Awful WWYD - Update

[devonpow]

we just got news that my brother in law was severely injured in an accident and likely won’t make it. This is DHs only sibling. He lives in Illinois, we are in Boston. Their dad lives in Illinois too, alone. DH has to go. He can’t not be there for the end of his brother’s life, even though I know he won’t be allowed in the hospital. Even my BIL’s wife isn’t allowed in right now. I’m thinking it’s actually safer to fly right now? No one is flying and he can wear a mask and Clorox everything. Driving is about 20 hours and I worry about him driving that far when he’s basically in shock. Which would you do?

I’m super scared to have him travel anywhere. We haven’t left the house except to walk the dog since March 13th. He might get stuck there, too. I wouldn’t be surprised if our governor shuts the state down and doesn’t let people in. But how can he not go, right? Jesus what a fucking horrible awful tragic mess this is.

Update: thanks for all the thoughts and advice. This morning it was confirmed that he has no chance of survival or waking up. DH’s family wanted him there and we were investigating flight options - we were thinking fly in and out in one day was maybe the best way - that way we could avoid unnecessary hotels or houses, etc. Driving was totally out - DH is in shock and in no condition (i cant drive due to vision issues). Then the hospital chaplain called us on SIL’s behalf and advised us strongly not to come. That DH wouldn’t be allowed in to say goodbye etc. So they set up the phone by his brother’s ear so we could say goodbye that way. FaceTime wasn’t advised because it was such a bad accident. This is the most devastating thing we have ever gone through. BIL is a special, funny, kind person. He eats huge amounts of bacon. He is an avid cyclist and never went on a trip without his bike. He’s an engineer - incredibly smart, He’s a good brother, son, husband, and father to his two young kids. We are a very close family and the fact that we can’t be there is such a weight of grief,

[Roc A Bee]

Holy crap. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine. Honestly I’d be tempted to drive for fear of getting stuck there, but driving 20 hours is a lot. I’m so sorry you guys have to make this decision.

[Roc A Bee]

Holy crap. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine. Honestly I’d be tempted to drive for fear of getting stuck there, but driving 20 hours is a lot. I’m so sorry you guys have to make this decision.

[jezebel]

I think I’d fly... but they are cancelling a lot of flights. Man, idk, maybe driving is better. I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine dealing with that right now. My thoughts are with your and your H’s family.

[AdaraMarie]

I'm so sorry I hope he pulls through.

[jamaicam]

I am so sorry your family is going through this devonpow, sending lots and lots of love your way.

[goldengirlz]

I’m so sorry. I can understand the urge to be there; when my dad was hospitalized last week, I was an utter mess thinking about not being able to go back if things deteriorated. I would go (and fly). He can always rent or borrow a car if he can’t get a flight back.

Many warm thoughts to your family right now.

[Deleted]

I am so sorry. I would buy two one-way tickets so that one piece isn't affected by the other. He could always rent a car and drive home if he had to.

[TR]

I am so sorry y’all are in this position. I would fly. If flights back get canceled, maybe he could rent a car to get back? 20 hours + stops leaves more opportunities for exposure and less chance of him getting there in time. Plus he’ll be distracted.

[Poeticxpassion]

I’m so sorry you are in this position. I would fly and if necessary he could rent a car to get back if flights are cancelled.

[ssmjlm]

I would probably just do a one way ticket there and fly. Worry about how to get home later.

I am so sorry.

[mx27]

I’m so sorry for your family! I think your H should go (via airplane) and rent a car to drive home if necessary. I really hope your BIL makes a full recovery.

[mustardseed2007]

I think I'd fly and be prepared to drive back maybe with a rental car if he can get one.

[nsl]

I am so incredibly sorry, devonpow.

[wanderingback]

Ugh I'm so sorry.
I've got several colleagues still flying now and yes it's been pretty empty. 
Not sure where you're flying from and to but I would certainly try to do a flight with no stops if at all possible. Their flights have been cancelled and switched multiple times.
He can certainly drive back if all flights somehow get cancelled.
Best of luck to your family!

