@ 3/20 chat

[acr]

I am thankful I got an RX a month ago to help with sleep & anxiety. It was meant to be short term, but now it's definitely going to be used longer. The last time I felt this anxious I was getting divorced. My son is at his dad's (who works at a hospital), 2 hours away, and I'm in a mild panic about him not being at home where I can keep him safe. I know his dad & grandparents are being cautious, but the hospital element is what gets to me.

I'm thankful I have a job with an employer that has prepared for recession. I am pretty sure that will be fine.

[tracita]

DH is starting to panic about toilet paper. We have more than 12 rolls in the house. There are 4 of us. We are good for at least a few weeks. It's annoying the hell out of me because he's in a bad mood about it all the time.

I'm so happy my kids' schools are giving them plenty of work to keep them busy and out of my hair. And also very glad they are old enough to do the work without my assistance. My heart goes out to everyone with younger kids who need their help.

[circa1978]

@ On the toilet paper front, I've never been so glad to be the only female in a house of males. And we have bidets/washlets on three toilets. Even if toilet paper is never available again, we will be fine.

I also signed us up for milk, egg, bread, meat and cheese delivery from a local supplier. They also have yogurt, ice cream and other things. They are sourced locally with a regular route to my neighborhood and I think/hope there is much less chance of a disruption in their lines. They also just leave things on the porch in a cooler so 10/10.

ETA: A local farmers market just announced a drive through option and I'm also thinking about joining a CSA share. Sometimes it's an advantage to live in the midwest and be surrounded by farms.

[tessalb]

@roxmonster - Not trivial stuff all! I would be so disappointed, too. This whole thing has upended the normalcy of our lives. Happy early birthday!

[keyslover]

I'm angry and scared right now.

@i know the girls (especially the oldest) picks up on my moods so I have to pull it together.

I cannot tell DH now because he's on the edge ( think end of the world prepper, but with no survival skills) so the stuff he wants to order from amazon is ridiculous. But, I am obliging a lot of it because it's what is making him comfortable.

I'll pull it together, I do have family and friends I can talk to and FaceTime with, but man. . .

I am a bit paranoid of other people too- who can I trust that have been doing self isolation and not just "lalalala" out and about. Looking at you in-laws- you've shown poor judgment in the past, why am I supposed to believe you now?

[formerlyak]

@@@

I'm trying to be grateful for things, but I wasn't great about it yesterday. Thankfully DH is awesome and just took the kids upstairs and let me have my moment.

But I am grateful that our jobs are secure and we will not lose any income from this. Not just my household, but our retired parents are financially fine as are our siblings and their families even my ex and his wife (which I care about because it would affect DS). We work in industries that are not ones where we are ever going to be rich, but we are stable. No one in our house is sick. Academically, the boys will be fine even with this time where I have to try to help them navigate their schoolwork.

We are under the "safe at home" orders because we are in CA, but it appears that adhering to our custody order and letting DS go to his dad's this weekend and then me getting him back in two days seems to be something we can do because we will be isolated in our personal cars and we have a court order. So DS doesn't have to do 4 weeks without seeing one of us in person.

Just trying to keep it in perspective so my anxiety doesn't get the best of me.

[sugarbear]

I’m really trying to stay away from all the people on SM who are all, “buckle up! See you in 18 months! This is gonna be baddddd!” Like, no shit. I am just so sad all the time and I can’t imagine a summer without being outside with friends. I’m ok day to day, but when I think about 2, 3 months from now, I just shut down.

[seeyalater52]

@ TW pregnancy


I'm struggling so much with the idea that this could go on for a long time. I'm just starting to feel even remotely confident/normal that this pregnancy could work out and here we are. It has been so many years to get to this point and now the whole world is on fire. I am so, so grateful and honestly if I get to have this baby I will gladly stay inside until October or longer, but it is so weird to think that we might not be able to have any of the experiences we had imagined doing if this ever worked (maternity photos, baby shower, having a doula with us in the hospital.) It is such a petty concern but it is so present for me right now.

