Updated :Building a MIL suite on your home

[Jalapeñomel]

Update: If you’re interested, we opted not to renovate but purchase due to low mortgage rates and the market here being so hot. Hopefully, the house sells.

I may ask some of you for more info on caring for my FIL in the near future

OP: My FIL has Parkinson's with dementia, and it's overwhelming for my MIL.  They live in Iowa, and she's decided to retire in the fall.  We've talked for years about them moving here, but it's too expensive for them to do it on their own.  We have toyed with moving further north to get a larger house or remodeling our house to build a mother-in-law suite in the ground/basement floor. 

We are leaning toward the second, as moving seems like a huge headache, and neither DH nor I have any desire to have a longer commute. Plus, I love that my son has classmates he will know all through his schooling years. 

However, we know nothing about remodeling or adding an addition. I know this is location dependent, but any rough estimate would be helpful.  I don't know if we are looking at a $100k remodel or a $250k remodel, and that could be the deal breaker on whether we do it or decide to move. 

If you build a mother-in-law suite or did a major remodel, what made you decide to do that over moving?

[mags]

In NJ you need to get the approval of the township to extend your home. I do not know if that applies to you where you are. Many homes and locations here can not do it.
We have to get plans made first by architect then get them approved. Depending on hoe big and design will depend on cost. Id say 100,00 would be adequate.

[ssmjlm]

A friend did it, but only because her MIL footed the whole bill. Their house was basically chaos and with 3 kids, I don't know how she did it. I think because the MIL provides a lot of childcare for them during the school year (they're both teachers).

I know you live in a HCOL area, but would $250k be better spent on a condo or an independent care community near you instead?

[quesyrah]

We did this 2 years ago. It cost just shy of $100K to add a 750 sq ft 2 bed, 2 bath apartment onto our house. I am in CA

[lemoncupcake]

Apr 29, 2020 12:19:32 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

My FIL has Parkinson's with dementia, and it's overwhelming for my MIL.  They live in Iowa, and she's decided to retire in the fall.  We've talked for years about them moving here, but it's too expensive for them to do it on their own.  We have toyed with moving further north to get a larger house or remodeling our house to build a mother-in-law suite in the ground/basement floor. 

We are leaning toward the second, as moving seems like a huge headache, and neither DH nor I have any desire to have a longer commute. Plus, I love that my son has classmates he will know all through his schooling years. 

However, we know nothing about remodeling or adding an addition. I know this is location dependent, but any rough estimate would be helpful.  I don't know if we are looking at a $100k remodel or a $250k remodel, and that could be the deal breaker on whether we do it or decide to move. 

If you build a mother-in-law suite or did a major remodel, what made you decide to do that over moving?

Would you be able to utilize existing foundation and roofline (like converting a garage) or would it be totally new space attached to your home?

[mrsukyankee]

I can't give you an idea of cost in the US, because we did it twice in the UK. But it was much less money to do the renovation than to buy a whole new place or move to a new place with more rooms. We did a top floor renovation (put in a room and a bathroom) in one house and did a whole house renovation (walls stripped back, new everything) which gave us all our own space. We did not make a full suite for my MIL with her own kitchen as we knew it would work out fine (different eating times, she's not super intrusive)so we all shared the kitchen.

Cost will depend on whether you are revamping an already existing space or putting in a whole new space (digging a basement or pushing out into your yard).

And you will most likely have to go through your local gov't to get permission to do anything major (knocking out walls and the like).

[lemoncupcake]

Apr 29, 2020 12:36:37 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

I know you live in a HCOL area, but would $250k be better spent on a condo or an independent care community near you instead?

I think this comes down to why do you want them to live with you. Will you be helping to care for FIL, or do you envision him eventually moving to a care facility? If he was not going to live in your home, would you still want MIL to live with you?

[carmenere]

It sounds like you're talking about remodeling existing space and not building an addition, correct? I think it depends on the current space - is it a finished basement? Is there already a bathroom there? You'll need permits for any major remodeling, and some places have restrictions or require special permitting for an additional kitchen, so you'll want to research your local ordinances.

[hocus2]

A lot will depend on your lot and zoning rules. If you're house already uses most of your lot then you won't be able to expand out. For legal living space in your basement it really depends on how much of your basement is above ground, how high your ceilings are etc.

If you're just remodeling it should be easier but you'll likely run into various regulations (e.g. no gas oven in a basement. Our previous owners had one and it had be removed prior to closing) that will limit your design.

If you have a larger lot a free standing in-law house might be your best bet if such a thing is legal where you live.

www.houseplans.com/plan/557-square-feet-2-bedroom-1-bathroom-0-garage-cottage-39331

[Jalapeñomel]

Apr 29, 2020 12:36:37 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

A friend did it, but only because her MIL footed the whole bill. Their house was basically chaos and with 3 kids, I don't know how she did it. I think because the MIL provides a lot of childcare for them during the school year (they're both teachers).

