property survey flags & neighbors

[winecat]

Can you have a letter translated so that you can be as sure as you can that there's no miscommunication?

[pierogigirl]

I would leave the flags.

However, when you had the survey didn't they mark the corners with a metal spike? Every time we have had a survey, they make more permanent marks with metal spikes flush to the ground(this makes it easier to mark borders down the line, and if neighbors have surveys, it makes it easier for the next surveyor.

[annieh22]

I think you should try to talking to them again in a few days. Give them a chance to settle in and adjust to being in the US, then have another conversation. Maybe even talk about how much you miss FIL and how he was so happy you were making this your home (if that’s true).

I’d also leave the flags. You could offer to mow that line of grass so the neighbor doesn’t have to deal with them. You’ll definitely need them in place for the pool.

[rosiebear]

I’d leave them up. Your need for accurate lines trumps his thinking they are unsightly.

I think you are bending over backwards to be considerate of his feelings, but I also think you are reading into it a LOT and speculating about his feelings, motivations, etc in a way that could be wildly inaccurate.

[CloudBee]

Jun 20, 2021 21:11:05 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

I’d leave them up. Your need for accurate lines trumps his thinking they are unsightly.

I think you are bending over backwards to be considerate of his feelings, but I also think you are reading into it a LOT and speculating about his feelings, motivations, etc in a way that could be wildly inaccurate.

He was emotional, which is why we walked away feeling

But you do make a point that I should raise practicality above emotions in this scenario.

[CloudBee]

Jun 20, 2021 21:05:20 GMT -5 pierogigirl said:

I would leave the flags.

However, when you had the survey didn't they mark the corners with a metal spike? Every time we have had a survey, they make more permanent marks with metal spikes flush to the ground(this makes it easier to mark borders down the line, and if neighbors have surveys, it makes it easier for the next surveyor.

The original spikes were either overgrown and undetectable, or very low. He left a few new ones but they are shallow and wiggle.

[CloudBee]

Jun 20, 2021 21:02:25 GMT -5 winecat said:

Can you have a letter translated so that you can be as sure as you can that there's no miscommunication?

I don't know which native language he speaks.

[lindyanne]

Jun 20, 2021 21:16:43 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

Jun 20, 2021 21:02:25 GMT -5 winecat said:

Can you have a letter translated so that you can be as sure as you can that there's no miscommunication?

I don't know which native language he speaks.

Maybe just use Google translate to translate ‘we want to communicate. What language do you speak?’ into any language you think might be possible and see what they pick. Sorry that seems rough.

[DeeDee]

Leave the flags. It is not his property and if he starts to pay the mortgage then he can voice his opinion. We have a neighbor who makes shitty comments about everything we do. We just moved in and he and the original owners of our house have lived there since 1966, so any little change is sending this guy into a tizzy. If your neighbor keeps making comments I’d leave the flags up until I died.

[maudefindlay]

If he is actually upset about the flags that is a silly thing to complain about. They aren't a forever thing and are a requirement for the work you are having done. Just let it go and ignore. Sounds like when all is said and done your house will be looking lovely and will be a nice update for the neighborhood. As long as there isn't trash and just tons of supplies piled up all over it just sounds like typical construction site type things and others will have to deal. You are fine.

[felicity]

I would just leave them. It'll work itself out soon enough when you're done with the work. Just keep trying to be friendly and let them know your projected timeline if you want.

I'm not sure how to best word this but OMG do not approach him with something like Google translate on your phone. That would be so offensive. Let him initiate that kind of interaction if he feels he needs it, which I doubt he does since he has lived here so long. Maybe he was just upset and not listening well or expressing himself well.

[georgeglass]

Why not write a note and drop it off with some muffins or something - a welcome home/sorry about the flags, but they'll be gone soon, but we need them for some work, and oh, hey, this is the detailed work we're having done and timeline that will also be disruptive to your life.

That way, if they have any trouble understanding, they can translate.

[simpsongal]

I’d leave them as long as you need them for the work and then take them down. We had a brief dispute with neighbors when we moved in (over a fence line). I wondered if it was going to be the dynamic forever. It wasn’t, time passed and so did the awkwardness.