[sugarbear]

Mar 20, 2020 9:58:58 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

@ TW pregnancy


I'm struggling so much with the idea that this could go on for a long time. I'm just starting to feel even remotely confident/normal that this pregnancy could work out and here we are. It has been so many years to get to this point and now the whole world is on fire. I am so, so grateful and honestly if I get to have this baby I will gladly stay inside until October or longer, but it is so weird to think that we might not be able to have any of the experiences we had imagined doing if this ever worked (maternity photos, baby shower, having a doula with us in the hospital.) It is such a petty concern but it is so present for me right now.

These are not petty concerns. We get to feel the way we feel without having to justify it. This is all scary and unfamiliar and it's really hard to imagine what life will look like when we get back to "normal." Add in an entirely new situation like pregnancy and I imagine all these feelings will be magnified. Definitely NOT petty. Sending you love.

[eponinepontmercy]

DD woke up yesterday with a high fever and headache. It seems just like the regular flu or another virus, but I'm kind of on edge now.

[seeyalater52]

Mar 20, 2020 10:18:14 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

Mar 20, 2020 9:58:58 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

@ TW pregnancy


I'm struggling so much with the idea that this could go on for a long time. I'm just starting to feel even remotely confident/normal that this pregnancy could work out and here we are. It has been so many years to get to this point and now the whole world is on fire. I am so, so grateful and honestly if I get to have this baby I will gladly stay inside until October or longer, but it is so weird to think that we might not be able to have any of the experiences we had imagined doing if this ever worked (maternity photos, baby shower, having a doula with us in the hospital.) It is such a petty concern but it is so present for me right now.

These are not petty concerns. We get to feel the way we feel without having to justify it. This is all scary and unfamiliar and it's really hard to imagine what life will look like when we get back to "normal." Add in an entirely new situation like pregnancy and I imagine all these feelings will be magnified. Definitely NOT petty. Sending you love.

Thank you. Part of it is also (probably preemptive since, you know, I haven't had the baby yet) "survivor's guilt" coming out of such a long period of infertility. So many friends and loved ones are struggling still and ASRM just put all infertility treatments on hold indefinitely so cycles are being canceled. I worry still that if we lost this pregnancy we would have no backup plan to try again possibly for a year or more. It's all just so hard to cope with.


I'm still in disbelief that I'm still pregnant and waiting for things to go wrong, but now that the likelihood is that it will work out I'm just at a loss to actually handle that situation in our current world. 

[Velar Fricative]

I don’t know what to do about daycare for my 2yo. My work is now closed indefinitely after initially closing through 3/31 and I’m still WFH. But I feel like the more cases increase, the more exposure we will have experienced even though we’ve been isolated at home for nearly a week. I don’t feel right sending her in on 4/1 as I initially hoped for provided we continue to have zero symptoms for 2+ weeks. But they’re probably struggling too even though they’re still open. I’m going to call the director to see about payments. While we are both still getting paid, we can afford to pay just to keep our spot, but maybe they will allow partial payments to maintain spots. I don’t know. This sucks.

And then I’m also thinking about my 6yo’s summer camp. I want to send in a deposit in case everything is better by 7/1 but it’s nonrefundable.

Basically I’m lost but also appreciative that I have these problems when they can be much worse and are for a lot of people.

[sugarbear]

Mar 20, 2020 10:26:16 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

Mar 20, 2020 10:18:14 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

These are not petty concerns. We get to feel the way we feel without having to justify it. This is all scary and unfamiliar and it's really hard to imagine what life will look like when we get back to "normal." Add in an entirely new situation like pregnancy and I imagine all these feelings will be magnified. Definitely NOT petty. Sending you love.

Thank you. Part of it is also (probably preemptive since, you know, I haven't had the baby yet) "survivor's guilt" coming out of such a long period of infertility. So many friends and loved ones are struggling still and ASRM just put all infertility treatments on hold indefinitely so cycles are being canceled. I worry still that if we lost this pregnancy we would have no backup plan to try again possibly for a year or more. It's all just so hard to cope with.


