How do you plan to handle convos about sex/puberty etc.?

[redheadbaker]

Meaning, do you plan to bring it up first, or wait until they ask? 

DS is 9, will be 10 in November. He's in 4th grade. He's asked where babies come from, and we told him about the woman's egg and the man's sperm, but not about how the sperm gets into the woman's body (he didn't ask). 

We really thought he'd have asked for more details by now. We're considering bringing up ourselves, rather than waiting for him to ask, because we don't want him to hear wrong information and be too afraid or embarrassed to ask us about it, even though we tell him we are happy to answer any questions he has about anything (race, politics, etc.). 

[Jalapeñomel]

I've talked to my son about it already (he's 7). He knows about periods, sex, pregnancy, etc. He asks questions, and we just tell him the whole truth.

[ssmjlm]

It's already been part of most conversations. Mostly because I never hid having my period and/or why her boobs are flat and mine aren't. We have a few books that help as well.

I just tell her like it is because I want it to come from us, not kids at school.

[jinkies]

My daughter just brought this up a couple nights ago. Her best friend is a grade above her, and apparently told her some of the things they learned in human growth and development class. I don't know how long ago this was, but my poor kid has been worried ever since. She finally worked up the nerve to ask me about it. Unfortunately it was like 11 at night and I was about to pass out, so I know I fumbled the talk.

We have "Care and Keeping of You" and that's a good way to get the conversation started. I need to set aside a chunk of time to better answer her questions. She turns 10 next month, and I guess her friend told her that your periods start at 10? And DD has been thinking that it would, like, start on her birthday. I was at least able to reassure her about that and reiterate that she can always talk to me about anything that is on her mind.

At her previous school she would have started human growth and development units this year, in 4th grade. But I'm not sure if her new school follows the same schedule.

[jaylea]

We have always talked about things here and there and answered questions directly, so it’s been ongoing.

But I will say my daughter had a bunch of questions around 10. She wasn’t comfortable talking about any of it - would just shut down.

So I got her a journal that is just for me and her. H and my son know not to touch it, and she knows if she leaves it on my pillow, an answer will be waiting in the morning.

We have covered alllllllll kinds of stuff in there. She’s 14, still occasionally uses it. So if you have a kid who’s not up to talking directly - this may be helpful to know. It’s the best thing I ever did.

[mrsGreeko]

I have two older girls who asked enough about sex for the most part that it just came up and then I discussed puberty with them starting in 3rd-4th grade using the care and keeping of you book. One wanted to talk about it a lot, one did not want to discuss it at all.


My DS is in 4th grade now. I just noticed that him and his friend smelled really bad after school the other day which is perfect timing because I had just brought up puberty (in the car, I do almost all my sex and puberty talks in the car) the other day. So now I’ve order deodorant for him and 2 boy puberty books (growing up great! And guy stuff: the body book for boys). He knows the basics of puberty at this point and says he will read the books as it gets closer. Since he has older sisters he also has a pretty good idea of what girl puberty looks like and what periods are and such. He knows the basics of reproduction as well, particularly in regards to female puberty (shedding lining if egg not fertilized, how an egg gets fertilized, etc).

In any case I’d recommend getting some books and having a few convos in the car (it’s perfect, no eye contact, no distractions, no ability to leave).

[abs]

We have talked it about puberty fairly regularly over the years...starting around age 7 I guess. We also got a few books for her to flip through but she didn't really care about them. At 10 it accelerated because I had a feeling DD would be starting her period any day and wanted her to be prepared. It is one thing for her to know about them and a whole different thing for her to know what to do. Sure enough she started her period last month and I was very happy she didn't freak out.

We haven't had the sex talk yet but will soon. There is a whole lot of stuff I need to prepare her for about junior high.

[mccallister84]

My opinion is that it’s never, never too early to have those conversations but it can very easily be too late. My girls are much younger but since they refuse to give me any privacy they know all about periods and puberty. The oldest has asked about where babies come from, etc and we got her it’s not the stork. We talk a lot about how some things are private conversations that we only have in our family and not with our friends and that she can always ask us anything.

