Post by outnumbered on Apr 3, 2020 19:33:20 GMT -5
I am so very sorry. I would want to go if it was my brother. If you have been isolated driving would probably be safest for his family in regards to exposure. If he has to fly the plane would most likely be almost empty. He should definitely wear a mask in the airport and on the plane. Again I am Very sorry.
I hate the thought of his dad being alone. If it was me, I'd go. It seems like flying is the best option. If he drives, he'd have to spend the night somewhere which also seems risky. If that is the case, he should request a room that hasn't been occupied recently.
I would stay the fuck home! There is absolutely nothing he can do right now to change the situation and there is no reason to venture out and interact with people who could potentially be asymptomatic carriers. You need to treat every person you interact with like they are infected right now. It sucks but that is currently our new "normal".
Give me a fucking break. If leaving the house is ever fucking warranted, this is when it is fucking warranted. I hope you haven't left your home since it started, and will not until it is over otherwise you are just a hypocrite.
She went through the Starbucks drive through just a few days ago, according to her posting history.
Post by imojoebunny on Apr 3, 2020 19:47:07 GMT -5
I am very sorry that your family is having to face this at all, and especially, at this time. DH's uncle passed away a few days ago. No one could go, not even his wife, to the hospital. His children could not travel to be with him or their mom. The one (adult) child that lives within driving distance is going over to take things to DH's aunt, but cannot go inside, and they have to talk through the door. As horrible as it is, I would consider what your DH will really be able to do, if he goes. Different places have different rules, but many hospitals will not allow any visitors, and traveling to stay with family, could end up spreading the virus, which has its own risk. My heart breaks for your family.
I'm staying home, keeping my family home, going through all this trouble- in part- so that people like your H, with a really good reason to break shelter rules- can. This is devastating stuff, and I do think he can help your FIL and SIL with his presence, if nothing else.
Have him fly out ASAP, figure out the rest later. I'm so sorry that your family is going through this.
Post by goldengirlz on Apr 3, 2020 20:22:50 GMT -5
I don’t know what the “right” answer is, but people saying there’s nothing that OP’s H could do right now are underestimating the healing power of being with loved ones during such a traumatic time.
Not to make this about me, but when my (high risk) dad was hospitalized with COVID last weekend, the urge to rush home was so great, DH had to physically hold me while I was screamed-cried, because the pain of having to stay put was so intense. To lose a family member is never easy. To lose someone without any of our comforting rituals, without the power of a hug, is devastating.
I couldn’t wrap my head around not going. We finally agreed that I would re-evaluate if things got worse (thankfully, that has not happened.)
To be so callous at a time like this, I don’t understand. I hope alleinesein never knows that pain firsthand.
I am so so sorry. I think my husband would likely go in that scenario and he would have my blessings. He would also have to quarantine away from us upon his return though.
I don’t know what the “right” answer is, but people saying there’s nothing that OP’s H could do right now are underestimating the healing power of being with loved ones during such a traumatic time.
I think this is one of the hardest things about this time in history, because I agree with you 100% - but we also have many thousands of people who are being forced to be apart from loved ones while they are very sick or dying right now. Families everywhere are unable to grieve together due to the virus. I am very worried about the mental health fallout of all of these restrictions and the trauma people are going to be dealing with for years as a result of this virus. But if everyone who is losing a loved one decides that grieving together is more important than sheltering in place, we are going to end up with even more deaths. It's just not possible right now for everyone to do that.
I don’t know what the “right” answer is, but people saying there’s nothing that OP’s H could do right now are underestimating the healing power of being with loved ones during such a traumatic time.
I think this is one of the hardest things about this time in history, because I agree with you 100% - but we also have many thousands of people who are being forced to be apart from loved ones while they are very sick or dying right now. Families everywhere are unable to grieve together due to the virus. I am very worried about the mental health fallout of all of these restrictions and the trauma people are going to be dealing with for years as a result of this virus. But if everyone who is losing a loved one decides that grieving together is more important than sheltering in place, we are going to end up with even more deaths. It's just not possible right now for everyone to do that.
This all fucking sucks so much.
But that’s why the goal is flattening the curve, not getting new infections to zero. Like someone said above, if everyone would cool it with the weekly Target runs and the cutesy “oh look we’re standing 6 ft away from each other at this neighborhood block party,” then people who have “essential” reasons to be out wouldn’t overwhelm the health system.
And, hey, I’m here in California while my dad is sick in NY so obviously we’re on the same page here. All I’m saying is that a little empathy goes a long way.