I know you live in a HCOL area, but would $250k be better spent on a condo or an independent care community near you instead?

It would cost more to buy a condo here, especially with condo association fees (at least $450 a month most places).   

Apr 29, 2020 13:37:56 GMT -4</abbr> lemoncupcake said:

Apr 29, 2020 12:37:56 GMT -5 lemoncupcake said:

Apr 29, 2020 12:19:32 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Would you be able to utilize existing foundation and roofline (like converting a garage) or would it be totally new space attached to your home?

Both...we have a romper room in the basement, so we could just extend that, but that would be an addition. 

Apr 29, 2020 12:40:21 GMT -5 lemoncupcake said:

Apr 29, 2020 12:36:37 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

I know you live in a HCOL area, but would $250k be better spent on a condo or an independent care community near you instead?

I think this comes down to why do you want them to live with you. Will you be helping to care for FIL, or do you envision him eventually moving to a care facility? If he was not going to live in your home, would you still want MIL to live with you?

My MIL is significantly younger than my FIL, 17 years, and my DH is an only child (and we are raising an only child), so we want to be able to help her with my FIL, and we have no problems with her living her indefinitely (we say that now lol). 

Apr 29, 2020 12:41:36 GMT -5 carmenere said:

It sounds like you're talking about remodeling existing space and not building an addition, correct? I think it depends on the current space - is it a finished basement? Is there already a bathroom there? You'll need permits for any major remodeling, and some places have restrictions or require special permitting for an additional kitchen, so you'll want to research your local ordinances.

WE only have one bathroom in the house, so we had plans to put a restroom in the basement anyway.  We don't want to do that if we do decide to go forward with the in-law suite. 

[namasteak]

Idk how big of a price difference there is but my family lives near Princeton, NJ and finishing their basement was close to $200k. But they did it really fancy.

[TR]

dr.girlfriend recently did a major addition onto their house and there are a lot of great threads on H&G about the whole process.

[lemoncupcake]

What is a romper room? I’m guessing it’s not related to the old tv show with the magic mirror.

[memenee]

Apr 29, 2020 12:50:41 GMT -5 lemoncupcake said:

What is a romper room? I’m guessing it’s not related to the old tv show with the magic mirror.

The chuckle patch!

[lolalolalola]

Apr 29, 2020 12:47:27 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Apr 29, 2020 12:36:37 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

A friend did it, but only because her MIL footed the whole bill. Their house was basically chaos and with 3 kids, I don't know how she did it. I think because the MIL provides a lot of childcare for them during the school year (they're both teachers).

I know you live in a HCOL area, but would $250k be better spent on a condo or an independent care community near you instead?

It would cost more to buy a condo here, especially with condo association fees (at least $450 a month most places).   

Apr 29, 2020 13:37:56 GMT -4</abbr> lemoncupcake said:

Apr 29, 2020 12:37:56 GMT -5 lemoncupcake said:

Would you be able to utilize existing foundation and roofline (like converting a garage) or would it be totally new space attached to your home?

Both...we have a romper room in the basement, so we could just extend that, but that would be an addition. 

Apr 29, 2020 12:40:21 GMT -5 lemoncupcake said:

I think this comes down to why do you want them to live with you. Will you be helping to care for FIL, or do you envision him eventually moving to a care facility? If he was not going to live in your home, would you still want MIL to live with you?

My MIL is significantly younger than my FIL, 17 years, and my DH is an only child (and we are raising an only child), so we want to be able to help her with my FIL, and we have no problems with her living her indefinitely (we say that now lol). 

Apr 29, 2020 12:41:36 GMT -5 carmenere said:

It sounds like you're talking about remodeling existing space and not building an addition, correct? I think it depends on the current space - is it a finished basement? Is there already a bathroom there? You'll need permits for any major remodeling, and some places have restrictions or require special permitting for an additional kitchen, so you'll want to research your local ordinances.

WE only have one bathroom in the house, so we had plans to put a restroom in the basement anyway.  We don't want to do that if we do decide to go forward with the in-law suite. 

Are you able to make the basement a suite for them? I understand stairs may be difficult for your FIL but there are solutions for that as well.

[Wallflower]

I would not do a basement space simply because of the stairs - someone older, never mind with Parkinson's, would be more comfortable with fewer stairs.

[Jalapeñomel]

Apr 29, 2020 13:22:56 GMT -5 lolalolalola said:

Apr 29, 2020 12:47:27 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

It would cost more to buy a condo here, especially with condo association fees (at least $450 a month most places).   

Apr 29, 2020 13:37:56 GMT -4</abbr> lemoncupcake said:Both...we have a romper room in the basement, so we could just extend that, but that would be an addition. 

