Yes all those sayings and platitudes are terrible. In addition to I don’t know how you do it, I’ve gotten “I can’t imagine” which often translates to your situation is so terrible that people can’t even comprehend it.
Also, it’s gods will or you are so strong. It’s not god’s will if my child dies while in heart surgery, so please keep that to yourself.
Another PSA, stop commenting on pregnant women’s weight. At best it’s rude and can give someone major body issues. At worst there is a medical reason why someone is big or small which could be potentially life threatening to the baby (twins, high risk pregnancy, IUGR etc.). I once had a random stranger lady comment on my weight at the women’s hospital when I was there for a medical appointment where baby’s size factored in. We also had multiple co-workers comment on myself and other ladies who were pregnant and no one actually knows anything about size in pregnancy or infants so it all comes out pretty ignorant. Unless you are a doctor and measuring then you have no idea what size someone should be.
EXACTLY! Like wtf are we supposed to do? Moving, take a MAJOR pay cut or divorce are not options in this situation.
I also got this a lot when my first husband died (by suicide, in our home, left himself for me to find). Like... yes yes it’s amazing what you can do when LIFE GIVES YOU NO CHOICE AT ALL IN THE MATTER. Wtf. Am I supposed to drop dead too? Short of that, I have no choice here. Idiots.
People use it to distance themselves from messy parts of life. My son was very sick his entire life and passed at the age of 5, I STILL hear it all the time. I think if people say they “aren’t strong enough” or “couldn’t do it” then it won’t happen to them. I’m sure this is my jaded view but it doesn’t feel like a “compliment” as some try to say it is intended.
Also, the person making small talk about kids should avoid me. I will give you an entire genetics lesson and complex medical history. I am tired of trying to make others comfortable because they choose to ask a stranger in the grocery store about their life.
Liking in support, folks. Y'all have been through/are going through some shit and it is the pits that people make it worse with their nonsense filler words.
Post by litskispeciality on Feb 18, 2020 11:53:02 GMT -5
((Dani)) ((spearmint))
On the other side I get frustrated when I have to "defend" not having kids with one of the big reasons being I'd have to do it pretty much on my own because of DH's job. We have no family support, and I won't quit my job, nor could we afford that by growing our family. Even my DH will say "well other people just do it", well good for them, but they have more family or better/different circumstances. Don't pry into anyone's situation and push back on "well why don't you"...because most of the time there's no other option.
I have a lot of feelings around the God's Plan and God only gives you how much you can handle. Both from personal experience, and watching a friend question her faith as she just lost her husband "because God made a mistake". Stop making those comments to her, there's nothing you can do to bring him back.
Post by litskispeciality on Feb 18, 2020 12:17:10 GMT -5
Oh and one more, kind of going off of the dropping from FT to PT thread...Don't worry about how many hours a woman works meaning PT or FT. Don't say "you're ready to go back to FT?" "aren't your kids too old for you to work PT?" or "you don't have kids, why do you need to work PT, what else would you do with all that time?" There are a lot of reasons someone might work PT, kids or not, don't worry about that unless you pay your bills with their paycheck.
Stop telling me “I don’t know how you do it” or “I could never do that” when you find out I solo parent almost 50% of the time or when you see I have 3 boys.
Yes! I’m a single parent and hearing that makes me want to pull my hair out. I just do it because there’s not another option.
Same.
A friend of mine told me once that she understands how it is to be a single parent because her husband works a 24 hr shift every 3 days so she's a single parent one day out of every 3. She's a stay at home mom to 4. While being a stay at home mom to 4 is definitely a full time job, being on your own twice a week with them does not give you the same experience as being a single mom 24/7. She knows that there is someone that will be there to take over/help out in a day or less. As a single parent it was kind of infuriating to hear.
Yes! I’m a single parent and hearing that makes me want to pull my hair out. I just do it because there’s not another option.
Same.
A friend of mine told me once that she understands how it is to be a single parent because her husband works a 24 hr shift every 3 days so she's a single parent one day out of every 3. She's a stay at home mom to 4. While being a stay at home mom to 4 is definitely a full time job, being on your own twice a week with them does not give you the same experience as being a single mom 24/7. She knows that there is someone that will be there to take over/help out in a day or less. As a single parent it was kind of infuriating to hear.
YES so much yes!! What gets me most as a single parent is not having that other person to talk to about the kids. No one else is quite a proud or concerned about them as another parent would be. So even if you are alone lots, at least you have someone else to share it with.
Never say to someone 'God knows best'. 'You are so strong' 'I don't know how you do it' or any of hte other shitty easy lines. 'I'm sorry' works if you dont know what else to say to me. Or 'have a glass of wine' (while handing it to me!).
Yes! I’m a single parent and hearing that makes me want to pull my hair out. I just do it because there’s not another option.
Same.
A friend of mine told me once that she understands how it is to be a single parent because her husband works a 24 hr shift every 3 days so she's a single parent one day out of every 3. She's a stay at home mom to 4. While being a stay at home mom to 4 is definitely a full time job, being on your own twice a week with them does not give you the same experience as being a single mom 24/7. She knows that there is someone that will be there to take over/help out in a day or less. As a single parent it was kind of infuriating to hear.
Yes! I had a stay at home mom who’s husband is a well known OB-GYN in our area tell me that she’s basically a single mom because her husband is on call a lot. While I can imagine that can be draining, it is nowhere near the same as me being a single parent. Not even in the same realm!
PSA: When you buy a blazer or coat, please snip the criss-cross thread holding the vents together. They aren’t meant for daily wear, only to hold the shape of the garment until purchase.