Would you guys mind a vent post?

[mae0111]

I've had a very difficult couple of weeks here in Quarantineland, and it has been catching up with me for the last couple of days.

I'm exhausted.  Like 100% totally drained.  And I think I'm feeling that way because I truly know that there is no end in sight.  None.  DH works all the time and I rarely get any sort of break.  DH and I start our days at around 7, and once he stops work, he kind of checks out and relaxes.  But I'm still going - cooking, cleaning, kids.  He worked both mornings this weekend, and then spent the afternoon doing projects.  I try to get projects done, too, but I have to do them in between breaking up arguments, entertaining the kids, trying to figure out what they can do.  And then they want to help.  But only how THEY want to help, and not in any way that's actually helpful.  Not to mention that I've been trying to finish up my own freelance project, and I need to work in 5-10 minute chunks to make any progress (like all of you).

DD1 has been extremely difficult over the past few weeks, and my tank is completely empty because of it.  All we do is fight.  My parents have been trying to help me with her, because they know that I'm fighting that battle alone.

DD2 is struggling.  She's really sad about school, and vacillates between acting out and being super clingy.  She has spent much of the past few days crying or stuck to me.  I finally said that she should help daddy (right in front of Daddy), and he was pissed because he was working on something and "just needed 2 minutes".  I haven't had 2 minutes since March 13th, so STFU.

No one listens to anything I say.  Kids don't do as they're told, DH has tuned me out.  I'm trying to make an appointment with my therapist because maybe she will listen as I get things off my chest?

The only break I get is if I leave the house.  But there's nowhere to go.  So I walk for miles when DH makes time.  And now the kids want to start coming with me, and cry when I tell them that they need to stay home.  But today I'm just too tired to do it.  Yesterday my legs felt like lead, but I pushed myself on knowing that I would be pounced upon when I got back home.  And knowing that there will be no respite for possibly another 6-8 months makes me want to crawl in a hole and never come out.

Sorry to dump this all here.  Please feel free to add your own vents. 

[waverly]

I don’t have anything specific to vent about. Just lots of blah.

I can only offer hope that it won’t be 6-8 months. They can go to daycare, camp or school eventually. It might just look totally different. I know some of the camps are closed altogether for the summer most of the specialty ones. Maybe it’s overly optimistic of them but the big city near us is a hot spot and they are planning camps to open in July. I hope something comes up for you guys.

Besides your parents, would you consider hiring a babysitter when things open up? Maybe things will be better when there is no elearning, but of course that is more hours to entertain them.

[mae0111]

waverly I hope you’re right. Their school principal didn’t seem hopeful that they would open up in September. Most of the camps I signed up for have already closed. I’m waiting on one for DD1 (sleepaway) and one for both kids in mid-August. That camp is all inside so I’m not hopeful that they will be able to open. Their space is limited and they usually really jam the kids in.

I would love, love, love to be wrong.

[mommyatty]

I’m really anxious about the very real possibility of layoffs at my company. I hate this.

[mae0111]

mommyatty - I read your other post, and I will have good thoughts for you. Wish I could do more.

[waverly]

My co-worker doesn’t think schools will open either, but I have to hold onto hope or else I really don’t know what I would do. Elearning is OKish but they are getting about half the actual content, and my work life is very scattered.

[sdlaura]

mae0111 you’re definitely not alone. I think schools will open in some fashion in the fall, but not everyday. So I do think we’ll get some respite. Regardless, I’m hiring a tutor/babysitter for any closed/distance learning days. Just telling myself that has made me feel better. Like waverly said, could you plan to do that too?

[campermom]

I’m sorry. As I enter Monday, I’m almost empowered about what my priorities are this week. Despite my husband’s directives, homeschool will be on the back burner. Getting the job done, my mental health along with connectedness with my kids will be my priority.

I asked my oldest if he would be doing the band performance which requires a special kind of practice and video etc. He said no. Im letting it go.