For older kids I like the journal idea.

[expectantsteelerfan]

I bring it up whenever it seems even remotely related to the convo. and have very fact-oriented discussions. I try to talk about it as often as I can to normalize talking about it and encourage any questions.

[Gato]

With my younger DD, it just comes up because she's super inquisitive. In the past month, I have tried explaining masturbation and orgasms to a nine year old. She also has a book, but she's resistant to reading it for some reason.

My 13 year old has never asked me anything. It's a little trickier because they're nonbinary, so a lot of times, I don't really know the issues associated with that, and have to scramble to look things up just to inform myself. We have a nonbinary friend that has talked them through a few things.

[oregonpachey]

We have been very open with our boys and they both have had the private "talk" with DH. However, they have often asked questions which I answer. I want them to know that can be comfortable talking with either my husband or me. We also gave them this book and told them if they are too embarrassed to ask a question, they can write it down and hand us a note.

The book title is dumb but the topics are really good:

www.amazon.com/Guy-Stuff-Body-Book-Boys/dp/1683370260/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=body+book+for+boys&qid=1631734406&sr=8-1

[formerlyak]

It came up with my older ds when I was pregnant with his brother. He was 7 at the time. I stuck to the biology of it and he thought it was weird, but he likes science so he liked the science angle of it. Then he had to come with me to an ultrasound appointment for some reason that I can't recall and he liked getting to see the actual parts where the baby grows. I was also a single mom for a long time with the older one, so there were times he saw tampons and such in the bathroom we shared. He learned about periods pretty early because of that.

Being that the boys are almost 8 years apart, puberty has clearly come up in conversations with the older one that my younger son has heard, so he knows that his body will go through changes. He made a family Jeopardy game one night and put "Puberty" as one of the categories. HAHAHAHAHAHA for days about that one. The younger one, he's seven now, doesn't know about periods or sex or the biology of how a baby is made yet. I figure when he asks, I will tell him. If he doesn't ask, I will tell him in like fourth grade, because they do a lesson in 5th grade and I'd rather him learn it from me than from school for the first time. My mom was a sex ed teacher and said it was always pretty clear which kids knew nothing about the subject when the class started and it was hard for them to digest the info sometimes.

[loira]

My DD is 5 and we've already talked in general terms about the mechanics of making a baby, and that sex isn't always to make a baby, nor are babies always made by a man/woman couple having sex. We also talk a lot about bodily autonomy and consent in an age appropriate way (e.g. if you want to hug a friend you should ask first and if they don't want to be hugged you respect that).

We have not yet discussed puberty, although she's weirdly fascinated by my breasts and she knows she'll grow her own when she gets older.

[freshsqueezed]

Sept 15, 2021 14:35:21 GMT -5 oregonpachey said:

We have been very open with our boys and they both have had the private "talk" with DH. However, they have often asked questions which I answer. I want them to know that can be comfortable talking with either my husband or me. We also gave them this book and told them if they are too embarrassed to ask a question, they can write it down and hand us a note.

The book title is dumb but the topics are really good:

www.amazon.com/Guy-Stuff-Body-Book-Boys/dp/1683370260/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=body+book+for+boys&qid=1631734406&sr=8-1

I would second this book.  We started it with my son when he was 7 and he really liked it.

[sillygoosegirl]

We've always answered questions in as much details as she seems to want. I wouldn't have necessarily thought to do this on my own, but our homeschool curriculum recommended the books "Human Body Theater" (which is about anatomy generally, but includes a chapter on the reproductive system and talks some about puberty) and "It Isn't The Stork". She's 6, so we haven't gone into a great deal of detail yet. I think both books could still be good at age 10 though. "Human Body Theater" especially, is just a really well done science book in graphic novel format. Maybe the best thing we read all last year.

[redheadbaker]

We have It's Not the Stork, and The Every Body Book and Guy Stuff are on their way. We're probably going to initiate a conversation with DS soon. I had been waiting for a year or so for him to ask, but he hasn't. And as I said in my OP, I don't want him to hear misinformation first.