[CloudBee]

Jun 21, 2021 8:10:24 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

I’d leave them as long as you need them for the work and then take them down. We had a brief dispute with neighbors when we moved in (over a fence line). I wondered if it was going to be the dynamic forever. It wasn’t, time passed and so did the awkwardness.

This makes me feel better.

While they were gone their property was an absolute mess. Overgrown, limbs all over from storms. We didn't care. They also had a tree go down over the summer and the power company pushed their tree over onto our property, as the boundaries aren't obvious. They own about a foot to the left of their driveway, but one might look at their house and assume they own an either swath of land next to it. They were out of the country so we took on the cost of having that tree hauled. (It didn't land on our property, the power company literally swung the entire thing over to our property after fixing the wires/doing their part. There were several bad storms last summer where we removed debris from their driveway. I also called when I smelled gas and the gas company came out to repair a gas leak along their driveway. Even without having contact information for them we were "good neighbors" to them in their absence, so this situation has been feeling uneasy.

I need to let this go. LOL.

[lemoncupcake]

Jun 21, 2021 6:19:25 GMT -5 georgeglass said:

Why not write a note and drop it off with some muffins or something - a welcome home/sorry about the flags, but they'll be gone soon, but we need them for some work, and oh, hey, this is the detailed work we're having done and timeline that will also be disruptive to your life.

That way, if they have any trouble understanding, they can translate.

Ditto - I wouldn’t proactive translate anything. It sounds like your FIL was able to communicate just fine with them in (I presume) English. I’d just go with the assumption that they were shocked with all of the change and the loss of your FIL and weren’t at their best in that moment.

[icedcoffee]

Keep the flags where they are. Maybe drop him a note (in English. Don't even get me started on these translation suggestions. LOL) that details how long the project will go and sorry it caught you off guard and welcome back to the hood. Maybe include a small treat, but it's also not necessary. The end. He'll either get over it or he won't. You're not doing anything wrong. Then just be neighborly to him (which I know you will).

[wildrice]

It sounds like this interaction took place in English, so I don't know why the suggestions for translation are being made. Presumably if they live here half the year, they know English. Many Chinese people learn it before they ever even come to the US. If you want to get off on the wrong foot with an immigrant, presuming they don't speak our language would be a good way to do it lol.

Anyway, I would just keep being friendly and also keep the flags up. Ultimately, if they are upset, they are upset. That doesn't change the necessity of having the flags in the right places. I tend to want to bend over backwards not to make people upset too, but ultimately if he is upset about a very reasonable and valid need to have the flags where they are, this is his problem and not yours. Hopefully as he learns that you are nice people, he will get over it and you'll be able to have a nice neighborly relationship in the future.

[lacey]

I agree that your practical needs for having the flags up are more important than the neighbors emotional response about it. Having said that, if there are flags that you aren’t realistically going to need in the next few months I would take detailed pictures and pull them up. For example, if you have a fairly traditional plot and you really need them for a fence and pool in the backyard, I’d consider pulling up the majority of the flags in the front yard that are forward of where you’ll be getting a fence.

This may be an unpopular opinion, but as your neighbor I would also mow the line next to the flags, but I'd expect you to be the one to be weed whacking around and between the flags. If the neighbors have just come back I’d consider making it a point to do that in the next couple days to signal that having the flags up isn’t going to make it any more yard work for them.

[pixy0stix]

Did I read correctly that you're putting a fence up? That's going to piss him off too. He'll eventually get over it, or hold a grudge forever. There's not really much you can do other than keep being friendly.

[rubytue]

Jun 21, 2021 8:22:29 GMT -5 wildrice said:

It sounds like this interaction took place in English, so I don't know why the suggestions for translation are being made. Presumably if they live here half the year, they know English. Many Chinese people learn it before they ever even come to the US. If you want to get off on the wrong foot with an immigrant, presuming they don't speak our language would be a good way to do it lol.

The note, in English, is a good idea. The many read English better than speak it. Based on my admittedly small sample of English speaker who kinda know another language. But, it sounds like it was less a language barrier and more of I “we finally get back here and EVeRyThING changed” frustration. Also, perhaps he realized land he thought was his is not, and he is taking it out on the flags. 

when we sold a previous house, the buyers had it surveryed. Seeing the flags set my H off, and I was saying “why do you care so much, in a week, it won’t be ours.” But he was convinced the flags were wrong and we owned like 2 feet more on on side. He was about to go crazy on our neighbor (who owned on both sides of us - he thought that guy put them up to “claim” extra land). And again, this was one week before it was not our property.

