Thinking ahead about childcare (update in thread)

[lessel]

I'm a planner and clearly the current state of affairs isn't conducive to that. But I'm trying to think ahead a bit about what might be possible for childcare in the coming months. We have a 22mo who was in full-time daycare and we have 5yo who was in Pre-K and aftercare at the same center. For summer, we were going to do the summer camp for the 5yo at the same place.

Right now, DH and I are working from home and juggling the kids back and forth. It sucks in many ways, but it's fine. I do feel like the longer it goes on the harder it's getting. Even though we're in a groove routine-wise, the kids are definitely acting out a lot more and patience is thin for all involved. Let's just say we're all not our best selves and leave it at that. 

I'll DD this next piece, so PDQ:
[Deleted some details about my and DH’s jobs and how they’re extra crazy due to COVID.]

So that brings me to the childcare question. I'm not comfortable sending the kids back to daycare this summer, if/when they open up. I'm considering looking for a nanny I guess? I hadn't really been thinking about it but I had a telehealth appt with my primary care doc and she mentioned they have their nanny and that's the only way she's surviving. I feel like a nanny who is responsible at social distancing would probably be the best bet in this situation? I've been paying half our regular costs at daycare, but I think I would just dis-enroll?

Another option is to ask my mom to come stay with us. She has some chronic health conditions that put her at major risk for bad outcomes if she gets COVID. She and my dad run a small business that is really struggling right now. She's extra stressed beyond belief and still having to go into the office. She's been wearing a mask, etc. but she's probably had way more avenues for exposure in the past 7 weeks than we have. On one hand, her coming here might be a safer choice for her... but she'd introduce risk that we haven't really had exposure to... and if by some slim change she gets exposed while she's here, I would never get over that. Plus, I'm not sure she'd actually leave the business situation at the moment.

I just don't know what to do. If things keep as-is we could theoretically continue what we're doing for many more months...but anticipating some changes to my job in particular, I feel like I need some semblance of a plan. 

Other options or things that I'm not considering?
 

[boiler717]

My friend is distancing with her nanny. Nanny still lives at her own place, but my friend took over going to the store for everyone. I think if you can find a trustworthy / responsible nanny that would be ideal.

[sdlaura]

If it's possible, I would probably use your mom after asking her to completely self-isolate for two weeks. Then I would continue to isolate my family as well. I think that's probably the option that makes the most sense in your situation - both for your mom's health and your family's.

[expectantsteelerfan]

I would talk to your mom, but she doesn't sound like the best option. Even if she self-isolated for 2 weeks, your dad would still be running the business, right? So unless your mom moved in with you and left your dad by himself, you'd still be exposed to all the people he is exposed to. So unless they were both taking time off, that option doesn't seem ideal. A nanny, if you can find one, does seem like a better option.

[waverly]

I’ve been thinking about a summer nanny as well. My kids are school age. We have the option of camps if they open. I don’t know if that will happen or when.

My office is closed and 99% of us are working remotely until June 1. However, I will want to go in at least 2 days a week maybe 3 when we reopen and would like someone for that.

I am not working full time right now, so I am able to manage it kind of but when we reopen I will be back to full time. We have a date night babysitter but she is doing instacart and not socially distancing. DH thinks when things open she will go back to her previous job at a gym so who knows if she can nanny then (we are not using her now).

A nanny would only be one point of contact (and all her contacts) rather than a summer camp where it multiples so it seems safer than summer camp although I don’t know that my kids have ever gotten sick from camp because they are outside the whole time.

[smock]

We've been having the exact same debate. Once our state's shelter in place is lifted, I'll probably feel comfortable sending my preschooler to her small preschool, but my kindergartener is currently signed up for a big day camp with dozens of kids. I'm not feeling confident about that, IF it even opens. So now we're debating pulling both kids from the current summer plans and hiring a part-time nanny over the summer.

But who knows what things will look like in two months? As a planner, this has been one of the most stressful elements for me. Having everything up in the air (while paying full-price for preschool we aren't using!) is so hard.

In your situation, I'd lean babysitter or nanny over the grandparent option.

[redpenmama]

I'd probably opt for a nanny in that situation. I think there are going to be a lot of people looking for summer nannies. Our governor has all but squashed the idea of any summer camps happening (and I'm in a state that's doing "well," relatively speaking). So, if parents are going to be returning to work in some capacity, kids are going to need supervision.

