I need help. How do you motivate yourself?

[idoinjuly]

I am in a completely unmotivated state of mind.  I am heavier than I have ever been and I have no idea how to eat better and exercise when that is the last thing I want to do.  I am so down on myself but am overwhelmed by the amount of weight I need to lose.

I have had good luck with WW in the past, but I can't even muster enough energy to do it.

I am on Zoloft and I don't think I am depressed in areas other than feeling like absolute shit about myself.

I have to take my daughter to the ortho here in a bit but I will check back.

[cjcouple]

Last year at this time, I was in a very bad place. The pandemic was very hard on me at first. I was miserable working at home 55+hours a week and it was announced our salary was cut 10%. (I cried) My husband was furloughed, I was drinking every day after work and hated being stuck home and afraid if the virus, I packed on 8lbs in 2 months!! I missed my old life pre-covid

I knew I needed to make changes. It was overwhelming but I started by going for a walk one day. I just needed to enjoy the outside. I got home and I didn't have a drink. I made a nice dinner and felt much better. Then I walked the next day. And slowly started to turn things around.

I eventually was at a point where I was walking everyday and eating better. In October, after trying some meals here and there on the Mediteranean diet I decided to try it permanently with the upcoming holidays and not wanting to put on any more weight and I lost 17 lbs by New Years. I am now in a really good place.

I'm not drinking, I eat well and exercise regularly, I'm reading again and started a kickboxing class a couple months ago. It also helps things are opening back up and kids are back in school.

Anyway, my point is to start with 1 thing. Eat a meal that'll make you feel good, go for a walk, or to someplace you enjoy or that puts you in a good place. The Beach, a lake, hike a nice trail, a park, anywhere you smile. Sounds simple but taking things 1 step at a time helps. Try not to look too far ahead at the end goal. I hope this helps a bit.

[NewGirlNic]

Whenever I feel like this, I try and set one or 2 small goals and stick to it for a week or 2 until adding something else. Drink 8 glasses of water and take a 20-30 minute walk each day. Or have a healthy breakfast every morning and do yoga 3x's a week. Something like that. 

Be kind to yourself. You are so much more than what you weigh or your clothing size. 

[bears]

I found the book The Power of Habit to be very influential to my behavior. It was relatively non-judgmental when it came to will-power, essentially explaining that creating habits requires repetition and is linked to neural pathways.

It takes about 21 days to form a strong habit and get your brain used to new behaviors. As time goes on, your behavior strengthens the pathways and it's easier and more pleasurable to keep the habit. It also take about how to get back into a routine, which I found so helpful. A lot of the time, my fitness goals were dropped after illness or travel. I've found as long as I can duplicate the activity 3x after the disruption, I can get back on track.

[marie]

I was going to suggest starting small as well. A daily walk, even just a mile, is a great starting point. You can build up from there, but a small goal that is easy to achieve can be motivating.

[gottadobe]

Change a couple of small things so it is not overwhelming at first. Weight loss is mostly diet, so I would start there - if you've had good luck with WW, go back. Daily walks are a good way to get some movement and you also don't have to put much thought into it.

[icedcoffee]

I'd start small. Go for a walk everyday. Doesn't need to be far. For example we have about a 3/4 of a mile loop in my neighborhood that's great for walking the dog. So at one point I committed to doing that everyday. No matter the weather I'd do that. I could go further, but I had to do at least that. Now I am super into my Peloton, but I used to just walk the dog everyday.

Are there any small changes you can do in your diet? Maybe only drink alcohol fri-sun? Or cut out soda? Something small that will give you a start?

Basically--start small, but make it a habit and then build off that. I hope you feel better soon!

[lightbulbsun]

I was at my heaviest ever in January 2020, and I basically went from eating a bunch of overly processed crap to all whole foods overnight. Would not recommend. I had pretty bad cramping and gas for a could of weeks, I think because I wasn't used to eating so much fiber. I agree with others that you should make small changes that are sustainable for you long term. I don't like fad diets because it's really hard to maintain.

What worked for me was counting calories and logging on myfitnesspal. It's kind of annoying at the beginning, especially weighing food, but it works. And now it only takes a minute after each meal to log things, and it's really helped me to stay on track. Maybe juts start logging what you eat in a normal day, and then see if there are any easy changes you can make to be a little healthier. Remember, sustained weight loss can take a long time, and that's ok.

[neonpink]

For me it’s been starting with one thing I can do and feeling good about it and it keeps adding up over time. I also had to find something that works for me. I love to read so now I go on walks and listen to audiobooks. I can’t listen unless I am moving around. (Walking, cleaning.) I practice yoga and that is truly helped me mentally and physically. I’ve now been practicing 10 years.