I'm still in disbelief that I'm still pregnant and waiting for things to go wrong, but now that the likelihood is that it will work out I'm just at a loss to actually handle that situation in our current world. 

I have no experience here but I can imagine that is a whole new layer of feelings. I'm sending you virtual hugs.

[smock]

I already prepaid for an entire summer's worth of day camps for my kindergartener, so I'm really hoping they still take place.

[biscoffcookies]

seeyalater52 -- it is totally fair to be struggling with your feelings. But I wonder also if there might be some workarounds? Like, potentially you could have maternity photos if you did them outside and stayed 6 feet from the photographer? Or even maybe a virtual baby shower (not the same, I know) using teleconferencing software?

But yes, everything blows. THe fact that we don't know how long these restrictions are going to go, what it means for our lives 1/3/6/12 months from now, and the inability to plan our lives is making me....not a calm person. My daily anti-anxiety med is not up to this kind of challenge.

[hamster]

Mar 20, 2020 9:50:18 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

I’m really trying to stay away from all the people on SM who are all, “buckle up! See you in 18 months! This is gonna be baddddd!” Like, no shit. I am just so sad all the time and I can’t imagine a summer without being outside with friends. I’m ok day to day, but when I think about 2, 3 months from now, I just shut down.

This is where I'm at as well.

[notreal]

Onward will be on Disney+ April 3rd

[seeyalater52]

Mar 20, 2020 10:31:44 GMT -5 biscoffcookies said:

seeyalater52 -- it is totally fair to be struggling with your feelings. But I wonder also if there might be some workarounds? Like, potentially you could have maternity photos if you did them outside and stayed 6 feet from the photographer? Or even maybe a virtual baby shower (not the same, I know) using teleconferencing software?

But yes, everything blows. THe fact that we don't know how long these restrictions are going to go, what it means for our lives 1/3/6/12 months from now, and the inability to plan our lives is making me....not a calm person. My daily anti-anxiety med is not up to this kind of challenge.

Ohhhhh that honestly never occurred to me about the photographer. That is a great idea! My friend suggested having a virtual shower but my sister (who would throw it) thinks it’s gift grabby and inapproprate given the circumstances. Not sure yet how we will handle that situation, she is such a critic. Honestly I’m mostly just feeling super personally attacked that I finally have a baby GROWING INSIDE OF ME (basically a medical miracle) and I really want people to celebrate this because we never thought it would happen and we just love this little baby so much and want to have a normal experience for once.

[smock]

Mar 20, 2020 10:41:12 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

Mar 20, 2020 10:31:44 GMT -5 biscoffcookies said:

seeyalater52 -- it is totally fair to be struggling with your feelings. But I wonder also if there might be some workarounds? Like, potentially you could have maternity photos if you did them outside and stayed 6 feet from the photographer? Or even maybe a virtual baby shower (not the same, I know) using teleconferencing software?

But yes, everything blows. THe fact that we don't know how long these restrictions are going to go, what it means for our lives 1/3/6/12 months from now, and the inability to plan our lives is making me....not a calm person. My daily anti-anxiety med is not up to this kind of challenge.

Ohhhhh that honestly never occurred to me about the photographer. That is a great idea! My friend suggested having a virtual shower but my sister (who would throw it) thinks it’s gift grabby and inapproprate given the circumstances. Not sure yet how we will handle that situation, she is such a critic. Honestly I’m mostly just feeling super personally attacked that I finally have a baby GROWING INSIDE OF ME (basically a medical miracle) and I really want people to celebrate this because we never thought it would happen and we just love this little baby so much and want to have a normal experience for once.

WTF to your sister. CEP will throw you a virtual baby shower!!!

[was5]

seeyalater52, any and all feelings are completely understandable. I'm grateful that I don't have any exciting plans scheduled for the next year.