He’s not planning to play his instrument next year. He has always done what he needs to do to show “engagement” which gets him a “pass” instead of incomplete.

So many other things are falling into that category too.

[erbear]

May 17, 2020 21:07:49 GMT -5 campermom said:

I’m sorry. As I enter Monday, I’m almost empowered about what my priorities are this week. Despite my husband’s directives, homeschool will be on the back burner. Getting the job done, my mental health along with connectedness with my kids will be my priority.

I asked my oldest if he would be doing the band performance which requires a special kind of practice and video etc. He said no. Im letting it go.

He’s not planning to play his instrument next year. He has always done what he needs to do to show “engagement” which gets him a “pass” instead of incomplete.

So many other things are falling into that category too.

My grade team was brainstorming ideas for end of the year stuff (we teach 8th grade so while our kids aren't graduating, moving to the high school is a big deal at our school) and we decided our new slogan is 2020: That's Going To Have To Be Good Enough.

[twinmomma]

Our district, and my mom in her district, seem to be leaning towards there will be some kind of weird, combined schedule for in person instruction and distance learning. I would bet a lot of places are trying to figure out the logistics of that. So hopefully some in person instruction days catches you a bit of a break mae0111. I know your DH is working a ton, but is there a way to try and come up with very specific household things that he's responsible for that can happen on his schedule? Or, make it a hard and fast rule that you get a certain number of hours on a weekend day to do your freelance work? That's income and a job that's helping your family, so maybe if you phrase it that way - this is your "work shift" time - he'd take it more seriously?

mommyatty, I'm sorry you're worried about layoffs. It sucks. Do you think your position is in danger? Even if it's not, I know how much it sucks to have that looming in the company. I know I'm safe, but the rest of my team definitely isn't and that feels just as awful.

erbear, That slogan is the best.

[mommyatty]

twinmomma, I am worried both about my job and my team. I don’t know if the worry for my job is warranted or not, but it’s a concern. I know our team is going to take some hits.

[phdmomma]

Furloughs are happening at my university (like most universities), and while I get that they are necessary, it's feels hard because of how crazy last semester was, and how much more time teaching online takes compared to face to face. Other daycares near us are setting opening dates of June 1 (if they closed at all, some didn't). But all I have heard from ours is that they don't know, but they hope to give us two weeks of notice. I need them to make some sort of decision so I know wether I need to hire a nanny for the summer, or for some duration of time. Or I can try and send DD to summer camp (she is going into 5K next year, so she is old enough that they will take her). I just need real time to do work.

[mae0111]

Our governor is doing a press conference today about reopening. Based on the guidance we’ve seen so far, should be clear as mud.

[rere]

Thankfully school is out here. Ds took his AP exam in the basement. We wont know the results until July?? This is a big deal because it is 3 hours college credit. That kid has to have at least some facetime with a teacher or we are not going to make it through Senior year.

[mae0111]

One more silly vent.

In an effort to bring the kids together, their school is holding a VIRTUAL FIELD DAY. So all the silly contests of a field day, run by themselves and recorded and shared via social media.

Cool! So now in addition to wrestling with everyone to get on their zooms and do their work, I have to create obstacle courses according to specs with materials I don’t have and make my kids do them instead of letting them do what they want with their Friday afternoon? That sounds awesome! 🙄

[twinmomma]

Our last day of school is officially a Tuesday. The school board legit voted to keep it as a Tuesday instead of cutting us all some slack and ending on a Friday instead. I'm irrationally mad about that. It's not like two days of distance learning is going to matter AT ALL by then. And the kids certainly aren't going to spend the two days doing all the fun, in person activities they'd normally do to close out the year. And the high school seniors are all done by then anyway! What a ridiculous, hard-ass line to draw.

ETA a second vent: The teachers apparently started ONLY emailing the kids directly with information, feedback, and instruction. They aren't sending info to the parent list anymore. They're in second grade! How am I supposed to remember to now check their email daily and keep up with whatever messages they're getting there? Is this really the "lesson in responsibility" we needed to tack on at this point? 

