Traveling with a group and picking rooms

[shamrockshake]

Do you think it’s generally accepted that the person who did all of the leg work planning (found the house, organized the planning, paid for the house and collected money from everyone else) gets first dibs on room? 

we have a group vacation coming up and one person did everything and most of us agree that they get first dibs but yesterday my someone else made a surprised comment about that, there is one room that’s not as ideal as others and she thinks everyone should be put in the pool for that room. Obviously nothing was talked about before but a couple of us were like ah well that’s just how it goes… 

[bears]

Trying to find a place is a lot of work! Planner should get first dibs, but all rooms need be suitable for the people attending. I would be pretty annoyed if I got stuck in a room with twin beds or a pull out couch.

[bittybomb]

I generally think the planner gets first choice.

We do at least one group vacation a year with the same two couples (and their kids). I was the one who originally found the house on Vrbo years ago and because we all liked it so much we book it every year. It's easier for me to do it, and everyone gives my husband and I first choice. We actually have taken turns with the master though. The other bedrooms are pretty much comparable sans an en suite bathroom. If one was terrible I might think differently! Ha.

[shamrockshake]

Jul 5, 2021 8:09:27 GMT -5 bears said:

Trying to find a place is a lot of work! Planner should get first dibs, but all rooms need be suitable for the people attending. I would be pretty annoyed if I got stuck in a room with twin beds or a pull out couch.

Good point, all rooms are almost exactly the same-king or queen beds, en-suite bath. But some have direct access to a deck right off the room, 4 do not. 3/4 will be rooms kids will be in but it leaves a 4th with no deck that an adult couple Will be in 

[bears]

Jul 5, 2021 8:12:33 GMT -5 shamrockshake said:

Jul 5, 2021 8:09:27 GMT -5 bears said:

Trying to find a place is a lot of work! Planner should get first dibs, but all rooms need be suitable for the people attending. I would be pretty annoyed if I got stuck in a room with twin beds or a pull out couch.

Good point, all rooms are almost exactly the same-king or queen beds, en-suite bath. But some have direct access to a deck right off the room, 4 do not. 3/4 will be rooms kids will be in but it leaves a 4th with no deck that an adult couple Will be in 

It's ridiculous to see this as truly unequal. I'd be a little disappointed if I got the room without a deck, but I'd get over it as long as the room choosing was done fairly for the non-planners (e.g. drawing straws).

[Monica Geller]

Organizer gets first dibs.
No adult should be “assigned” to a couch in the living area. I’m still salty at my sisters in law for deciding that since (at the time) DH & I didn’t have kids, we would sleep in the living area. Then they’d let their kids get up at the ass crack of dawn and “go hang out” in the living area so they could sleep in. Basically they got to sleep in and we were babysitters for 2 hours every day of vacation.

[VillainV]

Organizer gets first dibs. If there’s one room that’s significantly different/worse than the others, I would agree for that price to be lower than the others and see if anyone volunteered for a lower-cost option. If not, I’d agree to putting the other names (not the organizer, but everyone else) in a hat to draw for the worse room (again at a slightly lower price).

Based on what you described I don’t think there’s any reason to draw names. More likely there are people who would be okay with no balcony (maybe one of the families with kids). I don’t think it would be worth a slightly lower price, but you could consider it.

[meganew]

Jul 5, 2021 8:25:37 GMT -5 Monica Geller said:

Organizer gets first dibs.
No adult should be “assigned” to a couch in the living area. I’m still salty at my sisters in law for deciding that since (at the time) DH & I didn’t have kids, we would sleep in the living area. Then they’d let their kids get up at the ass crack of dawn and “go hang out” in the living area so they could sleep in. Basically they got to sleep in and we were babysitters for 2 hours every day of vacation.

