Leave of absence for mental health reasons

[letsgetweird]

TW: suicide


I'm considering taking a leave of absence, my sister in law died by suicide last week and I'm having very hard time dealing with it. I had a week off initially and I've worked 2 days since. I'm currently working remotely. I'm finding it difficult to focus and to even complete my duties without crying.

Luckily i have a therapist I started seeing shortly before all this happened. I emailed her today asking if she'd be willing to sign off on the paperwork but haven't heard back.

I think I'm struggling with knowing my coworkers are going to have to pick up my work. A coworker was out for 6 months due to issues with her pregnancy + maternity leave. We recently had someone quit and just now hired the replacement. So it's been alot of covering for others and I'll just be adding to it.

Has anyone taken leave for mental health? Thoughts on what you did to make the time off useful?

[gummy]

I don't have an answer to your question but I want to say I'm sorry for your loss. Definitely take the time you need to grieve.

[googled]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband to suicide in November and obviously took a few months off from work. They were very supportive. My brother also took time off (a week or two), and so did his wife. Both of their employers were very supportive. I think you should take the time you need. Work will sort itself out. Suicide loss is a totally different animal, and it’s very, very hard to process. There’s so much guilt, anger, etc, and it’s so sudden.

My heart goes out to your family, and I hope you get the time you need to heal.

[basilosaurus]

I'm sorry for your loss; I cannot begin to imagine how devastating that must be.

I haven't done it myself exactly, but I've processed the paper for others. It's fairly straight-forward usually. Their HR would send the form, we'd fill it out, doc would sign it, and that was about it. So, hopefully that puts your mind at ease about a seemingly daunting task that really is nbd.

I have found myself in between jobs when already in pretty dire straights. I gave myself permission to be a wreck. I eat easy mac and ramen or treated myself to a nice meal (both are my comfort places), drank wine, slept whenever my body wanted to. Sometimes that meant not at all, and sometimes it meant 15 hours. I watched shitty trash tv because I couldn't concentrate on anything serious, and a book was out of the question which is my normal self-care option. That got me through the inital holy fuck my world is falling apart, and I'm spinning out of control phase. 1 week seems a bit short.

After that, and this was in the before times, I spent a lot of time at outdoor food/drink places, usually with live music and people around who left me alone (the din seemed to drown out some of the racing thoughts, and a notebook. I am NOT a journaling person, but I found myself just writing and writing. Total stream of consciousness, and while I still have the notebook, who knows if I'll ever look at it again. It just helped to get whatever thoughts arose out of my head and on to paper. Sometimes, I'd end up at a salient point that I could then discuss with my therapist. There was a lot of nonsense in there, too, I'm sure.

Try whatever comes to your mind when it says you know what would help? A hike/meal/nap/trash tv etc.

Biggest thing? Take "should" out of your self talk. I know it's cliche to say this; you'll never get over it, however you will get through it. And it's cliche because it's true.

[dove]

First off, I’m sorry you are struggling and I’m very sorry for your loss.
Somewhat related -
I recently came back from a 1 month LOA. It was more related to having a hole in the head (thanks, brain tumor). The work stress/issues manifested as other symptoms that included mental health.
While I felt guilty since I am the only one at my job that does what I do, it was absolutely necessary that I took care of me. The more I neglected myself, the higher seizure risk I become. Seizure = no driving for 6 months.
I have come back refreshed and refocused at my job. More importantly, *I* feel better.

I slept. I was having serious insomnia issues due to the work stress. Insomnia is definitely a trigger for my seizures.
I exercised , I read, cooked good food from scratch.
Basically, I reconnected with things that I used to really enjoy but never had time to because work is getting in the way of me living my best life.

[letsgetweird]

Aug 6, 2021 21:35:36 GMT -5 googled said:

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband to suicide in November and obviously took a few months off from work. They were very supportive. My brother also took time off (a week or two), and so did his wife. Both of their employers were very supportive. I think you should take the time you need. Work will sort itself out. Suicide loss is a totally different animal, and it’s very, very hard to process. There’s so much guilt, anger, etc, and it’s so sudden.

My heart goes out to your family, and I hope you get the time you need to heal.

I'm so sorry for your loss, how awful. I hope you have kind and supportive people in your life.

I think apart of me wonders if people will judge me for needing time off. I didn't lose a partner, parent, or sibling. I know a leave of absence request is confidential but since work knows she died, I'm sure they'll be able to figure it out.