[sillygoosegirl]

Realistically I think it's impossible for someone to provide childcare without being exposed to one another's germs.

But a full time nanny means exposing your household to one other household, which is *hugely* better than exposing your household to 1-2 dozen other households in a typical daycare or camp situation. The goal is low transmission rates, not zero.

It sounds to me like your mom probably wouldn't really have time to be your nanny, and you are concerned about increasing her risk, so that doesn't seem like a good choice. OTOH, if she is itching to spend more time with your kids, and does have time, it might be preferable to have her nanny than to expose your household to the nanny's household and then be fighting her off with a stick when she still tries to come visit or whatever. And if getting to spend time with your kids motivated her to do a better job of isolating herself from other people, it might not actually increase her risk that much.

[sdlaura]

I was operating under the assumption that your mom would move in with you and stop working - isn’t that what you said in your post? I think that would be the safest option if possible.

[starryfish]

I think your mom or nanny are the best options.

[lessel]

Apr 24, 2020 15:54:14 GMT -5 sdlaura said:

I was operating under the assumption that your mom would move in with you and stop working - isn’t that what you said in your post? I think that would be the safest option if possible.

Yeah, this is what I was thinking. She’s stayed at our house for a week or so before and she generally does work from here quite a bit. Frankly, as stressful as her current situation is, I’d rather her stop working but I’m not sure she sees that as an option.

(ETA: She’s told me she’s pretty done and wants to retire but I think she feels like she can’t given the circumstances. I’m not just selfishly wanting her to quit to watch my kids.)

[lilac05]

I have several friends who are currently using a nanny. They are generally either young single women who have been laid off from other positions (like daycares) or college students who are now living at home. It’s a calculated risk for everyone. For the single nannies, the only additional exposure for the family at this point (since everyone has been home more than 2 weeks) is if the nanny is still grocery shopping. For the college students, it’s dependent on the parents’ jobs.

However, if you’ll be working out of the home, I think there needs to be a tough conversation about the “what ifs.” What if you bring it home and the nanny gets sick? Will you be responsible for medical expenses? Not only do you need to keep your family safe from the virus, but you want to be sure you’re covered legally/financially, too.

Personally, I’d be more likely to go with a single nanny than my mom...especially if it wasn’t her idea.

[Poppy]

We hope to have a nanny for the summer. She's a former teacher. I think it's an acceptable risk (though non-zero, obviously). Much better than a group care setting.

H has floated the idea of his mom coming but I'm less comfortable with that for several reasons (her age & the possibility we could get her sick, the distance to her home, the possibility for conflict that damages our relationship, I don't want to incentivize her to retire from her day job because she is itching to do so even though she isn't super financially secure).

[lessel]

So last night I talked to my mom on the phone and was just saying I think we’re looking at getting a nanny this summer and she didn’t bite. Which is totally okay. If she offered to, I think that would have been our preference. But I don’t want to pressure her into it and I think if I asked she’d feel torn.

I also just miss her and worry about her. 😕 I think wanting to have her here was probably more about protecting her and controlling her environment more than she’s able to in her current situation.

So do people still use Care.com? Our new neighborhood doesn’t really have an active Facebook or Nextdoor group like our old neighborhood—that’s where I would have started to look if we were still living there.

[sdlaura]

lessel I plan to wait until camps are (likely) called off this summer and then ask around among them counselors to find a summer nanny, rather than using a website (which I think is fine - I just think we’ll know plenty of people who had planned to work in camps and won’t be able to).

[sandandsea]

If summer camp is cancelled we will likely fly my mom here to watch the kids. She’s under 60 and low risk and would quarantine with us. Honestly both of us working at home with 2 young kids at home isn’t working well for us.

[lessel]

I think we found a part-time nanny and it almost seems too good to be true! She came at the recommendation of a neighbor. She's in college and home from school given COVID. She's living with her parents and they've been social distancing--mom is a recent breast cancer survivor, so they're being cautious. She's in school for special ed, which might be handy since our littlest guy has a speech delay and we've missed weeks of therapy and so far teletherapy is a bit of a bust. She's available through the end of June... she had planned to work at a summer camp for special need kids, but that's still up in the air. So she might be available all summer. We're going to start about 20-24hrs a week and take it from there.