Tell me we're right

[seaturtle]

H and I have decided not to allow visitors in an effort to practice social distancing. This isn't sitting well with some of our parents. My dad and SM and my mom and SD visit every weekend (separately) and each live 45 min to an hour away. ILs visit every other weekend and are 1.5 hours away. They all come to see almost 16mo old DS.

We live in a state where cases are increasingly rapidly, although none in our county. Mom lives in the same state with 2 confirmed in her county. Dad lives in neighboring state with the highest number of cases in the county, where everything (schools, public places, etc) was just shut down for 2 weeks. They were also out to dinner last night and couldn't understand why we don't want them to come for the foreseeable future.

Everyone especially wants to come because DS just started walking a few days ago (finally, lol) and they want to see him. We want to keep them (and us) healthy. FWIW all parents are in their early 60s but with no chronic or other health conditions.

Are we right or overreacting?

[mmmomof2]

Can you send a video?


ETA - I don't know if you're overreacting, but unless you have underlying health issues the visit will be more risky for them than you. My over 70 parents are the same way. They are still going out to eat and living life. 

[tripleshot]

I wouldn’t have a problem with them visiting, but that doesn’t make you wrong. Do what you feel comfortable with. Can you FaceTime instead? The doctor q&a segments I’ve seen on multiple different news channels the last couple of days all said it’s okay to go out to eat and visit with family if you’re not having any symptoms.

[VillainV]

I think you are justified in temporarily stopping visits and instead relying on FaceTime. I consider that “unnecessary travel.” Now, if you relied on them for child care or there was some other reason they HAD to travel, I think that would be okay.

[Deleted]

You do what makes you comfortable. Also remind them that the symptoms appear to be mild in children, which can make them super transmitters because you may not even realize they have it. And yet older people get the most severe symptoms.

You can video chat. My kid’s grandparents all live far away, and we video chat with each set at least once per week. It’s great for everyone.

[nicolewi]

I say you are right, for their protection more than for yours.

[dochas]

There is no point in closing schools and having people work from home if people are still going to be traveling back and forth between other people's homes. You are correct in stopping visits.

[lolalolalola]

I would not have a problem with them visiting, but there’s no right or wrong answer. Whatever you’re comfortable with is the right answer

[jennistarr1]

I think you are right

But I also consider "what if" this goes on for several months.

Quarantining for 2 weeks, yeah just deal with it

Into the "months" timeline I don't want to regret not seeing parents grandparents

So part of me is like let's see them now before it gets worse

But none of us have a crystal ball, maybe we are at the top of the curve, maybe we are just beginning

[boiler717]

We are not seeing grandparents. Kids and young adults can have minimal to no symptoms and pass to seniors easily.
We are only seeing our immediate household.

[smock]

We're planning to limit all contact outside our household for two weeks and then start visiting grandparents. I'm more concerned about us giving it to them than the reverse.

[ohgillian]

I’m team you and I appreciate knowing you’re doing your part to flatten the curve.

[lilac05]

Your house, your rules. I would make the same.

In hindsight, we may think it was an overreaction, but there’s no way we will ever know for certain. But one thing is for certain, I’d rather be safe than sorry.

[VillainV]

Mar 14, 2020 11:31:40 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

Your house, your rules. I would make the same.

In hindsight, we may think it was an overreaction, but there’s no way we will ever know for certain. But one thing is for certain, I’d rather be safe than sorry.

My sister is an ER doc, and yesterday she told me that the irony of social distancing is that if it works, it might all seem like an overreaction. But it isn’t an overreaction.

[mbcdefg]

My mom and sister both seem to think this is all overhyped. My mom (who is 65, in good health) called me yesterday to invite me to an annual party at her house next week - her house is very tiny and she tends to over invite people so normally people are like sardines in her house. And they’re probably all at least 50-60 years old.

