Bedtime Advice - Staying in bed

[kitkat1502]

I need help with DD bedtime. She's 2 and 1/2 and a few months ago she started jumping out of her crib so we took the side off to make a big girl bed.

We figured the first few nights she wouldn't stay in her bed, maybe play or wander the room but is more just crying at the door. So we rocked her to sleep...and it's now been months of having to rock her to sleep every night. If we put her in bed, do bedtime routine, and leave the room while she's awake it's full on screaming at the door and banging on the door.

What's worked for you?? Do we do CIO? Do I go in there periodically and put her back in bed? I'm so tired of having to rock her fully to sleep every night.

TIA!

[krystee]

We are still laying with our 5YO until he falls asleep, so no advice here, but I am following!

[corgimom]

I am also following.
DD just turned 2 and is suddenly trying to climb out. I've talked her down and she hasn't tried for a few days but if she keeps trying, we're going to have to make the transition to toddler bed. She's only 2!? And she's small! Why!!

[sdlaura]

My kids are generally good sleepers but I feel like every six months or so I sort of have to re sleep train them in some way. My youngest (besides newborn) is almost 3 and recently when he was 2.5 he started defeating the doorknob lock and coming out in the middle of the night. So we got a new top lock for his door. Our approach is to be very matter of fact and give in to reasonable demands (his bedtime routine has gotten a bit more elaborate in terms of getting water and giving all family members hugs) but then we very matter of factly tell him we love him and goodnight and close and lock the door. And don’t go back unless it’s clear on the monitor that there’s something actually wrong.

[dcn]

We put a baby gate in the doorway and left the door open with Ds1. He was terrified to have the door closed. For awhile I sat in the hallway for a bit too and he’d come and check that I was there. Over time I decreased how long I sat there.

Later when he was older I’d rub his back for a few minutes then tell him I’d come back and check on him in 3 min. Increased the minutes over a few weeks until he fell asleep while waiting for me to come back.

Also explain what will happen at bedtime earlier in the day and then remind gently during bedtime.

[Mrs.flang]

DD1 comes out of her room to ours looking for us and wants to play. It started when she was around the same age as yours when we had to take the side off the crib. She fights sleep so badly. My normal approach is to walk her back to bed every single time, which can get exhausting, and really tests my patience on the 20 or 30th time. The only thing that has seemed to help is letting her stay up later so she's more tired. I'm not recommending that, but just sharing because I haven't found any other solution!

Have you tried waiting a while to let her cry and see if she settles herself? If you did any kind of CIO for regular sleep training, I think I'd try it again in this scenario.

[lauren170]

We’re having this exact issue with our 21 month old since transitioning to a big girl bed. She brings her whole comforter to the door. Some nights are taking almost 2 hours. We’ve tried sitting on the end of the bed til she falls asleep but she hears every creek of the floor.

[kitkat1502]

@mrsflang ,when we were getting her to sleep thru the night if we woke up around 1yr we did a straight CIO overnight, it was like 45min then she went to bed, next night was like 2 min of crying, then that was it.

Now, we did once...when I just gave up rocking to sleep because she kept popping awake when I'd lay her down. I don't remember how long it was that she cried.

[kitkat1502]

Jun 2, 2020 12:47:27 GMT -5 lauren170 said:

We’re having this exact issue with our 21 month old since transitioning to a big girl bed. She brings her whole comforter to the door. Some nights are taking almost 2 hours. We’ve tried sitting on the end of the bed til she falls asleep but she hears every creek of the floor.

I have to move like a sloth leaving her room lol, the floor creaks I just hold my breath and hope I don't hear her move.

[beerlover]

My DS is a bit older (4 in August) but we finally broke down and got a lock for the outside of his door, because he kept coming out repeatedly to just play and mess around. We kept walking him back upstairs but eventually got tired of doing that (especially during a pandemic when everything sucks even more) and wanted our post bedtime hours to be less stressful. We give him one chance to leave it unlocked, but if he comes out, it's getting locked. We watch him on the monitor then- he will play for a bit and go to sleep. Sometimes he will bang on the door a bit but never more than a few seconds (I'm not sure what I would do if he carried on longer, though). I usually unlock it before I go to bed so that if he needs me at night he can get me, which is super rare.

