Help me get more sleep

[kellikans]

DD is turning a year old later this month. She is a HORRIBLE sleeper and has been pretty much since day 1. She is currently sleeping in our room since we only have a 2 bedroom and DS (27 months) has his own room. We put her down around 9pm after a bath and bottle (we usually start around 8). She will wake up the first time around 10:30 or 11 and cry for a few minutes until she puts herself back to sleep. But then she wakes up screaming around 1 or 2. We always have to change her because her diaper will be soooo heavy and I think it's waking her up. We'll usually get her to go back down in her crib until she wakes up again around 4 or 5 crying, then we'll bring her into bed with us to get a few more hours of sleep. She's usually up for good around 7.

Should we stop giving her the bottle before bedtime? I hesitate because it's part of our routine and signals to her that it's time for bed, but I think it's making her pee so much at night that it wakes her up. And then I worry that she'll wake up hungry instead of wet. Do we switch to nighttime diapers and see if they keep more comfortable?

She has slept through the night in the past, so I know she can do it. I think it was around 8 months that it went out the window.

We are so exhausted. Any advice?

[Blue Moon]

My initial thought is that 9pm is way too late for an almost 1 year old's bedtime. At that age our kids were in bed at 6:30-7. If they went to bed later, like if we were out at an event or something, it almost always resulted in multiple MOTN wake ups and up for the day earlier than normal. Sleep begets sleep. Maybe try to move up her bedtime little by little so it gets closer to the 7:30 hour?

I think it's fine for a 1 year old to have a bottle before bed as part of the routine. How much is she drinking though? Maybe you could reduce the amount she drinks, and try a nighttime diaper. It couldn't hurt. Also, is she falling asleep on the bottle?

You mention she wakes up around 10:30/11. Is that when you or your partner are coming to bed? Loud white noise is crucial in a shared sleep environment.

As a last resort, I'd consider moving out of the bedroom for a few nights and do CIO. Or just see how she does without you in the room. A few nights on the couch would be worth it to me to fix this sleep problem. I'm not sure if the goal is to move her in with her brother or not, but she might do better without being able to see you.

Big hugs! Both of my kids were less than ideal infant sleepers, and I didn't handle the sleep deprivation well at all. My husband and I really buckled down and became very strict about sleep around a year, and both our kids have been good sleepers since then. You WILL STTN again.

[hocus2]

Night time diapers might help and shrinking the bottle amount may also help. But I am not certain it is the diaper that is the issue. My kids never woke up form a pee filled diaper. Have you tried a dream diaper change to see if it snaps her out of the waking pattern? I also wonder if 9 is too late for bedtime and if she's sleep better with an earlier one.

Since you're not nursing I would work very hard to split up the shifts so you're both sleeping more. Can one of you take the 1 AM one and the other take the 4 AM one? Is co-sleeping needed or will she return to her crib? I would considering bunking down in your other kids room 1-2 nights a week so you can get more solid sleep.

[sdlaura]

I would keep the bottle and doubt the diaper is waking her up. We do Huggies overnights one size up and only change at night for poop. I’d gradually move the bedtime routine to no later than 7:30 bedtime and do cry it out, personally. With my kids it only took 3 nights of crying for them to STTN consistently.

[dcn]

I’d try nighttime diapers bc why not?

My kids always woke up more if we were in the room, I agree with the suggestion to sleep in another room for a bit and cio.

My kids also were early to bed kids - at that age bedtime was 7, and they were asleep by 7:30. We were on a 2-3-4 schedule.

I sleep trained my oldest around 10-11 months bc he was still waking a Couple of times a night. Best thing I ever did. It was tough, and he cried a lot for the first few nights, but he turned into a rockstar sleeper after that. He didn’t sleep through before that.

[tacom]

Agree that an earlier bedtime and stopping MOTN changes / parental interactions might help you cut out at least 1-2 wakings. I would try those before dropping the bottle.

[joy]

My daughter is 3.5 and still gets a cup of milk before bed. She was a super soaker so we would double diaper her at night. They make inserts you can put in diapers, too, to absorb more.

