Weird date tonight

[omeomi]

Sooo, you slept with him previously? Or just fooled around before?

[explorer2001]

I say this with all the love in the world but "he claims he's clean"? You are a grown woman have concentual sex. Can't you talk about things and agree to get tested? Somethings (herpes, crabs, among others) can be transmitted even if you use a condom because of the skin contact.

-signed the paranoid woman who took way too many biology classes

[omeomi]

I only asked because it could have been a reason for him holding off tonight. Like, if he was trying to take things super slow or something. No offense meant.

[mclovin]

See if it happens again. Too soon to judge.

[explorer2001]

Sept 23, 2012 22:42:17 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Sept 23, 2012 22:38:59 GMT -5 explorer2001 said:

I say this with all the love in the world but "he claims he's clean"? You are a grown woman have concentual sex. Can't you talk about things and agree to get tested? Somethings (herpes, crabs, among others) can be transmitted even if you use a condom because of the skin contact.

-signed the paranoid woman who took way too many biology classes

I get it but not the point of the post. I have a gyn appt this week. He also had a vasectomy. Should I ask for a motility sample??

Ha Ha. No. As I said, I'm paranoid. Also I had my GYN appointment last week, so it's front of mind at the moment since I got my all clear test results Friday afternoon.

Maybe he wasn't in the mood because the ex was a bitch and he had a lot of his mind or he knew he'd have a case of whiskey dick or something...?

[explorer2001]

Sept 23, 2012 22:44:33 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Sept 23, 2012 22:43:35 GMT -5 mclovin said:

See if it happens again. Too soon to judge.

But I wanted sex dammit! Haha

This should help tide you over.
www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/womens-sex-toys-ch-955.aspx

[lookingup]

Honestly it sounds like he's distracted, like he has something else going on tonight too.

[omeomi]

OMG, explorer, I love and hate you at the same time right now.

[explorer2001]

I'm in a rare mood tonight. Wine, plus mild dehydration, plus a post on MM or CE&P about the history of the vibrator are all tangling with my usual filter and winning right now.

[explorer2001]

Here's the link to the MM post...
pandce.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=mm&action=display&thread=62251

[doriswe]

Maybe he was distracted by the XW....but MCC, I gotta be honest, there are HUGE flags going up in my head that he allows this kind of ongoing communication. Unless a kid is on fire, there is no need to text that often, kwim?

[doriswe]

Sept 24, 2012 7:12:57 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Sept 24, 2012 7:09:03 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Maybe he was distracted by the XW....but MCC, I gotta be honest, there are HUGE flags going up in my head that he allows this kind of ongoing communication. Unless a kid is on fire, there is no need to text that often, kwim?

I know. I'm a bit weirded out by it too. I get that she needed to have him pick something up, but dude, you're out on a date. Excuse yourself, call her and tell her you'll get it when you're done with dinner.

I said something to him about it too. I was like, "Does your XW realize that part of divorce is learning how to do things on your own???" She seems to have him roped into home improvement stuff (he had to finish a bathroom as per their divorce agreement) and he's of the mindset that these things are "for the kids" so it's ok.

I don't get what was sooooo urgent on a Sunday night....honestly, he doesn't have good boundaries with her and that will be an issue down the road.

[bullygirl979]

Sept 24, 2012 7:12:57 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Sept 24, 2012 7:09:03 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Maybe he was distracted by the XW....but MCC, I gotta be honest, there are HUGE flags going up in my head that he allows this kind of ongoing communication. Unless a kid is on fire, there is no need to text that often, kwim?

I know. I'm a bit weirded out by it too. I get that she needed to have him pick something up, but dude, you're out on a date. Excuse yourself, call her and tell her you'll get it when you're done with dinner.

I said something to him about it too. I was like, "Does your XW realize that part of divorce is learning how to do things on your own???" She seems to have him roped into home improvement stuff (he had to finish a bathroom as per their divorce agreement) and he's of the mindset that these things are "for the kids" so it's ok.

This gives me a major case of ^o)

If this is the case then she can be using that excuse for the next 20 years. While I can appreciate that he wants to get things taken care of for his children there comes a point where you need to draw a line. Does she come over and do shit at his house? No! Then he needs to cut that off too!

I don't know, MCC, I am not getting a great feeling from this guy. Oh, and I don't even agree that he should have picked up even one call from her. He could have called her back when dinner was over. I agree with Doris, unless the kids are on fire, never okay to take calls from your X when out on a date. Methinks he may not be totally over her.

[doriswe]

Sept 24, 2012 7:27:29 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Sept 24, 2012 7:25:16 GMT -5 doriswe said:

I don't get what was sooooo urgent on a Sunday night....honestly, he doesn't have good boundaries with her and that will be an issue down the road.

I started another post about dating men with kids re: boundaries. I need input from a mama please!

I'm on it!

[doriswe]

Oh and can I get a little more background...how old are the kids and how long have they been divorced?

[doriswe]

::squeals the brakes:: He stayed there for a week even though he lives 10 minutes away? This doesn't compute

[doriswe]

Oh and I'm not saying that I don't think it's awesome they can get along (for the kids) but the amount of involvement gives me a lot of pause, especially when it's impacting his day to day life, kwim?

[starburst604]

My vote was also that he was distracted, and concern that he lets his ex-W distract him to the point of not wanting to have hot monkey sex with the hot new chick he's dating. My guess is that he hasn't had a serious relationship since his divorce, and has not really cut the "strings" so to speak, because he hasn't had to. Continuing with life as usual hasn't impacted anyone else but him and she's using that to her full advantage. He's going to have to set boundaries with her to ever have a successful relationship.

