S/O teens and bedrooms

[lolalolalola]

I see in the other thread an expectation to keep rooms cleans and beds made. Is there an age where you just let them deal with the mess?

We have house cleaners biweekly so I make the kids tidy their room and wash their sheets before the cleaners come. But otherwise my only rule is to make sure there’s no dishes or food left in their rooms. I have always thought of their room as their space and let them keep it messy if they want. The rest of the house needs to be kept to my standards :-)

Wondering if I’m in the minority?

[macmars45]

I think passably clean is fine. No dirty dishes, silverware, wrappers or cups. A clear pathway to the door for emergency purposes. Floor clear enough to vacuum at least a few times a month.

[Deleted]

We also have biweekly housecleaners so for a long time the only expectation is that it be picked up enough to vacuum when the cleaner came.

Now I expect it to be picked up every weekend. It doesn’t have to be spotless. But she is expected to gather trash and throw it away and pick up the floor and put clothes away. Her room is still fairly cluttered and messy. Before that she would just leave piles of clothes all over the floor and leave all the drawers on her dresser open, and it was way worse.

I see it as her space, but she also needs to do something to keep her space picked up.

I have no expectation whatsoever that any of my kids make their beds. This isn’t important to me in the least.

[puppylove64]

I’m probably in the minority. I don’t dictate their room much. No food allowed out of the kitchen. One son keeps his room pretty clean always. Another one I pretty much only tell him to keep his blankets off the floor and put his clothes in the dresser. Maybe once a week or two I ask him to put away toys or art supplies that he is no longer using. Otherwise his room is a disaster. Third son is upstairs and I never see his room.

[starburst604]

I won't expect DD's room to be immaculate, but I had a younger sister whose room had to have been a fire code violation. There was not one spot of bare floor to be found and there were dirty dishes and such around. There's no way I'm letting that happen. The good thing (really for all of us) is that our cleaning service comes every 2 weeks and we all have to pick up the night before and remove all clutter off surfaces. She's only 6 now so her pre-cleaning responsiblity is storing away the 4,628 stuffed animals she sleeps with and helping me strip the sheets in the morning. I make sure her dresser and floor are clear so I guess I'll expect her to do all of that when she's older. Yes her room is her space in terms of how she wants to decorate or collect things, but it's our house and I want our cleaners to be able to clean all the rooms well. DD is already a reasonably tidy child so I'm hoping that will stick as she gets older.

[expectantsteelerfan]

I struggle with this with my ds (who isn't a teen yet) who has ADHD. His room is constantly a mess with dirty clothes, toys, papers, books, and junk all over the floor so that you often can't even walk without stepping on something. I used to think the problem was that his room was too small and he had too much/not enough storage. Then we moved and his room is bigger with double closets and I bought him more storage, and it's still always a mess. I've also tried taking all his stuff and making him earn it back, making him clean daily, etc. etc. etc. I think this just is how he is. I hate being in his room, so my compromise is that if he keeps his room a mess, he has to do things like change the sheets, vacuum (he just shoves everything to one side and then moves it to the other when he vacuums), gather and dump all his laundry into a basket in the hall (I still wash and fold, he puts away) and empty his own trash. And absolutely NO FOOD in his room ever.

[rootbeerfloat]

Kids aren't allowed to eat in their rooms (or upstairs at all).

I don't make them make their beds every day. I wash their sheets regularly, but ask them to strip them, and then they remake the bed with clean linens. They are both good about using their hampers. After laundry is washed/dried, I throw it on their beds to fold/put away and no longer stress out if it takes them a few days to do so.

They will sometimes accumulate things on their desks or in their closets, which I've trained myself to ignore. They don't clutter their floors, thankfully.

DD is naturally organized like me. DS is less so, but tends to be a minimalist in terms of stuff.

[lolalolalola]

Sept 17, 2021 12:44:05 GMT -5 expectantsteelerfan said:

I struggle with this with my ds (who isn't a teen yet) who has ADHD. His room is constantly a mess with dirty clothes, toys, papers, books, and junk all over the floor so that you often can't even walk without stepping on something. I used to think the problem was that his room was too small and he had too much/not enough storage. Then we moved and his room is bigger with double closets and I bought him more storage, and it's still always a mess. I've also tried taking all his stuff and making him earn it back, making him clean daily, etc. etc. etc. I think this just is how he is. I hate being in his room, so my compromise is that if he keeps his room a mess, he has to do things like change the sheets, vacuum (he just shoves everything to one side and then moves it to the other when he vacuums), gather and dump all his laundry into a basket in the hall (I still wash and fold, he puts away) and empty his own trash. And absolutely NO FOOD in his room ever.

I have one with ADHD as well. She complains that she doesn’t have good storage. We spent $$ on storage solutions, etc but it makes no difference. Her room is always a disaster. I feel your pain. I said she needs a clear path from the door to her bed but that’s usually the only clear spot on her carpet.

[katiecj6]

They make their beds in the morning (most of the time) and bring any dishes back to the kitchen.

Other than that, I will tell them to tidy up which normally means stuffing everything into the closet or drawers.

[zarapipe]

I have an 11 and almost 7 year old. They have to clean their room every weekend. Doesn’t have to be perfect. Dd1 is pretty good at it and an organized person. Dd2 struggles. I don’t make them make their beds. Dd1 does 70% of her own laundry. Dd2 brings me her laundry to wash and will put most of it away

[imojoebunny]

I let my kid have her space, for the most part. She has most of the basement, bedroom, bath, and TV room, my DH has one room, the man hole. I ask them to clean the bathroom and the TV room when I have people over, since we do that outside pretty much always now, and the bathroom people use is her bathroom, and have to walk through her TV room. A couple of times a year, I do a big clean of her clothes and other crap, without her, because I just yell, if she is there. She does have to change her sheets every two weeks, and I have people over about as often, so the bathroom gets cleaned, and my FIL comes once a year, and stays in her room because it is, also, the guest room, so I usually plan my big cleans for right before he, or someone else, is coming. I don't ever go down there, outside of that, or it would drive me nuts. My DH's man hole isn't much better, but he is a grown ass man, and I am not cleaning 100% his mess. My 12 year old boy is much cleaner than my 15 year old. He puts his things away, as needed, cleans his bathroom, and vacuums his spaces every two weeks, like clockwork.

[waverly]

We've done a variety of methods. From parents working with younger kids and purging/ total clean out. To letting it go, to trying to keep it up. It varies. But usually DH says somewhat acceptable plus clean path to the door.

[erbear]

Mine are 12 and 10. I make them keep all their stuff in their room, no food up there and they have to do their laundry every week. Otherwise, I close their door and make them clean once a month or so.