[sandandsea]

They’re talking about splitting classrooms in the fall so it’s in person m/w or t/th and at home the other days. The teacher would still teach both groups. This seems insane to me. The teacher cross contaminates both groups so how does that really work? And most things I’ve seen says 6 ft isnt really enough so I feel like it just gives false confidence to have desks further apart.

I also read an article that there is a drug cocktail that seems to be working against it so I’m hoping that’s enough to have normal school in the fall. I need normal school or a tutor/nanny and I know the kids would prefer normal school.

My vent is that this is too hard. It’s a struggle and we are trying to stay positive but it’s hard. Everything is being put on parents right now and we are both working and don’t have availability to do everything. It’s as if everyone is assuming all kids have a sahp who can now be teacher, soccer coach, etc. and “kids should be using this time to get ahead” which makes me crazy.

[mae0111]

The idea of splitting up the kids makes me twitchy. I know what’s going to happen. My kids are going to wind up in opposite schedules - DD1 will be there Mon/Wed and DD2 will be there Tues/Thurs and there will still be no break.

If they do it alphabetically, DD1 will be there with her bully. So that won’t work.

I hope they can figure that part out.

[twinmomma]

I specifically requested that my kids be in the same class next year, so that at least we know they'll be on the same schedule. They've never been in the same class before, we separate them for a reason. It will be a nightmare for the teacher during in person time. My kids are good kids, but they're going to be super chatty and exclude other kids without even realizing it. Plus, they're very different academically. DD1 will bulldoze DD2. But, it is what it is. If I have the chance to not juggle opposing schedules, I'm taking it. Everyone will survive.

[phdmomma]

mae0111, sandandsea, I have heard something similar being floated about schedules like that. If that does happen, I plan to try and make a request that my kids have the same days onsite and offsite, so that I can hire someone for the days which they are home. Both kids will go to schools where there are 3-4 classes of each grade, so I don't feel like that should be impossible. And the schools share common resources like a PTO. I got my teaching schedule for the fall, which is Monday/Wednesday, so it would be ideal if those were the days that they had school as well. But nothing official has come out here yet.

Also, I agree with both of you, it's all too hard right now. I don't have time to make obstacle courses for field day (big no there), if we were having it. I don't have time to do a good job with e-learning. I'm just trying to do my job everyday while keeping the kids alive.

[186momx]

mae0111, I would think that schools would try to keep siblings on the same schedule. If they didn't I would totally ask for it for parents own sanity. I also had DH help DD finish her veen diagram for her distance learning while I went to the grocery store. I came home to a pissed off DD and DH scowling. It didn't go well so hoping it opened DH's eyes just a little to what I deal with every day. I finally told DD she had to finish it to be able to finish watching the 7/8 Harry Potter movies. She finished it in 10 minutes, ugh.

For everyone thinking about homeschooling vs e-learning you might look into Connections Academy it is an online public school. I looked into it for DD last summer after our sh$t show of 2nd grade and still have my giant pro/con list.

My vent is an SOS. DH cannot do any household project without needing my input or advice. I asked him to power wash the driveway. He needed me every 15-20 minutes. It sucked because I felt like I couldn't really do any other thing so puttered around the front yard not doing anything vital so I wouldn't be interrupted. When I did go inside he would completely stop and come in wet and dirty looking for me. The driveway looks great but it didn't take 2 people.

[mae0111]

186momx - my DD1 does what your DH does all day every day. It’s infuriating. She did it this weekend because she was bored. She wouldn’t do anything that I suggested, so she just stared at me. And stared. And any time I get into a project, she interrupts every 3-5 mins with some “vital” issue that is not vital at all.

I feel bad for DD1 in some ways because I know that, most of the time, she really can’t help it. But OMG its exhausting. And DD1 is 10 and not a grown man. I likely would have beaten someone with the power washer if I’m your shoes this weekend.

