Yes! I am a school counselor and I get you are so good with kids you should just have one. My mother in law also said MH and I aren’t a family because we don’t have kids. He went back at her and the subject changed.
“When are you going to start a family?” I have a family! Me and my H (and our dog) are a family!
Yes this also drives me crazy. Just because I didn't change my name or didn't have kids doesn't mean we're not a family. Even if you want kids you're not starting a family, you're growing it!
PSA: It's spelled Y-apostrophe-A-L-L, not Y-A-apostrophe-L-L.
I will never agree with this ya’ll.
It's not a matter that is up for agreement or disagreement. The abbreviation is of you + all, not ya + will. To separate the a from the ll with an apostrophe is patently wrong. You want to be wrong, fine. But you can't be wrong about something that has a correct answer and pretend it's a matter of opinion.
It's not a matter that is up for agreement or disagreement. The abbreviation is of you + all, not ya + will. To separate the a from the ll with an apostrophe is patently wrong. You want to be wrong, fine. But you can't be wrong about something that has a correct answer and pretend it's a matter of opinion.
'Don't worry! I confuse facts and opinions all the time!"
Doctors-Please don't tell me I should start exercising.
Do you have suggestions for a better way to discuss movement/exercise?
My doctor's office has the standard question of "What's do you do for exercise?" said with a smile. Which is much less loaded - it assumes a person exercises and opens the door to talk about specifics. Then they will say something specific that is about it that is usually validating and maybe a slight suggestion (if you want to incorporate X, that could help with Y" and Y is never about weight - bone density, muscle mass, whatever). It sounds like that approach would avoid the problem saddlebred mentioned. She'd mentions that she mountain bikes and my doctor would say "that's great!" rather than having a doctor assume body (muscle) mass = no exercise.
Do you have suggestions for a better way to discuss movement/exercise?
My doctor's office has the standard question of "What's do you do for exercise?" said with a smile. Which is much less loaded - it assumes a person exercises and opens the door to talk about specifics. Then they will say something specific that is about it that is usually validating and maybe a slight suggestion (if you want to incorporate X, that could help with Y" and Y is never about weight - bone density, muscle mass, whatever). It sounds like that approach would avoid the problem saddlebred mentioned. She'd mentions that she mountain bikes and my doctor would say "that's great!" rather than having a doctor assume body (muscle) mass = no exercise.
I love this phrasing. I’m fairly thin and have never had a doctor comment on my weight or ask about my exercise routine (I’m not the best at exercising.)
My wife is very overweight and at their most recent doctor’s appointment they recommended they “start exercising” without asking any questions about routine first. My wife has been going to Orange Theory 4-5 times a week for more than 6 months. Exercise is not an issue but people love to make assumptions.
wanderingback,I don't know if this is helpful at all, but my favorite doctor I ever had would give me a questionnaire when I checked in for my annual appointment. It had general lifestyle questions about smoking, drinking, exercise, eating habits. Everyone got the same questionnaire. Then we would talk about my answers during the appointment. That way I never felt that she was asking me specific questions based on the way I looked or was judging me for my choices.
Post by Dumbledork on Feb 15, 2020 12:32:28 GMT -5
Lol, it’s slang coming from people saying “ya all” It’s not required to follow grammar rules any more than didja or iono is supposed to follow grammar rules.
It’s not like anyone is using any version of ya’ll in any kind of professional or academic work. You’re trying to force standardization on cultural language.
Lol, it’s slang coming from people saying “ya all” It’s not required to follow grammar rules any more than didja or iono is supposed to follow grammar rules.
It’s not like anyone is using any version of ya’ll in any kind of professional or academic work. You’re trying to force standardization on cultural language.
You look like a person who doesn't know or understand the culture.
PSA: when I tell you I don't drink because I'm in recovery, please don't give me a long dissertation (excuse?) about your own drinking habits. I know you're just trying to be nice, but you do you, man. I care not about how often, why, where, etc. you drink.
ETA: Unless you want help/advice about it--then I'll be happy to listen.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Lol, it’s slang coming from people saying “ya all” It’s not required to follow grammar rules any more than didja or iono is supposed to follow grammar rules.
It’s not like anyone is using any version of ya’ll in any kind of professional or academic work. You’re trying to force standardization on cultural language.
You look like a person who doesn't know or understand the culture.
Lol, it’s slang coming from people saying “ya all” It’s not required to follow grammar rules any more than didja or iono is supposed to follow grammar rules.
It’s not like anyone is using any version of ya’ll in any kind of professional or academic work. You’re trying to force standardization on cultural language.
No, I'm reiterating the standard for the cultural language as it developed. You are blithely ignoring it and embracing something that's incorrect. Which, as I previously said, you are welcome to do. But you'll be wrong while doing it.
Lol, it’s slang coming from people saying “ya all” It’s not required to follow grammar rules any more than didja or iono is supposed to follow grammar rules.