My daughter did not reliably sleep through the night until 15ish months. Not to be a downer, but just a realist. She’s been such a good sleeper since then so I will offer you hope.

EDIT - oh, I agree with so much that Blue Moon said. White noise and earlier bedtime! My three year old can’t even do 9pm with a nap. At 1, she was in bed more like 7:30pm. Sleep begets sleep begets sleep.

[kellikans]

So the reason she goes to bed at 9pm is because we don't get home until after 8pm on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I work 12 hour shifts and their daycare is attached to my hospital, so I don't pick them up until 7:30 when I leave work. We keep the 9pm bedtime throughout the week so it's consistent.

She drinks about 6 to 7 ounces before bed. And she never falls asleep on the bottle. Once she starts showing signs of tiredness, we put her down and leave her to fall asleep on her own. Most of the time it involves crying for a few minutes before she settles and goes to sleep.

Her 10:30/11 wakeup is usually while DH and I are still up and hanging out in the living room. We play music for her the entire night as well, so there is constant noise.

Our living situation will be changing in the coming months. We are remodeling our house and she will then have her own room. We need to move out during the reno, and I mentioned to DH that it might be worth us looking for a 3 bedroom house to rent in the meantime so that we can move her out of our room. I'm wondering if maybe her being in her own space without us so close by will help.

Thanks for the advice so far. We're trying a nighttime diaper tonight, so we'll see how it goes.

[cricketwife]

I’d try to get her to bed by 8:30 if at all possible. Basically, I would come home and immediately do bedtime for her. Also, I’d try white noise, not music. The brain actually still processes music, speech, etc during sleep, and it can disturb sleep. Just like adults aren’t recommended to sleep with the tv on.
Good luck, my first was a great sleeper and the second was a crappy sleeper as a baby. It’s hard.

[joy]

kellikans - I see, that’s the schedule you need!

One thing stands out to me about times: the wake ups are all ~ 1.5 hours apart (depending on actual fall asleep times). A sleep cycle is 90 min. I wonder if this is about learning how to connect sleep cycles. My daughter couldn’t do that reliably until 15 months. I always thought that if she could fall asleep on her own then she could put herself back to sleep on her own. But, learning to wake up from a cycle and go back to sleep was a different skill. Like your baby, mine would also wake up overnight (anywhere from 2-4am) crying terribly. She didn’t need a diaper, food, or was wet - she just had to grow and figure it out.

[kellikans]

Jun 9, 2020 6:51:28 GMT -5 cricketwife said:

I’d try to get her to bed by 8:30 if at all possible. Basically, I would come home and immediately do bedtime for her. Also, I’d try white noise, not music. The brain actually still processes music, speech, etc during sleep, and it can disturb sleep. Just like adults aren’t recommended to sleep with the tv on.
Good luck, my first was a great sleeper and the second was a crappy sleeper as a baby. It’s hard.

We have a hatch. Maybe we can try the white noise on there tonight to see how she does.

Last night she slept until 3:30. Changed her, then she went back down until 5. Now up at 7:30.

[thoseareradishes]

The music part stuck out to me too. Recently we started letting E have music on as she was falling asleep, and left it on all night. She was waking 3-5 times a night. The music was from the google hub, and turned off after about 8 hours. She would wake up and ask for it to be put back on. Then one night she woke up and made a song request! Oh heck no kid. Well, the power went out for two nights last week, so no music. She slept so much better. So no more music at night.

[tiki]

White noise for sure. Also - since you are room sharing, can she see you if she wakes up? As DD got older (1-2 years), we started hanging blankets over the sides of her bed to minimize visual stimulation, and that really seemed to help her fall/stay asleep. On the flip side, do you use a nightlight? Waking up in pitch black also starts to be scary for some kids.

[ohgillian]

I agree about the music vs white noise. That's one change I would try.

[janegold]

Jun 9, 2020 3:53:39 GMT -5 kellikans said:

. I'm wondering if maybe her being in her own space without us so close by will help.
.

It made a huge, instantaneous difference for us when we moved DS out of our room.

Good luck!