[sdlaura]

Our school survey asked if parents would need child care (through the afternoon school program or boys and girls club or whatever) for any days they weren’t in school, if classes are split up next year. That would be super helpful, and I’m glad they’re thinking about that, but I’m not sure that it would accomplish the goal of more social distancing.

[twinmomma]

May 18, 2020 8:48:48 GMT -5 mae0111 said:

Our governor is doing a press conference today about reopening. Based on the guidance we’ve seen so far, should be clear as mud.

Yours actually seems pretty thorough and well thought out! At least from what I saw on the state website. Looks like beau doesn't stand a chance of re-opening until the end of the summer though. 
I feel like my state was like "Ya, we'll open some stuff but not other stuff and kind of you know... see how it goes... Campgrounds and haircuts, yay!" 

[mae0111]

twinmomma - I was surprised at how comprehensive it was! I mean, so many questions, but better than I thought.

I saw restaurants in Phase 2, but I don’t know what the accommodations would be. Outdoor only? Super limited? Something else? Hopefully it will be sooner than end of summer.

I’m pleased about parks and outdoor spaces though. We bought zoo tickets on Black Friday, and it sounds like we might actually get to use them sometime!!

[mommyatty]

This is the first week I’m really struggling. Part of it is my company’s restructuring certain departments and the unknown. I think another part is the school year ending. DH, who has done all the lifting for homeschooling, is happy. But I saw it as giving a bit of structure to the kids’ days that will be missing now. Plus it gave them an opportunity to socialize with classmates. DH doesn’t value social connections, so he’s not going to do any of that. I don’t have the time or energy. Plus we are taking quarantine more seriously than most people around here, so there are a limited number of people who to me aren’t super-risky.

[twinmomma]

mae0111, Ya, but bars aren't until phase 3. I'm not sure if they'll be able to squeak by as a "restaurant" or not... And there's zero space for outdoor seating at their location, so if it's like here and only allowing outdoors, that won't work. He is going to start doing Blue Apron style meal boxes with wine pairings though! So I think those will sell really well to complement the grocery delivery.

[rere]

Apparently the state departments live on another planet where there is not a pandemic. I have been sent 4 grants this month. And they all decided to switch things up a bit, because I guess they think they we are bored. Now they tell me I have money left over in a particular budget. Duh. No one is working in their budget, we are all chasing people down to quarantine. They want us to buy some things for next school year, supplies, give aways. I really don't have time to buy a bunch of junk. Who even knows if we will be doing classes next year. The level of awareness from these people are is unbelievable.

[186momx]

Phase 1 opened on Friday: it includes hair salons, restaurants, and gyms. The pictures I saw posted online showed no social distancing at restaurants. We've been doing takeout basically once a week and I told DH we will be stopping for the considerable future because I don't feel safe even ordering take out with how many people are now at the restaurants. DH just rolled his eyes at me but I would rather be safe than sorry.

DD's gym isn't considered a gym under the opening guidelines they are considered a youth sports facility which is in phase 2 or 3. Camps and daycares are in phase 2 or 3 depending on how many people the can accommodate, etc.

[rere]

May 18, 2020 13:47:57 GMT -5 186momx said:

Phase 1 opened on Friday: it includes hair salons, restaurants, and gyms. The pictures I saw posted online showed no social distancing at restaurants. We've been doing takeout basically once a week and I told DH we will be stopping for the considerable future because I don't feel safe even ordering take out with how many people are now at the restaurants. DH just rolled his eyes at me but I would rather be safe than sorry.

DD's gym isn't considered a gym under the opening guidelines they are considered a youth sports facility which is in phase 2 or 3. Camps and daycares are in phase 2 or 3 depending on how many people the can accommodate, etc.

Ours open Friday. I will be so bummed if this happens. We have enjoyed getting takeout regularly. Hopefully the guidance will prevent some of this. They are supposed to be 33% with other seating outside. I dont see us going in anytime soon, mostly because I'm not going to fight to be one of the 33%. We do have big dreams of sitting outside somewhere and getting a drink and a meal.