It’s not like anyone is using any version of ya’ll in any kind of professional or academic work. You’re trying to force standardization on cultural language.
When I ask someone if they are getting married soon or if kids are next, it’s just simple chit chat filler. It’s pretty much a meaningless question, sort of like ‘how’s the weather,’ but we already ran out of that part of small talk. No need to take It personal or give me Deep responses or get mad that someone asked you that question AGAIN. It’s general chatter and not something I’d actually ask someone I already know. Look Debbie, I honestly don’t care. I’m just trying to be polite in social settings.
Maybe it’s a sensitive issue for them. Maybe they have IF. Maybe it’s none of your business and rude.
Yes.
It's akin to asking a woman if she's pregnant, IMO. I just don't ask. There are so many reasons why someone might not have children or want to have them and it's truly none of my business. If someone brings up their children, I assume it's fair game to talk about their kids, but otherwise, I don't really even ask someone if they have kids.
My own PSA: Please stop fucking asking me if I'm going to "try for a girl." No. I am not. I do not want more than the two children I have and their sex/gender is literally of no consequence in that decision. Also, my family planning is nobody's business, especially you, random Lyft driver.
Lol, it’s slang coming from people saying “ya all” It’s not required to follow grammar rules any more than didja or iono is supposed to follow grammar rules.
It’s not like anyone is using any version of ya’ll in any kind of professional or academic work. You’re trying to force standardization on cultural language.
Y'all has been in use in the south for something like 200 years. It has already been standardized.
Is this a commonly held opinion? What happens to those cookies? I want to support my niece, but a) don’t want to pay $8 for shipping and b) I’m just as happy with the Aldi version (except they discontinued the thin mint ones!). Last year, their cookie donations went to a homeless outreach organization. I know they were used and greatly appreciated. This year, they were divided military and the other organization. If the cookies are largely seen as a nuisance, I certainly don’t want to contribute to that.
Deployed locations get inundated with them. The good ones (thin mints, Samoas) usually go pretty quickly. By then everyone is sick of cookies (most people prefer to eat healthy while deployed) and the other ones (trefoils, the gluten-free ones) just sit around getting stale and taking up space.
If she had specifically requested them, maybe send 1-2 boxes in another care package. But the mass donations are really wasteful and most locations don’t want them.
Yes, this.
Most deployed folks try to eat healthfully because depending on their job they can be pretty sedentary and they have maintain a certain weight for their height. Being inundated with junk food isn’t really helpful and a lot of it ends up going to waste.
Yes isabel . The random guy who accepted clothes at the salvation army who commented every.single.time he saw me (10x/3 years maybe) that it was so good I'd blessed my H with a DS. If I dared to give away baby/toddler/kid stuff he'd scold me because I need to save it all for my future children. Mind your business you creeper.
Thankfully a different person accepts items at the location nearest to me now.
This may be regional. In California it is used for fast driving and passing.
Right? DC area here, and I can't imagine what it must be like to have major roads so empty that people leave a whole lane open for passing.
You don’t need to leave the left lane open if you’re driving fast enough to pass people. You should never be going 50 mph in the left lane, so people going 60 or 70 or whatever have to pass you on the right or weave in and out of traffic because you are in the left lane.
I live in the NYC area. I’ve also lived and commuted in Los Angeles and Chicago. It’s entirely possible to pass in the left lane and move over for someone going faster than you so they can pass. Move over!
“Actually, in most states, they're breaking the law. California, Indiana and 28 other states require drivers to move out of the passing lane if they are driving slower than the "normal speed of traffic." "Normal speed" doesn't mean the speed limit. You can be traveling faster than the limit and still be in violation if the traffic flow is going faster than you are.”
Most deployed folks try to eat healthfully because depending on their job they can be pretty sedentary and they have maintain a certain weight for their height. Being inundated with junk food isn’t really helpful and a lot of it ends up going to waste.
Thanks (also foundmylazybum & VillainV), that makes perfect sense. I guess I figured that someone at Girl Scouts would have covered those bases. Donations that are not needed or wanted are such a waste. I really wish they just had an option to give money directly to their GS troop. They’d get more, and nothing goes to waste. I’ll talk to my SIL about going back to just the other organization. I know they were used and greatly appreciated when they were delivered on the streets along with a home cooked, hot meal.
Post by litskispeciality on Feb 15, 2020 16:05:56 GMT -5
I hate when people say "when are you trying for a boy?" To parents, esp if its because you have to "pass the family name along", girls can do that...plus dont worry about peoples reproductive plans or lack there of.
When I ask someone if they are getting married soon or if kids are next, it’s just simple chit chat filler. It’s pretty much a meaningless question, sort of like ‘how’s the weather,’ but we already ran out of that part of small talk. No need to take It personal or give me Deep responses or get mad that someone asked you that question AGAIN. It’s general chatter and not something I’d actually ask someone I already know. Look Debbie, I honestly don’t care. I’m just trying to be polite in social settings.
If your goal is to be polite, then you’re failing miserably.