That’s awful. And only ever acceptable to do to the grandparents. Lol

[CloudBee]

Jul 5, 2021 8:25:37 GMT -5 Monica Geller said:

Organizer gets first dibs.
No adult should be “assigned” to a couch in the living area. I’m still salty at my sisters in law for deciding that since (at the time) DH & I didn’t have kids, we would sleep in the living area. Then they’d let their kids get up at the ass crack of dawn and “go hang out” in the living area so they could sleep in. Basically they got to sleep in and we were babysitters for 2 hours every day of vacation.

This is so upsetting. I can't believe anyone would do that. All couples deserve a private room unless they are paying a SIGNIFICANT discount. 

[gummybear]

This is why I am not cut out for group travel - room assignment situations stress me out #nothelpful
But yes, I agree, organizer gets first dibs.

[shamrockshake]

Monica Geller, that is a whole bunch of bullshit!

It’s most likely going to be a non issue with the “worse” room in this case as my mom said she would take it, she doesn’t care as long as she can get to the deck somehow. It just opened up the issue in general so I was curious as I always assumed that was a widely accepted truth. We’ve never rented a house as a group before, we usually camp, so it’s going to be a year of figuring these things out

[laurack]

Organizer gets first then it’s first come first serve on the rest, but a house that would have one couple sleeping in a living area should never be booked unless that couple agreed beforehand.

The no deck access isn’t a big enough flaw IMO to do anything special if that’s the only issue.

[gummybear]

Jul 5, 2021 9:24:56 GMT -5 laurack said:

Organizer gets first then it’s first come first serve on the rest, but a house that would have one couple sleeping in a living area should never be booked unless that couple agreed beforehand.

The no deck access isn’t a big enough flaw IMO to do anything special if that’s the only issue.

I keep coming back to this thread bc apparently I like torturing myself. I wholeheartedly agree that a house should not be booked unless there are adequate sleeping quarters for every family or consensus amongst the group that one sacrificial lamb will take the couch at a reduced price.

Also, had there been open discussions about what everyone values? I for one would not care about deck access. An en suite bathroom, cooler temperature, more isolated location and bigger bed would all be more important to our family.

[sonrisa]

It interesting to see the dynamics. For family, the best room would usually go to the grandparents out of respect.
Within the rest of the family at the same generation, divided by size - if some are couples and some are single, the single person would likely get the smallest room. I can’t imagine putting my mom or ILs in the least desirable room unless it had a feature specific to them - ground floor accessibility, or whatever.
But every family has its own dynamic.

[ECB]

Planner gets dibs.

Past that, it kind of depends on the trip as to whether room selection matters to me or not.  We do an annual weekend ski trip with 6 families and DH and I get one of the "worst" rooms each time - but there are 4 "worst rooms".  It's just a weekend, no one is spending that much time in their rooms, we don't adjust cost based on what room people are staying in.  

But, we used to do a week long beach trip with college friends.  Probably went at least 11 times.  We would try to assess rooms, what worked for each family the best, etc.  But by the last couple trips - it was clear that some people would always jockey to get the best room and let others get the crappier rooms year after year, and a WEEK at the beach - yeah, being in a crappy, back of the house room w/ no view of the ocean - it kind of sucked.  The last year we went, that was where we were and I already knew that if this trip were to continue, we'd have to find another way to assign rooms.  

But - for various reasons, that trip ended up not happening anymore, so it wasn't an issue. 

[gummybear]

Jul 5, 2021 10:34:57 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

It interesting to see the dynamics. For family, the best room would usually go to the grandparents out of respect.
Within the rest of the family at the same generation, divided by size - if some are couples and some are single, the single person would likely get the smallest room. I can’t imagine putting my mom or ILs in the least desirable room unless it had a feature specific to them - ground floor accessibility, or whatever.
But every family has its own dynamic.

On our beach trips, MIL always gave SIL (the only daughter) the master suite bc the trips always coincided with her birthday. In SNJ beach homes, the master suite is usually significantly bigger than the other rooms with the nicest bathroom. She got it even when it was just her and her husband, despite the fact that ILs paid for everything and they were the only couple without kids. SIL always gladly accepted. The last year we did it, ILs didn’t even have a place to sleep! I did not realize this until the morning after our first night. FIL fell asleep in a chair and MIL was wandering the halls until 2 am and finally fell asleep on an old couch in the unfinished garage by a pool table!

