathroom I probably started allowing my oldest to go in around 8 and he could also go with his little brother around late 5/early 6 when I could trust him to wash his hands and not get pee everywhere.

My oldest just turned 11 and if I have to go I still “make” him go with me at a busy place like a rest stop, airport bathroom, mall, amusement park. Again I don’t worry about them being assaulted in the bathroom, but I don’t like them hanging around unattended outside If I am in the restroom. He doesn’t love it. If we are someplace like that I will try to find a smaller less used bathroom (like in a department store instead of the food court) where I either feel more comfortable letting them wait alone or there are at least less people to witness his humiliation at using the ladies room lol.

Please tell me you don't actually make your 11 year old son go INTO the ladies room with you. That's so inappropriate.

[devonpow]

DS1 started going on his own by 8, I know some smaller places earlier than that. He’s almost 13 now so obviously not an issue anymore. DS2 is about to turn 8 but won’t go alone because he gets nervous. He is fine going with his brother or a friend his age though, and I’m gently encouraging him to go on his own.

[devonpow]

Omg. Everyone is different but DS1 would have been horrified to go into the ladies room with me past the age of 8 or 9. At age 11 he would have flat our refused, and understandably. What is the issue with waiting outside out of curiosity?

[erbear]

We go out to dinner at our neighborhood brewpub pretty much every Friday, and I started letting the kids go to the bathroom (together at first) when they were 7 and 5. Now (11 and 9), it's NBD but I was nervous at first - it's by an emergency exit and we live in a major city and you definitely can't see it from the bar area where we sit. 

Once when DD1 was about 8, she went and didn't come back for like 10 minutes, so I went to find her, sure she had been taken. She had run into a friend in the dining room and was just sitting at a table with his family.

[erbear]

Feb 9, 2020 10:34:28 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

My issue isn’t so much sending in the kids by themselves as it is them waiting outside for me if I have to go. A “normal” restaurant bathroom I probably started allowing my oldest to go in around 8 and he could also go with his little brother around late 5/early 6 when I could trust him to wash his hands and not get pee everywhere.

My oldest just turned 11 and if I have to go I still “make” him go with me at a busy place like a rest stop, airport bathroom, mall, amusement park. Again I don’t worry about them being assaulted in the bathroom, but I don’t like them hanging around unattended outside If I am in the restroom. He doesn’t love it. If we are someplace like that I will try to find a smaller less used bathroom (like in a department store instead of the food court) where I either feel more comfortable letting them wait alone or there are at least less people to witness his humiliation at using the ladies room lol.

I'd do a double-take seeing an 11 year old boy in a girl's bathroom, particularly one who looked uncomfortable. Can he not be trusted to stay outside for 2 minutes?

[readyin07]

Feb 9, 2020 16:02:34 GMT -5 mcsangel2 said:

Feb 9, 2020 10:34:28 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

My issue isn’t so much sending in the kids by themselves as it is them waiting outside for me if I have to go. A “normal” restaurant bathroom I probably started allowing my oldest to go in around 8 and he could also go with his little brother around late 5/early 6 when I could trust him to wash his hands and not get pee everywhere.

My oldest just turned 11 and if I have to go I still “make” him go with me at a busy place like a rest stop, airport bathroom, mall, amusement park. Again I don’t worry about them being assaulted in the bathroom, but I don’t like them hanging around unattended outside If I am in the restroom. He doesn’t love it. If we are someplace like that I will try to find a smaller less used bathroom (like in a department store instead of the food court) where I either feel more comfortable letting them wait alone or there are at least less people to witness his humiliation at using the ladies room lol.

Please tell me you don't actually make your 11 year old son go INTO the ladies room with you. That's so inappropriate.

In an extremely large place (again, airport, amusement park like Disney, rest stop -- I'm talking bathrooms that are huge and have two entrance/exits) I absolutely do. I don't really care what you think is appropriate or not. What do you think he is seeing or doing that is inappropriate? If I have to go into a huge rest stop bathroom, he's going in. He goes in his own stall, waits until I say he can come out, washes hands and that's that. I try to avoid it, but I'm not leaving him outside a restroom rest stop that is either isolated or extremely busy at 9pm (which was the last situation that I made him come in...it's usually avoidable).

[readyin07]

Feb 9, 2020 16:37:31 GMT -5 erbear said:

Feb 9, 2020 10:34:28 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

My issue isn’t so much sending in the kids by themselves as it is them waiting outside for me if I have to go. A “normal” restaurant bathroom I probably started allowing my oldest to go in around 8 and he could also go with his little brother around late 5/early 6 when I could trust him to wash his hands and not get pee everywhere.

