Contact the Teacher? - Update

[readyin07]

Day 2 of school. Day 2 of Brand new distance Learning experience. Day 2 of middle school for my 6th grader at a new school.

I was in his room trying to help him adjust da speaker issue. Class ends and bell rings. He logs in to his next zoom and it says there’s another meeting in progress. I told him she maybe hasn’t logged out of her first class so to wait and try again right before the class period starts. He gets the same thing. So I assume maybe she’s forgotten to switch classes and give her a minute (teachers have forgotten to turn on mics and stuff, that’s going to happen). Ten minutes after class begins and he’s still not able to get on, I send an IM to the principal asking what to do bc he doesn’t want to be marked tardy or absent. He has anxiety and being late, doing things wrong, etc is a huge stressor.

So probably 15 minutes Into class, I have him try again and he’s admitted. The first words out of the teachers mouth are “I just finished explaining the assignment and now I am going to have to explain it all again.”

My son, confused because he’s done everything that’s been asked of him, says “I’m sorry, you mean me?”

And she said “sir you are late to class. Very late. Why are you so late to my class”

Let me assure you that none of this was said in a tone that indicated understanding that this is a brand new experience in many ways and, you know, people might have tech issues or internet outages. It was said in the tone directed at a kid who has been tardy to class 20 times already in the first semester. .

I left the room so he could have class and 5 minutes late he came running out crying because he was so upset by “getting in trouble“ on his second day of school in front of an entire class of people he does not know. I get it, it made my cheeks red when I heard how she spoke to him.

The principal pinged me back right after my son came out and I must say I told him the exchange. He said he was on it and I don’t know if he meant the tech issue or how she handled it.

I’m really big in trying to let my kids figure it out on the little stuff. I wanted my son to email her to explain better what happened (he could barely speak when she asked him why he was late...I think he just said I’ve been waiting in the lobby).. But I feel this was out of line and I feel like I want her to know someone heard it. We’re giving teachers so much grace While throngs are adjusted and I am so shocked the same wasn’t given to him. So do I contact her, let my son or just let the principal handle it.

[Patsy Baloney]

I would, but remote learning has turned me into a huge bitch.

[rosiebear]

That’s bullshit. Team You and Your Kid.

And for the record, I am nearly universally Team Teacher, but that was ridiculous given the newness of this all, the age of the kids, and the tech difficulties popping up all over.

[snorky]

I would definitely let the principal know. I know that the teachers are under so much stress, but come on, it’s not like he was smoking in the boys’ room. Her callout was completely out of line.

[nsl]

Speaking as a teacher, this is an email you need to write and make sure you've cc'd the principal before you send it. Her attitude was unacceptable, and if she feels free to speak to him like that when she has to know that an adult must be close by (and probably within earshot) I hate to think how she talks to students in her room when there aren't others around to hear.

Set. Her. On. Fire.

[formerlyak]

I think it's way out of line for 6th grade even not in distanced learning. It's their first year of middle school - half the time they can't figure out their locker that first week and can't remember which class they have next. DS was actually on a team of 8th graders last year who stood in the 6th grade hall during passing periods the first week to help 6th graders with these issues because they are known issues. Our school doesn't even count tardies the first week because of it. It sounds like that teacher needs to get on board with the fact that week 1, there will be some glitches given 6th grade and distance learning. If it was week 3, my answer may be different. But day 2? Nope.

[stephm0188]

Aug 12, 2020 16:43:33 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

That’s bullshit. Team You and Your Kid.

And for the record, I am nearly universally Team Teacher, but that was ridiculous given the newness of this all, the age of the kids, and the tech difficulties popping up all over.

YEP. This is so not okay. Absolutely contact her. 

[sonrisa]

Yes - have your son reach out calmly via email and explain. She explicitly said "Why are you so late to my class" so that is his opening.

"Dear Ms. Smith.

I want to apologize for being late you your class today and explain what happened. My previous teacher had technical difficulties and released us from her digital classroom 15 minutes late. As a result, my zoom app would not let me log out there and log into your class. I hope this doesn't happen again, but in the event it does, is there something you would like me to do? I want to be present and participate fully in your class in the future. I look forward to seeing you in class Thursday, Best regards, readyJr"

Or whatever. If you blow this up with other people, your kid becomes the problem for her. If he reaches out, it flips the script entirely for him.

[rosiebear]

Aug 12, 2020 16:48:24 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Yes - have your son reach out calmly via email and explain. She explicitly said "Why are you so late to my class" so that is his opening.