[pandora89]

DS is 2 and has been sleeping in a bed since he was about 20 months. He took the night time sleep right away in his bed but naps were a mess. He would open the door and come down, refuse to sleep, stand at the door and cry etc. We had to put a door cover on his door so he couldnt open it and leave. The first few times he did cry at the door and try open it for a few mins but then stopped and just laid in bed until he fell asleep.

He went through a bit of a sleep regression recently and we had to just let him cry it out. It lasted a few nights but hes back to going down with no issues. We found that when DH goes in and lays in bed with him and waits till he goes to sleep it just prolongs it and he wakes up anytime DH leaves.

He's usually in there from 7:30pm - 7am now without issues. This afternoon I actually asked him to put himself down for a nap while I was working and he went up himself, shut his door and tucked himself in! 

[sent]

DS left his crib right before 12 months. We put in on a mattress on a thick carpeted floor. He is now 27 months and we still have to lay with him to get him to fall asleep. Leaving would mean he will stand at the door and cry. Even laying down with him, he tries to go to the door and escape. Sometimes it takes upto 50 minutes before he finally falls asleep. We can't leave him alone because he sleeps in DD's room so he will just go bother her if we aren't there to keep him in his bed.

He also won't nap in his bed, never napped in his crib either. He would stand and cry for as long as well let him. I was successful once and that involved me pinning him down for a solid 30 minutes. (I've been driving him around in the car for the past 2 years for his nap.) I think it's his temperament, he just doesn't want to sleep because there are more interesting things he could be doing. DD was very similar when she was little though she would fall asleep quicker. She didn't really become fully sleep independent & STTN until about age 4.5 - 5. My kids never fell asleep in shopping carts or their high chairs or on the couch like I see other small kids do. They fight the tiredness and get their second winds and keep going.

[isabel]

I’d make her cry it out personally. I know that doesn’t work for everyone and kids are different, but we’ve been pretty strict about sleep and don’t really put up with shenanigans from them.

[ohgillian]

We did the baby gate thing too.

[CloudBee]

A friend of mine is going through this and keeps calling me to vent. It's a difficult age.

She's removed the crib, has a twin mattress on the floor, a knob lock on the door, and has pretty much childproofed the room. Her daughter comes to the door, cries for a few minutes, then goes to bed and falls asleep. Every night. She's a few months in and has tried everything. The 5 minutes or so of crying kills my friend, but it's the only way her daughter will fall asleep without someone rubbing her back or holding her hand.

On the nights when her husband puts their toddler to sleep... he still lays with her until she passes out. Then they revert back into a few HORRIBLE days of bedtime routines.

[Poppy]

We use a Hatch Baby Rest (basically ok to wake light) that's on a program and we reiterated over and over that they need to stay in bed until the light is blue. No playing on the floor or whatever allowed. Basically did CIO. Our first took to that pretty well when we introduced it around the time he switched to a bed. For the second we used it before she transitioned from the crib (we would not go in to get her until light was blue) and she was even easier.

We do go in to help if they cry for us because something is legitimately wrong (ex they got something in their eye, are coughing a lot, etc).

[kitkat1502]

Thanks for the tips. I think my exasperation comes from the fact that she was totally fine to be in her crib awake. Now because she can walk up to the door it's total melt down. I think we'll give CIO another try on Friday night. I can handle the crying its the banging on the door that gets a little hard to hear. Ugh, why is sleep so hard!

[isabel]

Jun 2, 2020 19:47:26 GMT -5 kitkat1502 said:

Thanks for the tips. I think my exasperation comes from the fact that she was totally fine to be in her crib awake. Now because she can walk up to the door it's total melt down. I think we'll give CIO another try on Friday night. I can handle the crying its the banging on the door that gets a little hard to hear. Ugh, why is sleep so hard!

