Buyers remorse -Update in post

[lovetx]

We found out we got a house we put an offer on tonight and I immediately became unsure if this is the right house. Ugh. The market is so tight, that there really aren’t many choices. I didn’t love it when we saw it but it was the best of the not great choices. We have to move this summer due to my DH’s job so we have to find a home. We still have the inspection but this is the worst feeling. I don’t know what I’m asking...commiseration?

Edit to add...anyone back out during inspection even if there was nothing really wrong?

Update - After talking to a friend and my DH I decided to just go for the house. My DH reassured me it wasn't permanent if I decided in 5-6 years I really want something different we could just move. It's a beautiful house and fits most of our needs. Well, then the seller got cold feet about their new house being ready on time so they have not sent back the signed contract. We are supposed to have the inspection tomorrow, but obviously not without a signed contract. They are supposed to let us know by noon today.

[sofamonkey]

I bought a car from a friend, and things didn’t work out super well. Car had some issues, I haven’t paid them, they haven’t given them a title either. Definitely having buyers remorse on that sale.

#helpful

[just]

An anecdote if that helps ...

We visited here after a job offer, saw 10 houses in 1 day and pretty much 'had' to put an offer on one (couldn't rent, but I guess could have separated for longer). Put an offer on something that met 9/10 of our needs, that my husband REALLY liked (he's not a 'love' kinda guy), but I was pretty on-the-fence about.

6 years later, we're still here and I really like it and don't want to move again. Those 9/10 made a difference and included a fenced yard, close to work, decent location.

Having said that, I'm not a big believer in 'the perfect place', so maybe not the right audience. I think I'd be happy most places.

[shopgirl07]

I backed out of a house after the inspection. I loved the house but I realized that it was going to cost double what I originally anticipated to bring it up to my standards. I’m still bummed about it but I know I made the right decision, I didn’t want to be house poor. Can you rent first?

[just]

Mar 22, 2021 21:41:01 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

I bought a car from a friend, and things didn’t work out super well. Car had some issues, I haven’t paid them, they haven’t given them a title either. Definitely having buyers remorse on that sale.

#helpful

[gummy]

I have backed out of a house before due to buyers remorse. Most states have a due diligence period to do the inspection etc. Our state let us also use this time to withdraw for no reason at all. I felt immediate relief after doing so and we went on to find a much better house within a couple of weeks.

[k3am]

Mar 22, 2021 21:52:25 GMT -5 gummy said:

I have backed out of a house before due to buyers remorse. Most states have a due diligence period to do the inspection etc. Our state let us also use this time to withdraw for no reason at all. I felt immediate relief after doing so and we went on to find a much better house within a couple of weeks.

Don’t you lose your earnest money if you walk away?

[mcmel]

Mar 22, 2021 22:21:29 GMT -5 k3am said:

Mar 22, 2021 21:52:25 GMT -5 gummy said:

I have backed out of a house before due to buyers remorse. Most states have a due diligence period to do the inspection etc. Our state let us also use this time to withdraw for no reason at all. I felt immediate relief after doing so and we went on to find a much better house within a couple of weeks.

Don’t you lose your earnest money if you walk away?

If you put any down, yes that’s my understanding. We’ve never put earnest money down though. Not sure if it’s regional or just if the market’s hot.

[Roc A Bee]

I had a buyer walk away after the inspection on the last possible day they could, and it suuucked! So if you really do want to walk away, do it earlier than later. I had to cover rent on my new place and my mortgage for one month (not terrible), but it could have been worse. And I didn’t get to keep the deposit.

[jennistarr1]

Do you feel like you can tell your realtor how you are feeling to see what your options would be (and then decide for or against taking action)

[CrazyLucky]

We're in a similar spot. We're moving for my job. We didn't "have" to quickly put in an offer, but DH was back in NC with the kids, while I was up in NJ at the new job. So we jumped on one pretty quick. We still haven't actually moved in because they all got COVID and the movers were delayed. So I've had an extra long time to second guess myself. Is it the right house? Is it fair to make the kids have smaller bedrooms and a smaller yard? Is it selfish to make them move to begin with? Should we have just waited until the market calmed down?

All this to say, I know how you feel. Some days are better than others and I'm just hoping that the kids will adjust easily. I'm looking at the bright side, all the things we wanted to move for. Close to family, close to "stuff," a more similar outlook. When I signed up the kids for school, there was a choice for non-binary! Tears came to my eyes because that would not have happened in our rural NC school. So, big picture, I know it's the right thing. Sometimes it's hard to see the big picture.

