How do you deal with anger that consumes you?

[joy]

Sept 26, 2020 8:29:51 GMT -5 felicity said:

Therapy has helped me a ton. I'm not sure if I can coherently explain this part...but I try to realize that all of us operate the best we can given our past histories and how we came to act the way we do. Most people are doing their best, and sometimes a person's best is hurtful to those around them. When someone does something that angers me or makes me feel sad, their actions aren't really about me, and while I may have strong feelings that are valid, taking the personal aspect out of it can help. That person is unconsciously doing terrible things, and they probably can't do any better right now. Sometimes I try to think about what might have happened to that person to make them the way they are, not to excuse the behavior, but to just help me make sense of it. It can also help me to think back to other times people close to me may have made me feel this way, because if it was a childhood hurt, then I may be extra reactive to anyone who makes me feel that way as an adult. I can control how I respond in the moment, accept how it is and how I feel at this exact time, and then create a plan for me to make a change, which could be talking to them about it or getting out of a situation. I used to bury my feelings, but I have found it helps me to me more to dive in and really try to identify how I'm feeling and think through it a little bit like this, or talk about it with my therapist if I am at a loss.

This is very wise. It’s also where I’ve landed with a lot of my own personal situations. Instead of digging in on the specifics of one incident, I try to find the route cause of all the incidents and explain to myself how that root cause has lead to everything I’ve seen and how it could influence future situations.

It has helped me be less surprised when things happen and also lower my anger at the irrational behavior around me. I’m working on boundaries now that I understand the framework within I’m operating.

[RoxMonster]

I have to see my GYN this week for an annual visit, and I think I may also ask her if she has any recommendations for therapists.

[pinkdutchtulips]

I don’t have any answers as I’m trying to figure that out as well. Know that you’re not alone