[doriswe]

Sept 24, 2012 7:57:20 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Sept 24, 2012 7:44:50 GMT -5 doriswe said:

::squeals the brakes:: He stayed there for a week even though he lives 10 minutes away? This doesn't compute

Right. He said its bc he needed a neighbor to come over to get them to school. He works 1.5hrs from home and needed to leave at 6am, whereas the kids don't leave until 8. Neighbor lives near door, easy to come over at 6am everyday. I get it but its weird.

But he could have easily drove them to the house or neighbor's house, right?

Go see Starburst's comment....I think she's probably dead on with this!

[doriswe]

Sept 24, 2012 8:05:43 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Sept 24, 2012 7:58:36 GMT -5 doriswe said:

But he could have easily drove them to the house or neighbor's house, right?

Go see Starburst's comment....I think she's probably dead on with this!

He left while they were still sleeping.

Okay...that makes slightly more sense....

I will give him a lot of credit for being a really involved dad and maybe with some guidance about appropriate boundaries things would be less weird, kwim?

[GilliC]

Maybe he just had an early meeting and was worried about being up all night in the throes of MCC sex ecstasy, and he felt like a wimp for not being able to stay up all night bumping uglies.

[GilliC]

As for the XW, I'm in the "not a huge deal" camp. XH and I probably have boundary issues to some people. We're still friends, and I treat him the same way I treat other friends. "Can I borrow your drill? Can you watch my cats this weekend?" are not uncommon requests. There's never been a need for either of us to house-sit (cats are easier than kids), but if it came up and there was a good reason (and a guest room), why not?

[jojoandleo]

Sept 24, 2012 8:38:50 GMT -5 GilliC said:

As for the XW, I'm in the "not a huge deal" camp. XH and I probably have boundary issues to some people. We're still friends, and I treat him the same way I treat other friends. "Can I borrow your drill? Can you watch my cats this weekend?" are not uncommon requests. There's never been a need for either of us to house-sit (cats are easier than kids), but if it came up and there was a good reason (and a guest room), why not?

So, if you were on a date, would you answer MULTIPLE text messages from your XH? The fact that he stayed there or is friendly with her doesn't give me too much pause, but the fact that he was responding to her on a date (and only a 5th date) makes me question him.

To me that says that HER time and wants are more important than MCC's time and wants. I don't care who he was texting, it is rude, but the fact that it was his XW makes me think there is still some kind of innappropriate connection there.

[kaneen]

I don't think it's too early to bring it up. Answering multiple texts while on a date is rude. Period. Doesn't matter who they are from.

[GilliC]

"Mutiple text messages" is a little too vague for me to make a judgement call.

example:
XW: Can you take this thing back to IKEA for me?
Guy: Sure. Can I pick it up tomorrow morning?
XW: I have spin class. Could you come after work?
Guy: would 7 work?
XW: Yes, but before 8:30
Guy: ok. see you then.

Unless he was letting other texts go unanswered and jumping to reply to hers, I think it's a question of having any kind of text conversation on a date.

FWIW - I had an SMS conversation with my XH on a date once. I was asking him to feed my cats, so that I could spend the night and get laid. Flame away, but I'm pretty sure the guy didn't mind too much.

[doriswe]

Sept 24, 2012 10:19:16 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Sept 24, 2012 10:17:12 GMT -5 GilliC said:

"Mutiple text messages" is a little too vague for me to make a judgement call.

example:
XW: Can you take this thing back to IKEA for me?
Guy: Sure. Can I pick it up tomorrow morning?
XW: I have spin class. Could you come after work?
Guy: would 7 work?
XW: Yes, but before 8:30
Guy: ok. see you then.

Unless he was letting other texts go unanswered and jumping to reply to hers, I think it's a question of having any kind of text conversation on a date.

FWIW - I had an SMS conversation with my XH on a date once. I was asking him to feed my cats, so that I could spend the night and get laid. Flame away, but I'm pretty sure the guy didn't mind too much.

Come to think about it he was also texting with a friend who said he might meet up with us. I'm starting to think he's rude. At least he ignored her text from her while we were cuddling. Ugh, this super cute dude (with a nice peen ) is quickly looking not so good

I think you start there...."hey E, I really felt like you weren't really present last night with all the texts to whomever you were texting. How about next time, we have dinner, it's a cell free zone?"

[blackkitty]

Sorry if I missed this, but he was texting when? When you were having dinner?
UGH, I hate people that can't put down their phones. Completely unacceptable. You deserve his undivided attention, not a guy texting his ex all night.

[blackkitty]

Sept 24, 2012 10:26:19 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Sept 24, 2012 10:25:29 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

Sorry if I missed this, but he was texting when? When you were having dinner?
UGH, I hate people that can't put down their phones. Completely unacceptable. You deserve his undivided attention, not a guy texting his ex all night.

Yeah, it was a weird date all around. I even texted you during it while he was checking his VM from his XW. Ughhhh!

During dinner?
IDK MCC, I'm all for giving a guy a chance but I don't feel like this is the guy for you.

[achase123]

Sept 24, 2012 10:25:29 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

Sorry if I missed this, but he was texting when? When you were having dinner?
UGH, I hate people that can't put down their phones. Completely unacceptable. You deserve his undivided attention, not a guy texting his ex all night.

What she said. I am not getting a good feeling.

[heavenly]

It's never too early to bring it up. It is always best to nip it in the bud or find out before too much feelings are invested. If he can't handle your questions because you are also taking care of yourself, then that is a sure sign he is not the right guy.