Well-being/healing

[letsgetweird]

An update to my previous post, I'm taking a leave of absence starting today for at least a month (a family member died by suicide 2 weeks ago).

I know there's no formula for grieving but I don't want to sit on the couch for the next month. What activities have you found to be healing or restorative? I'm open to anything and everything including woo woo shit.

[TR]

letsgetweird, I'm so sorry for your loss, I'm glad you're taking the time you need to grieve. Stream of consciousness journaling has helped me brain dump before. Getting outside in the fresh air (provided you're somewhere where that's possible, I know it's so hot and terrible air quality in a lot of places), getting involved with a charity that honors her memory in some way could be good, too. But also if you need to just sit and be still in your feelings, that's ok, too.

[Patsy Baloney]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this, but glad you're getting a break to heal.

I like to bike and hike/walk on trails. The mileage gives me a sense of accomplishment, and it's just really great to get out and admire nature. I like to spend time with my flowers/plants. We talk, lol. I like to listen to audiobooks, too. It's nice to zone out and listen to a story. I started using this sleep app that has stories/meditations on it called Relax Melodies that has been surprisingly restorative to me. Aster is the name of my favorite narrator on there.

My H paints. Lately, he's been getting into water colors and sumi-e ink. It's really flowing and expressive. It has been a good outlet for him right now - he's dealing with problem gambling and has been attending GA. He also really seems to enjoy the GA group environment to talk with people who have been there, too. I wonder if you might try to find a grief group or support group, if you feel like sharing with others.

[NewGirlNic]

So sorry for your loss. 

While I've never experienced anything like you are going through, some things that make me feel better when I'm down are:

Going for a walk/bike/hike
Yoga or barre class
Volunteering at the local animal shelter
Reading (careful of things that might be triggering to loss/death)
Journaling
Baking or cooking a more involved recipe, where I can get into a zone and do my thing (and sharing the end results with loved ones)
Coffee or lunch/dinner date with a close friend that you can confide in
A hot bubble bath with Epsom salts and candles and calming music (I know the middle of the summer isn't a great time for a hot bath)
Grab a coffee, smoothie or something and take a scenic drive while listening to a favorite podcast, audiobook, music etc. 
Zoning out to a mindless tv show or movie, making popcorn or ordering my favorite takeout and just getting cozy on the couch with the dog (or my H) 

[W.T.Faulkner]

I am so sorry for your loss.

Listening to podcasts and walking trails does wonders for me. The more scenic and longer, the better.

[winecat]

If you decide to go to a support group, I highly encourage one focused on supporting the friends/family of those who died by suicide. If you can't find one of those, please reach out to the leaders to make sure that the group leaders have experience with suicide. I had some unkind things said to me and it fucked me up more. Your experience and reaction might be different but I wanted to bring up the issue so you can address it if you want. Support groups/individuals were very valuable to my process. I needed to talk about what happened. I don't want to go into too many details because I don't want to be triggering but am also happy to talk/share if you want.

I also read books like "No Time to Say Goodbye." It looks like there are other books available now but it was the only one I could find in 2002.

Do you have an IRL friend who can help peel you off the couch to go for walks? Someone who will understand that you may not want to walk together or talk or interact at all? I would have loved someone to say, "put on your shoes and walk around the block" and who would have been walking on the other side of the street, next to me, however I needed it that day with water, tissues, and a trash bag and resupply me as needed.

Do you have a friend who could help set up a meal train for you and your family? I didn't have much appetite and trying to figure out what to eat would use up all my mental energy.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[tacokick]

I don’t know if it’s healing exactly but I started weaving and took some frame weaving classes via Hello Hydrangea and really like it. It is really soothing/distracting/creative without being difficult or too fiddly. You need two hands to do it so you can’t be on your phone at the same time which is a bonus. I got interested after reading this: nymag.com/strategist/article/schacht-lilli-loom-ode.html it’s pretty portable so I can even weave outside which is nice.

I also got a rigid heddle loom and am now weaving fabric.

I’m sorry for your loss, I things have been rough for you! My mom died last summer and I handled her estate/help my dad and I felt like I really needed something new and distracting to do that didn’t involve anyone else TBH .

[orangello]

I am so sorry for your loss.

