If you are an introvert

[gummybear]

How long does it take you to recover from intense social interaction?

We were in the mountains with Hs family last weekend (22 people). It’s Thursday and I’m still exhausted and having trouble motivating myself to get off the couch.

[meowmaps]

Generally speaking, a day or two but what you’re describing - 22 people over a couple of days with minimal break - I’m not surprised you’re still recharging. I think I would be too.

[circa1978]

Roughly, I need about an hour after a normal workday, a few hours after a party and a day or two after something like a vacation. I'd we have houseguests, I sometimes need to just step away for a bit during.

[Cappy]

Usually a day or two for me as well.

[Wallflower]

Ditto meowmaps. I'd still be in a very quiet, anti-social mood and trying hard to rest and recover.

[abs]

Generally a day but that’s a lot of people especially after a year of not seeing people. It would need alone time and then be ok.

[Pilsy]

A whole weekend with my spouse's family? Included extended? Work days wouldn't be especially restorative, so I'd say the following weekend would bring me back to myself.

ETA: Maybe that's a little long for me. I guess my real thought is, whatever works for you is fine!  But I promise they didn't break you.  

[heliocentric]

Usually a day or two, but if it's really intense I might need longer. Sometimes I even get sick from being worn down if I don't recharge.

Was this your first big group activity since the pandemic started? Could that be having an impact?

We're seeing two sets of family this weekend back to back (one side will be staying with us) and I fully expect to be exhausted because I'm out of social "practice" and used to not being around people. Plus the pandemic seems to have worn down my stamina overall.

[gummybear]

Jun 17, 2021 7:33:54 GMT -5 abs said:

Generally a day but that’s a lot of people especially after a year of not seeing people. It would need alone time and then be ok.

I def think it’s exacerbated by the past year being the way it was.

My job is very peopley and it takes me a couple hours to recover, and generally a day or two from a night out or something like a wedding. H is one of 5 so it was just his siblings families and parents. It’s always overwhelming. Sigh. The sad part is we skipped out on some activities (like a winery - we stayed back and went hiking) and I got outside for a solo run or walk every day and I’m still drained.

Glad to know it’s not just me know though.

[gummybear]

Jun 17, 2021 7:38:09 GMT -5 heliocentric said:

Usually a day or two, but if it's really intense I might need longer. Sometimes I even get sick from being worn down if I don't recharge.

Was this your first big group activity since the pandemic started? Could that be having an impact?

We're seeing two sets of family this weekend back to back (one side will be staying with us) and I fully expect to be exhausted because I'm out of social "practice" and used to not being around people. Plus the pandemic seems to have worn down my stamina overall.

Yes it was our first big group activity! It def is factoring in. I knew it would be a lot to process but I’m shocked how positively draining it actually was.

[ECB]

So- it really depends on what the event is.

We do a camping and a ski trip with neighbors - about 6 families. A weekend of very intense activity and time together? I need a couple days after.

But ironically, we've done a HUGE family trip with DHs family - close to 40 people - for a week in various locations. This trip has taken place 3 times now. I don't feel as much need to reset after that because we're always in a HUGE house. And while spending time together, families will do their own thing too. And/or the houses are so remote, that to go do things - we all kind of go on our own and meet up somewhere. Its very casual and relaxed, and because it's a week - it's not about "doing all the things in a short time frame!!!".

It's hard to describe but I don't find it to be intense. IT's easy to get space.

[gummybear]

I also think the fact that there hasn’t really been any *true* alone time since (since like, March 2020) is affecting my ability to recharge. H is still 100% WFH so even though he’s minimally annoying most of the time, he’s still here. Kids are school but it’s the last week so it’s half days and pretty chaotic is every sense of the word.

[isabel]

I’m in introvert hell this week.

We were in Indiana for five days last week spending time with DH’s family. I literally (about 12 hours after getting home) turned around and flew to Kansas for work. Spent the first three days of my week in the office, giving a presentation, an all day meeting with a dozen other people, and a “team bonding” baseball game. I got home last night and tonight my mom will be here through Sunday morning, as she has been here all week taking our boys camping and is spending the remainder of the week at our house.

I am going to need a solid day or two of zero obligations and nobody around to recharge after all of this. Work days do not count for recharging. Too many obligations and meetings and talking to people.

[gummybear]

Ugh isabel I am tired just reading that. I hope you get your respite soon and it’s glorious.

[abs]

Jun 17, 2021 7:51:51 GMT -5 gummybear said:

I also think the fact that there hasn’t really been any *true* alone time since (since like, March 2020) is affecting my ability to recharge. H is still 100% WFH so even though he’s minimally annoying most of the time, he’s still here. Kids are school but it’s the last week so it’s half days and pretty chaotic is every sense of the word.

I totally get this.  DD was in volleyball camp most of this week and DH went in to the office yesterday.  It was the first time I had been truly alone in my house in a long time and it was the most magical feeling.  I have gotten used to DH being home and in lots of ways I prefer it.  I think he will eventually go back twice a week and be home the other days and that will be about perfect.  I truly need alone time though.  I had forgotten how much peace it brings.

