DS repeatedly sneaking iPad into bed at night

[redheadbaker]

About a month ago, H got up in the middle of the night and heard DS (will be 9 next month) laughing in his room. He had his iPad (with headphones). He was watching videos on YouTube Kids. Took it away, got no screen time the following day. 

Then, about a week later, he did it again. Took it away for a week, and deleted the YouTube Kids app. Had a serious conversation about trust.

And just now, I caught him again. To say I’m furious is an understatement. I’m ready to sell the iPad. I don’t know what else to do. My parents just grounded me for anything and everything but with the pandemic, that won’t have much impact.

[Patsy Baloney]

Personally, I don’t feel your gut reaction of “sell the damn thing” is unreasonable. But I am a mega hardass.

I wonder if it would be easier for you to just stop charging it? It won’t work, and you can take it away without having to sell.

ETA: or other ways to make it unusable - change password, pull it off WiFi/change WiFi password, delete all apps, block everything in the browser, etc.

[sparty04]

We have time limits set for our kids on their iPads (after an hour it won’t work anymore). We can also disconnect their internet connection through our router (we have a mesh network)

[redheadbaker]

Oct 12, 2020 22:51:58 GMT -5 Patsy Baloney said:

Personally, I don’t feel your gut reaction of “sell the damn thing” is unreasonable. But I am a mega hardass.

I wonder if it would be easier for you to just stop charging it? It won’t work, and you can take it away without having to sell.

ETA: or other ways to make it unusable - change password, pull it off WiFi/change WiFi password, delete all apps, block everything in the browser, etc.

Changing the password is a good idea. 

I don’t really want to sell it, because he has Facebook Kids Messenger and for now, it’s the only way he can keep in touch with his friends from his old school.

[sakura]

We have time restrictions on our kids‘ iPads, otherwise they’d be on them way too often.
Go to Settings > Screen Time > down time and it can be setup with a passcode so they can’t get around it.

[jorja]

Can you just keep it with you/somewhere he doesn’t have access to at times that he is not supposed to be using it?

[Dumbledork]

Yes, we use screen limits and down time. Down time is from 7pm-3pm the next day.

[JayhawkGirl]

My kids’ iPads have a passcode so DH or I have to open them.

[sandandsea]

We have them In our room with chargers at night and we have downtime set so they don’t work from 8pm to 3pm daily.

[VillainV]

What was he doing on the iPad the last time you caught him, when YouTube Kids wasn’t on there anymore? Playing a game? Talking with friends? I’m not sure it matters, I’m just curious to know what his motivation might have been (game addiction or wanted to communicate with someone you don’t know about maybe).

I’d start looking at taking away the iPad and other trust-based activities, but I would offer a way for him to earn them back (perhaps with restrictions at first). If you make it seem hopeless, then he has no motivation to improve his behavior, but if you give him a way to prove himself again he may rise to the occasion.

[ssmjlm]

Your DS is a bit older, but we limit screen time and we have to be able to see her while she's on the tablet (kindle fire).

I would probably change the passcode, setup some pretty stringent time limits, and keep it off in your room overnight.

I also would probably not let him on it for a good week+.

[dcn]

My 7 year old was using his when he wasn’t supposed to and I took it and out it in my closet for about a month. He got it back recently with very limited time and we took some apps off.

[redheadbaker]

Oct 13, 2020 5:47:19 GMT -5 VillainV said:

What was he doing on the iPad the last time you caught him, when YouTube Kids wasn’t on there anymore? Playing a game? Talking with friends?

Playing a game. He said he couldn't fall asleep (an issue I'm aware of, it's common with kids with ADHD, and will bring it up with his pediatrician) and was bored.

[redheadbaker]

Oct 13, 2020 1:11:00 GMT -5 sandandsea said:

We have them In our room with chargers at night and we have downtime set so they don’t work from 8pm to 3pm daily.

I had no idea you could do that (the downtime thing)! Thanks!

[Susie]

where is he taking it from MOTN?  I agree with having its charging station in your room or somewhere else that he doesn't have access without parent assistance, as a first resort.  Then maybe a tech solution like the ones pps mentioned.  I admit I'd be reticent to change the wifi password just because I don't want to change it frequently on all my own devices.  I'd probably take the damn thing away before I'd go to all that length to facilitate his having it in small doses.  Either work with us on limits/rules, or don't have it at all.

[ny96]

We have a charging lock box where we lock up almost all electronics (including remotes) except the school issued iPad during the day and at night. We resorted to this after finding DS1 too many times with the iPad or watching tv after we had taken it away. It has worked pretty well so far.

Luxor Office Clasroom Library 8 Tablet Wall / Desk Charging Station - Gray www.amazon.com/dp/B01H3KKGRG/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fab_Qo0HFbFR7Q3Z2

[redheadbaker]

Oct 14, 2020 12:21:03 GMT -5 Susie said:

where is he taking it from MOTN?  I agree with having its charging station in your room or somewhere else that he doesn't have access without parent assistance, as a first resort.  Then maybe a tech solution like the ones pps mentioned.  I admit I'd be reticent to change the wifi password just because I don't want to change it frequently on all my own devices.  I'd probably take the damn thing away before I'd go to all that length to facilitate his having it in small doses.  Either work with us on limits/rules, or don't have it at all.

We have a charging station for tablets and our Fitbits next to the TV in the living room. We live in an apartment that was converted from a large house, so his bedroom is off of the living room (used to be a den or bonus room of some sort), while our is on the opposite side of the apartment, so he can come out of his room and grab it, and we don't hear him. 

I changed the log-in PIN for his iPad, and enabled the iPad's downtime feature, so that should solve the problem. 

[erbear]

I'd put it away for a week or two, then give him the chance to earn it back with a contract he writes.

[vamoose]

We had this same issue with my 9 year old with ADHD. We changed the password and started keeping all devices in our room overnight. Word of caution - my son was also having trouble falling asleep, and without access to devices, he started wandering around the house at night. This was a problem because he was sometimes loud (waking up others), and sometimes quiet but doing things he shouldn't (like cooking on the stove!!!). We really had to dig into the sleep issue because having him awake alone at night and restless was not working. 

[badgerwrangler]

My son also has ADHD and has a very hard time controlling his impulses surrounding tablet time. He has an Amazon fire tablet and I have put the parental controls on so it only "opens" on Sundays. Otherwise, he has to put a passcode in.

For the sleeping thing, we allow him to read or write/draw quietly in his room. He sleeps less than the rest of us in the house so as long as he is quiet, I don't police it. He doesn't seem to require much sleep so I'm not going to fight him on sleep anymore.

[twilightmv]

My 8 year old ADHD son does this on occasion too. He's very honest and not sneaky, but he also has trouble sleeping and some poor impulse control. I just hid it for a week every time he did it and he hasn't done it in awhile. It took it happening two or three times for it to stop.

[af1212]

I have to log my kid into the iPad every time she uses it - she does not know the code. Also I have it set to downtime from 7 pm to 7 am. I also have daily time limits set for each app.

Personally I would do all of this plus I would keep the iPad in my bedroom in my nightstand drawer.