[erbear]

My DD asked about it all once when she was about 7 and never since (she’s 12.5). I say stuff periodically but I am really waiting for her to ask more. I do give her books and I know she reads them.

[minzy]

I talk to my kids about anatomy and physiology a lot because I think they’re fascinating subjects - those were my two favorite classes in college. So a lot of this isn’t brand new to my kids. For awhile I have been saying that genetic material from a man and genetic material from a woman are both required to make new life. A few years ago, around age 7 or 8, my older one asked what exactly that meant, so I told her, and she was kind of like, “oh, I guess that makes sense.” She hasn’t brought it back up, and neither have I. We have discussed puberty and periods and breast development and hip widening and armpit smelling. We had a nurse talk to our Girl Scout troop almost a year ago so that helps normalize the discussion, too.

The little one is still 7 and doesn’t know about reproductive logistics yet, but she likes to ask me to talk about “the human body” before bed, because she knows that means I will snuggle with her for a long time. (Clever girl!) Tonight we discussed atherosclerosis and she asked me the difference between a tumor and a stroke - I am pretty impressed the question occurred to her. She had questions about the urethra too, but conked out before we got too far into that. So the logistics of how babies are made may not be too far off for her either. I’ve always tried to be open and honest with them and keep it a series of conversations rather than one Big Talk.

[ellipses84]

DH had the talk with SS when he was 10. He was a late bloomer and didn’t ask but he didn’t live with us full time so he wanted to make sure he was there to have the convo with him. At every age, we’ll answer questions in an honest, simple, age appropriate way.

DS1 is 10 and I’ve been trying to talk to him about some things like puberty for the past year because I see signs of it and he’s very much plugging his ears saying la-la-la because he doesn’t want to talk about it. I’ve bought some books and got library books which he won’t read. I finally convinced him he has to wear deodorant daily but we went through many kinds because he claims putting it on makes him feel sick (native unscented for the win). He reads a ton and I know I learned a lot from fiction novels for tweens so he probably knows more than we think. I was a lot like him and super embarrassed to talk about it. I’m going to have DH take him for a drive and a talk soon. DS2 is 5 and already asks more questions than his brothers.

[isabel]

DS1 is 6. We’ve had conversations about periods, puberty, masturbation (both my kids do this), and how babies are made (but not sex).

My mom just bought him a book about the human body and there’s a section on reproduction. I am fully expecting we will dive into how the sperm gets to the egg during that chapter.

It’s definitely something I would bring up if he’s not going to ask. My goal with all things like this is to be as factual as possible without making DS1 feel weird or embarrassed in the hopes that he will continue to come to us with his questions.

Getting him a book might be another way to allow him to learn and have some questions answered if he’s feeling weird about it.

[hermione]

C is 8. We've been reading a book together this summer on all of this stuff. After the first chapter, she burst into tears and exclaimed, "Well...this does not sound ideal AT ALL!" So, there's that.

[chickadee77]

DD1 was 4 when DD2 was born, so she had a LOT of questions then. We used Amazing You at that age, and answered questions as they've arisen. Honestly, in kinder, she was asking, "But HOW does the sperm meet the egg???" so we had that discussion (in the car on the way to school, lol) and we've revisited once or twice for clarification (she's 7 now). I've touched on periods, but haven't gone into detail yet. My H and I are pretty open about things and relaxed about nudity, but I still plan to get a blank journal for questions when she's a bit older. The 3yo has picked up terminology - yesterday, actually, she asked about her "ginormous," which, after questioning, turned out to be her vagina. She hasn't really had any questions yet, but I have a feeling she and her sister giggle about things together, so we'll see - also, since neither are in school anymore, they're fairly limited in their exposure, which is both good and bad, I suppose.

[chedifuen]

I remember that my parents didn't tell me much and so what I gathered from other kids was often wrong or freaked me out.