[dove]

letsgetweird, absolutely not! I would not even think of judging someone affected by a traumatic death like what you have experienced. Please don’t let the possible judgement stop you from taking care of you.
It really breaks my heart that something like that would even cross your mind.
*hugs*

[letsgetweird]

Aug 6, 2021 22:22:30 GMT -5 dove said:

letsgetweird, absolutely not! I would not even think of judging someone affected by a traumatic death like what you have experienced. Please don’t let the possible judgement stop you from taking care of you.
It really breaks my heart that something like that would even cross your mind.
*hugs*

I appreciate you saying that.

In a way, I'm taking this harder than when my dad died in 2014. Suicide is especially hard to deal with and she was only 24.

Apart from grieving, it's also brought up so many emotions for me. I'm so worried about my brother losing his partner of 7 years, he's the one that found her. I hope he can be okay and live a normal life some day.

Ever since my dad died, I've had a fear of losing someone else I loved. My mom left me a voice-mail basically hyperventilating saying i needed to call her back. If I pick up my phone and see a voice-mail, I panic for a second. I internally freaked out because it took my mom longer than it should have to get to her funeral, I called her and she didn't answer. I'm talking about 5 minutes here and I was already panicking.

Sorry for the long post, I just have a lot of thoughts I need to get out 🥴

[dove]

I just want to give you the biggest hug. Please know all your feelings are valid. Take care of you. Take care of your family.

[tacokick]

My husband did due to a toxic/abusive workplace while he figured out his next step. It really wasn’t a big deal, his doctor helped him with some paperwork he gave HR. It was treated the same as any other medical leave and even though the place was awful, no one hassled him about it or knew the details. He basically did some extra therapy appointments and then relaxed. It was really restorative for him .

I’m sorry this happened ! It’s totally normal to need to get some help and take some time. It’s a major, tragic event.

[winecat]

letsgetweird- Years ago my best friend at the time died by suicide. I wish I had thought to take time off. I wasn't functional. Taking time to heal isn't burdening your coworkers. Grief is so personal. If I had taken the time, and in hindsight, I would have used the time to find the right therapist(s.) I didn't go to a therapist with experience in grief, suicide, or trauma. I found support groups helpful because the people there didn't say the dumb shit that others can say when it comes to dying by suicide. I'm so sorry for your loss.

googled- I'm so sorry. Sending you love, light, and creepy internet stranger hugs.

[audry80]

You 100% have permission and validation to take a LOA. This was a traumatic event. You are worth it for taking the time to heal. As a manager and a department head, I would have zero problem taking over extra responsibilities needed to allow you time to heal.

Take the time and sending you hugs.

[audry80]

Aug 6, 2021 21:35:36 GMT -5 googled said:

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband to suicide in November and obviously took a few months off from work. They were very supportive. My brother also took time off (a week or two), and so did his wife. Both of their employers were very supportive. I think you should take the time you need. Work will sort itself out. Suicide loss is a totally different animal, and it’s very, very hard to process. There’s so much guilt, anger, etc, and it’s so sudden.

My heart goes out to your family, and I hope you get the time you need to heal.

I am very sorry for your loss. Sending you many hugs.

[VillainV]

I’m so very sorry for your loss. You are 100% justified in asking for a leave of absence from work if you think that will help you cope. I’ve been the person who took the LOA, and the person who covered down at work when others had to take them. Its no big deal to pick up the work load. Honestly it’s just one of those things that happens when you work someplace that offers this option to employees. And honestly, it doesn’t sound like you’ll be much help at work right now anyway, so you’ll get back to being in good shape much faster if you take the LOA you need right now.

ETA: sharing this in hopes it will help.
letsgetweird

I lost my first husband to suicide when we were both 26. We had been married for 4 years, together for 7. I was a complete mess for the first year, like a shell of myself just trying to get through each day, but I had some friends and family who were very supportive, which helped a lot. It took a while, but it got better. About 4 years later I met my current husband, and maybe 10 years later I was finally able to fully address my grief through therapy after a few failed attempts earlier on. Your love and care for your brother is very evident. He’s lucky to have your support through this. It won’t be easy, especially at first, but life does get easier.

[googled]

Aug 6, 2021 22:19:58 GMT -5 letsgetweird said:

Aug 6, 2021 21:35:36 GMT -5 googled said:

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband to suicide in November and obviously took a few months off from work. They were very supportive. My brother also took time off (a week or two), and so did his wife. Both of their employers were very supportive. I think you should take the time you need. Work will sort itself out. Suicide loss is a totally different animal, and it’s very, very hard to process. There’s so much guilt, anger, etc, and it’s so sudden.

My heart goes out to your family, and I hope you get the time you need to heal.

I'm so sorry for your loss, how awful. I hope you have kind and supportive people in your life.