I find nothing makes me feel better than being outside in nature - sure, exercise is great, but even reading a book on a blanket in a park will do it. I find it helps me center my thoughts.

[litskispeciality]

I'm so sorry for your loss. After my mom died I did a lot of brain drain journaling as mentioned above. Sometimes I read it back, sometimes I just deleted it.

I got in to crochetting granny squares, which I donate to an animal shelter. Maybe some kind of crafting just to distract your mind.

I love reading, but don't blame you if you don't want to do that right now.

My counselor had recommended doing a meditation where you close your eyes, then listen for birds or some other noise. Eventually you'll lose count of how many types of birds you hear, then your train of thought changes.

(((HUGS)))

[moreace01]

I am so sorry for your loss and glad to hear you are able to take time for yourself.

For me, I like to get out of my normal surroundings and away from the day to day. I'll either get an airbnb and just go explore a town for a bit or I have this spa that I like to go to and I sit outside at the pool by myself.

Somehow just not being in my house for a few days helps me clear my head.

[mysteriouswife]

There isn’t a one size fits all. I stayed in bed and slept. Grief hits so different. Take it day by day. If you feel like you need to sit around then sit around. I did enjoy coloring and being creative. H got lost in books and school. He added more classes.

[foundmylazybum]

I'm happy to hear you are taking this time. 💔❤. So, so many times we don't, and I think it shows you love yourself and its a way to honor your loved one.


I'm a big mover. I just would ask myself each day, "what do I feel like doing today?" And do that without judgment. At the end I'd thank myself for the time and feelings.


I ate good food.


I fostered cats.
I was recovering from cancer and found that a lot of the process was self centered (totally necessary). Fostering gave me someone else to focus on.


I had a garden already but I focused a lot on that.


I did binge watch a few shows.

I binged Next In Fasion with Tan France and Queer Eye. They were surprisingly cathartic.

[maudefindlay]

Random things that feel good to me and might spark ideas for you:

Daily walks
Approximately 8 hours sleep
Drink enough water
Read
Turn off the TV and have music on in the background
Avoid social media
Meet a friend for coffee/lunch a couple times a week
Call a friend or relative you like to talk every couple days
Rearrange your furniture
Take long baths
Do a porch visit with an elderly relative

[ssmjlm]

I didn't take a LOA after my sister died, but the week I was home helping my parents, I needed a job.

I took a long walk every morning and just listened to music.
I went to bed early every night. I was just physically and mentally exhausted by 8pm.
I made sure we all ate.

I was the one who got to do some of the other tasks no one wanted.


Unfortunately I never had any time to grieve because I'm the doer and the weekend I came from my parents my daughter turned 6, so I just pivoted from one focus to another.

[ohgillian]

I found it helpful to brainstorm memories about the person I lost and I made a list of those. I can still recall them now, because I have the list that jogs my memory.

You might like this book of essays:
www.amazon.com/dp/B071KT2RVR

[sonrisa]

Something that has helped me:

Getting outside to somewhere that is as big as my feelings. A mountain side with expansive views, being buffeted around by a strong wind, the crash of ocean waves onto rocks, hiking up something slightly steeper than I want, starting down a long looped path so I know I have to keep going forward to get back (or get dropped off somewhere that you need to hike home/back to the car from), a desert hike, even something like a giant traffic jam of honking cars (especially if I'm not actually in it - you can just scream with all of them without being heard by anyone).

[dochas]

I like walking and hiking, but at times like that I specifically like being someplace big. The ocean, the forest. The vastness of those places help me reset.

[cleo29]

I am doing acupuncture and it has been great. Even my therapist noted a shift in my energy. I also have the book Self- Compassion by Kristin Neff that is good.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

Predictably I’ll suggest art. Watercolors are meditative to me (-and if you want I’d be happy to zoom with you to help!). For more structure, I like hand lettering. Let me know if you’re interested, I’m 100 % serious.

[mcmel]

I’m sorry for your loss.

My self-care activities include spending time with my dogs, eating good food while watching a show or movie, eating in my car listening to a podcast, kayaking, walking trails, taking pictures of things I find pretty- my animals, flowers, trees, buildings, etc.

Have you thought about doing a solo travel? My friend is in Arizona by herself right now and it seems so peaceful and fun.

[cricketwife]

If your employer has an EAP program, it may be helpful to do counseling sessions while you’re off. I’m very sorry for your loss.