My cousin sent me a text last week about his son's birthday party at his house which is scheduled for next weekend. I was waiting for a follow-up text to say he cancelled, but that hasn't come yet, so I will be the one to turn it down. His family b-day parties are pretty big (20-30 people) and he just moved into a smaller house following a divorce. Maybe me declining will prompt him to consider cancelling.

H's company finally realized something is going on. He can't WFH (shipping and receiving) but his company gave everyone an additional 10 vacation days they can use. He's going to take a couple days off each week so I can get a little more work done.

[penguingrrl]

I'm getting very frustrated with the amount of work my 5th grader is getting. My oldest (7th) is getting tons of work. She generally keeps going from 9 am until 6 pm with a short break for lunch. That's about how much work she has during a regular school day, so it's good. My 1st grader is busy with school work from 9-12, takes a break, then finishes for the day around 1:30, so also likely similar to a school day. My 5th grader is finished in under 2 hours every day. It's inexcusable. The superintendent has asked that we not complain to the teachers/admin this week since it's the first week, so I'm not yet, but I'm increasingly annoyed. I want her to be busy the same hours she would for school plus homework, period.

And my mental health is in worse shape than it's ever been. I'm not handling any of this well at all. I finally escaped being an unwilling SAHP after 12 years only to lose my job due to this and suddenly I'm expected to be a teacher, a job I never wanted and absolutely suck at.

[seeyalater52]

Mar 20, 2020 10:42:34 GMT -5 smock said:

Mar 20, 2020 10:41:12 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

Ohhhhh that honestly never occurred to me about the photographer. That is a great idea! My friend suggested having a virtual shower but my sister (who would throw it) thinks it’s gift grabby and inapproprate given the circumstances. Not sure yet how we will handle that situation, she is such a critic. Honestly I’m mostly just feeling super personally attacked that I finally have a baby GROWING INSIDE OF ME (basically a medical miracle) and I really want people to celebrate this because we never thought it would happen and we just love this little baby so much and want to have a normal experience for once.

WTF to your sister. CEP will throw you a virtual baby shower!!!

😂❤️ She is.... a challenge. Her baby is 10 months old and was conceived/born when I was in the midst of recurrent pregnancy losses (her shower was right after my 3rd loss and I wasnt able to go) and she really resents that I wasnt there for her when she was pregnant. And also thinks I’m a whiner because “she had infertility too” (tried for 3 months before being put on clomid and conceived the second month on meds, no losses) and doesn’t understand why I’m acting like all of this is so difficult. But she’s my only sister so you get what you get I guess!

[was5]

Mar 20, 2020 10:42:34 GMT -5 smock said:

Mar 20, 2020 10:41:12 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

Ohhhhh that honestly never occurred to me about the photographer. That is a great idea! My friend suggested having a virtual shower but my sister (who would throw it) thinks it’s gift grabby and inapproprate given the circumstances. Not sure yet how we will handle that situation, she is such a critic. Honestly I’m mostly just feeling super personally attacked that I finally have a baby GROWING INSIDE OF ME (basically a medical miracle) and I really want people to celebrate this because we never thought it would happen and we just love this little baby so much and want to have a normal experience for once.

WTF to your sister. CEP will throw you a virtual baby shower!!!

Exactly what I was thinking!

seeyalater52 , hopefully your sister will come to her senses. The social distancing is all really new to everyone. Hopefully in 5-6 months she will understand this is the new normal and be happy to have something to celebrate.

ETA - or at least understand that other people will be happy to celebrate because what a piece of work. 

[penguingrrl]

seeyalater52, sending hugs! You aren't being unreasonable at all! You and your wife have been trying and waiting and planning and wishing for so long. You completely deserve all the excitement an expectant mother usually gets!