A person at church just told us her son has moved five times in the past seven years! Houses, not apartments. So it's not like you're trapped

[gummy]

Mar 22, 2021 22:21:29 GMT -5 k3am said:

Mar 22, 2021 21:52:25 GMT -5 gummy said:

I have backed out of a house before due to buyers remorse. Most states have a due diligence period to do the inspection etc. Our state let us also use this time to withdraw for no reason at all. I felt immediate relief after doing so and we went on to find a much better house within a couple of weeks.

Don’t you lose your earnest money if you walk away?

We did not. We got it all back.

[heygrey]

We were house hunting from last March-September. In all that time we only saw a handful of houses we could afford and didn't need significant work outside our DIY abilities. We put an offer in on a house in August that we liked, but it wasn't amazing. The sellers agreed on a price, but we spent a weekend negotiating other aspects of the contract. I was so relieved when it fell through.

I asked our realtor how often people walk away over seemingly tiny things in an inspection and he said it happens a lot here. With a hot market there is a sense of urgency and people realize they don't like what they picked or they offered too much and the financing isn't comfortable.

[goldengirlz]

I can relate to this. When we bought our house in a VHCOL area, we just didn’t have the budget we needed to win bidding wars. Finally, we got to a point where we found a home that checked all the boxes and I was like, That’s it. We HAVE to win this one. (And we did.) But the next time we saw it... I HATED it. Like, pretended to have a work meeting so I could rush out of there.

Anyway, we still live here now. 😀 I’ve come around a lot. It’s FAR from a dream house but a lot of what we first liked about it ended up working out. And we still can’t afford to move to anywhere “better” so we’re staying put.

I’m definitely NOT telling you to stick it out if you can walk away. But I do think that some degree of buyer’s remorse is normal, especially in a hot market where you have to make quick decisions (and a lot of compromises.) We ended up compromising on location so we could have more space — and while I had a panic about it at first, I have to say I’ve been thankful to have the extra square footage during the pandemic. We’ve also made some upgrades that make the house feel like “ours.” So sometimes things do have a way of working out.

[pinkalicious]

Mar 22, 2021 22:21:29 GMT -5 k3am said:

Mar 22, 2021 21:52:25 GMT -5 gummy said:

I have backed out of a house before due to buyers remorse. Most states have a due diligence period to do the inspection etc. Our state let us also use this time to withdraw for no reason at all. I felt immediate relief after doing so and we went on to find a much better house within a couple of weeks.

Don’t you lose your earnest money if you walk away?

This is dependent upon the state and contract. Here in Illinois, there is a 5 day attorney review/inspection period. During that time, a buyer can cancel the contract for any reason, and get their EM back. The seller can also cancel during that time, and will have to return EM to buyer.

[WOT?*]

My husband had two days to find a house for us to move into when we were relocating. (He was here already starting his new job while I was finishing up my old job and selling our house back in OH.) He wanted to buy instead of rent and have to move again in a year (or two). Huge buyer's remorse because it wasn't in my favorite area, or my favorite subdivision, or my favorite anything. Turns out it wasn't even in the school district we were told it would be in, but the neighboring "lesser" one by a few blocks. Also huge remorse because we bought at the top of the bubble and if we'd waited those two years, we could have saved a couple hundred thousand dollars and bought a bigger nicer house in a better neighborhood, etc. But it is a reasonable house that works for us and we'll be here another ten or so years until DH retires. It's paid off now and we're remodeling/updating to a level that satisfies us but won't be remarkable when we sell to move to our retirement home wherever it may be (because this won't be it. There Are Stairs. lol.)

My daughter just put a bid on a house because they are relocating. It looked nice in the pictures. Her husband drove out to inspect it and there were too many things that were haphazard so they withdrew their bid. They ended up bidding on a place they liked better. But they were fortunate. There aren't a lot of houses on the market in many places. (for example, our neighbor put their house on the market for $50K more than they thought it would list, and it ended up selling with multiple offers with an escalation clause that was $50K over listing. They bought a house in a neighboring town that they ended up paying $100K over list for, also with an escalation clause.)

