Zoom wedding etiquette

[dglvrk2]

You shouldn't attend a Zoom wedding if you're not invited by the bride or groom, right?

I ask because one of my many cousins is having a Zoom wedding at the end of May in place of her planned public wedding. I've only seen this cousin a handful of times in my life. She's nearly 20 years younger than me and we live on separate sides of the continent...We are not close. I assume I wasn't invited to her wedding as I haven't received an invitation or other communication from her or her parents yet. The only reason I even know about her engagement and wedding is my mom keeps telling me about it, reminding me I should look into plane tickets and other travel plans. Before the craziness of COVID 19, I told my mom I would try to come to the wedding IF I was invited. (Had to do this a few times)

A few days ago my mom emailed me saying the wedding is now a Zoom event, so icould definitely go.

I'm more irritated at my mom for ignoring conventions here, I think.....social skills and considering situations from other people's perspectives are not her forte

Am I missing something here? Why would I show up to a wedding, in person or virtual, if I'm not invited? This is still a very special and sacred event for my cousin (a devout Catholic) and I completely respect any decision she make about who she does and doesn't want attending.

I've told my mom several times I will do what I can to attend IF I'm invited. Any other advice on what to say to my mom?

[mustardseed2007]

If your mom wants you to attend maybe she should talk to her sibling who is your cousin's parent? But I wouldn't attend without being invited. Although the idea of a zoom wedding is interesting.

[186momx]

"Mom if aunt/uncle X or cousin send me an invite and the zoom data then I may attend. I will only try and attend if aunt/uncle/cousin personally send me an invite"

I had this same issue for BIL wedding from MIL. The invite was addressed to Mr and Mrs XXX not the XXX Family so I made arrangements for a sitter for DD. MIL had a fit and was insisting DD was too invited. I showed her the invite and everything and since DH and his brother were barely on speaking terms then DH wasn't interested in getting it clarified. MIL finally talked BIL into calling me saying it was okay for DD to come. The wedding was a 3 day affair so I picked the rehearsal dinner and morning brunch for DD to attend because they worked best for DD and got a sitter for the rest and MIL still can't let it go almost 7 years later.

[waverly]

To attend a zoom event you will need the meeting number, so if you don’t get a meeting number from the bride and groom then you are not invited. If they post it publicly in Facebook or a wedding website then I would consider yourself invited.

If they email it or text it and send it to your parents then I would consider yourself uninvited unless the bride and groom tell people to feel free to forward this meeting information to other people.

I think it limits the number of attendees unless they go for the paid version.

[ECB]

What’s the issue here? Your mom says you should attend, you aren’t going to. You don’t have to convince her of anything here. She can’t force you to attend. I’d stop arguing this with her.

[ECB]

Apr 11, 2020 16:31:48 GMT -5 186momx said:

"Mom if aunt/uncle X or cousin send me an invite and the zoom data then I may attend. I will only try and attend if aunt/uncle/cousin personally send me an invite"

I had this same issue for BIL wedding from MIL. The invite was addressed to Mr and Mrs XXX not the XXX Family so I made arrangements for a sitter for DD. MIL had a fit and was insisting DD was too invited. I showed her the invite and everything and since DH and his brother were barely on speaking terms then DH wasn't interested in getting it clarified. MIL finally talked BIL into calling me saying it was okay for DD to come. The wedding was a 3 day affair so I picked the rehearsal dinner and morning brunch for DD to attend because they worked best for DD and got a sitter for the rest and MIL still can't let it go almost 7 years later.

i wouldn’t even say this. It reads like “please mom - go ask them to invite me!l”. She may try that herself anyhow, but i wouldn’t “push” her to do it.

I’d just stick to “I’m not invited. I respect their decision. Please do the same”.

[dglvrk2]

Thanks, everyone! This is encouraging! Happy Easter! Children high on sugar at 7 am..... nothing like it!