[jreeds]

In normal times? Maybe a few days to recover from something intense like that. Now, because of Covid? A good amount longer. I'm never alone in my house anymore because H was moved to 100% WFH and work has been crazier than usual as we build back. In all honestly it feels like I never get to fully restore my peace anymore.

[circa1978]

isabel Thoughts and prayers. I'd be in a coma after that.

[ckay]

Honestly, I don’t think I could even handle that level of interaction. I wouldn’t go. If for some reason I HAD to, it would take me at least two days of alone time to recover. So if I was working after, it would be a longer!

[VillainV]

Like others, it would depend on the interaction, but something with that many people for an extended period of time, it could take a few days. If I’m in a situation like that (large multi-day family gathering) I find it helps to carve out time for myself, either a walk or run in the morning or after dinner, sneaking away with a book mid-afternoon, etc. My family has a handful of introverts and is pretty accommodating for those of us who need to slip away for a few minutes.

[Velar Fricative]

I'm an extrovert and was exhausted after our family party at a local park on Saturday. Don't underestimate what a rough year it's been, socially.

[gummybear]

VillainV they get me and aren’t offended when I just hightail out of there alone. MH is even more introverted than I so they completely understand and respect us!

I would have spent more time outside if I could - it was very rainy and cold, unfortunately.

[flex]

It depends, but a day or two. I may have a hard time going to sleep that night because it would take time to shut my brain down.

[game blouses]

Definitely a day or two with large amounts of alone time. Probably more like a week if I couldn’t get much alone time.

My thing is how badly I beat myself up after social interactions, especially since the pandemic. I go over and over what I said and feel embarrassed and mad at myself. That’s a lot more draining for me than just the interaction.

[stemmie]

I'm not an introvert, but after dealing with my inlaws- specifically my toxic SIL (DH's older brother's wife who has assumed for herself a mean girl matriarchal role and his younger brother a D.Ed. not Psy.D. who likes to dabble in paperback pop psychology and compete around IQ and material stuff) I need one day recovery for every day spent with them.

Both live about 600 miles away in different directions. SIL was widowed a few years back, so I haven't had to see her. When we see BIL, we stay at a hotel and I go to the beach during the day and visit over dinner while DH spends the whole day with him.

[gummybear]

Jun 17, 2021 9:04:43 GMT -5 game blouses said:

Definitely a day or two with large amounts of alone time. Probably more like a week if I couldn’t get much alone time.

My thing is how badly I beat myself up after social interactions, especially since the pandemic. I go over and over what I said and feel embarrassed and mad at myself. That’s a lot more draining for me than just the interaction.

I used to do this so badly. Like, it haunted me. Especially after drinking a lot (which, I discovered, was a coping mechanism to deal with my introversion -I’d drink to blot out the sensory overload to be more comfortable in overwhelming situations which turned it into a vicious anxiety cycle). It’s one of the major reasons I barely drink anymore.

[Aquatica]

Gathering of thst size? Probably a week. The more people, the more time to recover for me.

[jinkies]

My son just went camping with a group of neighbors. it was just one night, but there were something like 50 people there.

I would say it took him a good 3-4 days to recover.

I'm not sure he would have needed that much time pre-covid, but it was... a lot after a year without socializing.

[jinkies]

Jun 17, 2021 9:04:43 GMT -5 game blouses said:

Definitely a day or two with large amounts of alone time. Probably more like a week if I couldn’t get much alone time.

My thing is how badly I beat myself up after social interactions, especially since the pandemic. I go over and over what I said and feel embarrassed and mad at myself. That’s a lot more draining for me than just the interaction.

Oh. Hello me. I do this too and it's awful. Like gummybear, it's the reason I rarely drink anymore, although I usually give some other excuse for not drinking (or just nurse a single drink all night) because I've learned people think that's a weird excuse.

[flex]

By the way, I read a marvelous book on introvertness. It was very helpful because I used to think there was something wrong with me due to the fact that I avoided large gatherings. It's called "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain.

It helped me to understand "me", and those who are even more introverted than I am.

[game blouses]

Jun 17, 2021 9:08:28 GMT -5 gummybear said:

Jun 17, 2021 9:04:43 GMT -5 game blouses said:

Definitely a day or two with large amounts of alone time. Probably more like a week if I couldn’t get much alone time.

My thing is how badly I beat myself up after social interactions, especially since the pandemic. I go over and over what I said and feel embarrassed and mad at myself. That’s a lot more draining for me than just the interaction.

I used to do this so badly. Like, it haunted me. Especially after drinking a lot (which, I discovered, was a coping mechanism to deal with my introversion -I’d drink to blot out the sensory overload to be more comfortable in overwhelming situations which turned it into a vicious anxiety cycle). It’s one of the major reasons I barely drink anymore.

This is me exactly. I drank so much in college just to be able to bear the sensory overload at parties and not be in touch with all those “mingle more, you’re not talking enough” feelings. I almost never drink now for the same reason.

I was doing so well with this before the pandemic but every interaction seems so high stakes now! Like if I don’t say the perfect thing, all the moms will hate me and my kid won’t have any friends 😭