[rosiebear]

I am very sorry. I wouldn’t go, as much as that would crush me. I’d ask his caregivers to set up whatever audio and video they can and I’d spend as much time as possible talking to him. I am so sorry.

[Monica Geller]

I’m so sorry. Prayers for your family.

[icedcoffee]

I’d fly and rent a car if need be. I’m so sorry.

[meganew]

I'm so sorry. I would fly and just book a one way, non stop flight. He can worry about getting home later, whether flying or renting a car, but I wouldn't trust myself driving that far while in grief and shock like that. I'll be thinking good thoughts for your family.

[janegold]

I’m so sorry; what a horrific situation all around. Assuming he can get a flight that leaves soon, I would fly.

[alleinesein]

I would stay the fuck home! There is absolutely nothing he can do right now to change the situation and there is no reason to venture out and interact with people who could potentially be asymptomatic carriers. You need to treat every person you interact with like they are infected right now. It sucks but that is currently our new "normal".

[fivechickens]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[InBetweenDays]

I am so, so sorry for all of you. I'd fly. I think the risk of exposure is less on a 3-4 hour flight than on a 20-hour drive with stops and a likely stay at a hotel. But also he'll get there faster to be with his family.

H's brother passed away very unexpectedly last May and he didn't make it home in time. It devastated him.

[snapoutofit]

Apr 3, 2020 16:00:29 GMT -5 alleinesein said:

I would stay the fuck home! There is absolutely nothing he can do right now to change the situation and there is no reason to venture out and interact with people who could potentially be asymptomatic carriers. You need to treat every person you interact with like they are infected right now. It sucks but that is currently our new "normal".

I’m sorry. I understand what you are saying here and don’t disagree but this, I feel, is unnecessarily harsh. You can get your point across without being so callous.

[sapphireblue]

I don't know that I would go right now. What horrible timing on top of how awful this is anyway.

If he did go I agree with others--fly direct and either book another one-way home but be prepared to drive instead, or just figure out the return later.

However--I do not think it's a good idea for him to go.

What I keep picturing is your father-in-law then possibly having to deal with one son who is dying/dead or in serious condition and another son testing positive for COVID-19 (and possibly infecting other family members/citizens).

[melmel48]

I am so sorry to hear about this. I am 20 miles North of Boston; please reach out if there is anything I can do for you.

My friends grandfather just flew into Manchester airport from Florida and said he felt safe. There was barely anyone on the plane and in the airport.  In your situation, I would fly. 

I will be keeping your family in my thoughts. 

[liverandonions]

I am so very sorry. I would fly and handle the cleaning/mask the way you indicated and worry about the rest later. My thoughts are with your family.

[cleo29]

I think I would fly and be prepared to rent a car to drive home. I am so sorry to hear this and will be keeping all of you in my thoughts.

[wildrice]

I am so sorry!

Honestly, if they aren't even letting his wife see him... I am not sure there is any value in your H going. I know it is hard to stay away but what will going do? I understand wanting to say goodbye, but it sounds like he won't be allowed to do that anyway.

It just seems like a lot of risk without a lot of benefit. What if your H is exposed and then exposes his dad? What if he exposes his SIL?

I think I'd feel very differently about the risk of exposure if he could actually see his brother.

I hope something miraculous happens and your BIL pulls through. I'll be thinking of your family.

[Nonny]

I'm really sorry about your BIL, and that you and your H are finding yourself in this position.

I guess the questions I'd ask is does he have a place to stay in IL when he gets there so if he does get stuck for an indefinite time it won't be a hardship? How much of a hardship will it be for you/your family if he has to stay away for 2-4-8 weeks? If your H got covid19, does he have any of the risk factors that would put him at increased risk?

Personally, I wouldn't go. My mom is in nursing care getting rehab, and wasn't doing well for awhile (she's improving), but if anything happens to her I already know that I'll be staying put. It's a horrible thought, but I have to think about the safety of myself, my H, and those around me.