I just told her we’ll see. Not that we’re getting any other invitations for now besides that, but my plan at the moment (rather than getting into the whole “WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU???” thing) is to just reply that, for DD’s sake, we prefer to just hunker down for a few days and see what happens.

It really bothers me that Disney and pro sports and entire countries are shutting down, yet there are still people asking why this is such a big deal. These organizations wouldn’t willingly throw a shit ton of money down the toilet If there wasn’t an inherent danger here. The whole “social isolation” thing isn’t going to work unless most everyone participates. Otherwise there are idiots out there spreading infection and then we’ll all be cooped up way longer than two weeks.

[moonriver]

Mar 14, 2020 10:26:10 GMT -5 jennistarr1 said:

I think you are right

But I also consider "what if" this goes on for several months.

Quarantining for 2 weeks, yeah just deal with it

Into the "months" timeline I don't want to regret not seeing parents grandparents

So part of me is like let's see them now before it gets worse

But none of us have a crystal ball, maybe we are at the top of the curve, maybe we are just beginning

I think the “let’s do Xyz now before it gets worse” mentality is exactly how it will get worse. We need to practice social distancing NOW to prevent things from getting worse. I don’t know why this is hard for people to understand.

[dochas]

Mar 14, 2020 13:10:14 GMT -5 moonriver said:

Mar 14, 2020 10:26:10 GMT -5 jennistarr1 said:

I think you are right

But I also consider "what if" this goes on for several months.

Quarantining for 2 weeks, yeah just deal with it

Into the "months" timeline I don't want to regret not seeing parents grandparents

So part of me is like let's see them now before it gets worse

But none of us have a crystal ball, maybe we are at the top of the curve, maybe we are just beginning

I think the “let’s do Xyz now before it gets worse” mentality is exactly how it will get worse. We need to practice social distancing NOW to prevent things from getting worse. I don’t know why this is hard for people to understand.

Exactly. THIS is how IT gets worse. 

[seaturtle]

Thanks everyone for responses, I appreciate the different perspectives.

We've compromised with my mom today by letting her come over to walk outside with us and DS but not letting her touch anyone or come inside. He's clearly the only grandchild lol so she'll take what she can get. And that'll be it for a while. I'm not looking forward to not seeing everyone but it sounds like the right thing to do.

[sillygoosegirl]

Does DS go to daycare? Is everyone healthy? Is there any known or suspected exposure? Do any of the adults work in a professional setting with high exposure risk?

Not allowing them to come visit seems like it would be appropriate if anyone is sick, or if anyone suspects exposure.

I think there is a *huge* difference between children going to school/daycare or adults going to work, often with *hundreds* of potential contacts between people/faucet handles/doorknobs/elevator buttons, and occasional gatherings of like 5 or 6 healthy family members. You aren't undoing the effects of everything being closed by getting together in small groups with healthy people and taking reasonable precautions. Social distance isn't meant to be full-on quarantine.

We are fully isolating our household, but *only* because DD and I are sick. There have also been several cases in our county, including at least one community spread, so there is a slight possibility our cold is coronavirus (although truly, it's still probably just a cold).

[circa1978]

We aren't seeing anyone for the foreseeable future and that includes my parents five minutes away. It helps that DS9 and I are homebodies anyway and that we are totally fine passing days on end reading and petting dogs. But yeah, we didn't do anything for my birthday four days ago, aren't planning anything for his birthday March 21. For everyone to get through this, I think we all just need to stay put, judging by China.

[goldengirlz]

Mar 14, 2020 12:16:06 GMT -5 @hiphopanonymous said:

medium.com/@ariadnelabs/social-distancing-this-is-not-a-snow-day-ac21d7fa78b4

I was talking about this with my physician DH. Those sorts of measures may be ideal and he’d rather people err on that extreme than the other (i.e. completely ignoring this.) That said, he’s way more concerned about the dozens of people mobbing Costco and Trader Joe’s than the people who are still seeing their loved ones (one on one) and neighbors helping neighbors while schools are closed. If you have to gather, think small. There’s the utopia where we can all hunker down on our own for months on end, and then there’s real life. With that in mind, I think OP’s compromise of walking outside with her mom sounds exactly right.