I ended up leaving that day bc DD got sick. Problem solved.

[donutsmakemegonuts]

When we vacation with my in laws, they always get the biggest room. When we vacation with just my brother in law, we take turns taking the master (this year we took it, next year he'll take it etc.) Neither of us has children and we all have paid the same into the place we stay (timeshare).

When DH and I went to Iceland with two other couples, we booked an Airbnb. We ended up drawing straws over the rooms to make it fair. I would have been ok with the person/couple who did all the planning getting the bigger room, but everyone wanted to do the drawing.

[ste]

Jul 5, 2021 9:23:12 GMT -5 turbo said:

I usually am the “planner” in my group. I take the room I want, though if it’s significantly better than other rooms I’d chip more.

Then my policy when planning the trip (and usually putting the cost on my CC) is room picks are tied to how fast you pay me for your part of the rental house. I tend to get paid back VERY quickly that way.

This is brilliant and should be the standard. (Assuming no one is getting stuck in the closet or the living room.)

[dochas]

Jul 5, 2021 9:17:27 GMT -5 shamrockshake said:

Monica Geller , that is a whole bunch of bullshit!

It’s most likely going to be a non issue with the “worse” room in this case as my mom said she would take it, she doesn’t care as long as she can get to the deck somehow. It just opened up the issue in general so I was curious as I always assumed that was a widely accepted truth. We’ve never rented a house as a group before, we usually camp, so it’s going to be a year of figuring these things out

I don't think I'm cut out for group travel either! As someone who would definitely say "I need x,y z or I'm not going"** when it came to a room, this wouldn't even be on my radar as a problem! When it came to deck access I'd be like your Mom and not care about it, or might even prefer it. If something like this comes up again, maybe you could ask if anyone would prefer the "bad" room, or if there are people who don't care either way. It might make things easier. 

**By this I don't mean I require a waterfall shower and a view. Just a big enough bed and a door that closes!!

[maudefindlay]

Jul 5, 2021 8:25:37 GMT -5 Monica Geller said:

Organizer gets first dibs.
No adult should be “assigned” to a couch in the living area. I’m still salty at my sisters in law for deciding that since (at the time) DH & I didn’t have kids, we would sleep in the living area. Then they’d let their kids get up at the ass crack of dawn and “go hang out” in the living area so they could sleep in. Basically they got to sleep in and we were babysitters for 2 hours every day of vacation.

Ugh, they are awful. I would have had zero problems sending kids back to their parent's room till they got up. Last week I was lounging at my SIL's pool and great niece came out and got in the pool without her Mom. I made her get out and find an adult to watch her. A very indignant 4 year old "But YOU are here, YOU can watch me!" Nope! No one asked and I'm enjoying a break from watching my 3.

[gummy]

Per the Real Housewives, the person who planned gets the best room and first dibs.

[Roc A Bee]

We are traveling this summer with our kids and BIL and SIL. They booked the trip and are childless. Even though rooms all have king beds and bathrooms, we plan to give them the nicest of the rooms because they planned, and we will be closer to the kids.

[Jalapeñomel]

Jul 5, 2021 11:58:42 GMT -5 maudefindlay said:

Jul 5, 2021 8:25:37 GMT -5 Monica Geller said:

Organizer gets first dibs.
No adult should be “assigned” to a couch in the living area. I’m still salty at my sisters in law for deciding that since (at the time) DH & I didn’t have kids, we would sleep in the living area. Then they’d let their kids get up at the ass crack of dawn and “go hang out” in the living area so they could sleep in. Basically they got to sleep in and we were babysitters for 2 hours every day of vacation.

Ugh, they are awful. I would have had zero problems sending kids back to their parent's room till they got up. Last week I was lounging at my SIL's pool and great niece came out and got in the pool without her Mom. I made her get out and find an adult to watch her. A very indignant 4 year old "But YOU are here, YOU can watch me!" Nope! No one asked and I'm enjoying a break from watching my 3.