My MIL is significantly younger than my FIL, 17 years, and my DH is an only child (and we are raising an only child), so we want to be able to help her with my FIL, and we have no problems with her living her indefinitely (we say that now lol). 

WE only have one bathroom in the house, so we had plans to put a restroom in the basement anyway.  We don't want to do that if we do decide to go forward with the in-law suite. 

Are you able to make the basement a suite for them? I understand stairs may be difficult for your FIL but there are solutions for that as well.

We would have to add on to the space in the bathroom for it to be big enough.  It's just a room now, they'd need a living space, I think.  It opens up to the yard, so they wouldn't necessarily have to use the stairs. 

Romper room = playroom I don't know why we called it that, but it stuck. lol

I'm not sure of COL of living in Princeton, but I live in one of the most expensive areas of the country, so I'd guess $200k isn't that much of a stretch. 

Although we could just make a living space down there sans a kitchen area, and then figure out how to redo the stairs to get them into the main part of the house. 

TR I'll go over and check out Dr. Girlfriend's posts! Thanks for the rec! 

We have a large lot and a small house. The neighbors across the street leveled their house and put a HUGE modular home on it (5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms). They have roughly the same size lot and their old house was only slightly smaller than ours.  I'll have to go over and ask them about permits and zoning. 

[mariafromnj]

Apr 29, 2020 12:33:53 GMT -5 mags said:

In NJ you need to get the approval of the township to extend your home. I do not know if that applies to you where you are. Many homes and locations here can not do it.
We have to get plans made first by architect then get them approved. Depending on hoe big and design will depend on cost. Id say 100,00 would be adequate.

I am also in NJ and this is true.

If you were adding a full in law suite with bed, bath and kitchen/ living space, I don't think $100K is enough. If it is a large bedroom with sitting area and full bath than the $100K should cover it. 

One big issue in NJ is our high taxes. This type of add on would send the taxes up quite a bit.

[mariafromnj]

Apr 29, 2020 12:47:53 GMT -5 namasteak said:

Idk how big of a price difference there is but my family lives near Princeton, NJ and finishing their basement was close to $200k. But they did it really fancy.

Wow what did they do? My neighbors just finished their basement, closing in the utilities and then creating a closed in laundry room. They added a half bath and then did nice high end waterproof laminate floors throughout. It cost them half of that.

 

[Jalapeñomel]

Apr 29, 2020 13:31:44 GMT -5 mariafromnj said:

Apr 29, 2020 12:33:53 GMT -5 mags said:

In NJ you need to get the approval of the township to extend your home. I do not know if that applies to you where you are. Many homes and locations here can not do it.
We have to get plans made first by architect then get them approved. Depending on hoe big and design will depend on cost. Id say 100,00 would be adequate.

I am also in NJ and this is true.

If you were adding a full in law suite with bed, bath and kitchen/ living space, I don't think $100K is enough. If it is a large bedroom with sitting area and full bath than the $100K should cover it. 

One big issue in NJ is our high taxes. This type of add on would send the taxes up quite a bit.

I think our taxes are slightly higher, if not, the same.  I know they aren't cheaper. LOL

[lemoncupcake]

Apr 29, 2020 13:28:33 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Apr 29, 2020 13:22:56 GMT -5 lolalolalola said:

Are you able to make the basement a suite for them? I understand stairs may be difficult for your FIL but there are solutions for that as well.

We would have to add on to the space in the bathroom for it to be big enough.  It's just a room now, they'd need a living space, I think.  It opens up to the yard, so they wouldn't necessarily have to use the stairs. 

Romper room = playroom I don't know why we called it that, but it stuck. lol

I'm not sure of COL of living in Princeton, but I live in one of the most expensive areas of the country, so I'd guess $200k isn't that much of a stretch. 

Although we could just make a living space down there sans a kitchen area, and then figure out how to redo the stairs to get them into the main part of the house. 

TR I'll go over and check out Dr. Girlfriend's posts! Thanks for the rec! 

We have a large lot and a small house. The neighbors across the street leveled their house and put a HUGE modular home on it (5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms). They have roughly the same size lot and their old house was only slightly smaller than ours.  I'll have to go over and ask them about permits and zoning. 

If you have a big lot, maybe look into a separate building for the suite. If it costs just a little more, it might be worth it because it would be less disruptive to your lives during construction.

[Jalapeñomel]

Apr 29, 2020 13:42:00 GMT -5 lemoncupcake said:

Apr 29, 2020 13:28:33 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

We would have to add on to the space in the bathroom for it to be big enough.  It's just a room now, they'd need a living space, I think.  It opens up to the yard, so they wouldn't necessarily have to use the stairs. 