Whether you pull out *really* depends on your local market. I wouldn't risk it where I live. Where my daughter lives I might because the market, while still hot, is decidedly softer. She was able to pick from a few and paid listing rather than escalating.

[expectantsteelerfan]

You have my full commiseration. We put an offer in on a house Saturday. We had stretched and maxed out our budget to put in a full price offer on the most beautiful house I'd ever seen. Dh was adamant that it was too big, too much yard, and too expensive, but he gave in to me because I wanted it so much. We spent the past few days constantly worrying that we made a mistake (but obv. not because we didn't like the house, but because the higher mortgage plus the higher costs for upkeep on a house/yard much bigger than we planned would put us in an uncomfortable position). We found out this morning we didn't get it. I'm both crushed and relieved, and dh is totally relieved.

I've been thinking a lot about how much certainty is enough in this market. We also put in an offer on the first house we saw back in Jan. When we put in that offer, I'd say I was 80% sure we wanted to get it, and 20% worried we were picking the wrong house (in that case again not because of the house, but because of the location). I think that is probably my threshold for the breakdown. When we put in the offer this Sat., I was 98% sure I wanted the house, but after days of dh's constant worrying and saying we made a mistake, it was much more like 50/50.

I do believe if you haven't put down your hand money, you could still back out if you really wanted to. I hope you find clarity about how you feel about this house, and for your sake I hope it's that you are certain that you do want the house!

[icedcoffee]

In my state (MD) I’m pretty sure you can walk at like any point for almost any reason and not lose anything. I was really stressed when selling that it would fall through last minute but my realtor just kept reminding us the buyer probably wanted to buy just as much as we wanted to sell.

ETA: I remember our realtor specifically saying not to start packing more than like 2 weeks before.

[Pilsy]

We walked after an inspection once. There was a radon issue, but that was a fortunate out, as I wasn't in love with the house anyway. We did lose some money, but for us, it was worth it. There's more to the story, but it's not relevant to your situation.

Anyway, I think it's normal to be nervous and have some second thoughts, because it's a huge purchase. But if you're feeling really bad about it and didn't like the place to begin with, I think that's different. Is renting out of the question? If that's a possibility, I would keep looking and then commit to a rental if you hit a drop-dead date without having found something.

[DotAndBuzz]

I panicked after we went under contract on our house. It checked the Must Have boxes for us, but I didn't love the house, and it was hard to see myself in it. It wasn't the style we wanted, or the neighborhood we thought we wanted, needed a LOT of aesthetic work (floor to ceiling wallpaper everywhere, including some ceilings, "90's fabulous" McMansion top to bottom), and a would need fair amount of structural work in the upcoming 5-10 years. But the market was tight, it was literally the only house in our price range that we saw that checked all the Must Have boxes, and we only had 3 months left on our rental lease. I felt like I wanted to throw up at the closing, because committing to owe such a large amount of money is kind of terrifying.

8 years later we're still here, and I truly can't imagine being anywhere else. It's still not my dream home, but we've made it our own, bit by bit.

If you TRULY don't like it, and you're ok losing money if you walk (if that's a possibility), it's ok to walk. But I also think some feelings of "oh shit, is this really right?" are totally normal.

[konapoppy]

We backed out after an inspection. There were a lot of things we were going to have to do, and we decided it was too much money. I agree that the sellers will want to know sooner than later if you are backing out. I would talk to your realtor about options.

[ohgillian]

It might be helpful to reflect on whether this is common/typical for you. In other words, can you realistically say "Okay, this is how I tend to get, but it usually passes" or is this not typical?

[moreace01]

I'm just commiserating because I am sort of in the same boat. We've been looking hard for 3 months now, but looked kind of less seriously for a year. I'm tired of looking and I feel like I'm compromising more and more. There's just nothing out there. It's depressing as hell. We're looking at a house today that I'm meh about but it checks a lot of boxes. I'm just so tired - of looking and of losing out on houses by getting outbid or seeing things hit the market contingent (side note - but when do you determine your REA is not working out??). And I'm really tired of seeing a whole lot of crap. Do we just keep waiting for this perfect house to show up and then get outbid? I don't know anymore.

[expectantsteelerfan]

Mar 23, 2021 9:56:07 GMT -5 ohgillian said:

It might be helpful to reflect on whether this is common/typical for you. In other words, can you realistically say "Okay, this is how I tend to get, but it usually passes" or is this not typical?