A second thing I did is crazy but it’s working. Especially during the pandemic. I bought a VR headset and play a workout game called Supernatural. It’s got amazing playlists of all sorts of music and beautiful locations to enjoy. I actually do it now everyday. It may only be a 5 minute workout or 45 minutes but I do it and it’s fun. I don’t beat myself up if I only do a short workout. I figure even something small is better than nothing.

[starburst604]

I agree with starting small, making a big overhaul is overwhelming. Something like committing to walking 3-4 times a week, then add something else like increasing water or cutting back on sweets. This may start giving you the mental and physical energy to add in bigger changes over time and examine the behaviors that need tweaking. You didn't get to where you are overnight so don't feel like changes have to happen quickly.

[followyourarrow]

For the motivation part, I have to figure out the why. Why do I want to make the change, what is my goal. Losing weight can't really be my why, I want to lose weight to feel better, so my knees don't hurt, so I can keep up on family trips, etc. And then I have to write it down and journal about it. It's cheesy, and I kind of hate journaling, but it's what works best for me.

[huskymom]

Accountability person! Anyone you know that you can do this with?

Finding exercise that I actually liked was big for me too. I used to do basement videos (like beachbody) but it never really excited me. I do better with in person classes so it’s been so great to get back to those!

[mswax]

I'll echo everyone else. Start small. I like to add stuff first (walking, other exercise, logging food, etc.) before taking things away (cutting snacks/sweets, etc.) because that is more palatable to me.

I started focusing on my health/weight in April after a few really awful months at work. It's not my first time doing it, but it feels better/different this time. I've realized:
1. I need to log my food to hold myself accountable.
2. I have trigger foods that will cause me to binge on them (candy!) that I've been trying to avoid completely
3. Night time snacking kills me! I've added evening walks/runs into my routine to avoid sitting on the couch and stuffing my face. If I have a snack at night, I portion out a reasonable amount and that's it.
4. Pre-planning my food each day helps me stay on track.
5. I've stopped beating myself up if I have a "bad" day. They will happen. I log it like I would any other and move on.

Most of all, I really have to be in the right mindset for all of this to work. Good luck...it's not easy, but I feel so much better when I'm doing these things.

[Velar Fricative]

I'm there too. I was doing so well during the winter until my foot issues flared up so I stopped using my indoor bike in case that was the issue and...it wasn't, but then I lost my momentum and it's been rough getting back to it. And when I don't exercise, I don't eat as well. And when I don't eat as well, I don't exercise. It's a vicious cycle but at least I know that I need to stick with both consistently and that I've done it before and can do it again.

I agree about starting small. I've just resumed using my bike and I'm doing 10 minute classes. It's a far cry from where I was but I know I will get back to where I was if I stick with it and increase incrementally. Yesterday after I realized I was getting takeout for almost every meal recently because I'm back in the office, I did some batch cooking with my Instant Pot so I could bring leftovers to the office - the biggest diet buster for me is eating out so if I consistently cook at home, I do lose weight.

Good luck! Be patient with yourself - it's so hard for anyone, especially nowadays. Start small and feel proud of any accomplishment.

[macmars45]

I gained 12lbs in the last two years which was already 10lbs over the weight I felt healthy at. I'm currently at my heaviest non pregnant weight.

At the start of April I started walking most morning for 30-45 minutes. I've missed a few days here and there but I feel better just by starting my day out with a walk. After almost two months of just that now I'm focusing on finding new healthy meals for my family & me. So one thing at a time.

[BeagleMama]

You've gotten good advice here already, I can sympathize!

The book Atomic Habits has been helpful for me to understand "motivation" and how much long term success is largely due to day to day habits. It's not the big huge changes that you can't keep up, it's the little stuff over time that makes a lasting difference.

[Susie]

As I get older I am noticing that I go in waves of productivity and waves of blahs, with most things.  Work, working out, eating right, doing projects, etc.  I have started giving myself more grace when I'm in a blah phase because I know it isn't permanent, and a productive cycle will come back around.  I have no great advice for getting out of a blah cycle any faster, but they're easier to tolerate knowing it will end.

[Pilsy]

Hugs. I'm struggling with motivation to exercise, too. I'm extremely busy at work, doing ok with parenting (I think!), and really active with volunteer work; but I can't seem to get back into an exercise routine. I will definitely come back this weekend to read the thread, as I need all the tips I can get.

Anyway, you are not alone. Hang in there.

[idoinjuly]

Wow, you guys have given some great advice! Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. I am going to reread and reread!!

[TR]

I can’t rely on motivation. I have to make small, incremental changes that become a part of my routine.