"Dear Ms. Smith.

I want to apologize for being late you your class today and explain what happened. My previous teacher had technical difficulties and did not release us from her digital classroom until 15 minutes late. As a result, my zoom app would not let me log out there and log into your class. I hope this doesn't happen again, but in the event it does, is there something you would like me to do? I want to be present and participate fully in your class in the future. I look forward to seeing you in class Thursday, Best regards, readyJr"

Or whatever.

I like this, minus the apology. He has nothing for which to apologize. I’d just start with “I’d like to explain why ...”

[mrssandro]

I am on team email the teacher and principal. She was out of line. She needs to know this is the case. I don't care if it's over communicating but this is not the time and place for bullshit tardies. Technology will constantly fail. EVERY.SINGLE.DAY of my adult life I have calls that have issues. It needs one hell of learning curve. This teacher needs to get a grip.

[VillainV]

Definitely contact her. I’d try to explain that the principal already knows based on you contacting him about the tech issue so she’s not blindsided. You might include something like “I’d typically come to the teacher first, and will do that in the future” if you feel it’s appropriate.

TOTALLY unacceptable of her to act the way she did, and she owes your kid an apology BIG TIME.

[readyin07]

Aug 12, 2020 16:48:24 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Yes - have your son reach out calmly via email and explain. She explicitly said "Why are you so late to my class" so that is his opening.

"Dear Ms. Smith.

I want to apologize for being late you your class today and explain what happened. My previous teacher had technical difficulties and did not release us from her digital classroom until 15 minutes late. As a result, my zoom app would not let me log out there and log into your class. I hope this doesn't happen again, but in the event it does, is there something you would like me to do? I want to be present and participate fully in your class in the future. I look forward to seeing you in class Thursday, Best regards, readyJr"

Or whatever.

Except he wasn’t even late!!! He logged on right after the end class bell rang for his precious class To her class. Her meeting wasn’t available! I’m thinking we might both do it. I’m still pissed.

[sonrisa]

Aug 12, 2020 16:49:58 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

Aug 12, 2020 16:48:24 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Yes - have your son reach out calmly via email and explain. She explicitly said "Why are you so late to my class" so that is his opening.

"Dear Ms. Smith.

I want to apologize for being late you your class today and explain what happened. My previous teacher had technical difficulties and did not release us from her digital classroom until 15 minutes late. As a result, my zoom app would not let me log out there and log into your class. I hope this doesn't happen again, but in the event it does, is there something you would like me to do? I want to be present and participate fully in your class in the future. I look forward to seeing you in class Thursday, Best regards, readyJr"

Or whatever.

I like this, minus the apology. He has nothing for which to apologize. I’d just start with “I’d like to explain why ...”

Sure. It isn't necessary.

But he's the kid, she's the teacher. She holds the power in the relationship. I would set this up to put him in the best position rather than worry about who was in the right and getting vindicated.

If she comes out of this feeling crappy, he is the one who will ultimately suffer. 

[rosiebear]

Aug 12, 2020 16:53:32 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Aug 12, 2020 16:49:58 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

I like this, minus the apology. He has nothing for which to apologize. I’d just start with “I’d like to explain why ...”

Sure. It isn't necessary. But he's the kid, she's the teacher. She holds the power in the relationship. I would set this up to put him in the best position rather than worry about who was in the right.

Nah. Be respectful, sure, but I’m not having my kid apologize when he did nothing wrong. This type of thinking allows people in authority to act like bullies and it’s wrong.

[readyin07]

Aug 12, 2020 16:51:53 GMT -5 VillainV said:

Definitely contact her. I’d try to explain that the principal already knows based on you contacting him about the tech issue so she’s not blindsided. You might include something like “I’d typically come to the teacher first, and will do that in the future” if you feel it’s appropriate.

TOTALLY unacceptable of her to act the way she did, and she owes your kid an apology BIG TIME.

And honestly the only reason I contacted him was because I didn’t want to interrupt her in person class and wanted to know what the policy was for dealing with this in the future with as little disruption as possible.. My middle son had an issue today after recess at actual school was over logging back in to the zoom. He went into the meeting and it said waiting for host and she never came and I had to call her.

[mrssandro]

I disagree about the kid needing to apologize or if he should even write the email. This should be done at the adult level. The child sounds upset anyways. I like the suggestion of not cc'ing the principal initially but mentioning that it was discussed with her/him as well.