I don't know, I feel like buying a house is so much of a bigger purchase and commitment than any other (except maybe the other big ones of should I marry this person and should we have kids) that it's hard to compare it to other decisions.  

[macmars45]

My H and I just bought in a low inventory escalation clause market last summer/early fall.

The first house we offered on was a bidding war (we lost by $1000). H was relieved because it was a west east facing house with a bunch of trees and our big goal was to get solar panels. I was sad because it had a great backyard, good layout and was walking distance to an elementary school for our DS. But I am glad it went to someone who more than likely won't cut down the trees that would've been in the way of our solar potential. So.

We went to the top of our max budget and while I like our house and it checks all the must haves.... I have an 'If Only House' within walking distance of our house that I think about and see on the regular. If only it had a usable backyard (it is up against a 90 degree incline). That was the only drawback. It has a better layout, uses space better and is the sq ft I was hoping for (1602 vs the 2388 we have). The solar potential wasn't bad either.

H LOVES our house. Loves. And it has great solar south facing roofs. So there's that.

[ohgillian]

Mar 23, 2021 10:18:30 GMT -5 expectantsteelerfan said:

Mar 23, 2021 9:56:07 GMT -5 ohgillian said:

It might be helpful to reflect on whether this is common/typical for you. In other words, can you realistically say "Okay, this is how I tend to get, but it usually passes" or is this not typical?

I don't know, I feel like buying a house is so much of a bigger purchase and commitment than any other (except maybe the other big ones of should I marry this person and should we have kids) that it's hard to compare it to other decisions.  

That's definitely a fair criticism. But I guess if you are commonly doubting yourself on decisions, then you might do it here too -- so knowing your own patterns can help some. Or not! Personally, if I felt like the OP, I wouldn't buy the house.  

[cville]

My husband was in love with our house and I was in like. I'm talking he was full heart eyes emoji during our showing.

11 years on, I LOVE MY HOUSE. Took me about 6 months after we moved in to truly adore it. My hesitations had more to do with location (it was my #2 neighborhood) and less to do with the house itself. I think that helped.

[dale]

So for us, we got the house we just moved into because the person who outbid us backed out after inspection but before they signed the contract. We got the call from our agent, had an inspection done a few days later, and the contract was drawn up a few days after that. No money changed hands until we signed the contract and we could back out for any reason before signing.

[acr]

After we put an offer on our new house, my husband and I were both in mild panic. When the offer was accepted, it was greater panic...but we also commented to each other that we ALWAYS have some buyer's remorse after a big purchase. Our new house isn't everything we want, but it has most of what we want/need. After spending a day in the house during the inspection, we remembered that it felt like home to us much more than any other house we'd seen.

I still have panic at the price tag.

[ny96]

Mar 22, 2021 23:42:33 GMT -5 goldengirlz said:

I can relate to this. When we bought our house in a VHCOL area, we just didn’t have the budget we needed to win bidding wars. Finally, we got to a point where we found a home that checked all the boxes and I was like, That’s it. We HAVE to win this one. (And we did.) But the next time we saw it... I HATED it. Like, pretended to have a work meeting so I could rush out of there.

Anyway, we still live here now. 😀 I’ve come around a lot. It’s FAR from a dream house but a lot of what we first liked about it ended up working out. And we still can’t afford to move to anywhere “better” so we’re staying put.

I’m definitely NOT telling you to stick it out if you can walk away. But I do think that some degree of buyer’s remorse is normal, especially in a hot market where you have to make quick decisions (and a lot of compromises.) We ended up compromising on location so we could have more space — and while I had a panic about it at first, I have to say I’ve been thankful to have the extra square footage during the pandemic. We’ve also made some upgrades that make the house feel like “ours.” So sometimes things do have a way of working out.

We have a somewhat similar experience. We are also in a VHCOL city and bought our current house the weekend after we sold our last house and we need to find a house quickly. The house we ended up in is too small and we realized that as soon as we put an offer on it. H had major buyers remorse the whole time we were under contract. I thought we could make things work and was more optimistic. We’re still trying to figure out whether to sell and buy a bigger house, or do a major remodel on this one. In the end though I don’t regret buying this house and I don’t think H does either. We are in an amazing area, close to everything including work and school, and our property value has increased at least $100k since we moved in. Depending on your market and budget almost every house is going to cause some sort of buyers remorse. The question is whether the pros outweigh the cons.