My oldest just turned 11 and if I have to go I still “make” him go with me at a busy place like a rest stop, airport bathroom, mall, amusement park. Again I don’t worry about them being assaulted in the bathroom, but I don’t like them hanging around unattended outside If I am in the restroom. He doesn’t love it. If we are someplace like that I will try to find a smaller less used bathroom (like in a department store instead of the food court) where I either feel more comfortable letting them wait alone or there are at least less people to witness his humiliation at using the ladies room lol.

I'd do a double-take seeing an 11 year old boy in a girl's bathroom, particularly one who looked uncomfortable. Can he not be trusted to stay outside for 2 minutes?

I can think of about two times this has happened and I guess he was actually 10 since he just turned 11 two weeks ago. He walks into a stall and then to a sink when I tell him I'm done. I know the places I'm speaking of where it happened (rest stop and airport) and I stand by my decision. It has nothing to do with my trust in him to stay outside. 

[devonpow]

Feb 9, 2020 16:42:38 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

Feb 9, 2020 16:02:34 GMT -5 mcsangel2 said:

Please tell me you don't actually make your 11 year old son go INTO the ladies room with you. That's so inappropriate.

In an extremely large place (again, airport, amusement park like Disney, rest stop -- I'm talking bathrooms that are huge and have two entrance/exits) I absolutely do. I don't really care what you think is appropriate or not. What do you think he is seeing or doing that is inappropriate? If I have to go into a huge rest stop bathroom, he's going in. He goes in his own stall, waits until I say he can come out, washes hands and that's that. I try to avoid it, but I'm not leaving him outside a restroom rest stop that is either isolated or extremely busy at 9pm (which was the last situation that I made him come in...it's usually avoidable).

serious question though - why can’t he be outside the bathroom, either isolated or busy? Is the concern your son and his behavior or something happening to him? I’m not being critical I’m truly just wondering. I might gave a different perspective because I live in a city and my son has walked and taken public transportation by himself for a while (he’s 12 now) so I’m on the more freedom edge of things with my kids.

[readyin07]

Feb 9, 2020 16:28:16 GMT -5 devonpow said:

Omg. Everyone is different but DS1 would have been horrified to go into the ladies room with me past the age of 8 or 9. At age 11 he would have flat our refused, and understandably. What is the issue with waiting outside out of curiosity?

Honestly just not a fan of him standing alone outside a restroom for any length of time. I travel with a toddler as well and have to deal with diaper changes and toddler antics so it's not like I am in and out in a minute. We also have had two unfortunate experiences in public restrooms - once in Publix with someone who was talking to them inappropriately and another with someone using drugs in the public library.  I absolutely send both my boys in alone because I know they can come right back out if there is an issue, which is what they did. If I'm in a bathroom peeing and something happens I can't get there immediately and in a big chaotic location I'm just not a fan. It definitely doesn't happen often, but I'm not really going to apologize for when it does. I definitely do not consider myself a helicopter parent, but  I guess in this case I am.

[readyin07]

Feb 9, 2020 16:47:59 GMT -5 devonpow said:

Feb 9, 2020 16:42:38 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

In an extremely large place (again, airport, amusement park like Disney, rest stop -- I'm talking bathrooms that are huge and have two entrance/exits) I absolutely do. I don't really care what you think is appropriate or not. What do you think he is seeing or doing that is inappropriate? If I have to go into a huge rest stop bathroom, he's going in. He goes in his own stall, waits until I say he can come out, washes hands and that's that. I try to avoid it, but I'm not leaving him outside a restroom rest stop that is either isolated or extremely busy at 9pm (which was the last situation that I made him come in...it's usually avoidable).

serious question though - why can’t he be outside the bathroom, either isolated or busy? Is the concern your son and his behavior or something happening to him? I’m not being critical I’m truly just wondering. I might gave a different perspective because I live in a city and my son has walked and taken public transportation by himself for a while (he’s 12 now) so I’m on the more freedom edge of things with my kids.

No, I have no problem with his behavior. I just don't like when I am otherwise indisposed and can't see / hear what's going on in a location that I am not familiar with. I let them play in the neighborhood outside, ride bikes to friends houses if they let me know they are going. They have plenty of freedom, but this is just one thing I'm not a fan of.