Romper room = playroom I don't know why we called it that, but it stuck. lol

I'm not sure of COL of living in Princeton, but I live in one of the most expensive areas of the country, so I'd guess $200k isn't that much of a stretch. 

Although we could just make a living space down there sans a kitchen area, and then figure out how to redo the stairs to get them into the main part of the house. 

TR I'll go over and check out Dr. Girlfriend's posts! Thanks for the rec! 

We have a large lot and a small house. The neighbors across the street leveled their house and put a HUGE modular home on it (5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms). They have roughly the same size lot and their old house was only slightly smaller than ours.  I'll have to go over and ask them about permits and zoning. 

If you have a big lot, maybe look into a separate building for the suite. If it costs just a little more, it might be worth it because it would be less disruptive to your lives during construction.

I think this is a good idea.  DH mentioned this the other day as well.  They're even called mother in law tiny houses or something, I think?

[lemoncupcake]

Apr 29, 2020 13:47:20 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Apr 29, 2020 13:42:00 GMT -5 lemoncupcake said:

If you have a big lot, maybe look into a separate building for the suite. If it costs just a little more, it might be worth it because it would be less disruptive to your lives during construction.

I think this is a good idea.  DH mentioned this the other day as well.  They're even called mother in law tiny houses or something, I think?

Yes - even a small modular like your neighbors did. Just make sure that it’s ADA compliant.

[iheartbanjos]

We finished our basement for $60K and made accommodations so that aging parents could move in. There is a master bedroom that contains a king bed, 2 nightstands, a dresser and chest of drawers. There are 2 bedroom closets, an on-suite bath with shower stall with a bench that can be walked into with glass door (this was pricey). There is a full bar with a Smeg fridge and mini dishwasher that could be used as a kitchenette. There is a large living area, a half bath, and another bedroom. We also have an unfinished storage area and a large closet/wine cellar. We built the house with this in mind, so we had 10’ ceilings put in our basement. Unfortunately some stairs were unavoidable, but there could be an exterior entrance put in on the stair landing if needed. We went with high end finishes, so I’m sure this could be done cheaper.

[Deleted]

My neighbors across the street are doing this right now. Well, they started and it's currently on hold because of the SIP order. We're in a MCOL area and if I remember, their all-in budget was $95k. They are adding an entire new addition which includes a kitchen and will only be connected to the main house by a small enclosed porch. The new addition will have a kitchen space, bathroom, bedroom, and living area. I don't remember exactly, but I think it is around 750sq ft. They had to go through zoning to get permission to have a second oven/stove and also because they are taking up a larger percentage of the lot than what it was zoned for. They had plans drawn up and got everything approved. Our town also requires permits for construction, electrical, and plumbing (no gas here) which was a separate cost and a set percentage of the construction cost.

[dr.girlfriend]

Like the others said, we did a big master suite addition on our house. I agree that zoning is the first place to start...we had to seek a variance. We were only able to really do such a big ground-floor addition because of the weird way our house was situated on the lot. We cash-flowed a lot of extras, but it was under $250k not counting the solar, and $50k of that was definite extras like $10k overage for really nice floors, $15k in built-ins, etc.

pandce.proboards.com/thread/617104/final-addition-pics

[edavis]

My dad had PD with dementia.
It’s a nightmare. It’s hard on your MIL now, it will be hard on everyone if they come to live with you. My dad needed help eating, bathing, dressing, using the bathroom. He also had paranoia, hallucinations, out of control spending, fits of rage, got lost taking a walk, insisted on driving when there was no way he should have been, etc. it was scary and dangerous.
Consider if a memory care facility would be a better place for your FIL. If I were in your position, I would not be comfortable with this at all (your MIL by herself would be a different story).

[Velar Fricative]

Apr 29, 2020 13:23:27 GMT -5 Wallflower said:

I would not do a basement space simply because of the stairs - someone older, never mind with Parkinson's, would be more comfortable with fewer stairs.

This is what I was going to say too. ETA: Just saw the reply about opening up to the yard, so never mind. 

[dancingirl21]

Apr 29, 2020 12:47:53 GMT -5 namasteak said:

Idk how big of a price difference there is but my family lives near Princeton, NJ and finishing their basement was close to $200k. But they did it really fancy.

Woah. That must be a nice basement. We just finished our basement that’s 1100 square feet and put in a full bathroom and bedroom, plus play area. My husband is a general contractor so he managed all of it and used his trades to finish it so that certainly saved us a big chunk of money but we spent about $35k. We estimate it would have been about double without my husband and his connections. Still, $200k is a lot.

[pixy0stix]

We finished our basement for $80k-ish. All plumbing had already been roughed in.

I'd really weigh the cost of building an addition, and the cost of medical/facility care. I get we're in unprecedented times right now in regards to disease and facilities, but having taken care of my grandfather when he started to degrade from dementia... it was so very rough.