[pugz]

Mar 20, 2020 9:50:18 GMT -5 sugarbear said:

I’m really trying to stay away from all the people on SM who are all, “buckle up! See you in 18 months! This is gonna be baddddd!” Like, no shit. I am just so sad all the time and I can’t imagine a summer without being outside with friends. I’m ok day to day, but when I think about 2, 3 months from now, I just shut down.

yes, I can't think beyond the end of the school year right now. 

[moonriver]

We bought a house this week. Our plan was to leisurely repaint, pack, and move over the next two or three weeks. Then we realized we A) didn’t want to hire movers who might be exposed to the virus, and B) needed to move ASAP in case we get a shelter in place order and wouldn’t be able to rent a moving truck. So on Wednesday night we decided we would move everything, by ourselves, by this weekend. It’s stressful and not what I pictured, and now we aren’t painting like we wanted because our priority is just getting all of our stuff moved. I know we will paint eventually, it’ll just be more inconvenient painting after we move in.

Also, I had so many hopes of meeting neighbors and making friends this spring/summer and now that seems impossible. I can’t imagine my son (almost 4yo) not playing with any children for months on end. I’m stressed and sad and haven’t even had time to feel all those feelings. Thanks for letting me vent.

[biscoffcookies]

Mar 20, 2020 10:42:34 GMT -5 smock said:

Mar 20, 2020 10:41:12 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

Ohhhhh that honestly never occurred to me about the photographer. That is a great idea! My friend suggested having a virtual shower but my sister (who would throw it) thinks it’s gift grabby and inapproprate given the circumstances. Not sure yet how we will handle that situation, she is such a critic. Honestly I’m mostly just feeling super personally attacked that I finally have a baby GROWING INSIDE OF ME (basically a medical miracle) and I really want people to celebrate this because we never thought it would happen and we just love this little baby so much and want to have a normal experience for once.

WTF to your sister. CEP will throw you a virtual baby shower!!!

Cosigned.  

[was5]

Mar 20, 2020 10:45:19 GMT -5 penguingrrl said:

I'm getting very frustrated with the amount of work my 5th grader is getting. My oldest (7th) is getting tons of work. She generally keeps going from 9 am until 6 pm with a short break for lunch. That's about how much work she has during a regular school day, so it's good. My 1st grader is busy with school work from 9-12, takes a break, then finishes for the day around 1:30, so also likely similar to a school day. My 5th grader is finished in under 2 hours every day. It's inexcusable. The superintendent has asked that we not complain to the teachers/admin this week since it's the first week, so I'm not yet, but I'm increasingly annoyed. I want her to be busy the same hours she would for school plus homework, period.

And my mental health is in worse shape than it's ever been. I'm not handling any of this well at all. I finally escaped being an unwilling SAHP after 12 years only to lose my job due to this and suddenly I'm expected to be a teacher, a job I never wanted and absolutely suck at.

I wonder if part of the issue is that a good part of the day is instruction, so if teachers aren't instructing, there's not much left to fill the day. 

Can you have her read extra or find online supplements to what she's being assigned. I honestly think 9-6 is kind of a lot to expect 7th graders to complete at home. 

Someone posted something in one of the FB groups I'm in that they have homeschooled their kids for several years after being a teacher in a public school, and elementary school kids in homeschool typically only do a couple hours of schoolwork a day and middle school kids only do a few....and that's all that is needed. I'm looking for the post to get the times right. But it was less than I expected for MS. 

[keyslover]

seeyalater52 people still need and want to celebrate the good!

Your maternity photos will be unique and a bright spot right now.
Gift grabby? STFU, it's a celebration of life.

Everyone is grieving a life of their expectations, it normal and ok.

We will all regroup and look for the good when we can.

[wesleycrusher]

penguingrrl One of my friends who homeschools (and was homeschooled) shared this : simplehomeschool.net/coronavirus/?fbclid=IwAR3yQ1d2TkyrqyxqJR4mkjLJfQq_Exo731YFU337rmOGEMJqQx3QdyfurfU

Honestly my entire goal for "homeschooling" is not to have the kids regress.