[letsgetweird]

Aug 10, 2021 18:14:17 GMT -5 ProfessorArtNerd said:

Predictably I’ll suggest art. Watercolors are meditative to me (-and if you want I’d be happy to zoom with you to help!). For more structure, I like hand lettering. Let me know if you’re interested, I’m 100 % serious.

I was actually thinking about taking up painting. Not sure I have any artistic talent lol but thought it might be fun/relaxing

[ProfessorArtNerd]

Aug 10, 2021 19:47:39 GMT -5 letsgetweird said:

Aug 10, 2021 18:14:17 GMT -5 ProfessorArtNerd said:

Predictably I’ll suggest art. Watercolors are meditative to me (-and if you want I’d be happy to zoom with you to help!). For more structure, I like hand lettering. Let me know if you’re interested, I’m 100 % serious.

I was actually thinking about taking up painting. Not sure I have any artistic talent lol but thought it might be fun/relaxing

Flowers are pretty easy

[letsgetweird]

Aug 10, 2021 19:24:56 GMT -5 mcmel said:

I’m sorry for your loss.

My self-care activities include spending time with my dogs, eating good food while watching a show or movie, eating in my car listening to a podcast, kayaking, walking trails, taking pictures of things I find pretty- my animals, flowers, trees, buildings, etc.

Have you thought about doing a solo travel? My friend is in Arizona by herself right now and it seems so peaceful and fun.

I actually solo travel quite a bit. I'd love to go to the mountains somewhere.

[cinnamoncox0]

Im so glad you were able to take this time for you.

Are there any specific things/topics that were of interest to your sister in law? If she had an interest in animals or nature or causes like poverty or hunger etc, try to find ways to continue support for those causes/interests.

Allow yourself to grieve when it comes and don’t feel like anything is too much or not enough or anything. Your pain and grief is yours alone, others are grieving her loss too, but it’s all individually processed.

Can you do anything to help your brother? Aside from being there to talk, does anything need taking care of?

Painting with ProfArt sounds fun and an enjoyable and relaxing activity while taking your mind off sadness for a bit.

Hikes and walks are all great of course, but for me if I went too long I’d get all up in my head and all that. But fresh air and sun on your face. I feel just the act of soaking up some sun through the face is critical when I’m not well mentally.
Not laying out in the sun just literally go outside and feel the sun on my face.

Find some nice teas you don’t normally drink any try them. Like the fancy ones at tea stores.

Write letters so people, family or friends not nearby. Sending and receiving mail that’s personal and not a bill is a great feeling.

And post here when you need to talk or vent or tell us about a nice thing you did with SIL, we are happy to be here to listen 💜

[spindle92]

letsgetweird, I am very sorry.
I understand all too well what you are going thru.
My brother unexpectedly passed away 3 weeks ago and I am not handling it well.
I started a leave of absence this past monday as it is all just too much for me.
If you would like to talk, please feel free to pm me any time.

I am sending you lots of hugs and support.

[rebneen]

((letsgetweird)) ((spindle92))

Go easy on yourselves. It’s ok to feel whatever you’re feeling.

I’m sorry and hope the time helps.

[lizlemon19]

Hi. I am sorry for your loss. I am a grief therapist.
I think taking time is a good thing.

Some ideas, but starting small:

being outside, even if it is just sitting outside, walks, swimming, hikes

a loss group: in person or online.

Taking a break from or at least setting firm boundaries from anyone in your life who is always invalidating or toxic.

writing

having a time each day away from electronics

schedule a coffee date with a friend

yoga or meditation

art or crafting (unless it stresses you out)

[letsgetweird]

Aug 12, 2021 20:07:47 GMT -5 lizlemon19 said:

Hi. I am sorry for your loss. I am a grief therapist.
I think taking time is a good thing.

Some ideas, but starting small:

being outside, even if it is just sitting outside, walks, swimming, hikes

a loss group: in person or online.

Taking a break from or at least setting firm boundaries from anyone in your life who is always invalidating or toxic.

writing

having a time each day away from electronics

schedule a coffee date with a friend

yoga or meditation

art or crafting (unless it stresses you out)

Thank you for the suggestions.

I have joined a suicide loss group on FB and it's helping me a ton.