This is a deeply personal question, and something that many people struggle with. Ask about anything else, literally. Or stand there in silence. Would you chat about the weather and then transition to a question “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever been through?” Maybe it means nothing to you, and especially if it means nothing to you...don’t bring it up with someone you don’t know, as casual conversation.
VillainV I take it "donate your Halloween candy" to the military is out, too? I never understood why our service members would want half melted chocolate that had cruddy little kid hands all over it that was at least 6 months old by the time it got there. If the parent doesn't want it take it work, give it to a neighbor, throw it away as a last resort.
When I ask someone if they are getting married soon or if kids are next, it’s just simple chit chat filler. It’s pretty much a meaningless question, sort of like ‘how’s the weather,’ but we already ran out of that part of small talk. No need to take It personal or give me Deep responses or get mad that someone asked you that question AGAIN. It’s general chatter and not something I’d actually ask someone I already know. Look Debbie, I honestly don’t care. I’m just trying to be polite in social settings.
If your goal is to be polite, then you’re failing miserably.
This is a deeply personal question, and something that many people struggle with. Ask about anything else, literally. Or stand there in silence. Would you chat about the weather and then transition to a question “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever been through?” Maybe it means nothing to you, and especially if it means nothing to you...don’t bring it up with someone you don’t know, as casual conversation.
I understand as we are infertile, but I know that when people make casual conversation with me in the office, I don’t relate it to it being “personal”. I take it as they are trying to make polite conversation. And it’s a general question that everyone asks.
Someone upthread used the word “loaded”. I feel like that helps convey what I mean more. I don’t go into depth or pry. And when someone asks me, I don’t feel like the person is asking me a loaded question. It’s usually just conversation filler., getting to know you stuff. I’m not asking about a random persons struggle and I’m pretty sure when they make small talk with me, they really aren’t asking me to explain our IVF plans or anything along those lines.
VillainV I take it "donate your Halloween candy" to the military is out, too? ;) I never understood why our service members would want half melted chocolate that had cruddy little kid hands all over it that was at least 6 months old by the time it got there. If the parent doesn't want it take it work, give it to a neighbor, throw it away as a last resort.
You are correct! No, we don’t want or need it. Most people families will send maybe a small bag of our favorites to share and pass around, and that’s plenty. Also? MOST places have at least a small store where people can buy candy al the time. Everyone in the states can just keep their Bit o’ Honey and rock hard Brach’s licorice-flavored taffy at home.
If your goal is to be polite, then you’re failing miserably.
This is a deeply personal question, and something that many people struggle with. Ask about anything else, literally. Or stand there in silence. Would you chat about the weather and then transition to a question “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever been through?” Maybe it means nothing to you, and especially if it means nothing to you...don’t bring it up with someone you don’t know, as casual conversation.
I understand as we are infertile, but I know that when people make casual conversation with me in the office, I don’t relate it to it being “personal”. I take it as they are trying to make polite conversation. And it’s a general question that everyone asks.
Someone upthread used the word “loaded”. I feel like that helps convey what I mean more. I don’t go into depth or pry. And when someone asks me, I don’t feel like the person is asking me a loaded question. It’s usually just conversation filler., getting to know you stuff. I’m not asking about a random persons struggle and I’m pretty sure when they make small talk with me, they really aren’t asking me to explain our IVF plans or anything along those lines.
But why ask questions that even have the potential to be hurtful, when there are so many other questions you could ask instead?
"How was your weekend?" "Do you have any vacations planned?" "Have you read any good books lately?"
...and so on.
If someone is engaged, you can ask about wedding plans, and if someone has announced they or their partner is pregant, you can ask about that, but otherwise, it's none of your business.
If your goal is to be polite, then you’re failing miserably.
This is a deeply personal question, and something that many people struggle with. Ask about anything else, literally. Or stand there in silence. Would you chat about the weather and then transition to a question “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever been through?” Maybe it means nothing to you, and especially if it means nothing to you...don’t bring it up with someone you don’t know, as casual conversation.
I understand as we are infertile, but I know that when people make casual conversation with me in the office, I don’t relate it to it being “personal”. I take it as they are trying to make polite conversation. And it’s a general question that everyone asks.
Someone upthread used the word “loaded”. I feel like that helps convey what I mean more. I don’t go into depth or pry. And when someone asks me, I don’t feel like the person is asking me a loaded question. It’s usually just conversation filler., getting to know you stuff. I’m not asking about a random persons struggle and I’m pretty sure when they make small talk with me, they really aren’t asking me to explain our IVF plans or anything along those lines.
It makes sense that if you don't feel like it's a loaded question when it's asked to you, you may have to hear from someone else that it feels loaded to them before understanding.
It does not make sense that after multiple people from different walks of life say it's loaded to them that you would persist in asking such questions of literally anyone when not invited. Unless not giving a damn at causing hurt feelings some fixed percentage of the time is your raison d'être.