I'd go sit on the patio with a glass of wine. Bring the monitor and leave the sound off. That's the only way I got through CIO sessions without losing my mind.

[iknowthismuchistrue]

Nothing ever worked for us. We did the double baby gates on top of each other and she still got out. She’s an anxious kid and even at 9 years old still came in our room last night. Our younger one did not/does not do this.

I have no help.

[starryfish]

Jun 2, 2020 20:30:23 GMT -5 isabel said:

Jun 2, 2020 19:47:26 GMT -5 kitkat1502 said:

Thanks for the tips. I think my exasperation comes from the fact that she was totally fine to be in her crib awake. Now because she can walk up to the door it's total melt down. I think we'll give CIO another try on Friday night. I can handle the crying its the banging on the door that gets a little hard to hear. Ugh, why is sleep so hard!

I'd go sit on the patio with a glass of wine. Bring the monitor and leave the sound off. That's the only way I got through CIO sessions without losing my mind.

i second this!

[shauni27]

uh....we ended up putting the crib back together after a week because we just didn't want to deal with it, lol.

He still climbs out of the crib very rarely, but 99% of the time he stays in there and IF he wakes up, he shouts to us instead of getting out.

[mpc]

We have rules that we recite every night before I leave. Don't know if it makes a difference but both of my kids have gotten really into it at this stage. The she cries and begs me not to leave. I tell her that if she stays in bed I'll go look at her on the monitor and talk to her. So there's a little back and forth chatting over the monitor once I'm gone from her room. It probably helps to have a little connection and then she's in her bed and calm and the transition of me leaving is already done.

[chickadee77]

Welllllll my almost-6yo still sucks at staying in bed. Sigh. I'm kind of dreading the transition with E (just turned 2), but different kid, right? We can't do the lock on the door thing because, hello, potty. Though I've threatened, I won't lie.

My H is cool with letting L (6yo) fall asleep on his side of our bed, since he's a night owl and is usually working in the office anyhow - so he just carries her to her room later. I am NOT okay with this for the most part, because I need at least, like, 10 minutes in my life to myself, which has not been happening for quite some time.

So maybe I'm telling you what not to do? Sorry; more just venting. Carry on.

[starburst604]

Wish I knew, been laying with my now 5 year old since she was 2! I guess we would rather just do the 10-25 minutes it takes for her to fall asleep with a parent next to her than do an hour of her in and out of bed. Probably not the right answer, but it’s what we do.

[clseale]

We went through this at the same age. (And she was previously a rock star sleeper. Went to bed happily on her own and STTN.) She busted out of her crib caused by (I think) a fear of the dark & there was no containing her. Girl muscled her way out even when we put the mattress on the floor.

First, after about 2 wks of nonsense (she could open her door and kept coming into our room in the middle of the night), I sat outside of her room from about 1:30-4:00 and just kept walking her back. There were a ton of tears, but that was the last night of those shenanigans and she stopped doing it at bedtime too. After that, the winning combo has been an OK to Wake clock, nightlight, no sound machine, and bedroom door cracked. I think she feels better when she can hear us and knows we’re still here.

Recently (she turned 3 in March & night trained herself at 34 mo) we started dealing with her using having the go to the bathroom as an excuse to get up. DH made her a chart where she gets a green check or a red X in the morning and suddenly we are all sleeping through the night again. LOL

ETA: We never did the lock on the door because 1) It was obvious she had developed a genuine fear and it seemed cruel to lock her in instead of figuring it out, and 2) We had to give her the freedom to use the bathroom.

If she wasn’t night trained and was clearly just hopping out of bed because she’d rather hang with us, I wound have 100% done it. Lol

[kitkat1502]

Update: Tonight we tried CIO. Put her in bed and sang a few songs and explained its night night etc. We had 15 minutes of crying at the door, no banging, but then she got back in bed and is down now. We’ll see how the next few nights go if every night it’s tears or if it subsides and she’s ok to lay down and go to sleep without any crying.