[CloudBee]

Jun 21, 2021 9:06:39 GMT -5 rubytue said:

Jun 21, 2021 8:22:29 GMT -5 wildrice said:

It sounds like this interaction took place in English, so I don't know why the suggestions for translation are being made. Presumably if they live here half the year, they know English. Many Chinese people learn it before they ever even come to the US. If you want to get off on the wrong foot with an immigrant, presuming they don't speak our language would be a good way to do it lol.

 But, it sounds like it was less a language barrier and more of I “we finally get back here and EVeRyThING changed” frustration. Also, perhaps he realized land he thought was his is not, and he is taking it out on the flags. 

Honestly we were a bit shocked that we owned as much property leading down to his house as we do. They own practically nothing on our side of their driveway. Their house is tucked a bit behind ours to the side, and when we walked the line with the surveyor he pointed out multiple trees that the neighbors had cut down on our side. (Definitely not cut down by FIL as they are behind a hill and out of sight from our house.) This bugged me, but DH said that bit of land doesn't matter to us much. Remembering all of this has me thinking that you're right. The neighbor was probably shocked to realize where the boundaries are. Most of their "front" view without trees goes right into our woods. It seems like they've been trimming back some of our trees to make their cleared front more expansive. I'm shocked that they were able to cut trees down without survey. Our guy wouldn't touch trees without seeing boundaries. He didn't cut them himself as one of the trees was much too wide to cut without a crew.

[bittybomb]

Have you had the survey drawn? I've always just given the survey map to whatever contractor needed it. Sure it may be easier for your contractors to keep the flags up, and it sounds like your neighbor isn't fully understanding how temporary they are, but using the actual survey may solve whatever tension there is.

[CloudBee]

Jun 21, 2021 8:59:57 GMT -5 lacey said:

This may be an unpopular opinion, but as your neighbor I would also mow the line next to the flags, but I'd expect you to be the one to be weed whacking around and between the flags. If the neighbors have just come back I’d consider making it a point to do that in the next couple days to signal that having the flags up isn’t going to make it any more yard work for them.

It's a bit unrealistic for us to property maintain the lawn at the moment. Our front lawn is covered with gas line flags that we aren't allowed to remove yet. There was a leak in the gas line leading from the road to our home and they had to dig up the lawn quite a bit. We're mowing around them, but it's a construction site. We've also had digging for a well repair, and trucks have been driving all over. The TINY bit of grass growing amongst the flags in the strip along his driveway is not worth our time. It's honestly something most people wouldn't even mow. His driveway is wooded on either side, with a small patch of grass at the top that's covered in shrubs and trees. An area you might collect sticks from and weed whack / edge a bit if you're into having a pristine lawn, but again, he wasn't doing any of this maintenance while overseas and we didn't care. He shouldn't be snapping his fingers all offended about our flags. This is why I assumed it was emotions with returning after being in China so long during a fairly traumatic time in history.

[ssmjlm]

It’s not your problem. It’s on them for not knowing property lines.

If you want to drop a note and just say you anticipate work through the summer and here’s our number if there’s an emergency.

Obviously they’ve been gone and had no one checking the house, but that’s on them, not you all for updating next door.

[cmeon]

Nobody enjoys having a construction site next door, and it sounds like he lost a friend in your FIL- so yeah. He's cranky. Who wouldn't be? Don't take it personally, I'm sure it will all shake out as you complete the work and get to know each other.

But yeah, I wouldn't move flags that you need.

[Roc A Bee]

I honestly wouldn’t do anything right now. I’d keep being neighborly when I saw him. If you had an update when they flags will come down, I’d give it to him in person when I saw him.

He’s probably upset so much has changed in his neighborhood, land he thought was his, isn’t, and his life was very disrupted for over a year with the pandemic. He needs some time.

[noodleoo]

Jun 21, 2021 9:21:53 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

Jun 21, 2021 8:59:57 GMT -5 lacey said:

This may be an unpopular opinion, but as your neighbor I would also mow the line next to the flags, but I'd expect you to be the one to be weed whacking around and between the flags. If the neighbors have just come back I’d consider making it a point to do that in the next couple days to signal that having the flags up isn’t going to make it any more yard work for them.