[lo]

My DD2 was an awful sleeper and I think most of it was just her personality and temperament, unfortunately. We did have her in our room until 11 months because I was nervous of how sharing a room with our 3 year old would be, but it was honestly fine. The baby never woke her older sister, and she did sleep somewhat better in there. I know you can’t do anything about bedtime, but we always had a really early one at 6:30. White noise and complete darkness would be my other advice.

[pandorica]

Around 10/11 months we did Ferber (for bedtime and overnight), and stopped room sharing. She's a champion sleeper now! She also goes to bed at 6/630 though (of her own doing, I wish it was a little later). Definitely white noise instead of music too.
Once I weaned at a year I didn't replace that with a bottle, just encouraged more milk/food during the day. Couldn't hurt to try to reduce that bedtime amount.

[pinkalicious]

Her bedtime is too late. We used to put DS down later and he would wake up multiple times. When I moved his bedtime up and did CIO around 9 months (it sucks, I felt terrible) he started sleeping through the night. Our routine is 7pm go upstairs and get ready for bed (bath every other night typically), then 2 books, his song (your song by Elton john) and then we rock him. He does have a cup of milk (about 6oz). Sometimes he falls asleep while rocking, the last few nights he has pointed at his crib and went to sleep immediately.

[starryfish]

Try earlier bedtime, even 830.
Nighttime diaper
Bedtime bottle is fine
White noise machine
Moving her to her own room/space

[grover]

How are naps? My 1st, had a 9 pm bedtime because my H was gone for work before she woke up and wanted to see her during the week. She kept 3 naps reliably til 9 months, an then 2-3 naps til about 15 months when we went to 2 good naps a day.

My twins who are one year now? There's no way the later bedtime would work for them. We've found that they need a 6:45-7 pm bedtime to get a full night's sleep.

[sent]

DD, my horrible sleeper, used to go to sleep around 9 at that age. She only went to sleep at 8:05 once, I still remember that day because I felt like I didn't know what to do with myself so I went to Target. DS occasionally went to bed at that age by 8 but more like 8:30 - 9. My babies & toddelrs would never go to bed at 6:30 - 7 so I am in awe that so many moms always say that their kids do. When my babies started doing what yours is doing, they were so over the crib. I moved DD to my bed at the start of bedtime at 9 pm at 18 months. DS was the same way. He left his crib before he turned 1 and resumed STTN in bed with me. DD took much longer to STTN but at least feeding her at night was easier since she was already in the bed and not screaming in the crib.

[kellikans]

Jun 9, 2020 21:11:04 GMT -5 grover said:

How are naps? My 1st, had a 9 pm bedtime because my H was gone for work before she woke up and wanted to see her during the week. She kept 3 naps reliably til 9 months, an then 2-3 naps til about 15 months when we went to 2 good naps a day.

My twins who are one year now? There's no way the later bedtime would work for them. We've found that they need a 6:45-7 pm bedtime to get a full night's sleep.

She's been an awful sleeper since day 1. She never napped longer than 30 minutes at a time as a newborn, and only when held. As soon as you would put her down, she would wake up. She has only now gotten into a more reliable nap schedule - first nap at 1030-11am (and will nap 1.5 to 2 hours usually), then another short 30 minute nap around 5ish. Then she's tired again around 8:30 when we're settling down with her bottle. When she moves to the next class in daycare once she's walking (which will be soon), their schedule is one nap at 12:30. This was around the time that DS dropped his second nap completely, so I'm anticipating the same from her.

[patches31709]

Could daycare give her her nighttime bottle right before you pick her up? It would help you be able to get her to bed earlier when you got home.

[grover]

kellikans, not sure your thoughts on CIO, but when any of my three kids sleep schedules are rough or naps are bad, a few days of following the Moms on Call schedule has fixed it for us. (Note: I do NOT follow their leave door closed/do not enter until 7 am. If my kiddos genuinely need me or comfort, they get it.) But this schedule, based on current ages, has worked to getting my three to STTN and do good naps. They were horrible until we started this with DD (like, she would nap refuse around 4 months completely. I got her back to napping until she just dropped at 3 with potty training.)