Anyway, yes, this all fucking sucks so much. You can say that again.
I am so very sorry that you and your family are going through this. I don’t know what I would do, but whatever your H decides will be the right answer for him. I can’t imagine how hard this is.
I don’t know what the “right” answer is, but people saying there’s nothing that OP’s H could do right now are underestimating the healing power of being with loved ones during such a traumatic time.
Not to make this about me, but when my (high risk) dad was hospitalized with COVID last weekend, the urge to rush home was so great, DH had to physically hold me while I was screamed-cried, because the pain of having to stay put was so intense. To lose a family member is never easy. To lose someone without any of our comforting rituals, without the power of a hug, is devastating.
I couldn’t wrap my head around not going. We finally agreed that I would re-evaluate if things got worse (thankfully, that has not happened.)
To be so callous at a time like this, I don’t understand. I hope alleinesein never knows that pain firsthand.
Yeah this. I'm taking care of (stable) covid patients in the city with the most cases and I certainly wouldn't judge/side eye someone traveling for this emergency reason. Also, some hospitals/units are letting people visit under certain circumstances. In addition, having some closure by being with a few family members is obviously immensely helpful. All through this board people are talking about needing to go outside for a walk, get take out, ordering non-essential stuff from amazon, ordering birthday presents, etc yet someone can't go be with a grieving family during an emergency?? That makes no sense.
Post by Patsy Baloney on Apr 3, 2020 21:35:01 GMT -5
I’m so incredibly sorry.
I think if your H chooses to travel, a flight would be best, and he’s clearly aware of how to stay as safe as possible. I would also follow the advice of having your H isolate upon his return.
It’s such a terrible situation and I’m so sorry your family is going through this.
Anecdotally, a coworker who I am close to traveled to Florida last week to be with her father in his final days. She is safely back home, but was worried about illness or not being able to get a flight back. It was a non-issue for her - she traveled easily and will hopefully be well in the coming weeks. They are now hoping for an early summer ease on restrictions so they can lay him to rest. She has said that leaving without making arrangements was the hardest part for her. I’m holding them in my heart and every family who cannot mourn the way they want to. It’s so terrible.
Again, I am just so sorry and hope that you H will be able to make the decision for what is right for him and that all will stay well.
I think this is one of the hardest things about this time in history, because I agree with you 100% - but we also have many thousands of people who are being forced to be apart from loved ones while they are very sick or dying right now. Families everywhere are unable to grieve together due to the virus. I am very worried about the mental health fallout of all of these restrictions and the trauma people are going to be dealing with for years as a result of this virus. But if everyone who is losing a loved one decides that grieving together is more important than sheltering in place, we are going to end up with even more deaths. It's just not possible right now for everyone to do that.
This all fucking sucks so much.
But that’s why the goal is flattening the curve, not getting new infections to zero. Like someone said above, if everyone would cool it with the weekly Target runs and the cutesy “oh look we’re standing 6 ft away from each other at this neighborhood block party,” then people who have “essential” reasons to be out wouldn’t overwhelm the health system.
And, hey, I’m here in California while my dad is sick in NY so obviously we’re on the same page here. All I’m saying is that a little empathy goes a long way.
Anyway, yes, this all fucking sucks so much. You can say that again.
I'm really sorry you are dealing with this, too. I don't mean my post to imply that you aren't doing something right or that you wouldn't be right in making the decision that is right for you, either. I do think people need to decide what level of risk they are comfortable with and make decisions from there.
I think I would be less worried about "other" people and flattening the curve in this situation and more worried that my H would pick up the virus on the trip, that he'd end up sick, that he'd get his dad sick, that he'd get his SIL sick, or that he'd get me and my family sick when he returns. I would be worried that he'd end up sick when he's halfway across the country from me and then I'd have to figure out if it's safe for me to travel to him. We are all staying home to keep the public healthy but it's also to keep ourselves and our families safe.
I don't know. I guess there isn't a right or wrong answer here. It's just important to weigh all the "what ifs" and decide what you're ok living with. I don't think there should be judgement on whatever that decision is.
My heart is aching for OP and for everyone dealing with these decisions right now.
I don’t know what the “right” answer is, but people saying there’s nothing that OP’s H could do right now are underestimating the healing power of being with loved ones during such a traumatic time.