[yourmother]

idoinjuly, I sent you a PM on FB Messenger.

[Deleted]

I agree with the advice to start small. When I try to do everything all at one time, I inevitably fail. It helps that right now my H is on the exercise/lose weight bandwagon as well, so we are making changes together. Part of it for me is also that when I eat gluten and dairy I feel like crap, but if I drop both of those from my diet at the same time, I want to kill everyone. So, this time, I've been off of the gluten for almost 6 weeks. I'm definitely noticing a difference in how I feel, and keeping the high gluten items out of my diet, inevitably leads to a lower carb diet which I am more comfortable with. Fitness is easy for my H, he goes on bike rides, but I've got a foot injury and a bad knee that I'm dealing with right now that aren't allowing me to do things like going for long walks. I'm hoping that once our pool is open that I can spend some time swimming every day to burn some extra calories.

Also, I bought a new dress a size to small to wear to my brothers wedding in September, and that is motivating me as well

[Pilsy]

May 21, 2021 10:53:15 GMT -5 TR said:

I can’t rely on motivation. I have to make small, incremental changes that become a part of my routine.

I can't speak for OP, but I'm having trouble motivating to make those small changes!  

[winecat]

I have to find something that provides an immediate result which isn't easy, something that helps someone else (like volunteering,) or outside accountability (like I paid for a class so I'm going to go.) Like I only got into yoga because I was in so much pain after a car accident and knew that the exercises the PT gave me were similar to yoga poses so I started going to yoga because I couldn't motivate myself to do them on my own so I paid for yoga classes. Yoga helped so much with the pain and my interest in it spread from there.

[definitelyO]

I'm with you. I know I should exercise, I know I should eat better, I know I shouldn't drink as much wine... but still... I do... I'm going to take time to read the suggestions as well.

[TR]

May 21, 2021 11:12:06 GMT -5 Pilsy said:

May 21, 2021 10:53:15 GMT -5 TR said:

I can’t rely on motivation. I have to make small, incremental changes that become a part of my routine.

I can't speak for OP, but I'm having trouble motivating to make those small changes!  

I just...do it. Like, I don't always feel motivated to go to work, but I do it. I don’t feel motivated to go to the doctor, but I do it.

And for small things I mean like, I’ll tell myself I need to just walk for 10 minutes. Or I need to eat some fruit before I reach for a less healthy snack. For my morning workouts when I was first starting I would say to myself (out loud) “1, 2, 3, get up.” And I HAD to get up. I’d tough love myself. Sometimes you have to just do it*

* Depression and other mental health factors aside. If these are an issue, then seeking help for those would be the first step.

[foundmylazybum]

I get motivated through the entire goal setting process. I've found that it helps set my focus of attention towards an outcome and keep me focused on priorities of achievement, which is inherently motivating, then when you start to take those steps, a feeling of "motivation" is actually autonomy. Visioning the positive outcome is inherently motivating behavior.

An important step is setting an appropriate goal. If you haven't been active and your diet is off the rails, it's probably appropriate to start off with a 30 day or even 15 day goal that includes something like increasing exercise from zero to 15-20 min 2-3x a week and..like increasing fruit/veggies.

Document your successes on a calendar so you can again SEE that you are doing the work. Realize every single human ever on the planet doesn't feel like doing it every day..but having it documented let's you look back and remember how far you have come, and that you can!

Be flexible. If you have to..shift, take a day off, reset etc. It's a day. Not a failure. Look at what happened and why then adjust and get back on it.

Share your goal and situation with others who can support you.

[foundmylazybum]

May 21, 2021 10:53:15 GMT -5 TR said:

I can’t rely on motivation. I have to make small, incremental changes that become a part of my routine.

When humans see progress from those small incremental changes, that's the motivator. So, in fact you are relying on a source of motivation.

[TR]

May 21, 2021 11:33:39 GMT -5 foundmylazybum said:

May 21, 2021 10:53:15 GMT -5 TR said:

I can’t rely on motivation. I have to make small, incremental changes that become a part of my routine.

When humans see progress from those small incremental changes, that's the motivator. So, in fact you are relying on a source of motivation.

I mean, sort of. But it just becomes something I do. Because even seeing changes, some days/weeks you can still feel very “fuck it.” And it’s easy to let that become a pattern. So you do it anyway because it’s now part of your routine.

[pearls]

I would suggest one of the Peloton programs, so that you don't have to figure out much. I set a reminder each day at the same time and just forced myself as it was only about 10-15 minutes I had to commit. I started with Crush your Core as what I did every day and then added in the bike and other cardio on varying days as I could. Having that one class consistently helped me to see progress in one focused area which I built on for motivation with other exercises.