[wanderingback]

Mar 14, 2020 17:16:12 GMT -5 goldengirlz said:

Mar 14, 2020 12:16:06 GMT -5 @hiphopanonymous said:

medium.com/@ariadnelabs/social-distancing-this-is-not-a-snow-day-ac21d7fa78b4

I was talking about this with my physician DH. Those sorts of measures may be ideal and he’d rather people err on that extreme than the other (i.e. completely ignoring this.) That said, he’s way more concerned about the dozens of people mobbing Costco and Trader Joe’s than the people who are still seeing their loved ones (one on one) and neighbors helping neighbors while schools are closed. If you have to gather, think small. There’s the utopia where we can all hunker down on our own for months on end, and then there’s real life. With that in mind, I think OP’s compromise of walking outside with her mom sounds exactly right.

I get this, but at the same time if everyone actually hunkered down for 2-4 weeks then based on what’s happening the curve would flatten and we wouldn’t overwhelm hospital systems at once. As healthcare workers get sick from people spreading the virus, systems get overwhelmed & we’re already starting to see that.

We’re not talking about being in isolation for months on end from what is known now. But everyone thinks they’re a special snowflake that the rules don’t apply to them so they’re just going on about their business. Get your groceries and stay home.

Even I still wanted to go to my small personal training sessions this weekend but I came to my senses in order to not potentially spread anything to others or pick up anything.

[wanderingback]

Mar 15, 2020 7:24:11 GMT -5 spearmintleaf said:

Mar 14, 2020 17:27:45 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

I get this, but at the same time if everyone actually hunkered down for 2-4 weeks then based on what’s happening the curve would flatten and we wouldn’t overwhelm hospital systems at once. As healthcare workers get sick from people spreading the virus, systems get overwhelmed & we’re already starting to see that.

We’re not talking about being in isolation for months on end from what is known now. But everyone thinks they’re a special snowflake that the rules don’t apply to them so they’re just going on about their business. Get your groceries and stay home.

Even I still wanted to go to my small personal training sessions this weekend but I came to my senses in order to not potentially spread anything to others or pick up anything.

I agree with everything you said, except what makes you say we’re not looking at months on end? Wuhan is still locked down, two full months in. So is Italy. We haven’t seen anyone come out on the other side of this yet. I’m doing it anyway but I do imagine it’s going to be like this for months.

Wuhan is seeing the other side. They’ve closed are in the process of closing the temporary hospitals. Their deaths are pretty low. Obviously what happened in China is never going to happen here because we’re not going to forcibly place people in quarantine and Americans don’t listen.

However, my point is that for the next few weeks we could all do our part to social distance. Experts are predicting the virus is here to stay, but they’re not predicting that we’re going to need to completely quarantine ourselves for 6 months, that’s what I meant by months (should’ve been more clear about that). 8 weeks is a lot different than 6 months. So I think people could really hunker down for the next few weeks like the experts recommend and then reassess at that time. No one is saying you can never see your friends and family again.

The point of social distancing now is to help prevent hospitals and resources from being consumed all at once since few people are immune and we’re still figuring out medically how to treat this virus and develop a vaccine.

[goldengirlz]

See ... my H is not that optimistic. We’re talking about a virus that can take up to two weeks to incubate and then once people contract it, they’re sick for weeks.

Even IF you believe the information coming out of China, they’ve still been dealing with this since possibly as far back as November, and they’re not out of the woods yet. They’re seeing fewer community spread cases but they haven’t been completely able to stop people from bringing it in from other places.

Also, he says that flattening the curve can mean extending the long tail on it. I hope he’s wrong, but he thinks we’re in for a long ride.