I think this is one of the hardest things about this time in history, because I agree with you 100% - but we also have many thousands of people who are being forced to be apart from loved ones while they are very sick or dying right now. Families everywhere are unable to grieve together due to the virus. I am very worried about the mental health fallout of all of these restrictions and the trauma people are going to be dealing with for years as a result of this virus. But if everyone who is losing a loved one decides that grieving together is more important than sheltering in place, we are going to end up with even more deaths. It's just not possible right now for everyone to do that.
This all fucking sucks so much.
You are one of my favorite posters so I feel bad saying this, but you bought a house and are moving in the middle of all of this. If you think that is acceptable, then how can going to be with family in this horrible situation not be?
I think this is one of the hardest things about this time in history, because I agree with you 100% - but we also have many thousands of people who are being forced to be apart from loved ones while they are very sick or dying right now. Families everywhere are unable to grieve together due to the virus. I am very worried about the mental health fallout of all of these restrictions and the trauma people are going to be dealing with for years as a result of this virus. But if everyone who is losing a loved one decides that grieving together is more important than sheltering in place, we are going to end up with even more deaths. It's just not possible right now for everyone to do that.
This all fucking sucks so much.
You are one of my favorite posters so I feel bad saying this, but you bought a house and are moving in the middle of all of this. If you think that is acceptable, then how can going to be with family in this horrible situation not be?
The only in-person interaction we have had (or will have) with anyone throughout that process was viewing 3 homes with gloves on and staying all the way across the room from a realtor - and this was also while we were not under stay at home orders and the general advice was to stay 6 feet apart. We are moving ourselves so we won't come in contact with anyone there either (I guess technically we could infect a Uhaul or become infected, but we will fully clean anything we touch before and after we move). Closing is happening remotely. I've had more contact with a cashier at the grocery store than I'll have with anyone during this whole process, so I don't think it's really a comparable thing. And I'm frankly not really comfortable with it anyway, but I can't live in this apartment another year. Between the lack of security and the lack of basic hygiene in the building, I do not feel safe living here, especially after being carjacked right outside the door. We have to be out by the end of June.
Anyway my comments truly were not meant to judge - the question is what would you do. I would not feel comfortable traveling that far and having close contact with loved ones who I could potentially expose.
I’m so sorry to hear this, how awful. I would fly one way like others have suggested. While in theory him traveling may be “pointless” I don’t think I could stay put myself if this was my last chance to see a sibling.
Thinking of you and hoping he somehow pulls through. Good luck to your H whichever way he travels.
Give me a fucking break. If leaving the house is ever fucking warranted, this is when it is fucking warranted. I hope you haven't left your home since it started, and will not until it is over otherwise you are just a hypocrite.
She went through the Starbucks drive through just a few days ago, according to her posting history.
Of course she did. People who respond like this, in this horrible situation the OP is going through, are exactly the same people who would deem Starbucks essential, lol.
Post by lexxasaurus on Apr 4, 2020 12:08:17 GMT -5
I'm not even really close to my brother anymore, but if I was going to lose him, I'd be there for family in a heartbeat. It's a hard decision, but my gut would push me to go.
You are one of my favorite posters so I feel bad saying this, but you bought a house and are moving in the middle of all of this. If you think that is acceptable, then how can going to be with family in this horrible situation not be?
The only in-person interaction we have had (or will have) with anyone throughout that process was viewing 3 homes with gloves on and staying all the way across the room from a realtor - and this was also while we were not under stay at home orders and the general advice was to stay 6 feet apart. We are moving ourselves so we won't come in contact with anyone there either (I guess technically we could infect a Uhaul or become infected, but we will fully clean anything we touch before and after we move). Closing is happening remotely. I've had more contact with a cashier at the grocery store than I'll have with anyone during this whole process, so I don't think it's really a comparable thing. And I'm frankly not really comfortable with it anyway, but I can't live in this apartment another year. Between the lack of security and the lack of basic hygiene in the building, I do not feel safe living here, especially after being carjacked right outside the door. We have to be out by the end of June.
Anyway my comments truly were not meant to judge - the question is what would you do. I would not feel comfortable traveling that far and having close contact with loved ones who I could potentially expose.
I like you too and think you mean well, but come the fuck on. You hate where you live so much that you just HAD to move and that is somehow more justified than someone trying to say goodbye to their dying love one? The grieving need to make heartbreaking sacrifices but you don't need to make the sacrifice of putting off moving? It is hypocritical you know what I mean?
Again, I truly think you mean well but think you need to take a step back and understand how it is really hypocritical to tell the grieving they need to make sacrifices, ya know?