[VillainV]

Aug 12, 2020 16:56:42 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

Aug 12, 2020 16:51:53 GMT -5 VillainV said:

Definitely contact her. I’d try to explain that the principal already knows based on you contacting him about the tech issue so she’s not blindsided. You might include something like “I’d typically come to the teacher first, and will do that in the future” if you feel it’s appropriate.

TOTALLY unacceptable of her to act the way she did, and she owes your kid an apology BIG TIME.

And honestly the only reason I contacted him was because I didn’t want to interrupt her in person class and wanted to know what the policy was for dealing with this in the future with as little disruption as possible.. My middle son had an issue today after recess at actual school was over logging back in to the zoom. He went into the meeting and it said waiting for host and she never came and I had to call her.

Exactly. For the record, I don’t think you did anything wrong, and I would have done EXACTLY the same thing you did. But I can see how she might feel blindsided if she thought you actively went over her head first.

I might also request some way for you or your son to contact her in case this happens again. Text, or some kind of message she sees while she’s starting class to let her know there are kids who are trying to enter but can’t.

[sunshineluv]

This teacher is in for a world of stress this year if she reacts like that to one kid being late on day 2. I work for a huge corporation who has used remote technology for years and we still have hiccups daily (example today on a call with the whole team the speakers phone was breaking up... cue a few minutes for him to dial back in... nbd). We are all adjusting here.

* i would Email her for sure

[katfco]

As a 5th grade teacher, I get it that it's hard for teachers to figure all this out right now, but I'm with nsl. She had no business speaking to your son that way. She doesn't get grace because she failed to give it to a 12-year-old and embarrassed him on his second day of class in front of his peers. This is one of those "adults know better and should do better" times.

I would email and cc the principal explaining what had happened and calmly laying out how her behavior was inappropriate.

[seeyalater52]

Aug 12, 2020 17:16:00 GMT -5 sunshineluv said:

This teacher is in for a world of stress this year if she reacts like that to one kid being late on day 2. I work for a huge corporation who has used remote technology for years and we still have hiccups daily (example today on a call with the whole team the speakers phone was breaking up... cue a few minutes for him to dial back in... nbd). We are all adjusting here.

* i would Email her for sure

I was going to say the same thing. I’m a whole ass adult in a workplace of professional adults who are generally pretty good at tech. We’ve been using virtual call and video software for years and we still have tech issues ranging from mild to severe just about every single day. It’s kind of unavoidable. I would be horrified if someone spoke to an adult coworker the way that teacher did nevermind a child navigating all of this for the very first time.

[erbear]

Aw. Your poor dude. I would assume good intentions and a stressed teacher and let him handle it. Maybe an email explaining what happened - chances are she knows she fucked up and will be impressed with his maturity.

That said, if her response is snarky or mean, a parent follow-up is acceptable

[isabel]

I would light shit up. We are ALL under a lot of stress trying to figure this shit out and I know for a fact that if that had happened to me, I would have been on it with a swiftness because it would piss me off so much. What bullshit.

I know we're all "don't blame the teachers," but no. Fuck that.

eta: I mean, like others have said, just today we had a tech issue where one guy was on video but we couldn't hear him. He had to go get an IT guy to fix it and that took a few minutes. It's freaking technology; it happens! For her to speak to him that way is completely out of line, especially given he is a child just trying to understand how to navigate all of this, let alone do his actual school work.

[readyin07]

Aug 12, 2020 17:16:00 GMT -5 sunshineluv said:

This teacher is in for a world of stress this year if she reacts like that to one kid being late on day 2. I work for a huge corporation who has used remote technology for years and we still have hiccups daily (example today on a call with the whole team the speakers phone was breaking up... cue a few minutes for him to dial back in... nbd). We are all adjusting here.

* i would Email her for sure

I thought that too and I was like, I wonder what she does in person. I mean clearly chronic tardiness isn’t acceptable, but at some point someone’s going to get a stomach ache and have to go poop (they’re encouraged to do this in the approx 3 mins between classes) or a new kid would get lost and forget where the class is...is that how she handles that too? bc man, harsh!

[sonrisa]

Aug 12, 2020 17:25:05 GMT -5 isabel said:

I know we're all "don't blame the teachers," but no. Fuck that.

See, I'm coming at this from much more cynical perspective.

Either: She is generally a good teacher, was flustered by the situation and will be impressed if your kid steps up. Or: she's a nasty person who flies of the handle with kids. If the latter, I wouldn't want him to become the target of her ire this year. 

Every kid I knew who spoke up about teacher harassment ended up becoming a target, often by peers as well. And we know it happens all the time and with much more serious offenses. It's why Rose Mcgowan got labelled crazy while Weinstein was fine.