[poe]

So what are thoughts on having your kid’s friends over? I posted about it earlier. Maybe on married life and people were sure, we’re limiting to a few friends.
Then I read Facebook and some people are super breezy and telling people to chill out and others are hunkering down. Do we just stay home, hang out as a family for two weeks and reevaluate?
Just curious what others are doing and their thoughts.

[VillainV]

Mar 15, 2020 12:55:21 GMT -5 poe said:

So what are thoughts on having your kid’s friends over? I posted about it earlier. Maybe on married life and people were sure, we’re limiting to a few friends.
Then I read Facebook and some people are super breezy and telling people to chill out and others are hunkering down. Do we just stay home, hang out as a family for two weeks and reevaluate?
Just curious what others are doing and their thoughts.

Assuming everyone else is practicing social distancing, I have heard it’s okay to limit yourself to a very small social circle and have small gatherings in private. Like 2-3 small families. This was one of the doctors on CNN, sorry I don’t have a better reference.

That is, of course, as long as nobody meets any quarantine criteria. Then it’s time to lock it down.

[jewel]

Mar 15, 2020 14:10:34 GMT -5 VillainV said:

Mar 15, 2020 12:55:21 GMT -5 poe said:

So what are thoughts on having your kid’s friends over? I posted about it earlier. Maybe on married life and people were sure, we’re limiting to a few friends.
Then I read Facebook and some people are super breezy and telling people to chill out and others are hunkering down. Do we just stay home, hang out as a family for two weeks and reevaluate?
Just curious what others are doing and their thoughts.

Assuming everyone else is practicing social distancing, I have heard it’s okay to limit yourself to a very small social circle and have small gatherings in private. Like 2-3 small families. This was one of the doctors on CNN, sorry I don’t have a better reference.

That is, of course, as long as nobody meets any quarantine criteria. Then it’s time to lock it down.

The Washington Post article talks about total quarantine vs social distancing. I think we are going to do play dates with a couple of families, one at a time, and only if everyone is totally healthy and not otherwise concerned, and not at any public location. I am planning to stay away from any at-risk family members, including my parents and little brother, which really kills me. I am less worried about what would happen if/when we get COV19, but am much more worried about unknowingly passing it to one of them, who could get so much sicker.

[redpenmama]

We don't live near family, but if we did, I would still see them so long as they are otherwise practicing social distancing. That said, my parents were out to eat last night, my mom is going to the gym, and my dad is refusing to stop work travel and is on planes weekly. My brother who does live near them just told them last night they couldn't come to his house again until they start to take this seriously, and I don't blame him.

[imojoebunny]

We have been adapting, to being in this for the long haul, slowly over the course of the weekend, and have settled on only allowing 2 kids, one for each of our children, to come to our house. Both other families are only going out for essentials, work from home, and are not allowing visitors, other than the our one child. We plan to go for a hike with another family tomorrow, but our kids are all old enough to maintain 6', and if they do not, then this will not be happening again. I want to get this over with, as quickly as, possible. I drove around for a bit today, and was stunned to see dozens of people waiting outside the local breakfast place for a seat. It has very tight seating, not an open air patio. This is not going to end quickly, if people keep behaving this way. I will not see my parents, until this is over. They are old, and thus far, being stupid about where they go, and who they see. Nope, you are right.

[pinkpeony08]

I'm a health care provider. I am pretty afraid of what will be coming and how it will overwhelm the system. In Italy, they are having to decide who gets an ICU bed and/or ventilator. What we do now makes the wave less tall.

So you and everyone, please, listen to the recommendations! Social distancing! We aren't doing any playdates with friends. My kids just Skype'd with a friend instead. Yes, it's not ideal. My husband will work from home. We are doing walks as a family. Only one person to the grocery store, not all together like we do some weekends.

I just chatted with a friend in Italy today - she said they are completely home bound, everything except pharmacies and grocery stores are closed. Her mom lives a few blocks away and hasn't been able to come over because when you go outside, police ask you why you are out and ask you to go home.