It's a bit unrealistic for us to property maintain the lawn at the moment. Our front lawn is covered with gas line flags that we aren't allowed to remove yet. There was a leak in the gas line leading from the road to our home and they had to dig up the lawn quite a bit. We're mowing around them, but it's a construction site. We've also had digging for a well repair, and trucks have been driving all over. The TINY bit of grass growing amongst the flags in the strip along his driveway is not worth our time. It's honestly something most people wouldn't even mow. His driveway is wooded on either side, with a small patch of grass at the top that's covered in shrubs and trees. An area you might collect sticks from and weed whack / edge a bit if you're into having a pristine lawn, but again, he wasn't doing any of this maintenance while overseas and we didn't care. He shouldn't be snapping his fingers all offended about our flags. This is why I assumed it was emotions with returning after being in China so long during a fairly traumatic time in history.

I really wish you would stop assuming that he’s emotional because he recently returned from China. That’s a huge assumption and it’s not really relevant to the story. He could really be upset because he doesn’t like the flags. Or he’s not happy about the construction, the noise, the mess, etc, etc. These are reasonable things to be annoyed about regardless of whether you are Chinese or not. And the comment about trying to guess his language? This thread is so offensive.

[RoxMonster]

I would keep the flags up, as they're still needed, and just be your friendly, neighborly self when you see him. I wouldn't really do anything other than that.

[CloudBee]

Jun 21, 2021 12:24:15 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

Jun 21, 2021 9:21:53 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

It's a bit unrealistic for us to property maintain the lawn at the moment. Our front lawn is covered with gas line flags that we aren't allowed to remove yet. There was a leak in the gas line leading from the road to our home and they had to dig up the lawn quite a bit. We're mowing around them, but it's a construction site. We've also had digging for a well repair, and trucks have been driving all over. The TINY bit of grass growing amongst the flags in the strip along his driveway is not worth our time. It's honestly something most people wouldn't even mow. His driveway is wooded on either side, with a small patch of grass at the top that's covered in shrubs and trees. An area you might collect sticks from and weed whack / edge a bit if you're into having a pristine lawn, but again, he wasn't doing any of this maintenance while overseas and we didn't care. He shouldn't be snapping his fingers all offended about our flags. This is why I assumed it was emotions with returning after being in China so long during a fairly traumatic time in history.

I really wish you would stop assuming that he’s emotional because he recently returned from China. That’s a huge assumption and it’s not really relevant to the story. He could really be upset because he doesn’t like the flags. Or he’s not happy about the construction, the noise, the mess, etc, etc. These are reasonable things to be annoyed about regardless of whether you are Chinese or not. And the comment about trying to guess his language? This thread is so offensive.

So it's inappropriate to put any thought into why someone might be upset with you, to try and better navigate it? I should put zero consideration into why he may have been on edge and not put his possible feelings into consideration here? "Traumatic time in history" was referencing our world as a whole. His ethnicity has nothing to do with this, and I mentioned nothing about a language barrier. That was another poster. I mentioned that he seems to have no experience with property surveys and why we had marked our property line. 

[winecat]

Jun 21, 2021 12:50:26 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

Jun 21, 2021 12:24:15 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

I really wish you would stop assuming that he’s emotional because he recently returned from China. That’s a huge assumption and it’s not really relevant to the story. He could really be upset because he doesn’t like the flags. Or he’s not happy about the construction, the noise, the mess, etc, etc. These are reasonable things to be annoyed about regardless of whether you are Chinese or not. And the comment about trying to guess his language? This thread is so offensive.

So it's inappropriate to put any thought into why someone might be upset with you, to try and better navigate it? I should put zero consideration into why he may have been on edge and not put his possible feelings into consideration here? "Traumatic time in history" was referencing our world as a whole. His ethnicity has nothing to do with this, and I mentioned nothing about a language barrier. That was another poster. I mentioned that he seems to have no experience with property surveys and why we had marked our property line. 

You said "I don't think he truly understood me" so I assumed that there might be a bit of a language barrier since it might be a bit more technical vocabulary than everyday chitchat vocab.  I apologize.  It sounds like I made an incorrect guess.