I think apart of me wonders if people will judge me for needing time off. I didn't lose a partner, parent, or sibling. I know a leave of absence request is confidential but since work knows she died, I'm sure they'll be able to figure it out.

Thank you - fortunately most of the people in my life have been really, really great.

Re: judgement…Anyone who judges you is a fuck head who needs to mind their business. Siblings-in-law can be very close (my brother and husband were like brothers to each other) and besides that, for all they know you could be helping to take care of children or a spouse or parents that have been left behind. I was unable to eat or function in a lot of ways for weeks. My best friend had been living with us at the time and she took a month off of work to help me with my son, take care of the house, try getting me to eat, helping with funeral arrangement, etc. So I don’t think you should worry - people will understand that your family is going through trauma and you need to be there for both them and yourself.

[Jalapeñomel]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

A leave of absences is there for you to take it when you need it. Fuck anyone who judges you.

[styme46]

I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with everyone else, do what you need to do. Your mental health is more important than anything else.

googled, I am sorry for your loss, too.

Hugs all around.

[cinnamoncox0]

I’m so sorry for your loss. What a tragic situation. I took an 8 week leave through FMLA a few years ago for my own mental health reasons. Workplace was fine it wasn’t related to that, just my major depression/other stuff. I could barely get by.
My dr wrote for medical reasons I’d be out until x date, then HR set me up with the company that they used to deal with flma stuff.

I hope you’re in a better mental space soon.

[muffin0]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

[eddy]

I am so sorry for your loss.

In regards to coworkers picking up slack- I bet you have graciously picked up the slack hundreds of times for others. It is okay to cash that good will in and take some time.  This is why as coworkers we help each other out. 

[foundmylazybum]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I haven't experienced what you are going through. I did want to address one of your thoughts.

I think it is a common belief that a death of any kind "hits hardest" if it is a family member or "someone close"


But, that is what we believe. What actually happens is that.. someone passing, can hit us hard and sometimes unexpectedly so, as it has here.

You can try to push through, but it seems like you will not be very effective and it will be harmful for you AND your work.

If you take this time, yes, an adjustment will be made, but it helps out everyone in the long term.

I'm so very sorry for your loss, and that you are hurting. I hope you are able to find some comfort.

[letsgetweird]

Aug 7, 2021 14:01:09 GMT -5 foundmylazybum said:

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I haven't experienced what you are going through. I did want to address one of your thoughts.

I think it is a common belief that a death of any kind "hits hardest" if it is a family member or "someone close"


But, that is what we believe. What actually happens is that.. someone passing, can hit us hard and sometimes unexpectedly so, as it has here.

You can try to push through, but it seems like you will not be very effective and it will be harmful for you AND your work.

If you take this time, yes, an adjustment will be made, but it helps out everyone in the long term.

I'm so very sorry for your loss, and that you are hurting. I hope you are able to find some comfort.

you're right. She was family to me and I knew her for 7 years.

[spindle92]

I am very sorry for your loss.
Take the leave, your mental health is so important.
I took a 2 month leave earlier in the year and while it didn't magically make everything better, it allowed me to process some feelings in a much healthier way then only trying to do it when I wasn't at work.

[NewOrleans]

I am so, so sorry.

My best friend did, twice, 2 years in a row. She was very ill, struggling to get the correct medicines for bipolar disorder.

my “advice” is to love yourself and put yourself first. Especially before work. Your work would never put you first, so do it for yourself.

[shoeless]

I’m so sorry for your loss. As a manager I’ve had staff members take LOA for mental health, personal reasons, traveling, etc (we allow LOA for 6 months no questions). While I have missed them while they were gone, never once did I begrudge them for taking a LOA. Similarly their colleagues have never held any ill feelings towards them either, even when we working at 2am. Please don’t feel guilty about taking what you need. We all take what we need in the end. Take care of yourself.

[underwaterrhymes]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I can tell you, as a manager, I would encourage you to take whatever time you need. ❤️ Please take care of yourself.

[sadlebred]

I am so very sorry for your loss. Big hugs!

[somersault72]

I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

If you had a physical ailment that left you unable to work you might still feel a little bad leaving your coworkers with some extra work, but you'd still take the LOA, wouldn't you? To me, this is no different. I wish you peace and healing. ❤

[rosiebear]

I agree with everyone else, and I’m very sorry that you are facing this.

[melmel48]

I am very sorry for your loss. I think you should take the LOA. I understand how you are feeling about your co-workers but sometimes it is very hard to think of ourselves when it is important that we do so. This is a time you need to take care of yourself. Nobody will judge you, and if they do, that is their problem.

Hugs to you and your family.