This. No fucking way would I let kids interrupt my sleep if I was forced to sleep in a living space.

[macmars45]

My extended family goes on yearly trips together. I always got the short end of the stick room/bed wise until I had my own kid I brought with me. If my H had been able to come with me I would've gotten my own room/bed much earlier but he had crappy/almost no vacation time for too long so it was what it was. That's family though. With friends we would've drawn straws or in some way made it fair. Whoever did most of the work and/or pays the most definitely gets the best bedroom

[Deleted]

Am I the only one who thinks big family trips like this sound miserable? But then again I don't even like family staying with me in my own home for various reasons (traveling with poorly trained dogs; some are racist Trump supporters that believe he'll still be put back in office; smokers; etc).

[orangello]

There is literally not a chance in hell I would have gone on a vacation with any group and been expected to sleep in the living room, just because I have no children. I would have demanded my portion of the money back and hotfooted it out to a hotel.

Also, organizer gets first choice on rooms. Organizing sucks.

[ECB]

Jul 5, 2021 15:24:54 GMT -5 @princessbubbleyum said:

Am I the only one who thinks big family trips like this sound miserable? But then again I don't even like family staying with me in my own home for various reasons (traveling with poorly trained dogs; some are racist Trump supporters that believe he'll still be put back in office; smokers; etc).

Well, this is huge aspect of good trips- finding people you WANT to travel with.  We've done group trips with our college friends, with neighbors, and with family.

WIth family- the idea of traveling with FIL makes both DH and I want to scream and run in the opposite direction.  And we GREATLY minimize it.  But we do a trip with DHs extended family, and that's a great trip. It's HUGE - almost 40 people!  BUt they are all chill.  People will make their plans for the day, they'll let everyone know what they are doing, and people can either go or not go and... no one cares.  Theres a large age range too- a lot of times the older folks will do stuff together while those of us with kids will do other stuff.  We all reconvene for dinner and share our adventures of the day.  

We've gotten very lucky that we've had good groups of people to travel with.  

I will add = with the family trip, two of the older cousins (like, late 70s/ early 80s) go in together and actually pay for the house we rent, and the one older cousin's 2 daughters will assign rooms - based on size of family, needs etc.  We've gotten some SHITTY rooms on this trip, but we at least got a ROOM and someone else is paying for it, so we very kindly say "thank you!" and shut up.  

[ECB]

Jul 5, 2021 15:53:44 GMT -5 orangello said:

There is literally not a chance in hell I would have gone on a vacation with any group and been expected to sleep in the living room, just because I have no children. I would have demanded my portion of the money back and hotfooted it out to a hotel.

Also, organizer gets first choice on rooms. Organizing sucks.

Seriously.  I know dynamics can play a role, but we also need to speak up when we aren't happy.  Day 1 of having kids wake me up?  I'd be like "Nope- something needs to change.  I'm not doing this all week".  

[gummybear]

Jul 5, 2021 15:24:54 GMT -5 @princessbubbleyum said:

Am I the only one who thinks big family trips like this sound miserable? But then again I don't even like family staying with me in my own home for various reasons (traveling with poorly trained dogs; some are racist Trump supporters that believe he'll still be put back in office; smokers; etc).

They are miserable! I posted a couple weeks ago about being so freaking drained from a weekend with Hs family I literally sat on the couch in a coma for a week. And!! This was at a 9 bedroom house specifically built for big group getaways! We have had some NIGHTMARISH family vacations with my ILs and vacationing with my family is no better. I won’t even attempt a friend group vacation with families. I can barely stand one night girls weekend trips.

We avoid it at all costs.

[lolalolalola]

I have a group of women who go on an annual trip together. We have one type-A super planner. There’s no way she gets the best room every year because she can’t give up control.

Also no adult should have to sleep in a living room unless they are coming along for free.