s/o the honesty thread

[doriswe]

Someone commented in that thread that if they wouldn't go to the wedding of the friend if/when she went through with marrying the cheater cheater pants. So it got me thinking, has anyone really not gone to the wedding of a couple because you don't agree with them getting married? If so, did they know upfront that you wouldn't be attending and why?

My brother got married to a horrid wench and I didn't support the marriage, but I supported him so I was there for him (hell, she made me the MOH because she had no real friends). The day after they got married she had him call everyone to proclaim that he is choosing her over us and he wouldn't be in touch with us any longer. That was 11 years ago. Sometimes I wonder why I went at all since the end result was the same.

[roselis]

Yes. I had two friends who had broken up, got back together, and secretly got married when they got back together. They then had the "renewal ceremony" complete with registry a few months later. I do not agree with how they did it so I did not go to the ceremony

[stephbfan]

My BFF got married to a guy that its not good for her. She wanted to make me her MOH and I said no. I'm sorry, when you get married I will support you as your friend but don't ask me to be your MOH.

I even helped her plan the wedding and DD was her flower girl. She knows what I think about the guy but we just don't talk about their relationship anymore.

[jojoandleo]

Nope. I don't always agree with my friends' decisions, but I am going to support my friends. I'll be there at the wedding, and then at the divorce party. My disagreeing with the wedding isn't going to change anyone's mind. If they ask for my opinion, I will give it, but I'll support their decisions. I would rather be there for them, than lose them and have a friend be left with no support when she realizes her mistake. That's just me, though. AND I lost a friend for about 2 years for sticking my nose where it didn't belong, before I realized, I can't make decisions for her, all I can do is be there.

[Deleted]

That was me that said that...my point wasnt to protest the wedding, it was that her friend was clearly not her friend if she was ignoring her, not answering her texts or phone calls.If someone is going to treat me poorly because they asked my opinion and didnt like the answer. To me that isnt a friend to begin with, and I would decline an invitation from someone who treated me like shit and like a 13 year old.

[jojoandleo]

Sept 24, 2012 20:45:14 GMT -5 mags said:

That was me that said that...my point wasnt to protest the wedding, it was that her friend was clearly not her friend if she was ignoring her, not answering her texts or phone calls.If someone is going to treat me poorly because they asked my opinion and didnt like the answer. To me that isnt a friend to begin with, and I would decline an invitation from someone who treated me like shit and like a 13 year old.

Oh, yeah, In this case, I would be out. You ask my opinion, be ready for the answer. I will support your decision, but I won't lie to you.

[doriswe]

Sept 24, 2012 20:45:14 GMT -5 mags said:

That was me that said that...my point wasnt to protest the wedding, it was that her friend was clearly not her friend if she was ignoring her, not answering her texts or phone calls.If someone is going to treat me poorly because they asked my opinion and didnt like the answer. To me that isnt a friend to begin with, and I would decline an invitation from someone who treated me like shit and like a 13 year old.

Yeah, this makes sense and I agree! My friends and I have had some pretty serious talks about subjects we didn't agree on and we were adults enough to agree to disagree and move forward.

[BlueBayou]

Do you regret going, Doris? Do you think if you would not have gone that your brother would do different? I have found that either friends nor family listen when you try to tell them someone is bad for them. Are there any of us who were warned and went ahead anyway? Gosh knows i didnt see signs that I should have....

[explorer2001]

It depends on the "friend." One now former friend asked me to be a bridesmaid and I agreed with certiain (totally reasonable) restrictions. Basically I can only afford $XXXX dollars and I'd be happy to if it's within that budget (notice the 4 figures). Well, she turned into someone I didn't know she was. I could barely stand to be in the room with her and seriously wanted to pull her FI aside and explain to him that sex and pancakes for his entire life and paycheck wasn't a good trade, especially with the other lies and restrictions that she was forcing on him. I didn't go to the wedding. I also haven't spoken to any of them since.

My friend who just got married after knowing the guy less than 6 months, who moved an hour + away and basically completely changed her life and so much else because she's sooo in love. Well I told her what I thought honestly up front but I also promised to support her whatever she chose. She still tries to be a good friend, it's just with different boundaries now. So I can still be there if that makes any sense.

[doriswe]

Sept 24, 2012 23:15:58 GMT -5 BlueBayou said:

Do you regret going, Doris? Do you think if you would not have gone that your brother would do different? I have found that either friends nor family listen when you try to tell them someone is bad for them. Are there any of us who were warned and went ahead anyway? Gosh knows i didnt see signs that I should have....

If I could turn the clock back.....I don't know what I'd do, to be honest. I probably would go but not stand up in the wedding. Thing is I didn't sever the tie so my actions didn't really matter, kwim?

[Deleted]

I was the bridemaid in a wedding that I didn't support in college. It wasn't about cheater or lying to one another though. The situation: the bride was 23, the groom was 19. Both since in college, neither working. They had known each other for all of 6 months, and up until they meet she was positive she was going to marry her x-bf one day (had broken up a couple weeks before they meet). The biggest thing for me was that they were 'waiting for marriage', so I felt they were rushing things so they could have sex.

I went because I was good friends with both, even though secretly I only gave the marriage a couple years. It has been almost 7 years and they are going strong, with 2 kids. I honestly hope that I was wrong and this is a lsting marriage!