I wouldn't want one bad moment in class to snowball and make his year shitty.

[readyin07]

I should also mention on the first day this same teacher went around the room and asked the kids in class to say their name and what they did over the summer and...did not ask the same of the remote learners. I let that one go.

[underwaterrhymes]

Here is how I would respond:

Dear Teacher,

As this is a new school year operating under very unusual and complicated circumstances, I first want to first say I have a lot of appreciation for how teachers and administrators have navigated this process. I’m sure it has not been easy coming up with a learning plan that is safe and educational and I’m grateful for your role in this.

Having said that, I’m very disappointed in how today’s session went. Son attempted to log in several times, without success. We reached out via multiple avenues to determine how best to rectify the situation, before eventually accessing the platform. To be met with antagonism, particularly given this is such a new experience for all of us, was tremendously upsetting for son, and concerning to me. I would like to suggest that students (and teachers, for that matter) be given a lot of grace in these initial weeks as we all figure out this system together.

I’d like to discuss with you how we should approach unforeseen technological difficulties in the future in order to avoid what happened this afternoon. Please let me know your thoughts. I look forward to partnering with you on this as I think everyone will benefit.

Best,
X

[isabel]

Aug 12, 2020 17:37:12 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

I should also mention on the first day this same teacher went around the room and asked the kids in class to say their name and what they did over the summer and...did not ask the same of the remote learners. I let that one go.

So your son is literally attending school virtually with a teacher and classmates who are there in person while he is online? For some reason that feels like a disaster in the making to me. Our online option is truly online with a different curriculum and separate teachers for online learners.

eta: It feels like a disaster in that I can totally see how a teacher who isn't all that patient to begin with isn't going to be very accommodating of kids who aren't physically in her classroom.

[wildrice]

As an aside, what is this business with being admitted to the room? The teacher has to approve each kid that enters?

If you are contacting them, is there a way to suggest that they remove that requirement? That sounds like a hassle for the teacher and a good way for stuff like this to keep happening. I host multiple meetings every week, some with up to 60 or more attendees, and as long as I've opened the meeting, people can just join without me doing anything else. Can she do it that way?

I am not a parent or teacher but IMO this isn't on your kid to defend himself or apologize. I don't know that I'd suggest lighting into the teacher, but contacting her to explain what happened and letting her know your kid was very upset about the sequence of events will hopefully help her realize she needs to do better next time. I agree it may not be a good idea to create a tense relationship with this teacher this early in the school year, but if she continues to treat your son poorly I absolutely think there will need to be further follow up.

[readyin07]

Aug 12, 2020 18:22:42 GMT -5 isabel said:

Aug 12, 2020 17:37:12 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

I should also mention on the first day this same teacher went around the room and asked the kids in class to say their name and what they did over the summer and...did not ask the same of the remote learners. I let that one go.

So your son is literally attending school virtually with a teacher and classmates who are there in person while he is online? For some reason that feels like a disaster in the making to me. Our online option is truly online with a different curriculum and separate teachers for online learners.

eta: It feels like a disaster in that I can totally see how a teacher who isn't all that patient to begin with isn't going to be very accommodating of kids who aren't physically in her classroom.

Yup! That’s how they’re doing it. It’s a live cast. I don’t like it but now that school has started II can see how it’s a model that makes sense when you have in person school and are going to be having kids quarantine regularly. It’s an easier model for them to pivot to. Day two and we already have a class in our district that has to quarantine and an entire bus route. .

[readyin07]

Aug 12, 2020 18:37:02 GMT -5 wildrice said:

As an aside, what is this business with being admitted to the room? The teacher has to approve each kid that enters?

If you are contacting them, is there a way to suggest that they remove that requirement? That sounds like a hassle for the teacher and a good way for stuff like this to keep happening. I host multiple meetings every week, some with up to 60 or more attendees, and as long as I've opened the meeting, people can just join without me doing anything else. Can she do it that way?

I am not a parent or teacher but IMO this isn't on your kid to defend himself or apologize. I don't know that I'd suggest lighting into the teacher, but contacting her to explain what happened and letting her know your kid was very upset about the sequence of events will hopefully help her realize she needs to do better next time. I agree it may not be a good idea to create a tense relationship with this teacher this early in the school year, but if she continues to treat your son poorly I absolutely think there will need to be further follow up.

It’s a privacy control issue. We had random zoom hackers last year so that’s a district requirement. They had an open parent meeting last night and it was hacked by Neonazis from out of state.