My kids are 11 and 15. We never formally had a sit down talk about it, it has come up organically over the years as they asked questions or where exposed to things that required explanation. They've known the technical details of sex since they were 5 or so. I explained sex and conception when they asked where babies come from. I probably over explain.

[sent]

DD asked me at lunch today how the baby gets in the tummy.

I totally did not answer the question. I said something like I really wanted to take care of a baby so that's why she and her brother showed up in my tummy. Which isn't wrong, but not the entire answer.

I want to be honest and discuss stuff normally. But I currently live in fear of the older generation. DD spends a lot of time with my parents who are extremely conservative about this kind of stuff and do not feel there is ever a point in time that these kinds of discussions are ok. I need a way to convey to her that sometimes we discuss things in our house that we don't discuss over there because of generational values and differences etc. But I haven't come up with a good solution on how to balance between the generations without the olds ripping me a new one. (It's a complicated dynamic, I may not be explaining it well.)

[starburst604]

DD is 6 and has asked me how babies get in the belly, when a friend’s mom was pregnant. I told her I would get a book that would explain it the right right way and we would read it together. She hasn’t asked again so I’ve shelved it for now. I think we have some time before other kids might start sharing what they know (though who knows!) so I’m not in a rush. If she asks again and seems serious about knowing, we’ll read the book. She’s ahead of her years in a lot of ways so I don’t think it will be long. When she wants to know something she doesn’t let it go.

At home I’m don’t hide my body and I’ve explained why I get my period, why my breasts are bigger and use correct anatomical terms and all.

[satsuma]

Our son was conceived via IVF. He knows multiple same sex couples; some are family members. I have explained that babies are created when a special cell called a sperm and a special cell called an egg come together, but he hasn’t asked me to expand on that too much. When he seems more curious I will be inclusive on all the ways that can happen because it’s not just “when a man and woman love each other very much…” If IIRC, It’s Not the Stork goes into those things, and he has read that. He is 9, for reference.

[gardengal]

We've done the entire It's Not the Stork series with my 6th grader. He never, not even when I was preg with his younger brother, asked or seemed to be interested in how babies happen. So, we just started reading him the books at recommended ages.

IMO, starting early as you feel you can dramatically lessens the awkwardness of it. In part because they are too young to be shocked by the news (and if you discuss early & often-ish then it's just something that your body does/experiences) and in part because you don't have to make eye contact, lol. Or decide what you're going to say & how you're going to say it. My H still read the last book to my son because we didn't want anything to be lost by not understanding a word or whatever. And, with books, he can go back to reference if he's uncomfortable asking us.

Good luck, you got this!

[waverly]

I have no idea. I mean we have the care and keeping of you for DD and DS. DD asked me questions, DS pretends it isn't happening. We've talked about puberty. But I have no idea how to have the actual sex mechanics talk. He is 11. So, is 11 the right age for the actual mechanics? Also, everyone says talk about porn, but I feel like if I mention it then he will want to search it online (even though our internet is filtered), but I know this is the age where someone has mentioned it, so how do I ask if someone has mentioned it without mentioning it ha ha?

[al dente]

My child is younger so I haven't experienced this yet, but I really like @sexpositive_families on Instagram. They have a website with a ton of info sorted by age and subject, and they have a puberty workshop online that has good reviews.

[abs]

Sept 17, 2021 15:50:14 GMT -5 waverly said:

I have no idea. I mean we have the care and keeping of you for DD and DS. DD asked me questions, DS pretends it isn't happening. We've talked about puberty. But I have no idea how to have the actual sex mechanics talk. He is 11. So, is 11 the right age for the actual mechanics? Also, everyone says talk about porn, but I feel like if I mention it then he will want to search it online (even though our internet is filtered), but I know this is the age where someone has mentioned it, so how do I ask if someone has mentioned it without mentioning it ha ha?

Is he in junior high or 5th grade? If it’s junior high you need to have all those talks now. In junior high kids are having sex. They are looking up porn and showing it to other people on the bus. Drugs, alcohol, the tik tok challenges….all of it needs to be discussed. My kid is going to be in for major culture shock.